I Had Hoped This Day Would Never Happen.... I'M Sorry, Mom

Dont feel guilty,u wanted good for her ur love is true ur mother understands that,if u can if u r allowed meet her smtimes,u cn take cre of people even not living with them.Tc,May god bless u,hugs and lots of love to u,to ur wonderful mother and to all who are supporting u :)

Kathie, I'm so happy for all the support you are receiving at this time! There is so much kindness and caring among people on EP. ((((hugs))))

You have wanted the best for your mum. It would have been ideal for her to slip to the next world as you wished. But, things do not always work that way.
You should not have any guilty at all. You intentions have been pure right through.
God bless you

Yes I understand this perfectly. My father-in-law... it was the same

never easy...but in your case appears you always did the best by her, me too..when i lost my dad...lost a good friend, buy knew we both worked at it, and when he left, I carried those memories in my heart, to help soften the blow...

Your story touched my heart and made me cry as well.You showed your mom respect and gave her dignity by not throwing her away the moment she imposed on your life and what you were doing.I get emotional when I think of my mom because she is still strong in spirit but her body is just wore out and she is so thin. My heart goes out to you and thank you for sharing the love you have for your mother. Best wishes

I almost couldn't read the whole thing, broke my heart. I think you're an amazing person and your mom is lucky to have you. I am sorry that you had to take her out of her home, but if her safety was a risk, it was the right thing to do. Be strong, and I'm sure she will too. You still have each other. :)

Kathi, though very hard, you have kept your promise to yourself. You have given her as much independence as possible by doing the thing that was so hard. I hurt with you and am proud of the way you faught to keep her with you. That is a gift she can not recognize but she does cherish.

Our culture defines independence as the ability to live alone, to be an island if need be. But that is the last thing we as individuals need. We are the most fulfilled when we are able to contribute to the lives of others around us in a way that is valued. To me, independence is the ability to do just that, freely and without man made barriers. A home may in fact allow her to do just that in ways she could not while living elsewhere. She might be confused at times but the precious woman that raised such a loving and nurturing child such as yourself is still in there and is still able to be loving and nurturing to those around her that need it.

I work with special needs individuals an a daily basis and have found they flourish most when they are able to contribute in a way that is valued by others. No therapy in the world does more good. Look at the opportunity you have given your mother to do just that with a much larger community than what she had. But please don't make her do it alone. The staff is too small to give her that kind of help and she will be able to do so much more if you just "supervise" and offer suggestions or a helping hand.

I can't tell you how this has moved me. I know my response is lengthy but I hope you have stuck it out. I so wish I could take your pain away but I can't. I do, however, hope I was able to give you another perspective. In your love, you have done a hard thing, but perhaps the most loving thing ever done for your mother and I bow my head in proud salute to your courage. I will gladly stand with you in your corner.

Thank you for sharing this.. it is heartbreaking but full of love...

Your mom is safe now; always people to keep an eye on her to keep her from harm. People everyday to keep her as alert and conscious as can be. Maybe at home she would've been by herself a lot. (Sorry, this is your first story I read).
My story is quite the opposite: I live in constant fear that something might happen to my mum again in her own home.

so sorry you had to do that.

I am so sorry!!!

StandStrong<3

i'm sorry this happened to you. We had to put one of our cat's from its misery. Very sad moment..

Kath, if the mean anything to you, my wife works in home for the elderly, food server, where she serves food everyday of the week. I hear a lot of good stories about people of same age talking and even playing together everyday. For now, I pray your Mom can enjoy company of others. When you visit her ask if she knows other people. She is in good hands you know. God will see to it when you pray.

I sympathize & understand the difficult, but loving decision you have made. 13 years ago, my family & I had to make that painful decision for my Dad as his health was deteriorating & it had gotten increasingly difficult to care for him@home. I never wanted to place 1 of my parents in a Convalescent home, but fully understand the reasons when this decision arises. You are a thoughtful & loving daughter.

beautiful..my dad pased away a few mionths gao from related illness..it was hard tosee him these past few years..miss him in a way i never thought i would god bles you and your mom

This brought me to tears. It's a day I know I will dread, should I someday face it. My mother and father are still strong and independent, but time is not on anyone's side. You sound like a wonderful, loving daughter, and a very strong, courageous person.

Your letter was full of love, Kathie. And those words tell me the bond with your Mom is monumental.
I am going to put your letter in a special place. As others have said, we all have this experience at some time. Yes, sometimes EP is a wonderful place of support. Thank you.

I can relate to this.

My heart goes out to you and your mother. When faced with this for myself, if I have the state of mind and ability, I will likely accidentally take a walk on the thin ice. I have seen the heartbreak of dementia and the sting of non recognition of a long time friend. I wouldn't want my kids to have to deal with it.

It takes incredible strength and love to do what you did.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

Thanx for writing. I have done this for my wife of 52 years. You are doing the right thing. Yes, it is saddening, and you will probably cry. (I am still - it's been a coupla years) Hang in there. Things willl get better. Good Luck, and talk with friends.

Some daughters express their love for their mothers through their words, others through their actions. You've done both and done them extremely eloquently and well. Your love sustained you through the past four years, and your love manifested itself in your having made the very difficult decision to move her to her new home.
And through all this you have been gracious enough to allow your friends here to be by your side and to express their love and concern for you. That's not always an easy thing to do.
I share your hope for that meeting in that place of wellness and wholeness. In the meantime I am letting myself believe that in some way, in some part of her being Mom already knows all the things you long for her to know and understand.
You've done well, Kathie, and you've done rightly. Please take satisfaction in that. And thank you for being so generous as to share your story with us. We are all fortunate to know you, such a shining light.
May the new path Mom, you and Anna are now walking be filled with unexpected blessings and with peace.

I'm soooo sorry kathie. That is very hard to do and it sucks. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better, but if you want to vent I'm a good listener. I have no doubt you waited longer than you should. I hope you are not carrying much guilt. There is nothing you could have done differently.

Wow. That's really hard. My grandfather lived with us 9 months out of the year after he was unable to live on his own. When it got so bad that he needed to be in a skilled nursing facility, it was hard on all the families involved.



My own folks are beginning to decline. I too wish that I can avoid this decision.



Good luck to you!

I'm so sorry. I hope your mom finds much peace in this last phase of her life. Sounds like you made her feel really good, having those last few years at home.

(((warm hugs)))

i really dont know how to respond to this... being at the "evening of life" i am afraid of my last days!!! praying for your Mom !! ((hugs))

Kathie I hardly know how to respond but just know you and your Mom are in my prayers. ((((Hugs)))))