For My Mom ....

She has suffered so much lately with massive amounts of swelling/water retention, the dr's say it is a leak in one of her valve's causing this. However in the last 3 weeks she has gained 20 more pounds and her liver and kidneys have been working against one another as different specialists have tried playing with her meds to get some fluid off of her. This has been going on since July and still no resolution. She just completed a 2 wk hospital stay and returned to her dr for a check up. She was admitted into Duke Hospital on Thursday. Her kidneys arent functioning properly, her liver function is detoriating and she is tired and worn out. 

I took her to Duke Thursday and watched as she struggled to get into my expedition. She can't hardly walk anymore and was unable to make the trip in my car so we took her's. We stopped and it took her 20 minutes to walk to the restroom and back. 

It is killing me watching the woman who sacrificed for me when I was a kid to make sure all my needs were met. She was a single mom with at one time 3 jobs. She has always been a vibrant, active woman who was always on the go. On the car ride up she told me she knew something 'bad' was wrong and she needed to say goodbye to me. She told me she was proud to have been my mother, she had watched me mature over the years into an independant woman and I had given her two healthy, happy grandchildren. She was proud of what I had achieved in my career and it was more than she had ever taken a chance on herself. Listening to her all the while holding back my tears and trying to stay positive for her. I have had so many doubts, so many fears of my own lately. Although, we may not agree on everything I have always felt the love of my mom. 

As I watch this weak, sick and tired woman lie in her bed waiting for the next battery of tests I cant help but think of all she has meant to me over the years. I wouldnt be the person I am today if it werent for her...