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For My Mom ....

As some of you know I have been dealing with many medical/health issues with my mom lately. To give you a brief history she had a pacemaker and last year received a defibulator because her heartbeat would never stay in sync.

She has suffered so much lately with massive amounts of swelling/water retention, the dr's say it is a leak in one of her valve's causing this. However in the last 3 weeks she has gained 20 more pounds and her liver and kidneys have been working against one another as different specialists have tried playing with her meds to get some fluid off of her. This has been going on since July and still no resolution. She just completed a 2 wk hospital stay and returned to her dr for a check up. She was admitted into Duke Hospital on Thursday. Her kidneys arent functioning properly, her liver function is detoriating and she is tired and worn out. 

I took her to Duke Thursday and watched as she struggled to get into my expedition. She can't hardly walk anymore and was unable to make the trip in my car so we took her's. We stopped and it took her 20 minutes to walk to the restroom and back. 

It is killing me watching the woman who sacrificed for me when I was a kid to make sure all my needs were met. She was a single mom with at one time 3 jobs. She has always been a vibrant, active woman who was always on the go. On the car ride up she told me she knew something 'bad' was wrong and she needed to say goodbye to me. She told me she was proud to have been my mother, she had watched me mature over the years into an independant woman and I had given her two healthy, happy grandchildren. She was proud of what I had achieved in my career and it was more than she had ever taken a chance on herself. Listening to her all the while holding back my tears and trying to stay positive for her. I have had so many doubts, so many fears of my own lately. Although, we may not agree on everything I have always felt the love of my mom. 

As I watch this weak, sick and tired woman lie in her bed waiting for the next battery of tests I cant help but think of all she has meant to me over the years. I wouldnt be the person I am today if it werent for her... 

 

snowbunny1002 snowbunny1002 46-50, F 131 Responses Oct 17, 2008

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I went through almost the exact same thing with my mother, so I can really identify with your story. Thank You so much for writing it, it is a beautiful story

I am sorry to hear that, i hope you get good news about your mama i lost mine in august and its hasn't got easier

few words,,,just hugs and kisses,,,lost mine recently too,,,then my brother ,,,,my thoughts and prayers are yours,,,,,,,,,,,,,,god bless,,,,,,,,,,be brave for her sweetheart,,it will give her strength,,,,,xxxx

You're welcome, more than you know. :)<br />
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Your story echoes how I feel that you know you can only do so much and it's not easy, but you do it any way, willingly. I wish it didn't have to be so hard for either of us, but at least we can see what important, like you said. :)

Brass Slinger- <br />
Thanks for your warm & kind comments. I agree about being positive and doing the best you can to move on. I still have my father for which I am grateful. My mother and her spirit will always live within me, she instilled love and so much more into the core of my being. <br />
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I am so sorry for your loss but I can understand your pain. As we move forward it makes you realize what is most important in life.

I went through a lot of what you mentioned with both my parents. My dad lasted the longest, with his heart & lung trouble. He had a defibrillator and was on oxygen, right up until he left us, earlier this year. My mom struggled with Alzheimer's and was bedridden. My dad could hardly move off the couch except to make bathroom visits.I loved them both, but lost them, without being able to fight the tide. Sadly, some things are inevitable.<br />
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They were both the most alive and active people, until the last few years. My dad was a force of nature in motion, even up till his last year. My mom was too, up until 2004, when she broke her hip and was downhill afterward.<br />
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Nobody lives forever, but we all wish we could enjoy that time with our loved ones. I know. I'm still dealing with losing my folks. I miss them every day.<br />
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I share your feelings of sadness and loss for watching someone I love fade away with no way to stop it. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just to be positive and keep them as comfortable and eased, as much as possible, <br />
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Like you, many of the best things about me, as an adult, I , I owe to the love and guidance of both my parents. I always wondered how I would ever get along without them. Now, I have no other choice, but they are with me every day. I still feel them watching over me and looking out for me.

sunshineintheshadows- I wrote this story over 2 years ago and my mom has since passed away. While her memory remains vital in my mind and in my heart, I will never be able to go a day without thinking of her. She was my rock, my constant, and she gave me more of herself than anyone ever had. Watching her through the last stages of her life was one of the most painful things I have EVER been through. She was in a lot of pain but was still positive about life, about love and about all that god had blessed her with. For these memories I will always be grateful. Thank you so much for your comments but I encourage you to visit your father because one day you may never have that option again. ((hugs))

so sorry.....I know how you felt and feel. The miserable part of life all of us face at some point. God bless you and know she's still with you

ooh I know how hard it must be so sad isnt it seeing our moms grow old. I am also going through the same only I am not able to do as you do be with her,because off the distance and no money to travel, plus my own health. I just wanted to say be encouraged, you know when we look at our parents we do not see the old helpless person the world sees, we look with the eyes off a child we see our mums and dads as they where in our heart when they where fit and able. I put a picture off my dad when he was young by his beside, he look so handsome. the nurses would comment on that fact, it was my way off saying see, he was not always Old he was a person, treat him accordingly.

This is disgusting. I read that story, had my heart torn out, went to respond and checked the date. You people are sick. 2008? Hello. The Mother is way DEAD. I'm now reaching out to bring back MEMORIES? Get off the airways. I am going to disc you everychance I get.

Becnme- Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful comments. They are much appreciated and I agree as well get older and start our own families sometimes taking the time out for our parents falls by the wayside. It makes you think huh? <br />
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I am so sorry for your loss.

What a wonderful tribute to the memory of your mother. I lost mine in 1998- she got sick on Good Friday and passed away on Easter Monday - and then Dad followed less than two years later.I am the eldest of 3, but had to hold it together for the other two. At least I had their support when grieving. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be an only child. It's only been in the last 5 or so years we've been able to enjoy Easter once more without old sores being reopened.<br />
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I think that too often the role of parents are forgotten as we have our own lives and family to contend with. Thank you for sharing and God bless you.

Thanks so much for your words of kindness :)

sorry to hear about that. have faith in God and you will meet your mum in Heaven one day. Pray for and ask her to Believe whole heartedly onto Jesus Christ. God bless you all...

johniefreamer- it will be two years on Feb 24th that she passed away. Each and every day I think of her, miss her, and wish she were still here. It's one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I have been extremely lucky that I have a great group of supportive friends here on EP and in real life and family that loves me and have comforted me and given me strength, Thank you sooo much for your comments and words of wisdom :)

snoox225- thanks very much for the reminder :) You are right she is missed but she will always be in my heart.

i lost my mum in april last you i know how you feel but you all ways have your mum with you where ever you go it does it easy but you will allawys miss u mum may she rest in peace

PTMAN- Thank you, its been about a year and a half now, but I think of her EVERY day :)

i'm so sorry snowy, i will have you and your mom in my prayers.

mikehoncho- thank you very much, she passed away Feb 24, 2009....

Good luck, to the both of you. &lt;3

Cabcraft- thanks so much :)

Snowbunny, ((((hugs)))), she knew, and you knew, what you felt, how you loved, and that is wondrous! X@

Thanks Hannee:)

woah! anyway, i'm happy for her. ^^,

HaneeRuthBlue- she passed away Feb 24, 2009. She is in a much better place and free from pain....

how is she today?

you deserve the compliments ^^,

HanneeRuthBlue- Thanks so much for your comments :)

:'( you're great.. i admire you..<br />
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bow down..

Elfinsong- thanks so much for your love and support. I can hardly believe in February it will be one year,. In some ways it seems such a long time ago and in other ways it seems like yesterday and I want to wake up from the nightmare. I love her very much, miss her everyday. I am surrounded by her memories and that is very comforting :)