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For My Mom ....

As some of you know I have been dealing with many medical/health issues with my mom lately. To give you a brief history she had a pacemaker and last year received a defibulator because her heartbeat would never stay in sync.

She has suffered so much lately with massive amounts of swelling/water retention, the dr's say it is a leak in one of her valve's causing this. However in the last 3 weeks she has gained 20 more pounds and her liver and kidneys have been working against one another as different specialists have tried playing with her meds to get some fluid off of her. This has been going on since July and still no resolution. She just completed a 2 wk hospital stay and returned to her dr for a check up. She was admitted into Duke Hospital on Thursday. Her kidneys arent functioning properly, her liver function is detoriating and she is tired and worn out. 

I took her to Duke Thursday and watched as she struggled to get into my expedition. She can't hardly walk anymore and was unable to make the trip in my car so we took her's. We stopped and it took her 20 minutes to walk to the restroom and back. 

It is killing me watching the woman who sacrificed for me when I was a kid to make sure all my needs were met. She was a single mom with at one time 3 jobs. She has always been a vibrant, active woman who was always on the go. On the car ride up she told me she knew something 'bad' was wrong and she needed to say goodbye to me. She told me she was proud to have been my mother, she had watched me mature over the years into an independant woman and I had given her two healthy, happy grandchildren. She was proud of what I had achieved in my career and it was more than she had ever taken a chance on herself. Listening to her all the while holding back my tears and trying to stay positive for her. I have had so many doubts, so many fears of my own lately. Although, we may not agree on everything I have always felt the love of my mom. 

As I watch this weak, sick and tired woman lie in her bed waiting for the next battery of tests I cant help but think of all she has meant to me over the years. I wouldnt be the person I am today if it werent for her... 

 

snowbunny1002 snowbunny1002 46-50, F 131 Responses Oct 17, 2008

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your mom will always be your mom no matter what, she is always with you through the good and bad even if nobody else stands with you over the years. I will say a prayer for both of you/ I just recently lost my mom this past november, suddenly, she was my best friend,I miss her so much!!! Godspeed to you bunny.

I am sorry to hear that, i hope you get good news about your mama i lost mine in august and its hasn't got easier

few words,,,just hugs and kisses,,,lost mine recently too,,,then my brother ,,,,my thoughts and prayers are yours,,,,,,,,,,,,,,god bless,,,,,,,,,,be brave for her sweetheart,,it will give her strength,,,,,xxxx

You're welcome, more than you know. :)<br />
<br />
Your story echoes how I feel that you know you can only do so much and it's not easy, but you do it any way, willingly. I wish it didn't have to be so hard for either of us, but at least we can see what important, like you said. :)

Brass Slinger- <br />
Thanks for your warm & kind comments. I agree about being positive and doing the best you can to move on. I still have my father for which I am grateful. My mother and her spirit will always live within me, she instilled love and so much more into the core of my being. <br />
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I am so sorry for your loss but I can understand your pain. As we move forward it makes you realize what is most important in life.

I went through a lot of what you mentioned with both my parents. My dad lasted the longest, with his heart & lung trouble. He had a defibrillator and was on oxygen, right up until he left us, earlier this year. My mom struggled with Alzheimer's and was bedridden. My dad could hardly move off the couch except to make bathroom visits.I loved them both, but lost them, without being able to fight the tide. Sadly, some things are inevitable.<br />
<br />
They were both the most alive and active people, until the last few years. My dad was a force of nature in motion, even up till his last year. My mom was too, up until 2004, when she broke her hip and was downhill afterward.<br />
<br />
Nobody lives forever, but we all wish we could enjoy that time with our loved ones. I know. I'm still dealing with losing my folks. I miss them every day.<br />
<br />
I share your feelings of sadness and loss for watching someone I love fade away with no way to stop it. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just to be positive and keep them as comfortable and eased, as much as possible, <br />
<br />
Like you, many of the best things about me, as an adult, I , I owe to the love and guidance of both my parents. I always wondered how I would ever get along without them. Now, I have no other choice, but they are with me every day. I still feel them watching over me and looking out for me.

sunshineintheshadows- I wrote this story over 2 years ago and my mom has since passed away. While her memory remains vital in my mind and in my heart, I will never be able to go a day without thinking of her. She was my rock, my constant, and she gave me more of herself than anyone ever had. Watching her through the last stages of her life was one of the most painful things I have EVER been through. She was in a lot of pain but was still positive about life, about love and about all that god had blessed her with. For these memories I will always be grateful. Thank you so much for your comments but I encourage you to visit your father because one day you may never have that option again. ((hugs))

so sorry.....I know how you felt and feel. The miserable part of life all of us face at some point. God bless you and know she's still with you

ooh I know how hard it must be so sad isnt it seeing our moms grow old. I am also going through the same only I am not able to do as you do be with her,because off the distance and no money to travel, plus my own health. I just wanted to say be encouraged, you know when we look at our parents we do not see the old helpless person the world sees, we look with the eyes off a child we see our mums and dads as they where in our heart when they where fit and able. I put a picture off my dad when he was young by his beside, he look so handsome. the nurses would comment on that fact, it was my way off saying see, he was not always Old he was a person, treat him accordingly.

This is disgusting. I read that story, had my heart torn out, went to respond and checked the date. You people are sick. 2008? Hello. The Mother is way DEAD. I'm now reaching out to bring back MEMORIES? Get off the airways. I am going to disc you everychance I get.

Becnme- Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful comments. They are much appreciated and I agree as well get older and start our own families sometimes taking the time out for our parents falls by the wayside. It makes you think huh? <br />
<br />
I am so sorry for your loss.

What a wonderful tribute to the memory of your mother. I lost mine in 1998- she got sick on Good Friday and passed away on Easter Monday - and then Dad followed less than two years later.I am the eldest of 3, but had to hold it together for the other two. At least I had their support when grieving. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be an only child. It's only been in the last 5 or so years we've been able to enjoy Easter once more without old sores being reopened.<br />
<br />
I think that too often the role of parents are forgotten as we have our own lives and family to contend with. Thank you for sharing and God bless you.

Thanks so much for your words of kindness :)

sorry to hear about that. have faith in God and you will meet your mum in Heaven one day. Pray for and ask her to Believe whole heartedly onto Jesus Christ. God bless you all...

johniefreamer- it will be two years on Feb 24th that she passed away. Each and every day I think of her, miss her, and wish she were still here. It's one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I have been extremely lucky that I have a great group of supportive friends here on EP and in real life and family that loves me and have comforted me and given me strength, Thank you sooo much for your comments and words of wisdom :)

snoox225- thanks very much for the reminder :) You are right she is missed but she will always be in my heart.

i lost my mum in april last you i know how you feel but you all ways have your mum with you where ever you go it does it easy but you will allawys miss u mum may she rest in peace

PTMAN- Thank you, its been about a year and a half now, but I think of her EVERY day :)

i'm so sorry snowy, i will have you and your mom in my prayers.

mikehoncho- thank you very much, she passed away Feb 24, 2009....

Good luck, to the both of you. <3

Cabcraft- thanks so much :)

Snowbunny, ((((hugs)))), she knew, and you knew, what you felt, how you loved, and that is wondrous! X@

Thanks Hannee:)

woah! anyway, i'm happy for her. ^^,

HaneeRuthBlue- she passed away Feb 24, 2009. She is in a much better place and free from pain....

how is she today?

you deserve the compliments ^^,

HanneeRuthBlue- Thanks so much for your comments :)

:'( you're great.. i admire you..<br />
<br />
bow down..

Elfinsong- thanks so much for your love and support. I can hardly believe in February it will be one year,. In some ways it seems such a long time ago and in other ways it seems like yesterday and I want to wake up from the nightmare. I love her very much, miss her everyday. I am surrounded by her memories and that is very comforting :)

Love,light and Blessings Snowbunny,<br />
I am sorry for your loss.............I have lost many in my life both my parents 7 friends other members of our extended family...........It is never easy to face finality or the aftermath.<br />
Keep the memories fresh and close to your heart and know you are always loved even now across the dimensions of separation

flyawayhome- I am so sorry for your loss and I have felt the same many a time at not even wanting to get out of bed. It truly is devasting when someone that close to you passes away, things are never quite the same. I take solace in her memories, there are things that will make me think of her always, Christmas decorations, Elvis, certain songs, her memory surrounds me but it is still painfull. <br />
I wish you many happy memories as well..:)

I lost my mom 4 months ago. I watched her health deteriorate and took care of her all summer.<br />
Me being so young, it really messed with my plans. My time off from college made me realize a lot. It took me a long time just to get out of bed. I'm still not very happy but it's getting better as time goes on.<br />
<br />
goddessone is right... it's just her body that is leaving the world.<br />
Your mother has lived and let that be a consolation to you.<br />
She will live on forever.

Thanks Mother. I miss her everyday :)..my life is very different without her. She truly was an exemplary example of a parent, she sacrificed for me throughout my childhood and even on her death bed my happiness and the fact I was happy and loved was her main concern. She always put others before herself...

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))<br />
<br />
I'm sorry about your mom.

Love you too Angel... BTW - it wasnt there :(

Thanks dillfly- I am taking it one day at a time. I was able to treasure and enjoy the time I had with her so that was very important to me.

that literally brought tears to my eyes, im very sorry.<br />
To lose my mom is one of my biggest fears, i would gladly switch places to save her life.<br />
<br />
my heart goes out to you.

Willabess- They shocked my mom's heart over the yrs but it did nothing to keep it in sync. She passed away in February after a long battle with many medical issues.<br />
<br />
I wish you so much luck with your dad. Enjoy EVERY day with him Willa. <br />
<br />
Hugs&Prayers,<br />
Snowy

wow snowbunny. I know exactly how you feel. I have been going through the same thing with my dad. We underwent the same tests and surgeries. They even fixed his valve and put a new mechanical one in. It turns out though that that wasn't the problem at all. His heart also will not stay in sync. But unlike your mom, the docs tried to shock his back in and discovered that shocking his heart did not work a single bit, therefore, a pacemaker would do no good. We have since discovered that there is nothing even the best doctors at Baylor can do.Good Luck with your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thanks Scotty- She passed away back in February. It was very hard but I got to say all the things I needed and wanted to say to her. <br />
I miss her so much...she was always such a huge part of my life. I am an only child so for years it was just her and I and she made so many sacrifices for me. I am the proud one :)

Ohpitlover- thanks for your kind words ...

moms are thse daredevils who make us slee on dry patch and they sleep on where we pissed...we cant repay but do our best for them...go ahead do whatever u can b4 its too late

Thanks anewme :) <br />
<br />
My Mom passed away in February but I did treasure the time I had with her :)

What a touching story--treasure every moment you have with your mother--you are doing everything that you possible could to help her--

Greg862- My Mom passed away in February. I got to spend alot of time with her and I also got to share with her my love, gratitude and genuine adoration for all the things she had done for me throughout her lifetime. <br />
<br />
She was/is a caring, nurturing, loving and selfless woman and I have always been proud to be her daughter. <br />
<br />
On August 27th she would have been 65 yrs old, as that day gets closer I have been contemplating writing a new story for her... <br />
<br />
Thank you for your kind words, my EP friends & family have supported me throughout this entire time..through her illness and eventual death. I do not know what I would have done without them. <br />
Hugs, Snowy~

The story you have posted is a tribute to your mother that you should share with her...what you have said here is the highest compliment a child could pay to their parent. I'm sorry for your stress and grief...I sincerely hope a miracle happens and your time with her is extended...but at least (unlike so many who never have time to say goodbye or have final closure with a loved one), you have had this time to talk to her, to hear her tell you how proud she is and to have that special goodbye time that so many others never receive. Everyone here should say a prayer for her recovery...just DO IT, everyone!

Austinr- I am so sorry to hear this. My best advice to you is to make EACH day count :) <br />
<br />
Hugs, Snowy~

I love my mom and dad, and my dad's not in the best health as your mom isn't unfortunately. That is very sad to hear, I can imagine what it's like for this to happen. When I was born my dad was 45 and my mom 24. Now I'm 15 and my dad is almost 60, and he was a smoker since the age of 12 quitting at age 58. His health has really declined in the past 5 years and he's been to the hospital with various lung problems. Recently a test was done on him and he didn't tell us the results until a few months later. The test said that there were various mutations on his lung cells (cancer.) Much to my dismay.

thank you nramjass, however my mom passed away on 2-24-09. <br />
<br />
Snowy ~

You know what just keep praying for your mom and cherish every moment with her

singlenurs- Thanks so much for sharing. My mom passed away on 2/24/09. It has been hard, I miss her and think about her every day. She has a wonderful spirit and always found the good in everyone. <br />
My prayers are with you as well :)

I know exactly how you feel. My mother has been bedridden for the past 7 yrs as the result of an anurysm followed immediately by a stroke, which left her completely paralyzed on her right side. She needs complete care, all the way down to changing her diaper. She has always been my best friend, and it hurts me to see her so helpless, she can't even talk as 98% of her speech was taken from this. I am just so grateful that I am a nurse, (she was too and was working at the V.A. when this happened to her) as well as my dad, so that we can care for her at home, otherwise she'd have to be in a nursing home. I am starting to see signs of her being in this condition for the last 7 yrs take it's toll on her, and I see that she's tired of being in a body that she has so little control over. I can tell that she is tired of the fight, and her spirit is just about ready to move on. I am so devestated at the thought of her not being around anymore, at the same time not blaming her a bit for wanting to go. It really hurts to see her in this condition, she too was an extremely active woman, who was an awesome nurse and loved her patients. It hurts even more to think she's getting ready to leave. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things in the world to face, but at the same time watching them suffer so much is worse. God is with all of us, and it's all in his hands. all we can do is have faith that he is doing what is best for all of us. My prayers are with you!

get well soon to your mom...

anatazia-my mom passed away on 2/24/09. I cherished every moment I had with her up until that point and will continue to cherish all of my memories. Some days are better than others but I am taking them one day at a time. <br />
Thanks for your beautiful and supportive comments :)

I can really relate to what you are saying. I lost my mother in 1997 when I was 21yrs old. She was a single mother and I watched her work her butt off to raise us kids. I get to the age of 21 and I am her youngest. She got us all raised to adults and got ovarian cancer and died 18mo after she found out. It was hard to turn around and become the caretaker. My mom worked so hard to take care of me and once she did I had to turn around and care for her until her death. We let her die at home and not in hospice. It was the hardest thing I ever have done but one that I am so happy I did and gave her. <br />
<br />
I will NEVER forget my conversation with my mom when she knew she was going soon and we had a heart to heart about my future with her gone. It was so hard to discuss but I cherish it. You will too even though you had to fight back the tears down the road it will make you smile. I can promise you that. <br />
<br />
Hang in there and cherish all the moments you can and keep helping her.

Same goes for me Sassybabe..I'm here if you need a shoulder or an ear ;)

no kidding, like i was saying, it was so fresh, only a year, everyone tells me to let it go, yada, yada, yada, but it is hard. I was seperated from her for 18 years, never grew up with her, and got 6 years out of her, kind of hard to let go of her, again all my support to you, if you need to talk I am always here :)

SassyBabe- my support goes out to you as well. I know the holidays are supposed to be the hardest. I guess if I wasnt dealing with the paperwork, insurance and all that stuff it wouldnt be so hard to be reminded of it daily. I will be glad when all of that is over!

SunnyBunny1002 - <br />
I know what you mean, my sister and I still have not gooten over losing our mother a year ago, it has not really sunk in yet. It hit us this past Christmas, it was our first year without her, but it has not really hit home, it is a tough one. I don't think we ever really prepared, we know it is coming, but yet never ready to let go.....all the support to you :)

thanks c8lorraine :)

with love and hugsssss xx

Thanks :)

*hugs*

SassyBabe- thanks so much for your support. It is so hard some days. She died on 2/24/09 and I am not sure I've even had time for it to sink in yet. But I have a great support system that has helped me .

I know how it is to loser your mother, or be in the process of losing your mother!<br />
It is very painful to watch her suffer. I lost my mother a year ago, after being seperated from her for 18 years! when I finally come back in contact with her, I only got six years out of her, she was horribly sick, dieing of Cngested heart failure, and other health issues. <br />
I cannot to this day let her go, and it is hard dealing with her loss, my heart goes out to all of you who are going through this right now, be there, be strong, an be there for her every minute you can!!!

with Matti, it was very hard not just talking about funeral details, alot of that she wrote down. I think when we bought the cemetary plot from her folks was one of the hardest things for me. I think the timing will be her choosing and you will know. Matti and I talked about the meds, not only was the chemo taking alot out of her, she ultimately could not make it there easily - a nurse talked about carrying her and that she would have none of ... when it got to that point we both knew enough was enough. So if your Mom wants to go to treatments, and is able to get there knowing what she wants to do, what her goals are - for Matti it was all about the kids - Ed in a 4 year college, and Kyles graduation. She died the week Kyle and I went to orientation - he had his class schedule and it made her so happy.<br />
<br />
We did not talk to much about me letting her go but we did talk about what she wanted for me and the kids. <br />
<br />
Ultimately I told her it was okay for her to go, Ed was on the road and I was hoping she could hold on until he got home, but I finally had to tell her it was okay she could go, she did not need to suffer anymore - I think she heard me, she was gone within the hour, I could not have told her it was okay before that. I did read in a book the hospice folks left about crossing the river (I think is what it was called) that it is the right thing to do to let them go (I read that later so I was glad i told her before she passed) I said the chaplet of divine mercy so that Jesus would take care of her (he promised he would) and it helped me feel like I could still do something ... but you will know when the time is right. It sounds like your Mom still has fight left in her and some things to do so personally I don't think you should be saying bye yet. You will know when it is the right time to let her know you love her and say good bye. In the mean time I would suggest just letting her know ya love her. One point the book made was that dying is a process of disassociating with the physical world and becoming more in tune with spiritual world, a world where time and space don't matter. It said everyone goes through and that pain meds are not a cause of all the disorientation. According to this book everyone goes through it at the end and how long it takes depends on how long it takes them to resolve things. <br />
<br />
So while it may not be time to say good bye, it sounds like it is time to have the discussions you have started to have with her. Talking about hopes, fears, regrets, it may be painful but I think it helps in the long run. <br />
<br />
I am not an expert but I went through this some with my mom, and with Matti. So it is a subject I have unfortunately some experience with. <br />
<br />
Its kind of a long comment ... but it is an important subject. Watching a loved one suffer is painful, I feel for you ... and you have my love and support

Singer1960- I'm not sure if she is ready to go. She really has expressed interest in getting some things done before she leaves. Most of the update I blogged awhile back, she has heart, liver and kidney failure. She goes to dialysis 3 times per week for 4 hrs per session. She WANTS to keep going. Although, we have talked about her funeral and the things she wants to plan for which is very hard hear but it is so important to her to share these details. She has been getting more and more confused from the ammonia back up and hospice has really had to step it up this week to alleviate some pain she suffers especially at night. Can I say I am ready for her to go ...absolutely not, but I am working to get to a place where I have accepted it is going to happen. Am I ready to see her suffer anymore...no, watching her suffer kills me on the inside. So I do whatever I can for her and I wait for her time to depart this place. ...but still it is very painful.

How is she doing Snow.....I am praying for you both.....Now for the hard part...<br />
<br />
From what I read it sounds as she is ready to go....And Someone was knocking long ago...But no one wanted to answer the door....Well She is ready to go now...She has done all that she was put on earth to do....Now you have to be willing to let her go...Tell her it is alright to go if that is what she is wanting to do.....To say no to treatment is not killing yourself.....It is allowing God the power....Or nature if that is what you think to do what it is time to do....She might be putting herself through all of this pain for you....Knowing that you are not ready...<br />
<br />
My prayers are with you...That you have the stringth to let go when the time is right....She will always be with you...And you will always be in her lovong arms my Dear child...A mother never leaves her children....Especially Daughters....

Aww thanks Rick...(((HUGS))) to you to my friend !

((((HUG))))

c8lorraine- thanks so much :)

with love and prayers for you and your mum xxx

Aww Bassy..I know that you are and many others are as well. I appreciate my friends and all the love support I have received :)

During the bad days always remember that there are many who care and are here for you :)

gully62-thanks so much! I have been hanging in there, she has good days and bad days but we are plugging along.

wow thats a hard story i have lost both parents and it is hard to see the one you love suffer but you need to know you have to be strong for you and her she gave you your strenth show her you know how to use it.god bless you.

As you know today was a very bad day...thanks for keeping me in your thoughts~

a mothers love can never be replaced. I know this is a difficult time for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ...

Moondshimmer- thanks so much for your warm thoughts :)

I'am sorry of what you are going through.<br />
<br />
-MoonShimmer

Megpan- thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard I know. I am thankful for the wonderful group of friends I have here and in RL that have helped me:)

I know what you are going through. My mom was also a vibrant, life loving, enthusiastic, motivated, and single mother. She was so full of life and when it was slowly taken away from her, it was the hardest experience I have ever dealt with. She had colon cancer and we were in and out of the E.R. week afte week, failed tests after failed surgeries. But now I hold on to the memory of her with every ounce of me. And everyday I strive to be more like her, to make her proud, wherever she is now. I wish the best to you and your family in these hard times.

all1rog- thanls so much for your support. You are always there with an ear and some great advice. It is much appreciated ! <br />
<br />
Hugs to you my friend~

missliss- thanks so much for your comforting words, I am trying very hard to enjoy the time as well as prepare for the inevitable. It is so hard at times and then other times it seems like it isnt really happening. (((hugs)))<br />
<br />
Peter-thank you! I do tell her even when she is grumpy :)...we both joke about that but she really is at tinmes :)

Thursday is so on!!

I love you too CK...Dont forget Thursday we have a date ;)

I love you, Sis. If you need me, I'm here.

luv u too Angel :)

wickedgoodwitch- thanks so much for sharing your story, I plan to do all I can do to make her time left the best that I can :)