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For My Mom ....

As some of you know I have been dealing with many medical/health issues with my mom lately. To give you a brief history she had a pacemaker and last year received a defibulator because her heartbeat would never stay in sync.

She has suffered so much lately with massive amounts of swelling/water retention, the dr's say it is a leak in one of her valve's causing this. However in the last 3 weeks she has gained 20 more pounds and her liver and kidneys have been working against one another as different specialists have tried playing with her meds to get some fluid off of her. This has been going on since July and still no resolution. She just completed a 2 wk hospital stay and returned to her dr for a check up. She was admitted into Duke Hospital on Thursday. Her kidneys arent functioning properly, her liver function is detoriating and she is tired and worn out. 

I took her to Duke Thursday and watched as she struggled to get into my expedition. She can't hardly walk anymore and was unable to make the trip in my car so we took her's. We stopped and it took her 20 minutes to walk to the restroom and back. 

It is killing me watching the woman who sacrificed for me when I was a kid to make sure all my needs were met. She was a single mom with at one time 3 jobs. She has always been a vibrant, active woman who was always on the go. On the car ride up she told me she knew something 'bad' was wrong and she needed to say goodbye to me. She told me she was proud to have been my mother, she had watched me mature over the years into an independant woman and I had given her two healthy, happy grandchildren. She was proud of what I had achieved in my career and it was more than she had ever taken a chance on herself. Listening to her all the while holding back my tears and trying to stay positive for her. I have had so many doubts, so many fears of my own lately. Although, we may not agree on everything I have always felt the love of my mom. 

As I watch this weak, sick and tired woman lie in her bed waiting for the next battery of tests I cant help but think of all she has meant to me over the years. I wouldnt be the person I am today if it werent for her... 

 

snowbunny1002 snowbunny1002 46-50, F 131 Responses Oct 17, 2008

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You are dealing with so much, and God Bless your mother. I think that as children, a thing in us is awakened when we see a parent suffer. Dialysis is very, very, very hard on our bodies...you expressed your sorrow and tremendous love; this was moving. I hope that she is comfortable...<br />
<br />
((((((((((((((((((((SB))))))))))))))))))))))

Brut- where ya been, I've missed you so. Thanks so much for all your comments of support. It is difficult to see her this way and to see her health decline.

Hey...I am always around...someplace. Just laying low, making some emotional space...trying. If you ever need me...you know where I am, Snow. <br />
It will not get easier until her task, and yours are finished. Hopefully she can rally, and have some quality time...you Both Are Angels Now. To be gentle and compassionate with those that are suffering is the highest form of worshipping "god", whether it is a stranger, mother, lover or closest friend...

Brut- Sometimes you just know the right thing to say that truly touches my heart. This is one of those times. Thanks for your love, friendship and support I know you are always there for me and for that I am very grateful. <br />
(((hugs))))

Then I have been useful for good :-)<br />
<br />
And that makes me feel the best-<br />
Thank you for giving me the opportunity.

Just read your story. I have an elderly mother and lost my dad a few years ago. There is nothing like that of love for family and friends. Any up-dates hun? You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.

Tylorian- thanks so much your comments. Unfortunately things havent gotten much better, dialysis 3x a week, she is very weak, confused, they cannot perform surgery on her until her fluid is off and her heart is stronger. The doctor informed me recently they will not be performing any surgery because she'd never make it through.

I'm sorry to hear this SB<br />
Hugs

Thanks Bassy! It's been tough thats for sure but she is so weak. Sometimes it is so hard because its not even like she is the mother I remember. I look at her and see her slowly declining...it never seems to get better.

It's never an easy thing watching someone you care about hurting.

I've been where you are and it is not easy to watch someone you love beyond life struggle. My Mother also had heart problems and had valve replacement, she continued to care for my father, who had Parkinson's. She litterly worked herself to death, no matter what I did she would not stop caring for him. Then came that phone call you know is coming but don't want to answer. I rushed home, but was to late, she was gone.<br />
So please, let he know how much she is loved and somehow have the strength to say good-by. I'll always regret not having that chance.

wickedgoodwitch- thanks so much for sharing your story, I plan to do all I can do to make her time left the best that I can :)

luv u too Angel :)

I love you, Sis. If you need me, I'm here.

I love you too CK...Dont forget Thursday we have a date ;)

Thursday is so on!!

missliss- thanks so much for your comforting words, I am trying very hard to enjoy the time as well as prepare for the inevitable. It is so hard at times and then other times it seems like it isnt really happening. (((hugs)))<br />
<br />
Peter-thank you! I do tell her even when she is grumpy :)...we both joke about that but she really is at tinmes :)

all1rog- thanls so much for your support. You are always there with an ear and some great advice. It is much appreciated ! <br />
<br />
Hugs to you my friend~

I know what you are going through. My mom was also a vibrant, life loving, enthusiastic, motivated, and single mother. She was so full of life and when it was slowly taken away from her, it was the hardest experience I have ever dealt with. She had colon cancer and we were in and out of the E.R. week afte week, failed tests after failed surgeries. But now I hold on to the memory of her with every ounce of me. And everyday I strive to be more like her, to make her proud, wherever she is now. I wish the best to you and your family in these hard times.

Megpan- thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard I know. I am thankful for the wonderful group of friends I have here and in RL that have helped me:)

I'am sorry of what you are going through.<br />
<br />
-MoonShimmer

Moondshimmer- thanks so much for your warm thoughts :)

a mothers love can never be replaced. I know this is a difficult time for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ...

As you know today was a very bad day...thanks for keeping me in your thoughts~

wow thats a hard story i have lost both parents and it is hard to see the one you love suffer but you need to know you have to be strong for you and her she gave you your strenth show her you know how to use it.god bless you.

gully62-thanks so much! I have been hanging in there, she has good days and bad days but we are plugging along.

During the bad days always remember that there are many who care and are here for you :)

Aww Bassy..I know that you are and many others are as well. I appreciate my friends and all the love support I have received :)

with love and prayers for you and your mum xxx

c8lorraine- thanks so much :)