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I'll Miss You So Much, Mom.

Two years ago in the fall of '07 was probably the most turbulent time of my life. This is when I had to face my mom's mortality. In late October, they found blood clots in her leg. Late November, she had a seizure in her leg.. had tests done.. found out she had brain cancer and lung cancer, which has since spread to her spine.. and probably other areas.

My 18th birthday was right inbetween all this smack dab in the middle of November.

I remember we threw her a surprise birthday party that September in the basement. She wasn't sick then but for some reason it felt sentimental. She cried when we surprised her.. everything felt final for some reason...

A year and a half later, she is still fighting cancer, but I don't think she'll be fighting it for long. There's not much more the doctors can do for her.

We don't talk about the fact that she's dying. We don't even really know how much time she has left because she doesn't want to know.. and neither do we. I guess everything is implied. So right now, I'm spending as much time with her as I can. She's on her last chemo treatment, so I guess after this treatment, everything will be downhill.

It's hard seeing her like this. She used to be the one taking care of me not too long ago...  now I'm the one taking care of her. She can barely walk. It's a 10 minute project just to get into a vehicle. She can't walk up any stairs. She refuses a wheelchair because she's stubborn. My little sister is graduating high school this month and she'll be able to see that. She's a mother of 5 and a grandmother to 3 children.. soon to be 4 at the end of July. I hope she'll be able to see her.

I'll miss this woman so much, you have no idea. I cry every time I think about the pain we will have to go through. I'm scared of seeing everyone around me sad. I'm scared of seeing my father suffer. It will have such a huge impact on all of us. I feel like I would have to escape to heal. I don't even know what I'm going to do.

This is what you put your loved ones through every time you smoke a cigarette. I have told her to quit for years... now it's too late. She quit when she was diagnosed, when the reality that she was dying from it hit her.

flyawayhome flyawayhome 22-25, F 10 Responses Jun 15, 2009

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Hey, I just now came across this article when I was looking up some song lyrics. For some reason this was on the first search page. Either way, your story is very touching to me and I can relate to it, although each person has a different experience when it comes to this. When I was 16, my mom started to have these seizures and in May 2009, we found out she had brain cancer. She never smoke, drank, and took excellent care of herself. The tumors paralyzed the entire right side of her body and she couldnt even feed herself. She passed away three months later on August 28, 2009. It still hurts everyday. I dont mean to tell my life story or anything, but you will be in my thoughts and I hope you are doing okay now. Best of wishes.



Bri

I cried as I read this story. I was 12 years old when cancer claimed my mom. She went from being a healthy, young, vibrant mom of 4 children to being a still young, but very weak, mom. She was in the hospital for awhile, but in the end, my dad decided to have her come home to our city. She went in the hospital at home. In the last week, we could not even go visit her. She wouldn't know us, Dad said. One sad morning, Dad drove up to the house, walked in, and told us 4 kids that mom was gone. He was taking Nana home, then he'd be home. Immediately I was crushed.

I know your pain. I feel for you. Enjoy your family. Stay close together. Remember the wonderful memories with great fondness. Celebrate your mom's life.

I'd like to tell you that time heals this wound, but there will always be tears in your eyes. Your mom will always be in your heart, and that is where you hold her close. Talk about her. Relive the memories and the laughter. Take a part of her and make it become part of you.

Really sorry.

sorry to hear about your mother. pray for her and tell her to have faith in Jesus Christ and you will meet her in heaven one day. ask her to believe in Jesus Christ to be saved. God bless you...

Now I understand your story about cigarettes more. Watching someone die from cancer is truly terrible.

hI,SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOM,MY HEART GOES TO YOU,I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING TRUE,I MAKE A PRAYER FOR YOU.i KNOW CIGARETTES ARE BAD,I WAS DIAGNOS 3 WEEK AGO I HAVE EMPHYSEMA,I HAVE TO STOP SMOKING,ITS GOING TO BE HARD,BUT YOUR WORDS, I WILL MAKE A EFFORT .bE STRONG ITS GOING TO BE VERY HARD,THINKING OF YOU,LINDA

hmmmm....... Does she like comedy? and if so, what kind of comedy? I like "White chicks" but I'm not sure if she would find that very funny.

I'm so glad you are spending time with her. These are the moments you will remember and you will remember all the other good times too.

No, she isn't. Her WBC count has been really low for a long time now so it's kind of scary to go places for the fear of catching any illness, and she can't walk much either.

A few times a week, I will pick out a movie to watch here at home. We have a good time with that. Two days ago, we watched "Where The Heart Is" and the day before that we watched "Mona Lisa Smile". I'm in the process of finding a couple movies for the upcoming week. Any suggestions?

I she well enough to maybe go to a movie with you or something?

Thank you. :)

The only thing I can do is be there for her and that's what I'm doing, so I've felt better about the situation in the past week. But she also hasn't had a doctor's appointment in a couple weeks so I haven't received any earth shattering news to make me sad either. I'm neutral about it today.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.... Hugs !!