I Thought Sharing Might Help :/

I always thought writing these kind of stuff is cheesy but today I could really use some advice or at least someone to listen. My life is a total mess at the moment, I am unhappy almost every second and I am afraid for the future. The last year was the worst year of my life and I thought maybe this one will be better, but its not. My grades in college are the lowest ever, I failed almost every exam, I don't know what to do with my life, I can't see myself in future and I never felt this alone. Don't get me wrong, I have love of my family and support of my boyfriend. Sometimes he is the only thing that makes me happy and he gives me hope, but I fear I am dragging him in my mess too. All of our friends left us, blame us for everything and seem to be happy without us. I was never friendless, but today no one is here to listen. I have 4 months of college to finish, but I am afraid I wont make it, I am afraid I will be jobless and the lack of support from my former friends is making things worse. Sometimes I feel that they are happier without us and that they laugh at our loneliness. I feel like the worst kind of people who deserve to be alone. I am unable to meet new people, because I cant trust people anymore, I don't feel comfortable among my colleges at college, I wish to move away and delete every connection to my city and people I used to care for. Last year was awful and I feel this one will be worse. I have a lot of things on my mind and for the first time I feel that the worry is suffocating me. Its like having a huge rock on my heart and chest. I don't want to make my parents and boyfriend worried but sometimes I cant hold my thoughts and sadness. I really don't know what is happening to me. Still, writing this stuff down helps ....
CelinaC CelinaC
18-21
Jan 6, 2013