Like The Song........lonesome Looser

I'm 53 yr. old male. Starting my second divorce. We are not yet divorced because I really can't afford it right now. We have been apart 2 yrs. now. I was contacted a while back by an old girlfriend, {one that I had an affair with during my 1st. marriage} Well, we met, she moved in for 3 months and moved back east where she came from. I fell so far, hard and deeply in love with her that I am REALLY finding it hard to cope. She is my age and pretty plain looking to other men I suppose, but when you look at someone with eyes filled with love.............She was the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

What was so special about her to me was "She made me feel truly loved" for the first time in my life. I adored her.
But there was one problem, she was bi-polar.  Now I thought that I could handle that since I have dealt with severe depression most my life going from Dr. to Dr. trying to get a fix for it after taking literally every anti- depressant on the market. A couple Dr.'s actually treated me for bi- polar depression, {different meds}  I really thought that two people who loved each other could work it out. She is ACTUALLY bi-polar, she is on state disability for it, and after experiencing it first hand I can say that I am in NO WAY bi-polar.
Anyway it was just too hard to live with, she left, I asked her to stay, now she is gone and I am pretty sure that she is the only woman I have ever truly loved because now I just want to DIE! really and actually.
She did a lot around the house in the short time she was here and EVERYTHING reminds me of her and I break down and cry all the time because I love her so much.
And right now this whole world really sucks anyway.  I go to church, it don't help, I still hurt and am very lost in this world.
I have so much love to give, and that's about all.
nickcommander nickcommander
1 Response Jul 25, 2010

One day at a gets better. <br />
Hang in there.