No Idea Where I'm Heading.Last week I had my birthday, I'm 22 years old now and I don't feel well. Things haven't gone the way I had planned. For some reason I turned into a misanthrope over the last two years. I still don't have any friends even though I tried to make contact with people, tried some new hobbies but it isn't working out. I think that I have something that makes me weird. I know that I'm a difficult person, but I also know that if people really knew me they would like me. When I say I'm difficult I mean that I don't open myself to others very easy. Someone has to really push me so that I can be my real self amongst him/her. When I meet a new person I really don't feel comfortable among this person unless some time has passed.
Another reason I'm not feeling well is the realization that I'm an average person or to say it better, a no one. I used to be a top student in my high school and everybody knew me because I was the "computer guy", this gave me the impression that I'm somebody and I went with high hopes and dreams to university only to realize that there are students there that are geniuses and even though I might study really hard every day I will still be an average student.
22 years have passed since I was born. What have I done all these years? Not counting the first 5 years of my life, we have 17 years left. The only time I was really happy was in my childhood, there I had real friends and as far as I can remember from then on it is a downward spiral. Since I'm 12 years old I'm studying and studying. I can't live like this any more. I thought that after high school things would get better but it is getting worse. I have projects after projects, tests after tests. I'm really jealous of the students who don't really care and just live their lives. But unfortunately I can't be or don't want to be like them.
Where is my life going? I wish I could disappear and make a new start somewhere where nobody knows me.