No Idea Where I'm Heading.

 Last week I had my birthday, I'm 22 years old now and I don't feel well. Things haven't gone the way I had planned. For some reason I turned into a misanthrope over the last two years. I still don't have any friends even though I tried to make contact with people, tried some new hobbies but it isn't working out. I think that I have something that makes me weird. I know that I'm a difficult person, but I also know that if people really knew me they would like me. When I say I'm difficult I mean that I don't open myself to others very easy. Someone has to really push me so that I can be my real self amongst him/her. When I meet a new person I really don't feel comfortable among this person unless some time has passed.
 Another reason I'm not feeling well is the realization that I'm an average person or to say it better, a no one. I used to be a top student in my high school and everybody knew me because I was the "computer guy", this gave me the impression that I'm somebody and I went with high hopes and dreams to university only to realize that there are students there that are geniuses and even though I might study really hard every day I will still be an average student.
 22 years have passed since I was born. What have I done all these years? Not counting the first 5 years of my life, we have 17 years left. The only time I was really happy was in my childhood, there I had real friends and as far as I can remember from then on it is a downward spiral. Since I'm 12 years old I'm studying and studying. I can't live like this any more. I thought that after high school things would get better but it is getting worse. I have projects after projects, tests after tests. I'm really jealous of the students who don't really care and just live their lives. But unfortunately I can't be or don't want to be like them.
 Where is my life going? I wish I could disappear and make a new start somewhere where nobody knows me.  
TheCaptain1990 TheCaptain1990
18-21, M
3 Responses Mar 24, 2012

You obviously are intelligent, but that isn't everything that makes you, you. Be yourself. Try not to evaluate yourself in everything you do. Accept yourself, and others will too. This is a difficult age for many people.

I thought I was reading a sc<x>ript about my life.<br />
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This story is very familier with me, I used to pride myself on my intelligence, but as time has gone on I've come to a road that makes it difficult to have friends, to intelligent to have average friends, not intelligent enough to be a nerd. I'm 23 in about 4 months and I've asked my overly sized questions for my age then any average person. As I said, to intelligent to have average friends, no one wants to talk about pshyics or cosmology and not a single person I've met in the last few years knows anything about business or politics. <br />
I've realised I get on better with older people ages 40 - 60, or If i'm lucky enough I'll find people who are in a similer boat to me, these people usually live quite far away, so it's not like I can hang out with them. <br />
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Only thing I can do is just follow my dreams and ambitions and hope that I meet somone who I can get along with.... <br />
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Oh and like yourself it doesn't help when I don't open up as much as i probably could....

Hey dear, try not to overwhelm yourself with the feeling of 'unaccomplishing'. As we grow up we change a lot. I used to be the best in maths in high school but at campus its much difficult to rank my self. Understand that you are still so young and this feeling is part of growing up. The feeling of being a 'nobody'. Trust me, most of people around this age are not 'established' and are still on the path of discovering what mark they want to make in this world. Being alone gives you time to build yourself as an individual. If its hard opening up, try to reach out to people in plight and offer a listening ear. You dont have to open up if you dont feel up to it but if you cant handle it, try narrating to someone as the story of another so as to get indirect help. Best wishes. With love silili4:-)