Am Completely At A Loss

I do not know even how to start. In spite of the fact that am highly qualified, nothing ever works for me. Even when things seem to be moving well, they collapse at one and I go back to zero. Out of frustration I quit my government teaching job to go abroad in Thailand after being deceived and selling all my investments but now am even earning less than what I was earning in my country. I can not go back, because I sold everything and am embarrassed. Yet I fear killing myself because of my beautiful three daughters that need my total care. What should I do. What is wrong with me.

Help
12345iz 12345iz
41-45, M
1 Response May 17, 2012

Wow.<br />
Reading your words had touched me. It sounds like you're going through a tough stage my friend. It's a shock to hear of someone considering taking their own life, as for me, it seems like a very extreme measure to a problem that can be fixed. And I know you are capable of fixing it - we all are. There is so much in the world waiting to be enjoyed, and the fact that you have created three beautiful girls means you have every reason to stay strong and overcome whatever obstacle arises - be it physical or psychological. <br />
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On this note I might just add that I was once taught that a good way to look at the world was that everything.......<br />
<br />
IS.<br />
<br />
We have a habit of always putting labels on what happens in day to day life. When really, it's simpler than that, things are what they are. We give them positive and negative labels. Like that traffic jam that was so 'annoying'; that woman that is such a 'control freak'; or just that task that is gonna be so 'hard'. The negative ones really hold us back the most from seeing things clearly, because we restrict ourselves in what we can achieve by choosing to view things in such a rigid way. I wouldn't say that positive labels are an obstruction to reality, it's great to try and see the best in everything, but for me I think seeing things for exactly what they are, accepting what is, is much more powerful. Example: If we said "there was a traffic jam on the way home", and someone said "how annoying for you", and you replied, "oh, well I guess there's just a lot of people on the road today" how much better does that feel than agreeing with them and whinging about how it bothers you. Everyone else in that jam is in the same position as you, and you're part of the reason that they aren't getting home so quickly too. So...<br />
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Anyway I digress. Back to you.<br />
<br />
It seems to me by the fact you mentioned "nothing ever works for me", that you're "embarrassed" and you ask "what's wrong with me" that maybe you are being too hard on yourself, are comparing yourself to others and worrying way too much about others opnions of you. I can relate to you in those respects, it think we all can actually.<br />
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Firstly you need to know that there is nothing wrong with you! It must be hard to go back after having left , but is embarrassment really gonna stop you from going back to your previous home? If that's what you want, and if that's what you think is best and what will make you happy? Who cares what people think. I moved away from all familiarity and when it wasn't working out I felt that I would look stupid to move back as I wouldn't have all these fantastic stories to tell people of that I imagined I would have. But I realise now that it doesn't matter if people think I look silly. As long as I have my friends and family, they are the only ones I care about. And more often than not it's just you're own insecurities that tell you people will think of you as a fool, when they probably won't. They're probably too wrapped up in their own life.<br />
Also if you are highly qualified use it to your advantage! The only thing that could be holding you back is you. You are in the drivers seat, everything is your choice. And whatever happens, try to learn to accept what is. If something happens that stops your progress just make a turn and go in another direction. Sometimes even better things come out of what initially looks like a mistake.. That's the beauty of life, there's so many options. Just do what you want at the time. Don't think into stuff too much. Just be. And trust me, you will be happy. <br />
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I hope this helps you. <br />
Let me know how you go.<br />
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P.s if you want some really solid advice on life and some good tips in many aspects of it, read ZenHabits. It's a great blog written by this guy called Leo. It's really helped me. Also my life changing book is "the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. It makes life so simple. If you ever feel like you don't know where to turn, read it. I promise it won't let you down! <br />
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Peace<br />
Your friend