My Last.....

I started college about a year and a half ago and was beyond excited. High school was hell mostly because of my over zealous mother who instead of allowing me to embrace our faith my way forced her God fear upon me. I was sheltered to an extreme. And idk uhow but I end up on the bit of the darkside. I love heavy metal and strange things that were according to her were sinful and of the devil. And my step-demon aka step-dad is an anti-social old man so no frienda were ever allowed over and I couldn't go to there house cause she didn't know their spirit (im almost twenty and she srill does this). So high school was full of sneaking lying and secrets. Worst years ever. And well like any other social outcast i wanted to do nothing more than run away from my purgatory. So I started at a school an hour away (wasn't far enough) but I couldnt focus well so my grades weren't stellar. We didn't know my problem but of course who gives a flip and my "Christian" mother made me move back home with a skip of a beat. So my mother made me come home and live here with her and my step-demon and go to college locally.
Well that made everything worse I came home to my old life and basically had a complete and total melt down to the point of suicide. I worked it out through therapy and some (barely) any family support. I've skipped a semester and its time to go back and if this crazy woman doesn't shut the hell up im gonna lose it!! Im scared to go back because its like we made progress but everything has regressed I wear a laugh bracelet I found just to remind me to laugh I cry everyday multiple times a day I don't know what to do in therapy I was diagnosed with situational deppression and sometimes I just pray the Lord will take me before I wake for. Two years every holiday has been miserable I try to break free but I can't im stuck in a hole and I don't know how much longer I can stay here.
And everyday I hear someone telling me it'll get better, just pray and believe, have faith, bull ****!!! Ive done every flippin thing I can and nothings work, not even my therapy is workin anymore I feel like im losing it but I never had it in the first place
I mentally and physically can't take anymore. The next meltdown will be the last..........
I just need help............
lolipopsweet lolipopsweet
18-21, F
9 Responses Dec 13, 2012

Thank you everyone for your advice it was beyond amazing and helpful I can't even believe how low I was at this point and time a lot had changed my life has flipped upside down (in a good way) I'm moving forward in my new career and have almost completely left the previous situation and I can gladly say I've come out unscathed same old me with my "devil" music haha love you all!!

State the questions you have in your mind and listen with your heart. You will find the answers. Remember, only you can decide what your destiny in life is

your not alone


I strongly disagree with you extentialist. It is still a criminal act to do something like throw a brick through a window and it will also possibly injure someone...there could be lawsuits that follow something like that and the last thing this girl needs is to be put into a mental institution where they dehumanize her and take away all of her freedoms. I understand that in a way your advice was just a jest, but also a bit serious. I am sure that you are talking about if it gets really really bad, but even then I think there are much better solutions to this problem, and creating more problems isnt advisable. I respectfully disagree, no anger towards you at all. I thank you for speaking your mind. But do you in some way see my point?

If things get really bad goto the police station and throw a brick through it's window. You'd be surprise how much help there will be for you. Get out of that house now! There's help out there. Or better throw the brick throught the mental health window. I'm serious. Drastic measures take drastic measures. Extentialist.

Say to her that what she fears most is manifesting, her demons of control and manipulation( which is classified as witchcraft)are causing you huge stress and depression.Tell her to pray and seek therapy too, if she really wants to help you she will.I agree that you physically should leave,it still won't change her behaviour or her fears of failure and loss.Virtual hugs from another continent.

You do need to physically remove yourself from the situation. Contact me n we can talk through real solutions. I almost died in a car crash four days ago and now I know I'm here to help others. I can help you, and others want to as well. U may feel lost, but youre not alone.

I have a very similar story. Please don't give up friend. U will find a way. It is all about intent. That music u like is helping u channel some of the negative emotions. My answer to a very similar childhood was to join the military. Which was good and bad. What are your interests and talents? Those will be your way out. Trust me. Keep talking to kind, like minded souls.