My Last.....

I started college about a year and a half ago and was beyond excited. High school was hell mostly because of my over zealous mother who instead of allowing me to embrace our faith my way forced her God fear upon me. I was sheltered to an extreme. And idk uhow but I end up on the bit of the darkside. I love heavy metal and strange things that were according to her were sinful and of the devil. And my step-demon aka step-dad is an anti-social old man so no frienda were ever allowed over and I couldn't go to there house cause she didn't know their spirit (im almost twenty and she srill does this). So high school was full of sneaking lying and secrets. Worst years ever. And well like any other social outcast i wanted to do nothing more than run away from my purgatory. So I started at a school an hour away (wasn't far enough) but I couldnt focus well so my grades weren't stellar. We didn't know my problem but of course who gives a flip and my "Christian" mother made me move back home with a skip of a beat. So my mother made me come home and live here with her and my step-demon and go to college locally.
Well that made everything worse I came home to my old life and basically had a complete and total melt down to the point of suicide. I worked it out through therapy and some (barely) any family support. I've skipped a semester and its time to go back and if this crazy woman doesn't shut the hell up im gonna lose it!! Im scared to go back because its like we made progress but everything has regressed I wear a laugh bracelet I found just to remind me to laugh I cry everyday multiple times a day I don't know what to do in therapy I was diagnosed with situational deppression and sometimes I just pray the Lord will take me before I wake for. Two years every holiday has been miserable I try to break free but I can't im stuck in a hole and I don't know how much longer I can stay here.
And everyday I hear someone telling me it'll get better, just pray and believe, have faith, bull ****!!! Ive done every flippin thing I can and nothings work, not even my therapy is workin anymore I feel like im losing it but I never had it in the first place
I mentally and physically can't take anymore. The next meltdown will be the last..........
I just need help............