I Am Lost And Suddenly I See No Point In Living On

I am feeling really alone and lost in life. Suddenly everything seems to have crumbled. I have given up my job because I could not handle the politics anymore, my ex-boyfriend whose memories have kept me going for eight long years is now back with his ex-wife, and my current boyfriend does not understand me at all. I feel old even though I am only 35 and don't see anything worth living for. It's like every day is a struggle. I doubt my death today will affect anyone, except maybe my mother. It's like all love, promises, friendships are fleeting and hold no real meaning... I am lost and I want to go
kpee19 kpee19
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

I feel *exactly* the same. I am also 35, also just have given up my job, spent 8 years in a relationship that resulted with nothing, and have absolutelly no energy for any fresh start. There is only one thing i am certain of, and that is that i wish I do no exist. i am not brave enough to end my life, i also think it would destroy my parents, but my way of life right now is also very sad for them. I am fearing the future, where i would be alone and jobless and poor since i have aboslutelly no energy to live.
I have noticed that being reponsible for someone does give me some motivation to live. For example, the only thing that makes me doubt if it really would be better that i do not exist is that it would endlessly hurt my parents and that they would be old and alone. Therefore, i am having thoughts of perhaps making a kid for myself ( before its too late) and that it would give a meaning to my life. Still, in order to do that, i have to be more stable ( have a well payed and stable job )... so it is a vicius circle. But still what do u think about that? Does taking care of someone, and the fact that someone depends on you can give u a motivation? It can be working for a charity for a while or something ... But something to give u a feeling of self worth? Sorry for my english mistakes, i am not a native speaker ...

I do think being responsible for someone does give you some motivation to go on. Maybe that's why people who have children keep going more than those who don't. But I think it's very hard for other people associated with depressed people. I sometimes get irritated with my mother even though nothing that has been happening to me has been her fault. Depression is very hard on those who have to live with depressed people. I have felt many times like you do. But I think it's not sensible for me to bring a child into the world when I myself am not happy here. Children need and deserve happy parents for their own development. Maybe taking care of other people not related to you is a better idea. Helping others does make a person happy. I sponsor an orphan girl and that does make me feel useful in some way, however little that way may be