The Fog Of Life's War

I am lost as how to approach this. I am truly lost. I am 43 years old. I know I have significant talent and I love people very much.

I have gone through a series of losses where I feel like there's nothing left for me. At one time, I was a small business owner, a chocolatier, married with two wonderful Cavalier Spaniels, a nice home, and some wealth.

That's not the case anymore. One by one, I lost it all. I sold my business and had to re-enter the job market with my technology skills. My marriage collapsed. My dogs are no longer in my possession, I trained them and loved them very much. I spent myself into ruin.

I have a great job and potentially a high level of earnings potential. It's getting on the road back that is killing me. I am not in my 30s and I have fibromyalgia, to be honest, I don't even know how much pain I am in anymore.

I am alone - small apartment - new area - so hard to get started meeting people. The biggest issue for me is happiness. I feel dead and I know I want to die. I am scared at the same time.

I feel a step slow. I am saving half my check every month. I know there are good things, so why am I so unhappy? I don't know what to do or who to turn to. It is a nightmare.

I do take anti-depressants and I have sought therapy in the past. I don't think the therapy part works for me. I don't know if I will ever be truly happy. I feel like I am in prison.

TY for reading, I do appreciate it very much.
tedboosalis tedboosalis
4 Responses Jan 20, 2013

I can understand. It's really an effort to let go of the baggage of the past. People tell you to move on but you just can't. And many people don't even take depression seriously. I'm with you. Here's a hug if it helps

I can relate to you completely. I have a degree and 2 children. I'm currently a full time mum and my partner works full time. I feel like I should have been something not a fat nothing, it gets me so down, on anti depressants too :(

I am sorry you are going through these challenges. You should try reading this book: The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs
Stephen S. Ilardi PhD. I picked it up a few days ago and its been very enlightening. It teaches you plenty about depression and how to overcome this terrible illness. Hope it helps!

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Life is totally unpredictable- even though we find it hard to imagine bad things will happen when everything is well, they do happen; and even though we find it hard to imagine good things will happen when nothing is well, they do happen too. You have been surprised by unexpected bad, now you may very well be surprised by unexpected good... Have you ever consulted the I Ching, or tried to analyse your own dreams? Life is always more resourceful than we think... :)