I Think Everyone Is Lost In Li...

I think everyone is lost in life  in a way.  Does anyone know from moment to moment exactly what will happen in their life?  Does anybody have a map that they made for their entire life so they will never be lost?  I doubt it.

ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
11 Responses Jun 21, 2007

Hi Reformed,<br />
<br />
Yes, my friend I think we are all lost and searching for completion in many different ways . I agree that there are coping mechanisms that everybody needs to get thru as long as they don't become excessively dependent on them. It is a crazy road we go down but we don't go down alone..<br />
Peace,GG

oh Celainn sweety you've got to read the story and comments...

Wow I am amazed how much you sound like me. I think I was "happier" too in a way though I wouldn't call it happiness. I was much more repressed and I hid everything including my addictions, personal problems, beliefs, etc from everyone. Now I am much more open but it is hard sometimes and a price can be paid for opening oneself up too much. <br />
<br />
I also had a family that didn't look well upon the showing of emotion. I have always been a more sensitive person than my family members and most people in general. But it was all internal and I used substances to keep everything contained. <br />
<br />
So in that way I was more stable perhaps though only outwardly. I didn't get angry or sad as often (or happy). I was always anxious though and generally depressed. I just didn't cry often or yell or laugh.<br />
<br />
I have heard of something called a flat affect. It's a face that shows no emotion. I'm quite sure I had that for a long time but I'm becoming more expressive not just with my body but my words too. Like you said it's challenging and a slow process but well worth it I think.

Wow I am amazed how much you sound like me. I think I was "happier" too in a way though I wouldn't call it happiness. I was much more repressed and I hid everything including my addictions, personal problems, beliefs, etc from everyone. Now I am much more open but it is hard sometimes and a price can be paid for opening oneself up too much. <br />
<br />
I also had a family that didn't look well upon the showing of emotion. I have always been a more sensitive and emotional person than my family members and most people in general. But it was all internal and I used substances to keep everything contained. I had no way of communicating my emotions so they just festered and came out in ugly ways from the subconscience.<br />
<br />
So in that way I was more stable perhaps though only outwardly. I didn't get angry or sad as often (or happy). I was always anxious though and generally depressed. I just didn't cry often or yell or laugh.<br />
<br />
I have heard of something called a flat affect. It's a face that shows no emotion. I'm quite sure I had that for a long time but I'm becoming more expressive not just with my body but my words too. Like you said it's challenging and a slow process but well worth it I think.

What a good question. I think, on the surface, I was happier before my 'breakdown' with anxiety, finding myself, etc. But I was a really repressed, scared, anxious, nervous, socially awkward, self-hating person inside, and it was all hidden. I think my body and my psyche just couldn't handle the pressure anymore so it all just boiled over -- all the **** from my childhood, traumatic memories, self-loathing. I just don't think I could take it anymore. <br />
<br />
I have had a hard time feeling my emotions. Both my parents have emotional issues, so whenever my feelings would come up - anger, sadness, frustration - they freaked out. "Oh, you're making a big deal out of nothing." "Don't cry, stop it." "Oh great, now you're getting all emotional" So I got the message that feelings were bad, especially mine because they got in the way. So I suppressed EVERYTHING.<br />
<br />
Deep down I think I was unhappy with myself, and I'm getting happier now, little by little. But man, it's not easy. No way.

Thank you outoftheshadows...it is nice to feel my emotions more but when they are anger and sadness it's a lot harder to handle. That's the price I pay for covering them up and denying them for so many years. I wish you the best in your own personal "recovery from yourself". Were you unhappy with who you were before or just unable to feel your emotions fully?

PreformedAutomaton - I am similar to you in that in this last year or so I have been more emotional, more tearful, more angry, AND more happy. I am not in recovery from substances, but I would say I I'm in recovery from myself..if that makes sense. I am trying to cut through all my defenses and get to my true real self underneath ... which I am realizing comes with a lot of emotion!<br />
I'm glad your recovery is progressing ... keep up the good work! And don't worry about the emotions, they are just a part of life. Embrace them...as much as you can.

Agreed...I'm at that point now and I'm starting to address some of my more emotional issues. It's really hard cause I get much more emotional in my daily life. I cry a lot more now that I ever have before. I'm also happier than I've ever been and I also get angry a lot more. They say in recovery that you "feel your feelings" a lot more as opposed to when you are still using substances to cover them up. It's SO true!

True-- the thing with repression and denial is to tackle it one subject at a time....<br />
<br />
It's healthy if you need to protect yourself, but when you get to the point that you _can_ heal, you should.

Yep...and some forms of denial or repression are good and necessary for us to be able to function on a daily basis. If we could remember all the bad things that happened to us in our lifetime simultaneously we'd be in serious trouble. Defense mechanisms are healthy when they're not used as a crutch.

Here i am lost and unable to find myself- just like everybody else. :-P<br />
<br />
I think some people find it more comfortable to lie to themselves about themselves.... so they dont feel lost.<br />
<br />
doenst make them any less lost, but denial is a powerful thing.