I don't think it's depression. Everyone seems to think I should be depressed. Bad things keep happening in my life. People keep dying. I keep losing things. But I don't feel depressed. I've been there before and it was never like this. I think I'm just lost. I'm not going anywhere. Nothing's changing. I'm not sure I'm actually living. I think I'm just existing. I don't feel sad or burdened by it. I just feel distanced and sort of numb.
That's probably why I haven't done anything about it. I'm too distanced from it. I still feel, things. It's just very remote. The only time I ever feel anything immediate and overwhelming is when I wake up from my nightmares. I wonder if they're not night terrors. I had them when I was younger, night terrors, that is. I wake up and it takes me a long time to realize it's not real. The nightmares aren't real.
Maybe I'm crazy. Does anyone else ever think that? How do I know?