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Can't Find What I'm Looking For

So, I am a 31 year old woman who is completely lost in life. It's as if i missed my turn off or something because i don't think i have ever been on track.

I am a good person, I never got into any trouble growing up, I am not horrible looking, I am  a hard worker and i'm told I am a likeable person, and yet I am lacking in every area of life.

I have a career i don't feel is right for me (and don't have a job at the moment) and i have already switched careers twice in life and feel like i am too old to change again.  I have never had a real relationship with a man, my friendships are a huge disappointments and i have no one to turn to, and i don't even know where i want to be living, so right now i am at my parents house until i can figure it all out and to top it off i'm broke and have had to borrow money from my younger siblings. I have never reached such an all time low.

I feel like every decision I have ever made has been the wrong one. And i just can't seem to get out of the starting gate.

I thought by the time i was in my 30's i would have a home, and be married and have some kids, and a career - or at least be on my way there, but i'm not even close.

The thing that kills me the most is everyone around me seems to have it all.  My friends have moved on to different parts of their lives with theur husbands and their kids and i am back at the beginning.

It is so diffucult to be the only single person I know, and the only single person in my family, especially when all of my younger siblings are way ahead of me.  One engaged, one about to buy a house, and one living with her boyfriend. 

I feel like i am defective.

The reject of life.

I just can't seem to catch a break.

TaloraF TaloraF 31-35, F 5 Responses Nov 19, 2009

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I'm a 43 year old male. I can relate most of my life, to your post with one exception. I've married, have children and a home but still feel the same way. I thought it would work it's self out eventually but It didn't and I still feel like there's missing pieces to the puzzle. I'm constantly trying to figure everything out but feel I'm running out of time. It's like I'm wasting my life trying to learn how to live it. It's always easy to advise someone in this position to snap out of it, change your perception etc. but until you live it, it's truly hard to understand it. I always thought I understood what depression was until I hit rock bottom this past summer, now I really now. It's a dark place. I thought I knew what whiplash was until I was rear ended in 2008. I'm still dealing with the pain. These are just a couple of personal examples but now I can truly respect others that went through, or are going through the same thing. I know your post is near 3 years old but I wonder how you've made out and how you are doing now.

Sometimes those around you seem immensely happy and of course you hope they are. But often times appearances can be deceptive. Could it be that desire a true truth and happiness that others are content not to seek? Could it be that you were placed on this earth to answer some deeper questions than others around you? Could it be that this suffering you describe is only part of finding the real truth that you seek? I must say that it never to late in life to seek to attain a new career or path. My god you are only 30, not 70. If you keep fearing change, life will pass you by. What do you really have to lose? Of course you will make it and be fine. That is the spirit of the human being. All the best in your quest for the truth of why you are here.

i wish you lots of luck too... i'm in a different situation but still lost in my own world and i understand what it's like to be our age and feel the way we do about how things turned out. everything turned out the opposite of what i expected or was taught and i've had issues coming to terms with this as well. i hope we both find our way.

I feel like I can relate to your story.. A lot. I, too, am unhappy with many aspects of my life.I hope you can find the strength in you to strive towards the things that will make you happy. You're an adult-- Be assertive and decisive in your decisions, no matter the consequences, be smart and make the best out of it. Sometimes the best things in life can't be achieved without giving things a chance and taking a few risks. Good luck...

im at your place. only that im younger