Can't Find What I'm Looking For
So, I am a 31 year old woman who is completely lost in life. It's as if i missed my turn off or something because i don't think i have ever been on track.
I am a good person, I never got into any trouble growing up, I am not horrible looking, I am a hard worker and i'm told I am a likeable person, and yet I am lacking in every area of life.
I have a career i don't feel is right for me (and don't have a job at the moment) and i have already switched careers twice in life and feel like i am too old to change again. I have never had a real relationship with a man, my friendships are a huge disappointments and i have no one to turn to, and i don't even know where i want to be living, so right now i am at my parents house until i can figure it all out and to top it off i'm broke and have had to borrow money from my younger siblings. I have never reached such an all time low.
I feel like every decision I have ever made has been the wrong one. And i just can't seem to get out of the starting gate.
I thought by the time i was in my 30's i would have a home, and be married and have some kids, and a career - or at least be on my way there, but i'm not even close.
The thing that kills me the most is everyone around me seems to have it all. My friends have moved on to different parts of their lives with theur husbands and their kids and i am back at the beginning.
It is so diffucult to be the only single person I know, and the only single person in my family, especially when all of my younger siblings are way ahead of me. One engaged, one about to buy a house, and one living with her boyfriend.
I feel like i am defective.
The reject of life.
I just can't seem to catch a break.