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I'd Suffer For You.

I’d suffer for you. I’d be happy to sacrifice my comfort just to have you impress your love down upon me. In love there is one that always has the upper hand. I realize your hand sits slightly higher then my own, but with this knowledge I am comforted only with your soft touches, kisses and words.

You came in like a season, slowly creeping up into my heart until you planted your roots. Your leaves blossomed then fell slowly from each branch. Each one tickled the parts I’d held secret inside of me. Straight down you dived right into the soul of me & changed the colors that made me up as if you commanded control of my every last sense.

Secretly I thought I had put away, buried deeply all those feelings that had once burned so brightly for you. Still as we walked through the park holding hands, speaking words that rained down subjects from everyday nonsense to dreams and aspirations that ran up further then the brightest stars….

I knew that I could never play it safe with you. It was turn and run or stay and jump right back into you… So down I went, free falling like an eagle does for it’s prey.. but in this scene you are the hunter so call me the ground.

September came down hard on me this year. The ghost I thought was no longer around to haunt to me had suddenly come to life and was smiling right in front of my eyes, an impish grin tainting his lips. I met those lips with my own, fully aware I was walking a thin line, my hands losing grip on the rope around my resolve inch by inch.

This is the part where you and I started to fade and a lambent light of us started to illuminate. Those few nights I slept on my own, without your body weight sinking down the mattress underneath us I tried with desperation to erase you from my memory. Relentlessly I worked hard to convince myself that I could wake up the next morning and move on without bringing you any further into my life.

I had sneakily set up boundaries of this relationship that I dare not mention to you. Words that refused to tumble from my lips. I would come see you every night and steal slips of time with you, greedily accepting every touch and kiss that you placed upon me…. But I would not bring you to my house and show you where I live. I would keep you out of my actual life, while firmly taking up all the time in your own.

& then the storm struck after dinner, rain and lighting falling free and tormenting the car as we slowly moved down the highway. So instead of driving you all the way back into your city lights…. I let you through my front door and now you call this house your home, my body your dance floor, and my heart your most prized possession. & it’s beating quickly for you as you tower over my small frame.

In a way I am a prisoner. Bound and tied up by feelings and memories that I can’t shake no matter how violently I’ve tried. In a way you’re like a spider, one who has spun me mercilessly into his web and is waiting to take me for dinner. In many ways this story will never be able to be more then a tragedy, with an ending fit to kill us both. As even when the ink dries on the last page & we are covered with blood, eyes fluttering weakly underneath the glaring stage lights… I will never regret the role I accepted and played with foolish pride. I’ll let my heart stop beating there beside you and regret not one single moment spent with you.
LuhxLeMieux LuhxLeMieux 22-25, F Feb 25, 2011

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