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Temporarily Sad...

 Well this may be a rare kind of post for me, but I feel in a way obligated to show that my life isn't perpetual joy as much as I work at that goal. Many of you have exposed your pain and so at least this time I'll reciprocate. 

I try my best to avoid my wife because seldom to I come away feeling better or at peace. I sectioned off a portion of the basement and it is my sanctuary. My place of peace and privacy. 

After 20 years of marriage, she knows exactly what buttons to push to hurt me, as if, after her infidelity she ever needed anything else to hurt me. I suppose this is the price I have to pay for my decision to stay until the children all finish High School. 4 1/2 more years to go. I'm committed to that no matter what. I'm also committed to not fighting at all. Not around the children and not even when they aren't around because fighting only makes everything worse. I can still be hurt by my wife, but I can restore my peace and optimism faster if I just accept the crap that she has to offer me and move on after she leaves me alone. 

I think my optimism irks her, but I certainly don't try to flaunt it around her as again I generally avoid her the best that I can under these circumstances. 

Well the tears have stopped flowing and the edge has been taken off the pain. Now its time to review my goals and everything I have to look forward to now and in the future and I'll be back to my optimistic self soon enough. 

That's how I try to handle my difficulties and you have been able to witness this. 

Life is too short to let other people try and hold us back or hold us down. The past does NOT equal the future and I/we don't have to accept abuse in any form from anyone...EVER.

Best wishes to you all! Now let's get back to living and loving life to the Max! 

Mel

lovelife2themax lovelife2themax 51-55, M 6 Responses Jan 4, 2010

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wow - i just joined and this is one of the first things i read - not fluent with computers so somehow just landed on this page. you're amazing. sounds like you're living a life "of quiet desperation." you know, i think it's a lot more prevalent than is talked about, truly. a lot of folks trying to do the right thing, like you are. it's not easy. kudos.

I think you are counterphobic, your happy face is covering up a sea of pain. And you're in denial. I would get out of where you are as far as your living conditions is concerned, all you're doing is prolonging the suffering of everyone involved.

I admire your want to stay there for your children. Do they sense the trouble's between you two? I have been where you are....but I couldn't stay. My children and I are much happier out on our own. My thoughts are with you as you endure these times. May a smile find you each and every day.

You have a very rare and pleasant spirit. I felt inspired reading your post.. This is my first time here and it is a very interesting website. The first topic I searched was INFJ. It's great to be able to connect with others who have similar personalities. No judging ...only acceptance.

Thank you most kindly! Best Wishes! Mel

Just wanted to say that I admire your fortitude and that you have a great attitude considering what it sounds like you are going through. Keep your chin up!