Has God Forsaken Me?

I am very, very, VERY angry with GOD! I feel he has forsaken me and has left me alone to fight evilness- of which I am not well equipped.

I am mad because he has not yet delivered me from the grip of evilness. There are people out there seeking to do me harm and have been successful at hurting me and he hasn't stopped them nor has he allowed me to to get access away from those people.

Does he even hear my prayers? Does he know of my anguish? Does he love me? Why would he leave me at their mercy to hurt me and allow me no reprieve. I am being falsely accused, why hasn't be vindicated me?

Has he left me alone to fight this battle? Does he want to me to suffer because I am unworthy of his mercy? Why has he allowed evil to perservere and not stop them in their tracks? Why has he allowed me to suffer and wonder where my salvation is?

I am scared, fearful, angry, hurt, begging for help and he has left me alone. Why has he forsaken me?

I pray for forgiveness. I repent my sins. I ask God for deliverance. I beg for mercy. but I know not what else to do. I don't think I am strong enough to endure much more. I am weary and tired and they (evildoers) are relentless in their attacks. 

Lord, hold me, help, save me, love me... rescue me, deleiver me, come into my heart and release me, give me peace and allow my life to continue and allow me to be stronger. I want out of this situation. I have an opportunity, please allow me to move on away from this poison. Please do not forsake me, I am a child of yours... 

aniave aniave
31-35, F
79 Responses Sep 18, 2009

God! Ha! Who knows what God is thinking or doing. My mother is very gifted in God and can see what God has in store for people, but the funny thing is she can never see what he has for her own family or when tragedy is about to strike. I just find it funny that God answers prayers of people who set out to do evil, but those who are earnestly trying get screwed over and left behind with nothing.

I found out that a supervisor was trying to terminate me falsely and when I tried to talk to upper management about it WITH PROOF, I was told it was a coincidence and not to worry about it. Well, two months later I was in the office to be officially terminated by THE SAME SUPERVISOR I REPORTED TWO MONTHS EARLIER! Along with that, all the PROOF was erased from the state-issued equipment to help me in filing a grievance. Funny how God gave me this job on my b-day one year ago, then let the enemy win no matter what. I'm pregnant, unemployed and no medical benefits or means to get them. Unemployment is denied because the company filed on me as "Misconduct" and I can't prove otherwise. Applied for Medicare, but who the hell knows when that will come through. I didn't get paid for travel reimbursement or OT for the last three months I worked there and I busted my *** on this career all for God to allow the devil to ****** everything from me. I don't even have insurance or money to go to the doctor for prenatal visits! Go to a free clinic? Sure...WITH WHAT GAS IN MY CAR! No money, remember? Last check went to paying my rent, bills and some food to eat.

Why would I keep praying and believing when God clearly saw this coming and still did nothing. I'm a singer for my church and an organist, but why sing and play praises to a God who has completely failed me and left me alone, broke and struggling? My own mother criticized me for not eating enough food while i'm pregnant and told me that if my child is under 5lbs, she would not support me if I had to go to the hospital to see my baby daily. I can't figure out how a mother, who has not worked in 30 years because my father takes care of all her financial needs, can say that when I just lost my job and don't have any money or benefits to provide for myself! I would think that this would be the time that she would get off her Holier than thou *** and cook food or bring groceries that she thinks I should be eating, since she has the means for the right food that i'm supposed to be eating and I don't! When I was fired, she laughed and continued to say that she was GLAD that I didn't work there anymore. She felt that I was too stressed and didn't need to work there anymore. Every time I talk to her, she makes a joke of me not working and then says " you can't get a job right now because you're pregnant. Nobody's going to hire you". My issue is why would God let a parent criticize and demean their offspring in a time of need. God could give two middle fingers about what i'm going through right now. I'm tired of believing and praying and hoping and having faith. It's a fantasy! No matter how many times you do all of that, life is real and what is meant to be will be whether you pray or not. So from now on i'm just living everyday knowing that and not praying about anything to be helpful in my life. Life for a person is already determined and praying won't change that. Trust me, I know!

I am so happy I found this site! I too have been asking God for answers and you all have just given them to me! I realize that no matter what trials I face I still have so much to be grateful for! That despite the fact that I have faced a suicide attempt, two miscarriages, a brain tumor, the death of my mom from breast cancer, my brother is incarcerated, foreclosure, homelessness, being hospitalized for ulcers, betrayal of friends, two abusive relationships, losing everything, a sick child, financial ruin three times, depression, losing three businesses, being ridiculed, being hungry, giving birth to six children, being on welfare, sexual abuse my first cousin, four child protective services cases, three abortions, date rape, racism, unemployment, two criminal cases, a move across country with no money and being hospitalized in a psychiatric institution for a short period...

I HAVE OVERCOME IT ALL AND I STILL HAVE THE ABILITY TO SMILE! And even now as I face what I think will be the hardest trial I have had to face in my forty years of living, I STILL have found something to be grateful for! For in three days I must self surrender to the federal prison in Dublin California to serve a year for something that I did years ago...a year away from my children, my husband, my friends 1,000 miles from my home. Am I afraid? Yes. Am I angry? I was. Hence me googling "why me" and finding this site...but after reading all of your testimonies if nothing else I thank God that after all ive been thru I am not bitter or feeling worthless or having a pity party for myself...that He was true to His word when He said "I can do ALL THINGS thru Christ which strengthens me"! And looking back over my life those words have held true...I would have never even known how strong He had made me if I had not endured those things! I would not be able to tell someone ELSE that they could make it, had I laid down and mentally died in my trials and tribulations. Because even after facing all of that...there have still been good days in my life...I have been able to help others and even if its just feeling the sun on my face I had another day I chose to just smile.
My mother used to tell me all the time that "no one promised us a perfect life". And I don't recall when any of my children were born the doctor telling me that they would have a perfect life...and I teach them that now...as well as "don't envy others lives if you don't want to go through what they have been through!" EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS...im not dumb enough to think they don't.....THE DIFFERENCE IN THOSE THAT SEEM LIKE THEY ALWAYS WIN IS HOW THEY HANDLE IT! And I choose to handle my problems head on and NOT let them steal my joy! "For the joy of the Lord is my strength!" My trials have given me a chance to look at my life,SEE THAT I MADE IT(and I did because im typing this right now) and marvel at how strong one can be! I love myself and God even more! Thank you Lord! And I hope you find at least one thing to be grateful for...even if its for the ability to read...because somewhere someone wish they could...somewhere someone would gladly suffer our trials and pain...because theirs is greater...believe that. God bless your spirits and may you find some joy somewhere.

I am so glad to see so many people reading and commenting after all these years. This is such a serious topic and many of us are in pain, at least here we have a community where we can express ourselves and be heard- maybe even get some support from each other. Thank You everyone!

I do understand all that is being said here. I have gone through most of the experiences. And though i may want to say mine is the worst, but i believe every experience is personal to each person and only they know how bad their stories truly feel. I started out with a deep love for God and determination to serve him- i was just an adolescent then. But even as a youngster i stayed clear of actions that could defile me even though i was seldom regular at church. My trials started in the university, when i was hitting puberty and most of my age mates where exploring their sexuality. I loved girls then but my years of holy living and dedication coupled with an abused relationship from my mother turned out had affected me negatively and i had major psychological incapabilities that i started to realise gradually. I found relating with girls and even boys and the people a little hard to do. My locked up life meant i had limited social skills and hence my social debacle started. I was generously given bad names day after day just because i coudnt relate in a way that the rest of the school community wanted. So where does God come in? well inbetween all this, I thought all this were just a test of my faith. And rather than slow down and seek help, any kind of help, i piously continued to avoid most people based on those that talked about me and piblicly humiliated me. I prayed earnestly during this times but Gods supposed answers was for me to continue praying- which i continued to do. Afterall it should be well if a son trusts his heavenly father. Right? not exactly. On the contrary my problems became worse, even as it seems with every single prayer. Some may say that then is really bad, but thats jusy half of it. Actually the more i prayed, yes the more people humiliated me but then the more i began to endure a new form of spiritual horrors and manipulations. I would have dreams of Satan threatening to kill me, witches appearing to me and seeming to also jeer at me, I believe for trying to seem to be living acvording to the faith. It was endless.Some of my biggest distractors were in the church itself and going for services became a big dread. All this went on for years until i was forced to seek a transfer to a separate school, and by now i was physically and emotionally tired. Counsellors would say i took a decision due to insurmountable public bullying but it was more. I did take the decision due to public humiliation but also due to my weakening faith in God and beleieve that He could make things better for me. My new school brought little relief. Someone there recognized me from my home town and all the stories about me and soon the rumours began here and continued to spread. No one asked whether or not i had a mental impediment. No one bothered to find out if i suffered from symptoms of add or adhd which i actually seemed to all have. No one asked if the rumours about me being a snub were true or i was just misunderstood. I was ostracised easyly because i had not the mental strenght to fight back and defend myself, actleast verbally. At this point I stopped church almost entirely but continued to have faith that God could still help me, but i must admit the faith at that point was less than a mustard seed. Through tears and pain with no relief in sight from God i managed to graduate. And since its years i left school it may be a surprise i still suffer from such humiliation. Its no figure, since everyone in my home town as heard one or two rumours about me. The rumuors all center around me being a fool and very stupid, not about the emotional and mental torment i suffered as a mentally incapacitated problem. So some may ask, where did my unbelief in God now escalate, well it started when i started using medication. With a careful perusal of remedies and cures on the internet, i have been able to improve my mental capabilities and communicate in an intelligible and constructive manner as i never could before. Also as i have started taking alcohol (in a controlled manner) i have shed almost all social anxities and go out a lot more now. Thats why the more i get better the more i see how damaged i was upstairs and it now pains me to know that God knew i had all this problems for years and he never bothered to help. That of all those church services i attended in tears, He sat there upstairs and never bothered to send me a healing touch or a miracle. That all my problema may never have occured if he had made me whole from birth without any deficiencies in me. Sometimes my conscience kicks in and i try not to blame him but blame satan instead as the master mind of all things evil. But the more i realise through the bible that God is all knowing and capable of all things, i seem to find it harder for forgiving Him for knowing the plans of the enemy and doing nothing about it. I am almost most certan and assured now of wanting to continue my life without God or without any semblance of Him. I may eventaully be proved wrong, but i believe i nedd time alone to myself and allow myself heal from all the feelings of abondonment and rejection by God. And if at all, as my search for God led me down this ignoble path of life, then He should be him to find me now and not the other way around. MadmenX

Add a response...

Do you want me to add a response? I still feel this way. I suffer from depression and probably will for entire life. I hate things about my past, things I feel are unfair, things others had that I didn't. I am still angry. I believe in God and I have felt alone, lost and abandoned for much of my adult life and as hard as I've tried to fix my life, I feel unsupported and ill-equipped and instead of hearing my prayers and answering them by helping me, he has abandoned me especially at my weakest and most vulnerable. I am still mad at God, I hate my life most of the time, I feel burdened, deep in a ditch which I can't get out of. Where is he? Where is God?

Same, im in this pickle too.

God will always love you. To anyone who thinks that it is God who places hardships or abuse on any of us, they are mistaken. The bible states that God will tempt no man. You should be prepared to die at any moment, even killed. If you follow the way of righteousness, then you should never fear death. The bible also states to not fear who can take away your body, but the one who can take away your body and soul. This world is an illusion. If a man does harm to you, pray for him. It is hard, especially in a society that dwells with instant gratification and reward. You want vengeance now. That is your downfall, my friend. Vengeance is now and will forever be the one and true God, the Holy trinity. All as one. God won't forsake you. You just remember to never forsake God.

Thanks you for those kind words... but I don't feel death... if anything I welcome it. The life I am stuck leading isn't the life I want and the burdens I carry, I feel like I will never get out from under them. I welcome death. I don't want to live like this. Joyless, empty, stressed- its no kinda life. I am barely existing.... I hate every minute of it.

God will do what He wants. How can anybody think God is loving? He gives parents that beat you. Then he gives his enemies legal ground to torment you from the wounds from your parents. God is a joke. He doesnt even do what he promises (set us free from bondages of sin, and restore our broken hearts ) God is the kid with a magnifying glass, burning all us ants. All the while laughing his sick *** off at our stupidity. ! But he loves us. Hahahaha. Thanks God for all the lies. I do love your ways, but you, I dont love.

Im realizing this too, that god will do whatever he wants. Its hard not to ask why.

I can't say that God does it... but his allowing it ANGERS me. If he's so omnipotent, why allow such evil and hurtful events to occur. That I have not been able to get a good enough answer to. I hope things get better for you!

I am going through exactly the same experience as you. People have been falsely accusing me and hurting me. I have been praying and begging God to help me, maybe to stop them or else take me away from this situation, where I feel helpless. I too, feel abandoned by God. Lately I feel that I have been praying in vain, that God isn't even listening to my pleas. People keep falsely accusing me, avoiding me and hurting me. It seems they are getting away with it all and I can do nothing but hurt and cry. It seems people who are evil get the better out of life. It makes me feel so angry. All this hatred and evil around me, and God just lets me face it all alone

Hi everybody. I seem to have the same problem as other people here. I was led to the Lord by two man that witnessed to me. I served the Lord for around five years and backslid. Then after around fifteen years the Lord called my back. Then I served the Lord for around fifteen years and then he left me around four years ago. If the Lord isn't going to take a person all the way why does he call them in the first place? I don't understand it. I have tried to get back to the Lord for the last four years and he doesn't do anything. After being away from the Lord all this time I find myself very bitter and when things go wrong I use curse words at him. I feel bad that I do this knowing that he is real, but I just feel like he has deserted me. I now have to take a lot of medications just to stay calm and I am in darkness and fear. The Lord said in his Word that he would never leave you or forsake you. If that is true which it has to be because it is the Word then why am I and all the people here experiencing the same thing. I never wanted to leave the Lord. He just took his peace and anointing off of me one day and left me to do things on my own. I would have been better off if I never knew the Lord was real. Now that I have been delivered from unbelief and I am backslid I don't fit in anywhere. I don't fit in with all the unbelievers and I don't fit in with any of the believers. I am just in a dark prison spiritually and I just stay in my apartment and just go out to get food or pay bills. I don't know how not to feel like God is just a user. When I served him I led people to the Lord that are still serving him today, but it looks like he has cast me off. All I know to do is try to keep my mind off of spiritual things because it seems like if I try to read the Word or listen to a sermon it just condemns me. I feel like I don't have any emotions which could be from all the medications I am on, but I don't laugh or cry. I just feel like I am here and don't know why seeing my main feeling is fear. The Word says fear has torment and I can say I am in torment and I don't get anything out of this life. It is like I am just existing and afraid to die and afraid to live. I see I am not the only one going through this so what is God doing? Did he just deliver us from unbelief so he could drop us later to live in fear? I know I am not much help here seeing you all are in the same shape. If any of you have figured a way out of this dark place please let me know what you did. Lord have mercy on us all. Forgive me if I have said or done or thought anything wrong or if I have offended anybody. Please let me come back to you. I am sorry and want you to bring me back to my first love with you. Forgive me for calling you names when things go wrong, but I don't know how to handle situations on my own after depending on you all these years. I can do nothing without you. Please remember me and let me come back. Well, I know I am not alone in this now after reading all your post. I used to be a fun loving person, but now even my daughter doesn't want to be around me and I don't blame her. All I can do is just take it one day at a time and pray that God will call me back to himself like he did before after I was backslid for so long.

I sent you a private message...

hello i dont know how to reply but god has used you to touch my heart , after reading what you put down it gives me hope. i'm suffering becouse my my own actions and i wonderd if it was to late for me and if i finely destroyed my life i wonderd if there was any hope

after reading your post i know now i'm not alone

after being alone and tormeted so many times i think how can god possibly know becouse the god that entered into my life was so great and invincible. i care about you and i love you. i'm sorry that you have been through so much

just know that your fear is a lie just know that fear is not the opposite of faith, i know it may not seem that you are safe, but i know now you are beuitful. i hate it when people say no one is perfect, but i know there are perfect people in this world , very few but alot and we are at odds with the world that has no concience,

please find reasons to love your life , i need you and i need everyone here
dont give up, find good in the world .just try to be happy , every good in the world is put there as a gift our body has many needs . use the world for your gain

never give up , one day a savoir will show up , someone who can make you complete , someone who will show you that there is more good then bad on this earth, ignore the bad and concentrate on the good

when you find a good movie or a good song or something cool that you cant live without, go out and possess it, there are many heavenly things on this planet. feel the good everywhere you go try to figure out what you think is meaningless and try to live without. know what is healthy for you and know what can only hurt you,

be smart ,and be a saint . pray for a profound concience , i have also felt abandond many times i sufferd so much i wondered if there was only bad in our existance . but everytime i see a good movie or listen to a good song and when i go out and spend money buying cool clothes , shoes or when i keep my house clean. when i work and have more then enough money for the things i need, desire and want. it just brings me back to greatness , gives me hope , it makes me feel complete,and happy

Hang on to whatever little hope you have! I tell myself its temporary. Things change. That I know to be true. The impermanence of all things. This too shall pass! Its hard to hold out waiting for change, hoping things don't get drastically worse before you see relief, wondering if relief will ever come or if things will just get worst- I know. My depression always returns, feels like its stronger each time. I hold on to the good times, its hard to make them real in the midst of immense sadness, but any glimmer of hope, I try to use them to keep me going. I am angry at God for making this ****** roller coaster my life without real relief. Maybe its me. maybe I'm too dumb to not know they solution so I continue to hold out, hoping I will get it one day. Keep holding on!

Nora, Your story of backsliding is mine. I came to Christ in my early thirties. I was carried through a series of tragedies including the long illness of my husband who died 4 years ago. Trying to date in my 40's as a widow has decimated my hope - everything that I planned to adhere to, I have not. I feel as though I have made a mess of things for my young son and myself and I don't know where to turn. If it wasn't for him I am not sure I would go on any longer. I find myself in my 40's widowed, alone with a beautiful child and trying to do the best I can. But my best has turned my life and my son's upside down. I feel as though I have taken the tragedy of my husband's death and am starting to create a lot of small tragedies as a result of this. How do I get this back on track for the sake of my son? He needs me and I can't find God and don't understand where His protection is for me right now. God where are you? Forgive me Lord for I need you and my son needs you.

8 More Responses

Hello, new here so I don't know when you all submitted your post, but I was reading some of them. I think some people's problem is that they have just been delivered from unbelief and maybe got baptized and never received the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Here is where most people make a mistake. They will repent (Acts 2:38) and then go to a church and get baptized wrong. The denominational churches baptize in the titles of father, son and Holy Ghost. Acts 2:38 says to be baptized in the NAME (singular) of Jesus Christ. Father is not a name and son is not a name and Holy ghost isn't a name. They are titles of the name of Jesus Christ. The NAME of the father, son and Holy Ghost is the Lord Jesus Christ. Baptism in the titles of His name instead of the name of Jesus Christ is a catholic dogma. In Matt. 28:19 Jesus told his disciples to baptize in the NAME of the father, son and Holy Ghost. Peter who has the keys to the kingdom was standing right there when Jesus spoke those words. Then ten days later Peter preached a sermon in Acts 2. When he got through the Word says the people were pricked in their heart meaning what God spoke through him got to them. They ask Peter what they must do to be saved. Peter told them to (Acts 2:38) REPENT and be baptized every one of you in the NAME of JESUS CHRIST for the remission of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. So you see why so many people fall away is because they have never been baptized in the NAME of Jesus Christ after they repented. They repented and went to one of the Mother Harlot's (catholic) daughter churches (denominations) and took her FALSE baptism. When you are baptized in the titles of father, son and Holy Ghost instead of the NAME of Jesus Christ you are baptized into the catholic church. The first part of Acts 2:38 is REPENT. The second part of Acts 2:38 is to get baptized in the NAME of Jesus Christ. Once YOU do these two parts of Acts 2:38 God will do the third part and fill you with His Spirit. That is His promise and is the Word. Then you are sealed until the day of your redemption. A lot of people repent, but are never baptized according to the Word so they don't get the baptism of the Holy Ghost. That is why most people fall away because you can't live for God without His Spirit dwelling in you. If you have repented and never been baptized in the NAME of Jesus Christ just go get BAPTIZED OVER IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST and God will give you His Holy Ghost where you will have power over the world, your flesh and the devil. If you REJECT what God spoke through Peter in Acts 2:38 how can you expect Him to give you His Spirit? Go to www.branham.org and you can find a church there that baptizes in the NAME of Jesus Christ before it is too late. God Bless, Jehodiah

I have been baptized... served god the whole 9 ... yet god still seems to ignore me.

I worked for a biggest christian organisation in india , maintaining their websites and designing and developing them. When I joined , the growth was hardly 1% and now the growth rate is almost 100%. The mgmt brought a person from a major corporate to head our division. Only after having discussion with him, our team found out he was a purchase officer working for the IT major.

Our new head wanted to take hold of the operations, since he found out that everyone was aware of his IT background. He went to send complaints after complaints regarding my work and targets underachieved even though I completed all the assignments single handedly. And finally I was given a termination notice without any proper explanation.

I began to wonder whether there is really God to whom I served all these years.
The founder of the organisation used to prophecy on every new year about the upcoming events. Cant he know how much I had toiled day and night to bring growth to his organisation. If God cant answer me in my days of trouble, how can I aligned to him,

I know... I've felt the same way. I wish we knew his plans for us but sometimes in just hurts when seemingly bad things happen to you and you can't understand why or see a better situation near.


have you ever placed yourself in the position of the jews who were tortured and killed during the holocaust.
God created Jews first and still the holocaust happened.
Countless times whenever I tried to get closer with God, the thought of holocaust was too much to bear for me. Now the same thing happens in Srilanka and my beloved brethren suffer the same fate,

I am probably the most lonely and scared person in the world right now.
When I was 18 I met a man, he was a Muslim I fell in love with him he treated me pretty badly. Fast forward 9 years and he decided he loved me and did everything the right way. I was patient and loyal to him he realised I was worth it. I moved to be with him and met his family they were not overjoyed but were friendly considering their religions attitude to 'kaffirs'
Never gave the religious differences much thought but as I started to get to know them all I realised why he'd been the way he'd been for so many years and I realised that Islam is the greatest trick of the devil and the greatest divider and destroyer. I started to research it, I read the Quran too. One morning I woke up with the words '77 days' in my head. It felt profound I was moved to open my bible to psalm 77 it talked about crying out to god in despair it encompassed all the feelings I'd been having.
From that day on I began to randomly open my bible I started to voice my opinion to my partner about the evils of Islam and about his need for Jesus the great wiper away of tears the great comforter. I told him it is ok to cry to be weak to be human. As time went by every day I'd open maybe 5 or 6 times and it was always specific to my life. As this happened my partner began to become aggressive and volatile and sometimes just silent. Spiritual warfare was present in my home. One example is he grabbed me the once by the collar of my coat and threw me ro the ground. I opened to job 'he grabs you by the collar of your coat and throws you into the dirt' 
One day he got angry and tore up my bible. I rebuked him in Jesus name and he fell to the floor and sobbed like a child. That night he apologised for the first time ever in 12 years (by that point) he told me lots of awful things that happened to him as a child. I kind of knew he'd been abused it's part of the religion this superiority and godliness given to the men of the family that makes them believe they can do whatever they want. I held him tight and we agreed to get a new bible the following day. When I woke up there was a rainbow I felt entirely filled with the holy spirit I felt amazing despite all he'd told me the night before I felt truly blessed. When we got home after a very emotionally close day we prayed together and then out of the corner of my eye I saw a page from my bible under the ironing board and I started to weep and said to him look that's a message for you. I had cleaned the whole room the night before. I was so excited so filled with the holy spirit. It was Isaiah 48 and yes it was for him. He was visibly moved but got angry and stormed off upstairs for the evening. I praised god. Things got worse and so I left him for a week and he didn't call me even once a d I was tearful and sad but walking down the road I saw a lady who looked extremely out of place standing on the corner dressed in purple. She smiled at me and waved and I felt an amazing feeling of love like ive never felt from anyone in my life. I went into the pub and saw a man sitting on a stool. He looked very Jewish. Round olive face, hooked nose he was staring at me almost through me I was terrified I felt he was watching me. Anyway in time my partner called and was upset and said he didn't want to lose me. We spoke for five hours and I guess thats where my rebellion began. He said he wanted to get to know Jesus. I sent him home an when I slept that night I felt Jesus arms around me. I had a dream that I could t get across a lake and my partner told me he couldn't carry me over and Jesus was standing across the other side staring at me sadly. I had a friend at this time a male friend who was loving and kind and understanding I think I was starting to have feelings for him but not like with my partner just a feeling of being understood. I wish now that I had realised the one who understood me the most was my lord and saviour who could see right inside my heart and soul. 
So I went back to my partner and things were great for a while but everytime I tried to tell him who Jesus was he flipped out and so I thought this guy is wasting my time and I will not have Muslim children or children influenced in any way by Islam. He insisted they would eat halal meat I said that gives them a strong identity as a Muslim its not going to happen. So one day he beat me so bad that I couldn't open my mouth I cried out to Jesus and again he fell to the floor weeping. This was not his style he usually was unashamed and unapologetic but I guess I knew the demons were within him. That day he was looking up and down the stairs holding me over them like he was trying to assess how damaging the drop would be. So I opened my bible and was told to leave. So I did. I told him when we argue I have nowhere to go so I got myself this little caravan a hundred miles away or so and he was very cooperative he said he just didn't want me to leave him and that when these things happened it's like a darkness came over him like he wasn't in control. I understood that I was preaching jeuss message and the demons within him did not like it because only in that last two years was he ever physically violent towards me. When we got to the caravan I'll never forget the look on his face it was appreciative like 'this is a new start' he left me a beautiful note the next morning saying he loved me and would see me soon. I read in my bible 'stay close to god'
I did not.
I spent the first week in severe physical pain and being sick I did not call out to Jesus to help me it's like I forgot him. My reasons for leaving became more about the abuse than the religious differences. I became a *****. Within three weeks I started a relationship with my male friend. I started chain smoking I didn't ever leave that caravan and I moped and let this guy pander to me and love me and do things for me. I told everyone what my ex had done to me. Meanwhile my ex started going to church and opening the bible at random and recording his feelings. He also started going to counselling. I defamed him to everyone we knew I was so tired of being let down by him. I became his enemy. I used to work with him and I took a redundancy payout from him rather than getting off my lazy arse and getting a job or doing some good for others. I became the devil. I was lazy, unkind, ungodly, bitter, tormented day and night by visions and dreams - fear is of the devil there is no place for it in the kingdom of heaven. His family even called me to apologise and tell me he could not live without me. This was my chance to be a Christian. Did I take it? No I was hostile. My ex started to really get into church and feel loved by Jesus I should have held his hand and stood by him. Did I go to church? No. I was reminded of this one day in the caravan as the bells rang for 45 minutes solid. I thought 'I haven't been to church for a while' then they stopped ringing. Meanwhile I was letting this other guy fall deeply in love with me and for the first time ever I felt empowered and like I (excuse my language) didn't give a ****.
Several times my ex came down sobbing wanting to talk to me wanting to share gods word, leaving extracts from services he'd attended outside my door. I didn't read any of them. He even followed me around town the one time while I pretended he wasn't there. My physical ailments continued I had the oddest medical problems going. Oh how often I defied god in the desert. One morning I woke up sweating I had a dream that I was pregnant and god said 'call him maher shalal hash baz' my name, halal and my exs name. then in the dream a huge tall evil man said 'when you are deliriously happy I will strike you down' when I awoke I looked this name up online and low and behold in Isaiah there is a prophetic child born to a prophetess called maher Shalal hash baz which ironically means speed to the spoil quick to the plunder.
I went on holiday with my new man to a place renowned for lose living. The day before my whole face broke out in welts and swelled up but nothing was going to stop me going on holiday and pandering to myself some more.
My ex had found two shells on a beach and made us pendants out of them. The one night we were sitting at the table me an the new man and the lighter dropped onto the cloth and burnt a hole into it exactly the same shape as my exs pendant. I have photos. It was a punch to the stomach and I nearly went home but went upstairs and defied god once again. My ex had also bought me a beautiful cross which I'd hung up in the caravan. Around this time I was just getting warning after warning from the bible 'I will give your men to other women' look at you fulfil your lust as my holy symbol hangs above you' ' you will be shamed in your nakedness' etc. So I went to church with my dad. The night before I was so scared of hell Id really started to think about it and the sermon was entitled 'hell' the night before I'd held my cross and said Jesus Christ I don't know what's happening but please just take me to heaven now.
After the service I cried and my dad invited my ex back to our house to talk and for some reason I had this need to confess all my sins to my whole family. My dad got angry with me and told me to go home so my ex drove me back. I took his cross from the draw and put it on and wow I felt such a genuine compassion and deep lobe for him and then these words came out of my mouth 'oh no youve lost your eternal salvation' so I tore it off and heard 'oh you are evil. This was the second time I'd heard gods voice the first time was I made my ex go to a medical appointment with me and I heard 'be kind to baz' and my disc in face which needed an operation slipped down and I started to weep.
I got really flustered with the cross incident I told him to go home. That night the cross whispered and in the morning it was not in my hand it was up on the side. 
Every time my ex and I had hung out which I limited to three or four occasions that year it was like some kind of weirdness was going on. For example a guy dressed as he devil in the middle of the road made me thing 'the devils trying to get in-between baz and i' or leaflets on the surgery that had a picture of the devil on next to another leaflet called 'the forgotten man' and going to see another caravan and me with my Irish small town totally unusual surname being closely related to the woman. Anyway I ignored all that and started having visors of hell and bad dreams where I was walk g trough hell I could smell it and see all the torture methods used and saw myself burning and screaming  so for some stupid reason I stopped sleeping. I prayed loads but it just continued. So my new man took me to the hospital and when I got there three people sat in front of me. I recognised Jesus immediately. the name 'mary godsonrose' was called out. I heard gods voice 'come on hanniel please let us help you- I will help you write your book' ( something I knew I should have been doing all year) about Islam and personality disorders and domestic abuse all being from Satan. I didnt even know what hanniel meant at that time. I stared and I felt an amazing feeling of healing all over my neck it was beautiful but all that went through my head was ' I want to throw her into the pit of hell' when they left I ran after them shouting 'jesus' the man with the hooked nose and olive skin from the year before was there he looked deeply sad and troubled. I know he was god. I went into a doctor who asked me 'crisis call?' I said 'I know what you're doing just be quiet' he looked quite bemused. Then I started to mistrust everyone like it was a big conspiracy and they were all in on it and knew I'd seen god. Couldn't be further from the truth. They gave me sleeping tablets but that night I was a mess. My parents came down the next day and before they arrived I threw away all my writing and hid in a bush shaking. 
I ended up in a mental health ward and the first night could not sleep because of the pulsing feeling of evil. Upon arriving a woman shouted at me 'hi Jesus hi Jesus- you are disgusting you could have helped me and I've been like this all my life I don't have a problem with (new partners name) but I have a problem with you. This continued for weeks me confused and demons outwardly attacking me and knowing my entire life story until one day I saw his guy and he sat in the foyer I recognised him as the devil and I rebuked him. 5 minutes later one f the women 'gloria' shouted at me 'you ignore me to talk to the man upstairs' and she spat on me. Another patient threw a cup of tea in my face and said 'you never stop trying do you' I was praying like crazy at this point it was completely insane the whole thing even all the patients were named after people I loved and the nurses were called fortunate and patience. I prayed dear god deliver me and 5 minutes later a team turned up to take me home but guess what? I didn't go because they 'looked demonic' three days later I ha a tribunal and the day before I wad compelled to speak to the evil one. He even asked 'now or next week' that night I sweated profusely. God had tried to warn me that morning with a severe nosebleed and vivid dreams but i still did it. I didn't get out at my tribunal and this demonic doctor who 'disappeared' after my case was grinning the whole way through. Before I spoke to him another women had turned up signed herself ce took me into a room and said 'this is getting very serious now marie' I had her out of there in minutes. She is untraceable and I know god sent her. 
8 years ago I had a dream. In the dream I was in a big White hospital telling everyone the devil was in me and I had lost my soul they were all laughing at me. In the dream I got my leg caught up in a black cable with a pink green and blue wire coming out of it. In the dream demons were laughing saying you are going to hell but you better pray you go to hell.One week after I spoke to the devil this canle incident happened. When I saw that cable outside on my walk I felt sick and so scared.
I am at home now but every day I wait for something bad or evil to happen. My naturally joyful and loving personality is gone I have let down my god just by being human and confused but having had such direct contact from him I should have been putting on the armour of god and living a sinless life. The devil even had me convinced the world had turned islamic at one point! This was when the first social worker turned up. I asked her 'do you know what this is about' she said yes- jesus needs you I said 'will my family get hurt if I don't come with you' she said 'yes' I said idont want to go with you she looked horrified and left. I tried to run after her and had all these visions that I'd handed the covenant over to Islam. 
Anyway- I'm going to hell and at any time the devil could take me over and do someging utterly evil to someone I love.
There is a god there is a Jesus there is a Mary- I have seen them. There will be a judgement day and those called to his service should throw themselves at his feet- that is everyone we are all called in one way or another. Now I have doctors telling me I am 'getting better and should be happy ad embrace life' there was Noone happier than me before all this now I am terrified.
I've tried to include most things but ita such a long and complicated story.

WOW o.o i thought my experience was bad...

Im sorry you rndured such horrors.
I was never beaten but had a bad church experience. ..ever since i left the church..god doesnt seem to care. The dreams i have now are just..me getting left behind..

Not Him encouraging me, saying he loves me..just left behind..repeatedly. .. its hard to pick up the pieces... its like, whats the po in nt.

Eternal life is what i was striving for... and i feel he's making it hard for me to obtain.
So what ..what does it matter if you work or not..have friends or not.... i wanted to be in that place where there is no violence, no fear or death..i wanted rest for my soul..

But I've been embittered by all that god allowed in my life... that its hard to read, once which was unthinkable, barely pray...
And ..am just holding on. Through the day i endure anxiety,lonliness and a bit of depression. ...

I dont know what to think of God anymore...

what do you do when life falls apart and your trust in God and his word fail.. trust him, what do you do when your hate and anger at him fills your soul.. thank him,
You know I came across this website searching for a similar one that I came across a few days ago when i was searching why has God abandoned me, during one of my moments of anger and frustration,

My experience is similar to many here, just cut out parts and put them together and you have my story in a nutshell. We became christians because we believed the truth of God and put our hopes in him and his promises, only to experience the exact opposite of everything we put our faith in..

We hope for good things to come and get bad instead, our dreams and hopes crushed over and over, now I am by no means diminishing anyones suffering here, mine included having lost everything after becoming a christian, my home my bizness, my car, my savings. seeing everything I try to do fail over and over again

not to mention the constant mental anguish of non stop blashemous thoughts that pound my brain every day, I can tell you its been over 4 years now of suffering and I find it very hard at times to struggle on and keep faith, but I also know one thing that God, the Bible Jesus and christianity is the absolute truth regardless of my current situation.

what we are experiencing I believe is a result of us truly being saved and loved by God, we are told not to to be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon us to test you, and that it is more precious than Gold. I submit these extreme hardships and suffering so many of us are experiencing are evidence that we truly do have the gift of life, and are OUR FIERY TRIALS

I know its hard and seems so unbearable, but we must be strong and see it for what it truly is,

God loves you very much, I do not doubt that at all as he does me. stand firm we are really running the race. and my last thought is this, these sufferings we are experiencing are earning for us probably the biggest eternal rewards you can possibly fathom. so be strong and keep going, put your trust in him and move forward. Even when it seems insanity to do so.

What do yo do when your heart is filled with hate and anger at God, thank him.

Dont let the satan overcome you with lies and lifes circumstances, your reward in heaven will be great.

Haha x D you are right! I forgot all about fiery trials lol.. after reading what people havd typed here and my own experience. .this is the fiery den ...

But there are conditions..look at all the "if's" to God's promises... if you endure to the end..

Or you must love him with all your heart,mind and soul.

These are the conditions..

Its hard to push past the emotions of hate, bitterness we harbour for god..
But hopefully we can somehow.

its very hard right? especially when the emotions are so strong, and your frustrated, discouraged and everything sucks,,with no end in site. lets blame everything on God and what curse him? reject him?

be furious at him because he has not done what we want of him.. ive spoken such horrible things to him in my moments of anger etc,, accusing him of not caring ,, swearing at him, basically calling him a liar because what i believe he has promised in the bible , is not coming true in my life,,

when i became a christian, i expected everything to be great, I remember all my prayers ....at first all to do with wealth and prosperity, i even made my WISH list,, mansion, cars, circular driveways .. vaulting ceilings etc etc, millions in the bank. :)

much of that came from all the crap i believed from watching stupid tv evangelists etc,, and my own greedy heart . you know the ones who preach prosperity, name it claim it, etc lets all get rich by becoming christian!

and the result? . a complete train wreck , sin in my life like never before, ruin and rubble, and intense suffering.God gave me a great gift when i first really sought him, he filled me with the deepest peace I had ever known

and at that day I had no doubts whatsover that God exists and if it were not for that, I may have fallen away and concluded that all this stuff is crap.

think about this..

All these troubles and sufferings, what do they tempt you to do? turn away from God, reject him right? curse him, blashphemy him.. doubt his word, doubt him, and forsake yourself,

And where do you think this comes from? this is spriitual warfare guys hardcore spiritual warfare... whose goal is to destroy you, destroy me, destroy all of us.. We have to be strong!.

Now im not saying that every problem is spiritual in nature, but ones that push you to your limit, that fill you with anger and resentment towards God ....
what I find that helps me is to think about it in that light,, to recognize, it is hard, you have to recognize it for what it is, evil induced atacks on you to get you to turn away from God

the truth is God hasnt abandoned you, God can be trusted God loves you / all of us..

Jesus died in agony for us,, we are told that it would be hard,,to pick up our cross daily and follow him.... a cross is a heavy thing,,, but eternal life is worth it...

The guilt and shame that comes from all of this, is maybe just as hard as the trials themselves... I mean how do you feel encouraged and eager to seek God after you just cursed him for the 10000th time. and feel in your heart that you failed everything, in life ...

The truth is that you are forgiven as am I, God knew all that you would do, when he first forgave you, and nothing has changed your just living out what he allready knew you would do.. So throw away the crap and see this for what it is,,

when Evil attacks my mind and emotions and throws lifes garbage at me, I try to realize it for what it is and than say thank you God for being wonderful, or thank him for loving me,. I find that after i do that evil quickly flees

be strong guys,

I love your response, i need to friend youx D ive been through some stuff but id rather pm.

Anywho, its comind down to the wire...God is so close on the cusp of returning and now is the worst time to hate Him. He's been telling me( through dreams) to be obedient.

After studying, I always thought Abe was his favorite. .but it was his obedience that 1) saved lot 2) allowed Ishmeal to be blessed ...and alot more.

If he hadn't been obedient. ... he wouldn't have gotten a lick from God. But it amazed me his obedience blessed his family..they didnt have to do a thing, lot was spared bc of abraham, God saw hagar bc of abraham, and Ishmael was blessed bc he was *also* Abraham's son.

So im gonna try and get back on the bandwagon..its hard when you feel you've been kicked around,ignored,forsaken,unloved...the works.

I truly did work too hard to give up now.
All i can say is, thats one thing God Didn't lie abt.... this is hard as hell.

God has thrown me to the wolves. I lost the best job I have ever had, fixing to lose my car, fixing to go to jail over child support, lost the love of my children because of harsh and unfair child support law, can't find work, I want to commit suicide, I can't even smile or laugh at anything anymore, I don't want to leave the house or even socialize with anyone, I hardly eat, I am unfaithful to my girlfriend, I am a sex addict, and I am a burden to others.

I understand your pain. I have also been depressed to the point of considering suicide. I lost a job, been so broke, raising a child alone without much help, under the stress of life and not seeing any improvement coming my way. It was just one crisis after the other. Don't stop moving forward. There is hope. Things can and do get better.

you are right. leave your beliefs and realize the waist if your time. life us short and devoid of a superior being. you control your faith and direction. god isn't real. and isn't the immortal being you seek. align this belief with that of the Greeks and belief in a piteous indignation god known as Zeus. theology is the ambiguous beliefs of man. empower yourself and throw away piteous beliefs of god. you will strengthen yourself knowing your ill begotten short term existence on this earth. seek to rejoice in your accomplishments and accomplishments. is god real? have someone bring you proof of his power. Hmmm they can't do that. They can only proclaim the promises of an empty existential being

I am praying for you. Even in my despair - I still know there is a great God, a creator of heaven and earth and each of us are His children. It takes a step of faith - blind faith. Peace comes from aligning ourselves with God -

I agree. I am mad at God. But I guess I am more mad at myself for being mad at God. If that makes any sense. But I am praying that soon changes even though it appear very bleak. I hope whatever you are battling that you come through it stronger because it is a blip dealing with trauma and pain.

And I the same for you! I think that it is okay to be mad at God (or anybody) as long as you don't get stuck in anger. Growth can come from Anger if you do the work and find the lesson...

You are not alone cuzianne... I still feel this way but I am trying to feel differently. To live in gratitude and love because living in fear, anger, pain, disappointment, disillusionment is wreaking havoc on my life and my future happiness!

I feel exactly like this, I am sorry for your pain because I too have been falsely accused and abused by a bad boss, today I cried out to God because I do not think I can endure another day of this and I asked Him why He was allowing evil people to harm me over and over with no reprieve and your words captured exactly what I am feeling. Thank you for writing them down. I feel less alone.

Aniave, I wish you that you find peace and stillness! you shall get through this! Recall that you have everything you need to fight this! Everything you need is already within yourself.

What will give you strength is the knowledge that your troubles are not the heaviest burden one has had to bear! For example, Jesus Christ bore the sin of the world, and he still came through unscathed! Follow his example, be a stoic, and know that while your trials and tribulations may keep you down, they cannot change your intrinsic worth! You are the salt of the earth! You are a marvel of creation, you are beautiful! You have my love, and I wish you well! Hang in there! Fight this!

Hi Aniave, one thing i admire you for is keeping it real without being too insulting. To be honest ive been serving God for years and it seems there are so many things that are unfufiled in my life, however i have had the long and difficult task of accepting that. I really understand how you feel my sister, ive come to understand whyJesus said to enter his Kingdom we must be like children, because there is on thing that children do is "accept". To my often sorrow, things are the way they are but we have the responsibilty of holding on, afterall if we let go, its not Gods life that will be lost its our life that will be lost. My point is that although things are unfair we must accept that life is just like that in this world but in the world to come there will be no more sorrow my sister. In this life unfortunately "we" will suffer because that is the nature of the world but Jesus promised to someday deliver us to the promised land. We must make it my sister, why should we live in hell then die and go to hell, no, my sister please i beg you we must make it.

Amen!... thats crazy to live in hell then go to it..

I love what you said abt kids, they accept w/e..they forgive easily..

This will be one of my prayers.


I'm not always this way Aniave. There are certain days where life can be unbearable on my soul, and issues of self worth and esteem consume my thoughts. There are also days where I'm good and feel upbeat. I wish I experienced more of them..

Maybe sleep is reality's way of telling us, " I've been a bit cruel to you today. You could use a break so with that, I will grant you the gift of sleep." lol

Lol so funny, i have the best times when Im asleep.

Omg reg4321.... I feel exactly the same way. Sleep is my only refuge!

I appreciate the response aniave. The only time I feel I get a break from it all, is when I sleep.

Reg4321... I totally feel where you are coming from... I am tired and worn out too!!!

I often feel that I am like a tug of war rope being pulled by two sides of the spiritual world. The devil and god are pulling with mighty force and I'm being stretched beyond my limit. I feel like I am a pawn in a game that has been played too often, and just looking for the game to end at some point. I'm tired of being a lab rat in this world and the spiritual one. I'm tired of being manipulated. I'm just plain tired and worn out.

What do you do when God abandons you? What do you do when all you've been taught is a total lie? What do you do when the eternal creator of time, space, and all in them can't even help you? What do you do when thoughts of death are more comforting than his love? What do you do when you are prayed out? What do you do when you're out of patience? What do you do when his redeeming love isn't for you? What do you do when he lies to you? What do you do when death is the only way out? What do you do when he puts a gun to your head, and tells you to pull the trigger? What do you do when all you've believed your whole life reveals itself to be a harsh falsity? What do you do when God loses a fight? What do you do when God fails you? What do you do when you've repented? What do you do when it's not worth it anymore? What do you do when you realize God's gift called life is a curse?
What do you do when it hurts too much? What do you do when God laughs at your prayers? What do you do when the Holy Spirit hurts you every time he enters your soul? What do you do when God makes the bottom fall out? What do you do when you're too mad to talk to him? What do you do when he doesn't care? What do you do when life really isn't worth it? What do you do when the Bible really does become "the best science fiction piece ever written"? What do you do when you've trusted God, and he spits on that trust? What do you do when agnostics are probably right? What do you do when an eternity with God sounds just as painful as hell? What do you do when God is the demon? What do you do when God forgives evil before he forgives you? What do you do when God creates you, then burdens you with a debt you can never repay? What do you do about a life you didn't ask for? What do you do about prayers to no one? What do you do when he loses patience with you, but has infinite patience for even satan? What do you do when his promises are false? What do you do when you just need to lay down...forever? What do you do when fear God no more? What do you do when you can't bring yourself to say another damned prayer? What do you do when you've reached the end of your rope? What do you do when you have no more faith? What do you do when there's no power in the blood of the lamb? After all, its not like God cares. This is my testimony to God's love.

brokenanddone, I don't know. My life is horrible right now and I haven't forgiven god yet. I am still mad at him and asks everyday WTF did I do to deserve this crappy life. That is why i am working on my anger and in my experience with The Present thru my practice of Buddhism and by reading and absorbing Eckhart Tolle's books: The Power of Now and A New Earth.

They have helped me but I still have a ong way to do. Its hard to see a way thru crisis, it seems no light shines thru but once you can center yourself and try and find solutions and work on inner strength, it can get easier to muddle your way thru, then if its important to you... then you can work on your relationship with God. I know people will tell you to work on that relationship first but for me, i needed to work on my and my f'ed up situation first before i could even think about that other stuff.

I am/was drowning and my instinct was first to survive and get to higher shore- everything else came second. I hope you can find strength within you because there is so much joy and life available, it may not seem like it now but I truly beleive life can and does get better and I hope it gets better for you!

Nearly a year on and In still in pain every second of every day. Either god chose me and I didnt do thinhs right so he left me or the devil had been plotting and planning this for years it was too detailed, too suoernatural, dreams coning true in minute detail seeing miracles etc. Definitely lost the holy spirit. Ive thought about suicide but id go straight to hell. Ive thought about a lot of things. I have to be hobest as sooj as I thought 'screw you satan you can fill me with fear and loss but you cabt stop me doing gods work' subtle thibgs have started to happen again. I have plans to work as a missionary. To thosr others that say they knoe God is there? Do something. Ive reached a point where if ik goijg to hell im going to make damn sure I save a few people on the way. I did the wrong thing with what I had. And yes I havr been abused,beaten, emotionally hurt repeatedly its part of it all. Ive already made the deal with God. Kill me,strike me down send ne straight to hell or leave me here with a purpose. Every day I feel sick and alone but thisnis God people his ways are above our ways. He knows who he picks he will finish his work in them.

To all these comments. I can relate perfectly. I have left my family and my life to follow jesus and I cannot tell you the amount of pain experienced each day . I am homeless, have no friends or family, and no happiness except God. This I what we must understand.. We must accept that we will suffer in this life so we can be rewarded in the next! All of the saints experienced a great deal of suffering but stuck it out because they chose this life. If you accept jesus, you kit accept that you will live to suffer for him . God says that the road to heaven is very narrow and only few make it. You must totally give yourself to God , leave everuthing behind and walk with God. If you do not do this, God will not accept you into his kingdom . FEAR GOD AND HIS WRATH! This is why you are all suffering , because you complain that he will not get you out of this mess when you have not even accepted your suffering for this world. This will not get you to heaven as you had already accepted the fact that you should be happy in this world- the devils world . How dare you speak of God as if he is nothing. Truly he will not accept you into his kingdom.

Jamie, I know God didn't tell you leave your family and everything to follow him, if this reasoning was true it would mean that I have to divorce my wife, leave my kids live my job and walk around all day just preaching. Do you know that Paul was a tent maker? Did he give up his profession? No, but he was still a strong man of God. Do you not read God's views on marriage?

Read his views on family life. Are you telling me that we are supposed to be poor, to preach the word?

That would make it difficult to carry the gospel around the world also look at Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, David, Solomon, job, just to name a few, these were all powerful men of God, we're they poor. If God wanted us to give it all away why would he bless us with it?

Let God be true and every man a liar, if we weren't supposed to prosper on this earth then you would be making God out to be a liar, read his promises. Christ himself was not a poor man, what poor man has a treasury, and who would cast lots for someone's clothes if they were normal. You suffer under the misconception that humility and godliness has to do with possessions, some of the strongest and nicest Christians have money and some of the nastiest people are poor but that means nothing. I can minister to just as much people or even more and don't have to give it all away, God doesn't care about the money he cares about the heart and I'm standing on his word he came thar we may have life and have it more abundantly. Abundance means lacking nothing and it doesn't say you will have it when you die it says you will have it now on earth, I serve a god of the living not the dead, so if you are giving everything away and leaving everything behind to serve God that's good for you but I will give him what he truly requires a broken heart and contrite spirit.

1 More Response

Religionhelp said forget yourself we should love each other, that is great and I believe you are helping god when you love and help each other.
I worked with a man who actually teaches bible classes for kids at his church, but this co-worker has a bad past and is a born again christian and would yell at me anytime I would say things like loving and helping my fellow human being, and would yell you only have to believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins to get to heaven .
This guy often would try to cheat me and lie and had a very bad work ethic and even got violent often especially with me.
This attitude had scared me away from ever joining a church as I have met others like him and it scares me away from the church.
I would love to join a church where my minister would say things like loving and helping your fellow man, for I believe that's part of how god answers our prayers through us helping each other and it also shows our love to Jesus who gave everything to bring us closer to god.

Who is God and why does He relate to some better than others. In every society of the world, there is the good, the bad and the godless. To all, you find people favoured whether they believed in the existence of God or not. Religion only guide someone to persevere. This may well be why we ask and never receive or hear from God. At least, He is yet to answer my request. Does God mean it when He said " ....and my words will never come back to me void". If that is true, He is keeping me in the void as I keep waiting for His answers.

I feel the same now, I used to be a very loving, apassionate person, but I feel now the pile of bad things that happened to me recently has finally broken me. I feel sad because the amount of love I had for God was enormous, but now I fel that maybe he doesnt want to help or that he is rejecting me, I always preach of his unlimited love, but today I am in doubt. Sadly I dont see anywere else to go with this love, because lets face it, this world is cruel, and that is something God had it right about the world. I will not live to serve myself because I am nothing, I guess I will be back to serve the riches, but thats empty too. I dont see a bright
Light at the end of the tunnel. I just wish God woul make things right, I dont see other place where to go to, but my patience has runned out.
God please if you are still there , see my pain my long suffering for your cause, I need you back, i want you back, please take me, I am nothing without you.

I know your pain God has abandoned me too, God is a cruel God. I know he is real but he does not give a **** about me. his book is one of lies and false hopes all of his words have failed for me and are dead to me.I dont know if will ever be the same again

I am nothing more than a ******* guinea pig.

It's why I found this. I am a victim of a sociopath that tricked me and used me in the name of love. I have been through hell and am still in it as this person has no concience and is still out to hurt me and has managed to manipulate the law. I loved the person I met but it was just a mask to decieve me. I cannot trust anymore, I have prayed for the last year and a half for God to help me. I had faith till my last day in court 3 days ago. How could God let this happen to me I do not understand. I have read so many things about being patient. It all sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me now as my whole life has sucked **** even though I have believed through it all. Suffering a bigger reward in heaven? What about here? I have had enough... this was the last straw. I just want to be dead now .. unknowing of anything worldly or not... for eternity.

I feel

I feel that God has forgotten about me down here. I feel so miserable right now. Sometimes I just feel like ending it, because if God can't help me than who can. My life was not suppose to be like this. I trully feel that God has just given up on me. I get turned down for jobs, friends turn their backs, my relationship is not what it use to be. I ask God to get me through this daily, but no matter what, he still disregards my feelings. My faith in God is on the fence.

I truly understand how you feel... i wish I had answers or words of encouragement but I still put in effort everyday to continue because i have no choice but to beleive it has to get better so I continue to toil away. i try to manage my depression and my mood and stay as positive as I can but i struggle with my anger and disappointment everyday. Stay strong.

Despite the gloom, persecution, pain, fear & uncertainty I believe & have faith in God. There is a season for everything in life. We have to weather the storm until it ends & like the eagle fly into the eye of the storm & out. And God does equip his children to succeed with faith & prayer. Don't quit believers!!!

"There is a season for everything in life". Wow, is your life that simplified that you have no idea that some people go through an entire life of pain and tragedy? Your definition of "season" is quite meaningless to those people.

Thankyou :)

It seems very simple to me, this whole god thing. Read through your bibles people and you will see that "god" is nothing but misery. All he does is promise to people that if you believe in him, without ANY form of proof of his good side, you will get eternal life. Total bullshit because the next thing he always does, atleast in that book of yours', it torment and kill his believers. Oh ya right, you sinned once so you're now toast, literally. There is no proof anywhere that "he" has done any good at all but the bible is replete with descriptions of the earth opening up and swallowing people, fire and brimestone raining down from the sky killing everyone, then ridiculous promises that if we don't be good then more shyte will befall us. And just take a look at who 'he' put in charge. The pope for christ sake. Over the last 1,500 years your pope has been directly responsible for the misery and death of untold thousands while he lines his coffers with your cash. And then there are all those cardinals and priests who **** children, usually boys, the god damned faggots that they are. If god is anything, it's a total lover of misery and I'm sure he thrives on it. People, god hasn't forsaken you he is just using you. The misery that any of us experience generates a fantastic amount of emotional energy, way more than being at peace or happiness does. You all know that to be true. god thrives and exists on this energy while preaching all this bullshit about love. He does absolutely nothing to instill this except for making totally empty promises, just as long as you keep the faith, wink, wink.

I had almost exactly the same thoughts as you,Please take a look at Byron Katie & her Work, it is amazing and has changed my life, her book 'Loving What Is 'is wonderful... And a book called ' The Disappearence of the Universe' Gary Renard is also what has brought me to Peace... Love Always & Only... I know that now... Dee xxxxx

Load Of ****. God doesn't give a flying **** if your dying, its all about him. He ***** with us My life is in tatters cause I rely on his bullshit It amazes me how church people are the most disadvantaged and the most smug ******* in the world. I grew up in the church. Load of ******* good that did me. I HATE HIM and pretty ****** sure hates me to. God does NOT care God does NOT hear us. God does what he like and takes pleasure in ******** on us all I have never been in a worse position than Iam now. Some days I wake up and think hey! Im gonna take my life back and he will do everything and anything to **** me over... And dont give me this Devil ****. If hes all powerful he should have dealt with that MF day one, But no we are nothing but bugs under a magnifying glass for him.

He take great pride in ******** on us all. REPEATEDLY

Oh and I also pray in tongues too. No this **** doesnt help it just makes you more of a ******* freak. Funny isnt it? Normal peoples lives look way ******* better than us stupid ***** sat here begging an uninterested God for Salvation.
What the **** ever.
He picks you up and put you down. He must be a guy. He uses people

Don't blasphemy His spirit 0_0 i kno in your heart of hearts you want heaven...so give urself a chance.

It saddens me to see so many give up, this is what satan wants. God loves the world He gave his only begotten son - Lord Jesus - who came and gave His life to save our lives. Because of our sins we are cut off from God and only through Jesus can you come to God. As Christians and believers in Jesus we not only suffer the pain but also rejoice in his gift - the gift of eternal life. Don't lose your faith, don't give in no matter what. Through our tribulations and our trials God is moulding us to become perfect so that one day we too can be sons of God. I too suffer tremendous trials and sufferings but I always think of those who are worse off than I. I live in relative luxury and in a peaceful country with a house and food - there are those who don't have this so in retrospective my issues are nothing. This is why God says deny the self - don't worry about yourself, we are to love one another. God says that not one sparrow falls out of the sky without Him knowing, He says that he will provide for us and will always be there. Every time I have a trial or go though tribulation I think of the blessing that is waiting for me once I get through it, God says that we will never suffer more than what we can handle - believe it, put your faith in God and He will deliver you out of your trials and tribulations. Jesus is coming soon, we are in the end times and things will get a lot worse before it will be better. We are all children of God, it is His plan and His will that all will be saved. Don't let satan get you down or take you from God.

If God wasn't with me in this life time, do you really think I want to serve him in the life to come? Is God really that selfish that he cannot give us a little happiness in this short miserable life and expect us to worship him in the next life? I don't expect life to be a path of flowers. We all should have a proper share of good and bad things. The problem I see is that many of us get shafted with what really does appear to be a life of endless pain and sorrow. I personally cannot see the "love of God" in any of that.

Um... Let me just say this. God has forsaken us all!!! He's a complete son of a *****. He abandoned the universe a very long time ago. So we must accept this. Our hearts continue to be hurt until there is nothing left to hurt or you are too exhausted to care. So give up and give in. It's actually a funny game to God. So let him win, we are just too powerless to stop him anyway. So we must accept it. I don't mean we should all go ahead and commit suicide - but instead we should just go through the drudge of life dead inside. Void of care. It is possible to do so! <br />
Here is a quote that I really love...<br />
"At first it (accepting that life sucks and is absolutely disappointing) can be very difficult, but with time you become use to it and it doesn't hurt as much."<br />
- Angels in America by Tony Kushner

God is a puzzle. You would think he would Love us take us out of this world be done with it!! But it goes on for years and years of pain and suffering. Yes we all sinned but with God s mercy Love alll understanding why dont God save us Now!! Why the Wait?? all the Pain!! Show Mercy are End it dont let us suffer year after year in this cold crule World. Lord gave us his Life to save us Most will never make heaven.. Sad world very Sad

Cal from st.louis MO<br />
I pray too but also feel unanswered. I grew up in the church, left it and now came back. I feel like god doesn't care about my issues. I often loose faith and ask god to help pull me through whatever im going through. I have heard god says either yes, no, or not yet. It seems like he is just saying no, no and no if he is saying anything at all. I remember a time when god use to answer prayers. Now its like he is on vacation. So many people desperately need him and none of us get any help. I once daydreamed about storming to heaven, kicking gods door open and yelling ” god can't you see we need your help? What are you doing” when I read stories about people with worse situations than I have I know im supposed to feel better that im not as unlucky as they are but sometimes that way of thinking doesn't always work. I don't know what I feel some days. Am I praying into the wind? Does god care? Is this a big game? Sometimes I think is god real but my heart tells me he is. All that power to fix things but chooses to do nothing. If I had to power to help people or answer peoples prayers, I sure would. I would make people really happy and safe and supply all their needs without playing head games. Oneday hopefully he comes off vacation and helps us people who still pray to him

I've just realized that I can't rely on God anymore. Maybe in years to come I can look back and see instances in my life where he has stepped in but I certainly can't see it in my life at the moment. There is a cosmic battle going on and a wrestle between the accuser satan and God's children. I yearn for it to be all over so that there is peace in the world and for all its people. The wicked prosper - hasn't this been the case for thousands of years? Haven't the Biblical writers said the same? So what is the 'peace'? We have to keep praying for grace, I suppose. My personal frustrations concerning my life pale in significance when the suffering of the early church was concerned. What were those early Christians thinking while being killed and persecuted, where was God then? Indeed, where is God now - the excessive greed and the evil it perpetuates shrouds the world. And yet, our church leaders don't have a clear answer as to why. One day it will be revealed, because, all I see is hell on earth and if there's another hell beyond this I can't believe in a compassionate God, it doesn't add up. Saying all the above, the love and teachings of Jesus Christ are beautiful, kind, generous and wondrous. His sacrifice is the ultimate example of love. So, I can either acknowledge this and except the harshness of this world and ask for grace (that is sometimes given/ackowledged by me) or lose my faith and not think about such things and except this world with warts n all. I am leaning towards trust and sustenance in God.

Yes,yes,yes! I personally look to heroes like Anne Frank, Nick( the guy w no arms/ legs) and lizzie Velasquez ( was bullied bc of her disorder..kids in her school made a yt video claiming her to be ugliest woman alive and kill herself) because the ones in the bible..although good examples are too perfect( pul, sbraham,daniel) and these have ..well their " thorns" are more conspicuous.

Oh and Anne Frank ..just looked up and trusted god ,,during the midst of the holocaust.

I feel the same i have helped alot of people because that's the only thing that brings me happiness. I can't remember ever having happiness in my life except for helping people and my dogs. <br />
I am about to loose them also cause i am molding the ability to support myself . I look for jobs but they say I am an overqualified candidate. Every time I glorify gods name and thank him for an oppurtunity the oppurtunity goes away. I have lost all hope. But when i look at my dogs I strive on because I can't let them down if I'm overqualified why can i find work. Why can't I just get something to feel good about myself. My spirit has died and my heart has blackened. I havent laughed in years . When I'm alone I cant even cry. I have lost the ability to feel happiness or even sadness . The only thing I deal is dissqpointment and nothing else so i can't release this sarrow. What do I do. This old lady that I don't know at a coffee shop came by and told me i was cursed. And that unless I did something about it i would never be happy or accomplish my goals . But she couldn't tell me what to do about it when just walked off. What do i do . I am barely hanging on . If it wasn't for my stuberness ( I won't loose). I would have ended it.<br />
Not that I'm jealous when i see people happy or cry but i backyard felt anything in so long over 12 years. I literaly havent laughed in that long what am I doing wrong. Am i cursed? What can i do . I do go to church not often but do. I used To go all the time what can i do please a solid answer I can't take this much longer. I was going to go back and work for family (my dad ) but under the condition that I find him 2 doctors and a technician for his practice. I fullfilled my part but he said he wasn't going to fullfill his end. He used me. Because of his promise I gave up 2 job offers. Travelled to Ny only to be turned away. and called the bank that I owed money for my truck. Andvthey repoed my truck while at the motel. Now I have no job. My truck was reposed and i hitch hiked back to Florida. And one of my relatives took me in temporarley. What can i do.

OMG! That is such a sad and disheartening testimony! I have no answers as I feel the same pain as you! I wish I knew cause I would spend my days healing all that I could. Next time you apply for a job, tailor your resume, skills and job history to the job (you don't have to put everything)- maybe that will help with you being over-qualified. I found some comfort in trying new things- creating is very fulfilling. I learned to sew and garden. I'm from Miami, city girl all the way but i found peace and joy in creating in a very domesticated way. I also converted to buddhism. ot knocking christianity but the practice of medidation helped during my low, low days, and I read and I love EP. I find love here and I hope you do too! Good luck to you!

Hello I looked at almost every post on this subject and realized I had the same problems as you have. A few seconds ago I found the truth about why bad things happen. It comes with the cost of life itself. It is not God you should be mad at its the people who make your life hell. God has given his people the freedom to do whatever with our lives which is why you feel bad now because those same people he gave freedom too are abusing it. Follow his word and seek him. Go to this website it helped me regain my sense.

I think we cant blame everything to God. God has given us the opportunity to pray and ask him in our daily life. But when people kill each other we blame him, when naturaL DISASTER HAPPEN WE BLAme him, when war started we blame him.......God has given the world to human being and human beings should live accordingly not to kill eachother etc

I agree... I do not think we should kill each other and I think we shouldnot blame god for everything as we do the harm ourselves... I agree with you!

I pray that God will answer your cries to him, and my cries to him. The Bible says that God is an ever present help in our times of need. It is so cinfusing when we cry out to God, and nothing happens or the situation just gets worse. I myself have been under so much stress I do not know what to do but i know that God is my only help. People will advise you to count your blessings; i do count them and i thank God every day for the gift of life and for the times he has answered my prayers and i know that it is by faith that i must go on, but i agree with most of you, it can feel like a life time of torture. In Jeremiah 29 God says he knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us. How do we reconcile this when each and every day we are in pain.<br />
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in my case i renounced the devil and committed my life to God, i fasted and asked God to work miracles in my life; while i was fasting i was tempted and engged in fornication; God answered my prayer and gave me the breakthrough i wanted at work; but the promotion has become a nightmare; i was promoted but not paid what my collegeaues get; i have lost favour with my boss and he always speaks ill of me and has cut me off; i have lost the respect of my peers and every day at work is just hell. i feel like God is punishing me for falling from Grace, i keep praying for forgiveness and i have recommited myself to God, but it just feels like my life is operating under a curse - nothing i do is blessed; i am ignored; i come to work and handle what few assignments come my way; i am not trusted with any major assignments and information is kept from me- it is like i am a ghost at the office,.i am not married, i have no children i have few friends - i have no one to share with my furstrations except God, but he is quiet. i will continue to pray to him and to praise him; and i believe that he will answer my prayers and change my circumstances in the mighty name of Jesus Christ.

I am so sorry your life is that way and I pray for relief for you!

Life is hard for me, but so much harder for some others. When we only focus on only our trials and tragedies we get lost in victimhood. Instead of asking God to help you all the time, maybe you should be asking God how you could help Him. The love in this world is being killed by poverty, wars, greed, fear, hatred, and sadism. You want to feel God's love? Manifest His Love by being an angel for someone else, be kind in your thoughts, words, and especially your actions. And trust God, even when you comprehend the situation. God bless us all.

And trust God even when you cannot comprehend the situation!

That is very beautiful... I just am not sure that I trust in the belief of God any more.

I too have fallen because i have been confused beyond words. I was one time walking in the ways of Good and even felt the presence of divine but now am lower than a worm. I think of all that could be mine that i gave up. Money, women, renown, parties, laughter and slander. Oh how my old ways sound so appeasing. I have delved so deep into the spiritual mysteries i know not who to pray to, God? Or what we call God but is really just an emanation from the Nameless one who we can never know? I know not. But this i know for me and for all of you even with all of our suffering, we still hold on. why? You have suffered so much but why not just forsake God and move on with life? It is because God grabbed you one time in your life and even though you might rather die than live you still call to him and ask for help. That is how powerful It is. You can not give It up even though you feel It has left you. Your love for God is great. Just remember that, your love for God is great. A quote, "Why do we fall mr./msr. ....................................? So that we can learn to pick our self's back up again." Sometimes i say God why did you create me? Or please let me fall asleep this night and not wake up again. But life goes on, dreams pass, we age, we see our people suffer and die, and we eventually die. But one thing that can not be taken is our love for God. We suffer we are abandoned yet we still call out to the dark abyss hoping that today is our lucky day. Well mabye today will be your lucky day. Remember only the strong can serve God. No pain no gain. If it is to hard then you must turn away. But if you are still holding on after all this, why? Because you are strong. You are not weak. God has to vases. He hits one and not the other, why? He does not hit one because if he hits it he knows it will shatter, but the other he knows is strong. God tests the righteous not the wicked. The righteous man falls down seven times and gets back up again. He fell seven times why is he righteous? Because he keeps going, he falls but he gets back up and tries again.

dear friend, i speak this from experance <br /><br />
NOT as a man who has read a story or someone elses testimony. but have my own to tell of how good and merciful our God is. you see i fell from my steadfastness being very anoited by our great God and saviour Jesus Christ. into his judgement. i have suffered beyond any words i could ever try to explain to you. in so much i even felt my flesh burning as if i were in hell. yet even in Gods judgement he has shown MERCEY !!! that has been almost 7 years ago when i first fell and do still go threw hard trials, but God is faithful and has shown me that just becouse i suffer these things does not mean he dont love me. but that in fact he does according to his word. Hebrews 12:6-8 says so. and if we use Godly wisdom and look at it this way we can understand it all better. his deciples and apostles were beaten and even killed for his name sake and yet God allow it in fact it was in Gods will. becouse a faith that is not tryed will NEVER be strong enough to say NO i will not denie JESUS if we should oneday take a beating or die for what we believe concerning the WORD of GOD (Jesus Christ) my friends take courage God Loves you. and i do too Love your brother in Christ Rev. Grover Hunter (groverhunter7@yahoo.com

Thanks for your reply. i am so glad that you found your way to the other side and i hope i am just as lucky to find mine SOON! :)

I resent the posts here that are saying things like God never leaves us, and trials are meant to make us stronger and we have to have faith, God molds our character with our trials. Clearly, if you still have those thoughts and feelings, you've never been as low as some of these people including myself. Don't you think that we who are down have spent countless hours praying and trying to rely on faith, and trying to see beyond the now to the moment he finally extends his hand to lift us up? Don't you think that we have scoured sc<x>ripture again and again searching for a reason to maintain even a glimmer of hope. Don't you think that we have used every ounce of strength we have to reach out for mercy just one more time? We didn't get here because we got up this morning and asked God to let us win the lottery and he said no. We are here because everyday is torture. Because every time you get a glimmer of hope, its gets blown out. Because every time we think, finally God is delivering me from this situation, it was a lie. Because every time you beg for mercy, it gets worse. Because even when you believe with all your heart that the Lord is going to help you this time, he doesn't. Because even when you try so hard to understand what he wants you to learn from your misery, there isn't even enough mercy to just tell us. This goes on day after day after month after year after year after year. We do not have a faith tank that fills up on demand. At some point we have to have a reason to have faith. Being abandoned and delivered into the hands of our enemies doesn't really do a lot to fill the faith tank. I know your well meaning comments are meant to lift us up and give us hope but truthfully, I find it condescending. I Love my God with every breath I take, and I don't pretend to understand his methods but if I could just feel that he cares, just once in a while. Its NOT our job to fight injustice. God says "Justice is Mine". Well Lord how about a little justice.

Hi Rubysbest... I feel your passion and pain as I read your reply and I thank you so much for your courage and honesty. I have also felt the same when discussing my feelings with others who for whatever reason just didn't, couldn't or wouldn't understand or empathize with my pain and i also felt it to be condescending and of little solace. I wrote this post in pain and it saddens me to say that in many respects i still identify wholeheartedly with it and with all my heart, i wish i didn't. I wish I could have i found peace and blessings on the other side of that ordeal but I did not. Everyday I try to make thebest of my situation and find joy and beauty and mercy in each day but some days are hard, REAL hard. I do pray for you and I hold you in the highest esteem. Thanks for stopping and commenting on my experience. Peace and blessings to you and yours!

I have felt that very same way myself from time to time and I have no good answer. sometimes I think... what's the point! But I try to move past that and just be the best person I can be and hope that something better awaits me...

Exactly Rubysbest, because I feel like this: If people who don't give God the time of day get everything they want and need and prosper in their lives, why should I spend the rest of MY life on my knees begging, pleading, crying out, cajoling and praying to a god that doesn't give a (bleep) about me?!

And Christians say "pray to God"? "Have faith"? "Believe with all your heart"? Been there, done that. Nothing happens and nothing ever will. What the hell good is God's "promises" if He cannot keep a single one.

For all of you going through this hard time, it is common for me also. But we have to live by faith. Not by feelings. The Lord dealt with me one day and pressed on my heart, that if I build my relationship with Him ba<x>sed on my feelings, it's like building my house on sand.feelings are so fragile. We have to build our spiritual house on Jesus Christ The Word Of God! And the waves and wind of life will beat on that house, but it will not fall! Have faith! God has not given up on you so much as you have given up on Him. This too shal pass dear children. Just press forward. God is not doing these things to you satan is. Who gave Job the boils God or satan? And some say but God allowed that to happen to Job. And yes I understand. God also says you shal not be tempted beyond what you can bear. And for every temptation He will offer a means of escape.<br />
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I can say these things myself. I found this post while I was depressed and discouraged. But as I face this trial with the things God has taught me. I am encouraged! Be blessed. God has not allowed you to go through a trial you cannot overcome. A good book too read is a book called relentless by John Bevere. It is life changing.

that is a beautiful post and is something to think about... thanks for sharing.

Get back to us in 10 years after you've suffered a lot more and we'll see what your next post looks like.

Im starting to wonder why god should protect us or comfort us, so why does my mom push that he will?

That is a question for which I have no answer... my mom is the same way, so you are not alone.

I just read psalm 22, becaue today I felt he forsoke me, I have to work with a drug addict boss, I spoke to the "higher ups" the ones who have cushy jobs, who did nothing, I even prayed the our father before I went back from lunch, asking for thier to be peace, instead it was the opposit, I walked out, now Im unemployed. He allowed satan to test me I failed, However I dont hate GOD, I just wish I could be with him again, like when he called me in my mothers womb, before I enterd Satan world. However every day the sun rise and shines and glorifies GOD, my enemies seem small in comparason. You see Evil breaths the very esence of GOD, that is why GOD knows everything, and they will answer to him knawing and knashing of teeth. Dont lose hope friend. I feel the age of lawlessnes has begun, and we need to put the full armor of GOD.

Jantz, my brother in the faith, take heart. You're correct by what you've said that the Worker of Lawlessness has globalized itself. Satan (the Fallen) has indeed taken over the world when he and his army was cast out of Heaven (just as it was written: the world will be led into darkness), but I want you to know... that what you may call weak are stronger than most, for the world has blinded us to think that the humble and loving is weak, and the rebuker is strong.<br />
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Job was trialed by the fallen one(the Evil One or the Devil), Job lost his children, his livestock, his wife, and was tormented with sores, even rebuked by his own people in various ways, yet he did not rebuked the Father; he said he'd rather not been born, he rebuked himself even more, and he did no bad thing. He cursed himself and told those who rebuked him to step away. Believe me, Job proved to be one of the strongest men of OLD because he endured sufferings, being cursed by the devil (not even knowing about the Devil either) and yet remained loyal to the Most High, the Holy One. His faith was solid. <br />
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Abraham and his wife were old for their age, and were told that she will bear him a son, and that his seed will have many many descendants, like the stars. He believed in his heart, and kept the faith that our Father will do as He had promised. He knew that the natural nature of a man at his age wouldn't have any children because he had long passed the age to have children, yet, he believed that our Father could do such things beyond the flesh. I could mention more and all of them that you have mentioned and showed you why they were not weak, but to the world, they would be weak and known as the underdogs, however, to those who know Him, knows that they were all strong people, and each one's strength was varied from the other, but what remained the same, were their faith in the Father.<br />
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Jantz, brother, did you know that the Messiah died so that in this way he may take away our sins on that great day? We are all sinners from birth, but we should not go on sinning anymore in the way when we did not know him. But now we do know him, all he's requesting for us is to have love for everyone. Did you not know that the most humble man is the strongest? Did you know a man who may endure the pressure of this world and yet remain in love and at peace with everyone is one of the mightiest men in the Father's eyes? Who shall we please, a mere man or the Father in Heaven?<br />
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Did you also know that anything being said in your mind, our Father is listening?<br />
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So do not worry about your past life, or what you've done, seek forgiveness from within, from your heart, speak to Him, and do not continue on in that path you did. Hold onto the Faith in the Messiah and continue to be humble, and loving, you will be delivered. But the hour of the Messiah's coming is uncertain, however, ba<x>sed on sc<x>ripture, it's close; right at the door. <br />
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So remain in his love, and you will receive a Helper, the Holy Spirit, and you will be guided to all the knowledge you seek. Keep on studying knowledge from the sc<x>riptures, since your faith has fallen short by what you've said, I'd recommend you to read the letters of Paul, John, Peter, James & Jude (Book of Romans right through to Jude) at your own time and your own pace, starting from the book of Romans. You can also listen to it through audio rather than reading it or a bit of both, they're quite many out there you may find. I know in this present day of age, people fall asleep quite easy and easily distracted when reading. So in this case take time to get yourself an audio one as well. Keep schooling yourself to remain in the faith and love in him, and as I've told our sister above, the Messiah will deliver us, so take heart, and believe, put your anxiety on the Father, He's listening and He's answering. <br />
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When you are freed, you'll no longer be answered in this way, but you'll see Him and His Glory and you'll rejoice in that day, as of now, let us continue to fight through these trials placed before us by the Devil and like Job has done, remaining faithful, he was rewarded for his hard work, you too will be rewarded on that day, so remain in the Faith & Love of the Messiah and our Father will reward you.

i jus came here and i really enjoyed reading the posts. I too am at a crossroads. My life has been filled with ups and downs. I was diagnosed with depression and i really only have a musterseed of faith left in me. I am a young man, 25, and I know the Lord isnt pleased with me. I havent been the best person but i have tried...but trying is only that. In this world we live in it seems that winning is everything. I dnt talk against God but even in the bible it saids something like all have fallen short of the Glory of God. Lately i have been reading the stories of Job, Gideon, Jabazz, and Abraham. And all these stories relate to me. To me these were the underdogs....people that were considered weak among there people and God raised each and everyone of these men up. I dnt know if imma ever be able to be old as Gideon or any of these men of God. With the NWO, occult, witchcraft and every other thing out there sometimes life does seem hopeless. I do have a certain level of faith but sometimes i jus feel like the doubting Thomas. Truly i feel as most of u feel....one thing i forgot about when i was young was...i always wanted to be in the Army of God. Like when the Great battle happens....i always wanted to be one of the many,many,many men and women ready to fight the forces of darkness. To actually recieve the armour of God like all of us who believe are trying to get...but reality...past sin.....pain and torment..self denial.......sometimes makes me wonder if im jus dreaming. jus need a lil of encourgement......thanks for reading!!!

I stumbled across your blog in search for answers. I read an outcry from the heart, but now that I've seen your face, and know where you're from, it is only fair that I deliver this message. <br />
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Daughter Zion, do not be afraid, for our Father cannot abandon the Children He love. He swore by oath that He will bring out His Children from all the nations; those for His Kingdom and those who belong in their homeland that was stolen from them, but they are all His people. <br />
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I know you've said you're mad at Him, but when I read your message, you seem more upset and in fear, and in misery. Do not be afraid Daughter Zion, for you will be delivered. Keep your faith in the Messiah, and love all nations, and people; help the blind to see, guide the deaf, and you will not only be delivered but rise above the fallen. Our Messiah will deliver us, and your people will be set free.<br />
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Do not abandon knowledge from the sc<x>riptures for ALL speak the truth EVEN in the midst of lies & corruption. Psalms shares about the hearts of your people. Proverbs shares Wisdom; Isaiah speaks about the House of Judah and the House of Jacob(Israel): Ezekiel speaks about the House of Judah, the House of Israel, the City Jerusalem and all nations: what will become of them, even Babylon. Daniel speaks of the End of Days and gives you a clear understanding of North(Europe & USSR), & South(Ethiopia, Egypt, Asia (including Arabia:Persia[Iran]:Palestine:etc). At that time the West(Western Civilization as some would say) did not exist but now it does and is recognized by nations as "Lawlessness", "House of Bondage", "Global Leadership", "World Leader" "Ruler of the people". These sources of knowledge reveals history and why the state of the present day is how it is and how it will be for a time. Listen attentively to your Ancestors, the Law & the Prophets.<br />
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Hosea talks about what will become of the house of Judah in a mystery and what will happen to Israel. When you finish study the knowledge of the Wise, you will come to understanding that Israel today is not the Israel the Father is speaking of. For He foretold that they will be exiled and scattered to many nations (North, South, East & West from their homeland) and will not return, but by oath He have said, He HIMSELF will gather them out of the nations and bring them to their homeland, and, as Hosea "2:18" said about the prophecy of our Father to the homeland, "Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land." If then this is the case, who are those gathered people in Israel? They do not fit the sc<x>riptures in ANYWAY!<br />
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So then daughter Zion, find out by sc<x>ripture who fits the prophecies of Judah and Israel, find out who has been exiled from their homeland. From there, the truth will set you free, but until then, keep your faith in the Messiah, and love all people, share Wisdom, and about the Kingdom to come even if they do not listen. For the Father's Spirit will be in you on appointed times. Fill up with knowledge and joy, so that you may speak from it. And you will rise above the fallen. You will inherit your reward and will rise to the heavens; you will receive a new body and be loved by your TRUE family, and follow the Lamb wherever he goes. Do not give up the faith in him, the Messiah: the first Son of the Holy One(who is Our Father in Heaven), for he is your deliverer of this age.<br />
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A message to the nations who are grafted in by grace and love, peace be with you. You too may inherit all of this by keeping your faith in the Messiah and having love for all people. Set your mind free from the lies and corruption, open the eyes of the Exile and all other people who are in a DEEP sleep, so that they too may be set free and be saved from THIS... Evil Age. For the Messiah WILL come and he WILL deliver us, his people, the ones who kept the Faith and Love.

I love getting comments on work I've written. Thanks for all the support and valuable knowledge and insight. This was a tough piece to write and even to read for me because in many ways I still identify very much with its sentiment. FYI: I read all my comments! Keep em coming! :)

There is no God. We are simply a species of animals on this planet like all other species of animals. My entire life has been the equivalent of unanswered prays and unmet needs. So much for the existence of a loving God who meets needs and answers prayers. In retrospect, if there is a God and a Satan, then God is simply the equivalent of a dead beat negligent dad who allows a known convicted child rapist / child murder baby sit his children. If there really is a God, he is not at all like that God written about in the New Testament of the bible as He does not conduct himself like that God and is extremely far removed, transcendent and completely uninvolved with his creations.

100% with you. it doesn't matter how hard I tried to be a good guy, I never had the chance to be in a good position (I have never asked for a Ferrari or to be a millionaire); where I am I wish something bad happen to me so I don't have to go to that stupid place to work. I'm pretty sure there is God, but according to my experience He is playing PS3 rather than providing guidance or comfort.

Ent!!!!! Wrong. God is very real.

If anyone one is reading this and your mad at god I recommend you read isaIah 58 god explains some useful things there.

If anyone one is reading this and your mad at god I recommend you read isaIah 58 god explains some useful things there.

Aniave my brother in God<br />
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I am well aware of your circumstance and my heart goes out to you(for I now too am at an extremely low point in my life). I believe that no person goes through life without trials or tribulations be they trivial or major in the eyes of others. That being said, I do not believe that God is absent in even a moment in our lives and His presence does not mean that He has to manifest in our emotions. <br />
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There are times which I believe that He trusts in our ability to overcome and frankly, which parent do not wish for their children to stand up and start walking? Moreover, God is the infinite Father. It is just like a child in the process of growing up. As believers at a tender spiritual age, God may give us many things which we ask for no matter how selfish they are. As we spiritually matures, God may be more withholding as He starts to train us to "walk" and to start to be a living example to non-believers. <br />
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Here are some things which you may find useful(or may have already been doing):<br />
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1. Treat praying like a steering wheel to guidance your life and not an emergency spare wheel<br />
2. Devote yourself some time daily with God in prayer and reading of sc<x>riptures<br />
3. Remember that temporary material pleasures will never be greater than eternal rewards<br />
4. Live in self denial, reach out to others who are more in need than yourself<br />
5. Always "volunteer" to be an instrument of God if the need arises<br />
6. Focus your energy outward upon positive things and not inward negative things<br />
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I hope that by doing these, it may bring dew to your parched throat and may it be the will of our Almighty Father to deliver you from the undesirable situation which you are in. I shall pray for you.

Thank you for your comments jhawk418 and understandingyou.... Even though this was written over a year ago, I still find myself feeling this way much of the time i.e as in right now as a matter of fact. I don't know how to stop myself from feling this way. i feel forsaken and beat down and like there is no relief in sight for me and i am so tired and weary, not sure i can go on especially seeing other less deserving people doing great. Both of you gave me kind words and comfort and things i need to think about.

We need to remember that in life their are many trials and tribulations. I used to say to many individuals that LIFE is like a game...YOU EITHER WIN OR YOU EITHER LOSE...plain and simple. Well after growing up and experiencing some things in my life and seeing others go through many trials in their lives, my concept has changed a little. <br />
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GOD will NEVER leave us. Sometimes GOD uses us to get a message across to others. Sometimes GOD allows us to go through things on our own in order to bring us back to him. We often drift away from our religion and what we believe in...WHICH IS GOD. Our daily lives become filled with our own ambitions and often make us forget to pray or go to church or etc. Another thought is...when you were on your feet,,,DID YOU STOP TO HELP THOSE WHO NEEDED HELP...EVEN IF IT MEANT GIVING THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK OR GIVING YOUR LAST PENNY OR DIME? I think you already know the answer to this question, which is most likely NO. <br />
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GOD wants us to know that WE should NEVER walk away from him and WE should NEVER lose faith in him. The trust and faith should always be their for GOD. <br />
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Everyone...REMEMBER the book of JOB. Read over it. The things that many of us have gone through or are experiencing is similar trials of that of JOB. JOB kept his faith and passed the test that GOD chose for him. <br />
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GOD is standing with us, but he wants us to remain strong...NO MATTER WHAT. The economy is not doing well at the moment and many are suffering. If many of us remember the bible writing where it does say this old system (this world) will perish. Politics against politics...people against people...unpredicted weather...AND...the list goes on. Have we ever stopped to think that MAYBE the writing in the bible are POSSIBLY coming true.<br />
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Take a step back and look for yourself and think about all of this. Have even tried to make changes towards a new YOU through your faith in GOD? Probably NOT and this is why you are feeling unsatisfied and angry towards GOD. We often blame others for our own mistakes. GOD forgave us when we prayed to him and asked for forgiveness. IT is up to us to walk the path WITH GOD and STAY on the path towards a better life.<br />
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This is just a thought...

I have observed the dirtiest human scum on the planet seem to recieve blessing after blessing on go on with their happy lives without a thought of where those blessings come from.The last 10-12years of my life have been a nightmare and I consistantly pray from God's deliverce and help and if any thing at all happens it's always seemed to get worse.I happen to belive God has paradise in heaven for all believers <br />
But geez how about a little kindness here on earth.

I too feel abandoned by God sometimes. That's when I am weak. During those times if I trust that these hardships will be a blessing in the end, I become hopeful. I have been abused most all of my life. Sexual child abuse, physical abuse, emotional abandonment....and it goes on. I cared for all those that mistreated me, they died at home with me. Sometimes I find it amazing that at 51 years of age, I am still mistreated. Thirty-one years of faithfulness and loyalty to a spouse that lives as though he's single...I too lost my home, and moved nine states away and live in isolation day in and day out...except for when I write notes of encouragement to those in need at prayer sites. I spend a lot of time on the phone helping pull people through, those that are facing some of the things I have already lived through....and I endure. Where's God? Well, God keeps pulling me through. If this was the only life I would ever have, I guess I would have a great reason for being in despair. But it's not. There is life after this. The hardships I go through are what inspire me to reach out to others with mercy and compassion. I have already lived through what most are going through. I would never have known what it was like for anothers sufferings if I too had not had to suffer it. What would Jesus have known about being tempted, if He too had not experienced temptation? How would Jesus have known hunger and thirst, if He too had not experienced hunger and thirst? He went through everything we went through and He suffered every pain that sin causes when the sin of man was placed on His shoulders...yet, He overcame the world... He knows the way out of this madness we are suffering through, and we need to keep our eyes on Him and let Him guide us out. Everytime we suffer, we will be a testimony of hope for someone else. We made it and they will too. We should use these testinmonies to encourage one another. I am struggling today...but I find in bringing someone else hope, I too become hopeful. In showing someone else compassion, I too feel comforted. God does not cause the evil, mans free will causes the evil. Yet, God pulls us through better. Today I am in desperation because my focus is on me. If I can find someone that needs what I am lacking, in helping them through, I become more Christlike, and I know that this suffering is not in vain. Swearing at God and shaking your fist at Him is just plain wrong. Would you want someone to shake their fist at you because they were mad at something someone else did to them? Gee, blame who's really at fault...and it's not God. You know if God destroyed every person that ever caused pain to someone else...there would be no one on earth. Gee, we complain and cry over the loss of things...when children all over the world are starving, being raped and even murdered. God did not do this...mans selfishness and love of sin did this. Yet, God gets blamed for the actions of others. God loves us and He suffers everytime satan takes pot shots at God's children. But God takes great joy when we overcome and stuff it back in satans face and live well and continue to be His hands and feet here on earth even through the circumstances satan has afflicted us with. When things go bad find someone going through the same thing, partner up and keep moving forward...God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He will pull you through...That's my thought anyway.

How can you say that, if God hurts when the devil satan hurts us, then God has power to keep satan away from us, but deliberately doesnt. There are many times, i have asked God for something, eg keep those that hurt me away from me, and he answers by allowing satan to bring those people in my life, knocking on jmy front door. He blesses those that have disturbed, and abused me, and then they put a guilt trip on me, as if i did those things to them, and God just allows Satan to do it. He watches Satan do it, and sits there, and allows it to continue, even whilst its happening, i cry to God for help, and it gets worse and worse, and i even thank God for things, when i thank God, He allows satan to put a nasty evil toxic feeling inside of me, he lies in his word, he made promises to pray to him and tell him all his concerns, and then we are guarenteed to receive the peace that surpasses all understanding, how come when i pray and pour my heart out, i get a evil bad feeling, even as the words come out of my mouth, i pray for protection, for justice and as those words come out, no reassuring feeling, but i still hve to beleive? I ask God to speak to me, and let me hear His voice, i make soo much effort with God, and i receive silence, nothing in return, or evil demonic attacks, i prayed that God will keep my father and brother alive, i bet he will do the opposite, because all that i asked for before, eg justice, deliverance, peace in family, no harassment in my life, etc, i actually beelived i will receive it, i truly beleived and trusted God will give those things, only to find HE ALLOWED SATAN TO ATTACK ME WITH THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I ASKED FOR, HE GAVE ME THINGS I SPECIFICALLY DIDINT WANT HIM TO GIVE ME, eg enemies getting stronger, me getting weaker, broken family, homelsessness, starvation, being locked away, drugged up, physical abuse, mental torture, I turned to God, and He cused he in return, i started a relationship with God, and i got locked away for it. I asked for protection, and within a second i got an attack, and im not evil, i may make mistakes, i may sin, but if sin wasnt shoved in my face, when i never asked for that sin to come in my face, and for people to force me into and pressurise me into, i got no wisdom or guidance from God, I turn to Him knowing i got noone else to turn to, He knows that to, i dont even get a reassurance, that He is there, no comfort feeling nothing, just more and more attacks, i cant live like this, noone can, i understand what this woman is saying.

"The hardships I go through are what inspire me to reach out to others with mercy and compassion."

bUT why is it when i go through it, i get no mercy or compassion, just pple not even beleeiving im going though it and saying im just getting attention undeserved.

Does tha inspire me to give back to others, when i was in trouble i got nothing but ignored, or no compassion, or attacked.


I think what most are ticked off with..is the fact God is all powerful..he can intervene( jonah/whale ref.) But chooses not to.

He intervenes for some but not all..

But i did love what you said,very heart warming.

You get to the point where (after many years and years) of anything not seeming to "work out" much less walking with God, believing his word, acting on it, being steadfast regardless of the "opposition", doing everything the word says to do (to our absolute best ability with grace), and it's like a dangling carrot, or some kind of "lets make a deal" or being provoked. It's abusive in my opinion. I see exactly where she is coming from. I never thought that with God it was a "kissing up" thing, in fact I would think he would hate that. What kind of glory is it to God if you're grabbed by the nap of the neck and forced to obey him? Liminal is right, fk that! The word says without him, we can do nothing right? Well, that's pretty damn convenient I think. So all he would have to do IS nothing, and what, we get the blame? Something isn't adding up with that, or at best, it provokes a terrible anger, where if it were never known to begin with, we wouldn't be having this problem. To say the least, it would make one (anyone, even a first grader) wonder. But it's obviously not that simple. Sometimes I wish I had never known God. In fact his word says that too. "It would have been better for him to have not known God, then to know him, and turn from him". I'm sorry, but to me, that is mean as **** seeing we can't do anything without him. That puts the ball in his court as far as I'm concerned. Send me to hell, but it's the truth! I feel for you Sis, and anyone else going through this.


I too am forsaken by god. I have prayed very very many times in situations I found myself in through no fault of my own, yet God seems to ignore me, again and again ... This has been the situation ever since I was a child, and now I'm nearly 50. I look up at the stars and marvel how this can be?


I too feel mad at God.<br />
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I know he has got huge issues to deal with like the wars in the middle east, but sometimes just sometimes I would like him to the the God the Father he is supposed to be.<br />
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Why do I keep losing? I have lost my home, my job, now my dog because I couldn't keep her in a rental> I have lived generously and given to others of my time, money, belongings and Iam a nurse so even the work I do is a career of compassion.<br />
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Do we believers ever get a break from God? I feel lonely and scared at the ignored prayers, which have gone unanswered for years.



I'm in the same boat Verity1. Years of failure while all my enemies enjoy success. I have been destroyed by evil people. I cried out to God for years, still do. I guess we could be fools, all of us but there is always that slight chance that God is listening and if he is, we ought to be vigilant. What is there to give up for? Who do we give up for? God is all about drama. He's an 11th hour dude. look at it like we are not quite close enough to the edge of destruction for him to jump in. When he does jump in, be ready to give all the praise to him. I know it's tough.

God, you are a slimy *****. You are incompetent, pompous and cruel. Want to send me to your merciful, loving lake of fire simply because I tell the truth? Do so, Smeg-lips.<br />
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I am not a violent person at all, but I will spit in your obnoxious face, if you have the balls to confront me, which I doubt. Punish me for my honesty? Go ahead; it's better than bowing down to a vicious sadist like you. Never! I don't kowtow to punks on earth and I won't in your stinking heaven, either. You are a vile, hateful hypocrite. <br />
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You are a miserable failure and you ought to be ashamed of the pain and suffering that your creation inflicts on your helpless victims. I'd rather expose you for the crooked bastard you are than to worship you and grovel for mercy. What are you going to tell your terrified sheep? How will you answer for your wicked, cosmic stupidity? God, you make me puke, and all the sinners in hell will thank me for sticking it up your self-righteous nose. Go ahead and punish me, coward. I'll gladly burn, knowing that I dared to speak the truth to a selfish tyrant like you. And by the way, **** you.

You know what, even though what you say sounds harsh
"You are a miserable failure and you ought to be ashamed of the pain and suffering that your creation inflicts on your helpless victims." when you say this, i do agree, sorry God, but its true.

Its totally tue, i do ask God why, and say "What are you going to tell your terrified sheep?"

If God is really there, then BE THERE, MAKE IT OBVIOUS GOD, i should be able to feel your presence, so when i feel alone, you step in strauight away, and be there for me, dont just say it, make it obvious, other christians i talk to say "you must be a sinner then, and e disobeying god", how dare they, they dont even know me, God knows my life and siutaiton, He should know, that so many things were beyonf my control, and i was helpless, and i was bullied, why is not MSAKING IT SO OBVIOUS WITH HIS PRESENCE, HIS SPIRIT AND I FEEL HIS PRESENCE IS THERE, AND HE IS ACTUALLY TALKING OBVIOUSLY TO ME, STRAIGHT UP, WITH NO MESSING AROUND. NO MORE WAITING AROUND, THIS ISNT FAIR, OF NEARLY 3 DECADES OF HELL AND CONSTANT ATTACKS FROM SATAN, HE OUGHT TO BE THERE, IF HE SAYS, ACTIONS SEPAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, AND GOD OUGHT TO ACT, AND BE THERE IN A WAY I FEEL ITS OBVIOUS, IF PPLE SAY THAT GOD DOESNT HAVE TO DO ANYHING GOD DOESNT OWE ME ANYTHING, THATS JUST PLAIN CRUEL, AND I GUESS WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU SAIDl
You are a miserable failure and you ought to be ashamed of the pain and suffering that your creation inflicts on your helpless victims. I'



You sound like an angry teen cry baby mouthing off to a parent. Why does God have to do anything for us in our lives? Wasn't the shed blood of Christ enough? You would not gain access to Heaven without it. Yeah, life stinks most of the time. So what! Don't you think Jesus felt the same things you are feeling. He cried out from the cross, "Why have you forsaken me?". Man up, Girl up, shut up.

ungrateful brat..thats you

Exactly, Cogcog. Words in a book alone just won't cut it anymore, ACTION on God's part is required. So-called "Christians" who come up with excuses and cop-outs don't have a (bleep) clue of what *ACTUAL STRUGGLE* is. If they did, they would be a little less judgemental and a little more understanding.

1 More Response

p.s. The bible is not an authoritative source for god!

Thank you oneness, GoldNightStar and Witzer. I feel so blessed for EP. Above was written out of frustration and pain. I am seeking and listening. I hope I am strong enough. Your comments helped me, thank you!

and no rest for the wicked...

Let's find answers starting with a basic question; Why do you think you are here?

i think im here to be a pawn in Gods game of chess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i tried..i called out to him none stop..i found the truth and i could not have it..he is laughing at most of us

how can i stop sinning when he created sin?

your state of being "mad at god" only makes him smile because of the fact that you are acknowledging he/she exists! You are asking questions.. that is the good part. It can be a struggle some times when you feel you are not receiving the answers. You need to observe closely and you will find the answer. It comes from within. Your feelings of being forsaken are mistakes. Gods messages will be heard, and he will send them over and over until you get them. God is a loving god and does not punish as you may think. Have you ever tried seeking god within yourself? Remember, god is always there.. right next to your heart in the most intimate ways possible. He hears you cry and he wants you to overcome and learn. Do not forsake your father

I dont want to forsake my father either, but he always lets me down, i go back to him, but i dont want to keep getting hurt again. How on earth can you seek god from within? What are the step by step instructions, you know if God really wanted us to hear from Him, he would make it so easy for us to hear his voice, he makes it hard and we have to search for his voice, when we all do so much and talk, and study the word, and i dont feel like praising, and ask god to help with that, but nothing, i sit still try and still my mind, and nothing, i dnt know how to seek God from within, its so vague, God should reveal, if a normal father wanted his children to hear him and tell them something especially if they want to hear from him, he would make it easy and obvious to hear his voice, god should be no different, it isnt fair at all.

some of us are just praying into the wind..this is so sad..God made too many.

i agree, cogcog..why is God I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things." Isaiah 45:-7doing this to us? here is a bible verse ..

I do feel lost and very angry! I'm trying though .... Thanks! :)