I Feel Mad At My Husband

In all the years I have been married to my husband there has been numerous occasions where I felt mad at my husband. I think it began before we got married. We planned on living together, but shortly after moving in together I lost my job. And then seven months later got pregnant after going off the birth control pill. He didn't want any children so I had an abortion which wasn't my choice. Ever since then I feel I have been angry with my husband, because I wanted children and my husband didn't. But whenever I confront him about this delicate matter he just responds that I was too young to have a child and be responsible for raising our child.

Although the years there has been so many little things that seem to just trigger my anger. Being transferred a number of times to adjust to a new environment to discover that we had to relocate again. Now in the last 26 years being far away from family has been so difficult and now not having any close friends. And then being unemployed doesn't help much either. I have tried desperately to fill the empty void in my life by doing activities outside our home, but nothing has ever worked out for me. Among the things I have tried are jobs, volunteer work and upgrading my education.

In the last 20 years , it has been mainly about relocating and my husband switching jobs. I find that my husband has started putting his own interests before mine. He woks very long hours so that I am stuck at home and then when he is actually at home he tends to spend all his free time on the inter-net chatting with other women and playing video games. There has been a few occasions where I tried to confront him to let him know how I feel about him not spending any quality time together as a married couple, but he seems to blame me for not speaking up and telling him what I would like to do, but I have suggested doing different activities. And there doesn't seem to be anything that we could do as a couple for fun and enjoyment. I just wonder what it will be like when my husband retires will we be able to share our dream of living out our final years together of sharing the same dreams.
deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Jul 11, 2010

I dont like my husband , hes selfish and so self centered.My feelings are not important to him.I dont feel any loyalty from him.I feel trapped like you.

It seems to me that you have never had your feelings about the loss of your child acknowledged. It also seems to me that you weren't really in agreement with the decision you took to have an abortion and maybe you are cross with yourself too, for what you did.<br />
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Perhaps you need to spend some time to grieve for what you lost, to acknowledge your feelings about it. Perhaps you could mark this in some way... plant a tree or something meaningful to you?<br />
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It doesn't sound as though you have ever shared the same dreams for the future, so I don't think that will magically happen when your husband retires. I would echo the suggestion made above... find something that works for you, that you enjoy or want to do. Or if you can't find anything like that, what about doing some random acts of kindness for people around you? Just looking for ways of being of service to other people will have the beneficial effect of making your outlook change. Do something that you are inspired to do, whether that's buying a book for someone, or find someone on here who could do with a virtual hug or kind word. It always works for me... it lets you feel good about yourself while possibly helping someone else.

I am sorry that you have felt this way for 26 years....but, (&this is to both of you) you sacrificed wants and needs for someone else. yes you should respect the wishes of your spouse, but I think an example of that would be like -taking you spouse out for seafood, when you know they are allergic. I don't mean to sound harsh, so please don't take it as so. I don't believe that your husband is going to change now...or once he retires. You need to find something you enjoy outside your home & maybe find strength to find your wants & needs. Go ahead be SELFISH & put yourself first!