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Just A Little Experiment...

I am not in the same boat as many people here, my partner and I do still have sex. Just not that often, and never at his instigation.

But wait you say, that's not fair...how can he instigate if you always jump in first. Very good question.

So I have decided to stop and see what happens, he got back from a business trip last Saturday night and I was very happy to see him. So lets just call that day zero. Its now Friday and I have been sitting on my hands all week just to see what will happen....so far nada. Is this how marriages slip into being sexless? The person who does all the initiating finally gets sick of it and gives up. So no-one tries any more and the ship just sinks?

It will be very illuminating to find out exactly how far out of synch our libidos really are.

I will keep you posted
deleted deleted 26-30 27 Responses Oct 28, 2010

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I am currently in an I am currently in an affair with with a man who stayed in a sexless marriage fo 34 Years. he is finally filing for divorce. intimacy is a part of marriage. Even w/ ED or in a women's case menopause...there are other ways to engage intimately with your spouse...if you truly love them.

Honey its not an issue if u chat with me and if u feel that its ok,then call me 09160113578.

Look up Pheromones on the internet.

Look up the companies that sell pheromones.

Read their web sites.

Pick one company and buy the product.

Try it out.

You may have to try a few companies or products to find the one that works.

I Was Married & Alone, (no sex ) married for 29 years had one son and she filed for divorce in 08, no sex from 1995 till the end of relationship, I stayed faithful through all those years. Am now single and darn glad . I think that there should be some kind of test or something to do before you get married so that we could match up the no sexer's group with each other then they would live happy. And then get all of the sensual-passionate-romantic & horny People grouped together to know who to chose from for a happy life time together.

Look up Pheromones on the internet.
Look up the companies that sell pheromones.
Read their web sites.
Pick one company and buy the product.
Try it out.
You may have to try a few companies or products to find the one that works.

When was the last time I had sex with my husband??? January 2003 He doesn't even try to touch me anymore. Does he have someone on the side??? He used to.....someone he worked with. He hasn't wanted sex with me since.

Umm, yes, I think that's how you go from rare sex to no sex. I've tried this at different times over the 7 years I've been married. And guess what? He has NEVER initiated. Its been 22 months since we last had sex. I've even tried getting it gooing and he refuses.

Among the infinite banes of landing up being a refusee is that you are blamed for being obsessively quantitative, being able to roll off stats about how often you vs. your partner initiate/s, what fraction of the time you get turned down, etc. while the refuser is of course more spontaneous and never thinking about these silly statistics. Whereas in reality, the refusee is struggling to convince themselves with statistics that they are sort of normal. Sigh. Meanwhile, I have known several people who hold their spouses/partners in fairly low regard, but behave and negotiate so well that they always get it when they need it. Another sigh.

At least you get some when you initiate. I average about 4 days before I ask, get denied. It is a good month if I get some twice in 30 days.

It's funny to hear this. My wife hasn't wanted to have sex in years. We have spreader and nearly divorced over it. I was always great not good lover and found out during our separations that is still true. If just once she would initiate or at least act mildly interested when I do we might stay married.

Im a really passionate guy and need this.

Hi,



I can definitely relate to your situation. My husband never instigates sex, that's always me. I would be over the moon if he would. We still have sex every couple of months or so, but only when I beg so now I have given up asking and like you I am waiting to see when he will make a move and how long it will take to happen. I'm not holding my breath.



Having to beg your "man" for sex is awful. Ok, some of the time it's good, but all of the time? No! I want to feel romanced, wanted, desired, is that too much to ask?



I'm sorry I don't have answers for you, just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

Communication is always the key. And it has to be honest communication. Now you may say, I have tried to talk with him. Well, I am here to tell you that communicating is not always done with words alone. If words fail, then show him. If he is not responding, pleasure yourself, and don't do it in private, do it with him laying right there beside you, do it with him standing in the room watching. SHOW him that you still want to be active sexually and if he will not engage, then you will do it with out him. I'm not kidding, actions speak louder than words. At the very least, you get to have fun, enjoy yourself, show him and tell him while you show him. Step outside your comfort zone to get him to step outside his. Be vocal while you do it, use toys, name your toys. Roll play on your own, use your imagination, don't sit back and complain and let it go, if you really want it, SHOW him. Make up fantasies, dress up and seduce yourself.

If he is unresponsive after you show him, check his pulse, he's probably not with the living anymore. But for sure you will have all your questions answered. If he does respond, be gentle with him, guide him and continue to show him. Someone said earlier, he is not a mind reader, and that is true.

I wish you all the best, either way, you'll be alive and sexually active. ************ is a wonderful gift. Don't let it go unused.

you are in my prayers...hugs

"Is this how marriages slip into being sexless? The person who does all the initiating finally gets sick of it and gives up. So no-one tries any more and the ship just sinks?"



Yep, at least in my case.

This sounds exactly like the begining of my marriage. I hope it turns out better for you. I've been married for 20 years. At least 7 of them have been completely sexless. Unless I asked for it, I didn't get it. And after age 30, even when I did ask for it, more than half the time I was rejected outright. Of the times I wasn't rejected, at least half the time he wasn't able to perform.

Its now been more than 3 years since we did it. I'd like to say I don't care anymore but it bothers me. Especially when other guys hit on me and I think how easy it would be for me to get sex from someone else but I can't get it from the one I'm married to.

One week... that is interesting to note MissM.

Good God this sounds familiar...



Welcome to the arc of increasing/decreasing how far you're in the lead in the Intimacy Derby. You realize you might be running too fast and therefore intimidating your loved one. So you slow the pace. Sufficiently curious or resentful, you may even stop running altogether.



Only then do you notice it. They are, and maybe always will be, the same distance behind you. You can run like hell and they'll pick up the pace, as long as you stay several lengths ahead. If you stop, so will they. Funny thing is, when you slow or stop, you'll get instantly called on it.



'What are you doing? You're the one who initiates and you've stopped. You don't love me...'

The longest I went without my husband initiating was 6 months - I burnt the motor out on two vibrators before I crumbled, but it wasn't good sex either.

LOL!! I have tried that on more occasions than i care to remember. It always goes something like this. You say to yourself "gee, I notice that I have been the initiator for the last several years, so this time i will wait for her to ask first no matter what or how long we have to wait." Of course too much time passes and your partner doesn't say a lick, so you give in thinking "I have to stand up and ask for/ demand what I want in life. and i want sex now!, LOL" the other person grumbles under their breath and complies. And guess what? They actually enjoy themselves, but to your chagrin, they mysteriously forget that process and the same thing is repeated months down the road. Even though we get laid we still feel shi*tty because we force our bodies and mind to forget: that it is really the feeling of being wanted sexually that is the real turn on and sexual gratifier.



So it really doesn't matter how long it takes. It sounds like a funny game at first, but it actually masks a heart-breaking reality.

I once went away for work,i was gone for two months. When I came back, I think it was a week before I got some. And I had to start it!

Well i hope you can find an end resolve to your situation. After my wife had found this sight i didnt reallize how many married couples out there were in a sexless marriage. It surprises me that there are so many. If you or your partner no longer wants to have sex then why even get married in the first place.

It may be time to move on. As sad as it may sound there may be no other alternitive.

Good luck with all of this.

Wait.. Are we married to the same man? I would add a lol, but omg... My husband is same damn way and now sex is just boring and pointless. When it become lay here, do this, blah blah and I am the one who has to beg for it... That is the urning point.. The fork in the road that you have no clue which way to go... You just walk around numbly as you your once hot passionate love making turn into ....



Seriously.. Why are there some men out there that have rocks for brains.. ????



Anyways! On a more positive note! (now I will add lol) You will have lots of free time to find yourself and you will learn the art of **** suffering! Good luck!

I used to have fun making different messages on a date line here in my town, I'm NOT a dominant but one day did an experiment by pretending I was a dominatrix!



OMG so many men long for that sort of thing that I was starting to wish I was one no kidding!



Maybe he is really turned ON by you being the go getter.



Could be time for some heart to heart discussions about each others fantasies and such ; )



Oh once I pretended to be a Gypsy women and guys really loved that too, If you have a free phone date line in your area try some online role playing its harmless and so much fun I must say!



This could even be a turn on for partners needing some SAFE spice in their sex lives.

I used to have fun making different messages on a date line here in my town, I'm NOT a dominant but one day did an experiment by pretending I was a dominatrix!



OMG so many men long for that sort of thing that I was starting to wish I was one no kidding!



Maybe he is really turned ON by you being the go getter.



Could be time for some heart to heart discussions about each others fantasies and such ; )



Oh once I pretended to be a Gypsy women and guys really loved that too, If you have a free phone date line in your area try some online role playing its harmless and so much fun I must say!



This could even be a turn on for partners needing some SAFE spice in their sex lives.

It is funny how this can happen from either party. Mine is teh other way around with continual knock backs until she feels liek it....I keep coming back as the two different libidos take some time to line up! I wish you all the best but sometimes romancing and not sexual contact works better. Make him beg for it, drive him insane with desire...show him how sexy you are without touching him...I bet he changes soon.



i hope this helps



Jeff

I am sorry to hear that you have said it and it must have fallen on deaf ears - I live with a deaf eared person myself (no offense to truly deaf people but they probably hear better than my husband! LOL!).



Maybe you could try one more time in that exact context - I am done initiating if you are not going to try and initiate too!



I am sending good thoughts your way!!!! (I have spent the majority of our marriage feeling VERY alone, so I feel for you!)

My only caution would be that you communicate that you would like for him to initiate from time-to-time - men are not good mind readers - and we think we are obvious - but we probably aren't to them! So, maybe a conversation is in order before you decide that you all are headed down the sexless path.



And maybe the conversation will give you what you wanted and maybe it won't, but then you know that you did all that you could and you can consider that when trying to decide your next step.



I hope you don't have to wait long either!

I don't recall my wife initiating, ever. Good Luck



I hope you don't have to wait long.

im glad im finding this out now because the man ive been seeing has backed down considerably in this department and ive found myself getting more assertive but it just seems to take more and more initiation and energy so im giving up and getting out. thank you for sharing this.