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In The Same Bed But In Seperate Worlds

My husband and I have been married almost 2 years, March 10,2011, and I have to hug myself to sleep almost everynight. I am so tired of his sneakiness and crying myself to sleep because i feel unpretty. It started almost immediately after our marriage and I am just tired of feeling so alone when someone is next to me. He was my best friend and now he seems like a stranger. We never communicate, unless i instigate it, we don't kiss or hug, unless I practically beg or am going to work, and we go to sleep most night without saying a thing. I have been having this arguement with him for almost 2 years and he gets better for a day or 2 and then goes back to his ways. i don't think i can live like this and told him I thought we were headed for divorce last Monday. He got better for 4 days and this weekend was pretty much back to his old self. i am not a nagger and my body is the same since we got together. i work out and do everything that i have always done. I finally told him if he didn't want to hug, kiss, love, or sex me I could do it myself and not even that got his attention. I am almost ready to give him his ring. The way I feel is i have to do for myself what my husband should be doing then i should be by myself. we have 3 kids and our mood affects our home life. I am so tired.
singlemom85 singlemom85 26-30, F 25 Responses Nov 1, 2010

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Just an update as of March 8th of this year we are officially divorced and I've never been happier. We remain friends and he is still being a great father to the kids but we both realize that together is not what we needed to be especially since it wasn't best for us it was hurting the kids in the home

I have never felt more alone than when I was laying next to my wife and yet dared not reach out and touch her.

Its a crying shame to be in such a predicament : ( .

I have read your experience and feel for you. The kids are the ones who must be feeling it most although you may not realise it. They have no say in this and it must be very confusing. Have had a third party involved? To sit and ask where it all went wrong? How about your attitude? Has it changed? What would he have to say if he was asked for his side of the story? Are you in-laws or his in-laws involved in anyway. I ask this because I had a cousin who went through exactly what you are going through. Ultimately they were forced to seek counseling and what came out during that time shocked her too. They are very close family now.

shape.up.mate.make.a.100%.effort.in.eveyway.or.pack.your.bags.and.****.off.pure.neglect.insensitive.comes.good.goes.bad.a.bloody.joke.divorce.find.a.man.who.is.serious.and.shows.it.every.day.by.words.and.actions.a.good.lover.mate.a.genuine.man.

It is very sad when there are kids involved. It must be tough on them. All that is required is some affection. It is the little things that have built up along the way .....

i wanna b with u in the same world

Probably God doesn't give people that thing 100% in this/one life which is the dream/weakness of the person. Truly feeling a bit good/happy as EP has taken a project to make connections among same mentality of people or the persons having same craving!! Lets explore our self to make our dreams/desires come true!! Well, what to say I'm an open minded fun/sex loving guy but leaving almost sexless marriage life. To me sex is an art & I'm a good artist. I'm having high sex drive and also a bit choosy on sexual matter...!! I'm also comfortable with all aged groups (women, matured women, girls) provided the partner is friendly and wild in the bed. I'm looking for a true "****-buddy" but relationship status with me have to be a friend only. Sex can be made colorful but not at the cost of privacy and secrecy. If any one is sex loving decent female she who wants to enjoy heavenly taste of secret sex as a true friend then pls don't shy/hesitate to knock me!!

what???? ... this makes no sense...... are you trying to say ur looking for a f@@k buddy? why is it many come to this site thinking that we are looking for a buddy to F@@k?

I could have written this. After 13 years, I cannot take it any more. He never compliments me. In order to et him to tell me I look nice I have to say, "Do I look nice to you?" and then I get the yes you do but it isn't sincere. I have to reach out to hold his hand. Heck, I am te one doing all the touching. I am a touchy person and I often reach out to hold his hand or run my hand down his arm or touch his neck as we drive. I hav made myself stop. I am tired of never having it reciprocated. I am pretty straight forward with what I want. I don't know how much clearer to be then saying, "I want sex tonight." Oh on those nights he falls asleep fast or has an extra early morning. There are always excuses. I have told him how it makes me feel and that usually gets me a neck touch. I resent him. I moved across the country when we got married to be with him. I used to consider him my best friend but now we barely talk to each other and if we o it is about our son, the animals, or work. I have seen a glimpse of what our life will be like when our son grows up and I cannot face that. I have given a lot of thought to leaving when our son does. I actually feel hopeful knowing that there is an exit strategy and that it is just a little over a year away.

My Dear dont worry about it try to convince him if not if u want to satify ur self then call me on my no 09160113578

I agree. If I'm having a relationship with myself, why is he still here?

Wow I must tell you all how glad I am that i found this site. I am with a man I met two years ago and he is such a good hearted person. I have been through so much the last six months in the way that I have lost both my parents. My dad passed in June and my mom just passed in November during this very difficult time my desires had somewhat been down and he has remained understanding and i have been trying get my mood up. We hold hands, we cuddle, we kiss everyday when I walk him out as he leaves to work, I love this man and I love that he desires me and its not that I don't desire him I just feel numb sometimes. He came to bed about an hour ago and he tried to seduce me but yeap I said "babe we have guest in the next room". Im so guilty.....but thanks to your stories this lady is going to take a hot shower and show her man how much she loves him and loves having him in her bed. I will never take for granted how lucky I am to be with a man that wants to spend time with me in and out of our bedroom....Best of luck to all of you.......

wow hmmmmm

He's been out of work for nearly three years. Won't look. Hasn't had sex with me since 2003. Guess I really am just a paycheck to him after 38 years.

yep my spouse has been out of work for 3 years............ and not looking

<p>yes, I can relate to the refuser getting better for a few days ........... I guess they give it the old collage try........ but I also believe that they do it to string us a long in their dysfunctional world ... <br />
<br />
last time my refuser tried to make our sex life work. it lasted for 4 days, he seemed really serious on making it work NOT ! ........... after 4 days he could not hang ......he stopped putting any effort into it. <br />
<br />
<br />
so I also quit doing my part, I refuse to be a one woman show carrying on a fake relationship. <br />
<br />
does he really think that I don't see it for what it is ???!!! does he think I'm not aware of his game plan ? .......... he has under estimated me big time ............ I see through each an every game he has tried !!! <br />
<br />
this is the second sexless marriage iv been in ( GOD HELP ME !)..... I told him when I met him, how my x didn't want sex, an that I was looking for a man who enjoyed having sex as a part of a relationship ....... he seemed open to my concerns... good with it. <br />
<br />
much to my dismay... I found out he wasn't into sex that much..... it was all lies............. he just wants a second person here to keep his life from boredom .. he goes no where, does nothing, but watch t/v an play on p/c acting like he is looking for a job .... <br />
<br />
it feels like I'm here to make his life less lonely ... like having a dog or cat around ........... he doesn't even talk much... he mumbles when he talks... I ask him over and over again... what u say ? I cant hear u...he is in capable of having a in depth conversation.</p>

Probably God doesn't give people that thing 100% in this/one life which is the dream/weakness of the person. Truly feeling a bit good/happy as EP has taken a project to make connections among same mentality of people or the persons having same craving!! Lets explore our self to make our dreams/desires come true!! Well, what to say I'm an open minded fun/sex loving guy but leaving almost sexless marriage life. To me sex is an art &amp; I'm a good artist. I'm having high sex drive and also a bit choosy on sexual matter...!! I'm also comfortable with all aged groups (women, matured women, girls) provided the partner is friendly and wild in the bed. I'm looking for a true "****-buddy" but relationship status with me have to be a friend only. Sex can be made colorful but not at the cost of privacy and secrecy. If any one is sex loving decent female she who wants to enjoy heavenly taste of secret sex as a true friend then pls don't shy/hesitate to knock me!!

As I read all this I just want to line them all up, mine included and scream in their faces...what the f*** is wrong with you? Is this REALLY what you believe marriage is supposed to be? Why are you here? Who wrote the rule that you can't be friendly or sexual with your spouse? <br />
I tell my husband I'm in a bait and switch. He was a fun attentive sexual man "before"...and now that we're MARRIED...he doesn't treat me like a woman he has any interest in or is attracted to...he treats me like a WIFE. Really? Is this the example mummy and daddy set? Did their marriage really suck this bad? Or did you watch too many TV programs that showed couples with no affection or sexual tension present? <br />
The inattentive spouses are ruining marriages that could be wonderful. They are practically PUSHING their spouses to cheat. I guess I look forward to the day when a group is formed called, "I cheated on my spouse because he/she couldn't be bothered with me"

Hey fedup..... Me to though a "lovingboy" but fed-up of my wife...<br />
Yours & my REAL LIFE STORY is SAME except "YEARS" (mine is 17 Years since I'm sexless..<br />
JFYI... Don't worry we are sailing in same boat my dear !!!!<br />
But One is different from you ( I have never slept with another woman AS YET)...<br />
Byeeee ever lovingboy...

Your not alone and we all feel for you and those of us that are going through the same thing totally understand the feelings of frustration and hopelessness that we are all going through. What I don't understand is how can a person who professes to love someone treat someone like this. Do they not realize how hurtful this is. Why won't most of them talk when there is a problem, the response I always get is it is all in your head, you are over reacting, you are ******* me off and on and on. Oh and the new one, it is all your fault, I thought you were not interested anymore....I have now decided it is time to stop beating myself up about it, I now try and seduce once if I get turned down I just tell him thats ok, I can do it myself, I am now going out with friends and not being available all the time and I must say it seems to be working a bit, He seems to be wanting to be around me more, so maybe this is a good thing to try, I am not saying it works for everyone but for me it seems to be working if even just a tiny bit. My thoughts are with you and I truly hope you can

So many of us in the same situation. It's sad to think of so many people in pain due to the person who ought to be the most loving and caring toward them refusing to show them any tenderness or affection and hurting both their partner and themselves in the process.

Probably God doesn't give people that thing 100% in this/one life which is the dream/weakness of the person. Truly feeling a bit good/happy as EP has taken a project to make connections among same mentality of people or the persons having same craving!! Lets explore our self to make our dreams/desires come true!! Well, what to say I'm an open minded fun/sex loving guy but leaving almost sexless marriage life. To me sex is an art &amp; I'm a good artist. I'm having high sex drive and also a bit choosy on sexual matter...!! I'm also comfortable with all aged groups (women, matured women, girls) provided the partner is friendly and wild in the bed. I'm looking for a true "****-buddy" but relationship status with me have to be a friend only. Sex can be made colorful but not at the cost of privacy and secrecy. If any one is sex loving decent female she who wants to enjoy heavenly taste of secret sex as a true friend then pls don't shy/hesitate to knock me!!

You are not alone in your situation and I hope that bing on here and getting the good advice that alot of people in the same situation helps you alot. I too feel like I am a passing thought and dont matter sometimes.

I'm in the same situation. You are not alone in your experience. I also feel like I don't matter.

Sounds like me....alone with him right in the room. It's hard to come to the realization that you don't even matter anymore...or wonder if I ever did at all.

i felt the same way. when my husband would turn his back on me n sleep while i was craving for his touch. its been 9 years of suffering but things are turning around for the last couple of months surprisingly. im happy now. hope things turn out good for u too

I am so sorry for both of you! I wish that I were the only one in this boat - because I hate that anyone else is having to go through the pain that I have been living with for the past 10 years. For the first 10 I was in what I call "ignorant bliss" <br />
You are way too young to live like that. I wish I could tell you that there is someone out there for you. <br />
This is my second marriage. I married my first husband when I was 16, divorced at 18 and swore I would never do it again, When my current husband first said that he "loved" me - I told him that "Love is a figment of your imagination, don't let your imagination run away with you." Obviously I didn't follow my own advise and I let mine run away with me. I honestly thought that I had found "the one"<br />
That call snapped me back to reality. <br />
No matter what - know that there is someone that shares your pain and is thinking of you!

I am so glad I am not the only one. He has called the phone sex lines before and I caught him on that. I have caught him doing so much stupid stuff and all he says is I love you and I am sorry but is that really enough. I am 25 years old and sometimes I feel 40. It hurts so bad and I know i cannot be like this 20 years from now. i will go crazy. l<br />
And to Firehunter75 I get that look almost everytime I touch him. where is the love and affection that marriage use to possess.

I am with you. My Husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 10. I'll go to bed while he stays up until 2,3,4 in the morning. He plays poker online, sits on the computer, listens to music,etc. We had sex 4 times last year, we have had sex 2 times this year. He claims it is him and not me..... BullS***. 4 years ago we were on a family weekend to the coast, one we would go on twice a year, on a regular basis. We are in the Wal-Mart getting some fishing gear and someone kept calling him on his phone. He kept telling them it was the wrong number. Finally I took the phone and answered it. Long story short, it was another female that he supposably met on a chat line (one of the call in ones) He had been talking to her for 3 mos. Her area code was the same as the area code of the coastal area we take our family weekends. I was devistated. Then he proceeds to tell me that he loves me but hasn't been IN LOVE with me for over 7 years. He tells me this a year after we get married. We had been together for 11 years prior. <br />
He said that he has never physically cheated. Our youngest son is now 18 and about to leave home. I feel the same way you do. I have been taking care of myself IN EVERY WAY for so many years now -- why do I need him? I have been preparing to leave for the past 3 years. I have been slowly taking over the bills - or putting money away in equal amounts for each of the bills he pays. So I know I can make it. I just have to get the courage to leave. I guess I am just afraid and that I sometimes think that some attention is better than none. But I am so .... lonely. Weird, to be lonely in a house full of people.<br />
Get out while you can. Don't look back 20 years from now and say "why did I stay?" like me.

I feel your pain. When my wife and I talk on the phone or I leave for work, I get a kiss on the forehead (or cheek) and a 'love ya" response to my "I Love YOU". I know it sounds childish, but its the little things that mean the most. If I attempt to hold her hand then I get this look. ( I call it the "cat poop look" because that's the look you have when you step in cat poop) The only emotion I can get with her is anger so I pick a lot of fights. The fights are ALWAYS about us and way she don't hug, kiss, love, hold or "sex" me. Wish I had some advice for you but I don't. This has been going on for 8 years. You can either except it or move on with your life. Good luck!!!!