Tired Of This Situation

I know I will calm down in a few hours or a few days, I will once again except the crap I am given. But I never forget, it gets heaped onto the pile of disappointments and hurt, the pile grows bigger and bigger and more rank. When I am with him, I am a miserable unhappy person, I can't stand myself. I am sick to death of this situation and want out so bad I can taste it. I feel as if every decision is made for me, I have no say and no freedom. This is his home and always was and always will be. Even though we have been together for near 20 years, I have no say here. I don't want this house anyway, the memories here are too much, I would want a fresh start. As fresh as you get being that we have children together. He will always be a thorn in my side. He has never had respect for me or treated me right. If I hadn't been so young and stupid I would have run the other way and seen all the red flags that came along with him. This is just so disfunctional, just so ******* abnormal. I understand why he shuts me out, it's a defense, if he never lets me in or has a real relationship, he will never truly miss me when gone. Always pushing me away. I am like cinderella in the corner with the ashes. We have separate lives, I am not aloud to associate with his friends or be apart of his life, if we go places, he doesn't introduce me. He didn't even tell his friends we were expecting our last child, they were totally shocked to find out I gave birth.... wtf. Today, I wasn't permitted to go to his friends father's funeral. This is absurd, I am so confused by him, it's ok to **** me, but he can't have a true life with me....
blissfulmiss blissfulmiss
36-40, F
12 Responses Jun 2, 2012

pray girl it works. then analyze everything if your tired then leave him. find ur inner peace and happiness

People say '....grab the kids and leave', but its not that easy. Like you said, its not all black & white. There are several shades of gray and then some. I know what you're talking about, because I'm in the same situation, just the other way around,...... I'm the husband. I am married to a bipolar wife, that doesn't want to confront her issues. I am suffering every day, but I am still here. Why??? Because of the many shades of gray, that keep me here. I can not abandon my kids with her and leave them to her emotional & verbal abuse. If I take them with me,....how am i to provide for them. I need to work. I don't have anymore friends, since no one likes my wife & my family is literally half a world away. So I decide to stay, for the kids sake (only until they are old enough). I know I am slowly losing myself and I hope its worth the price I'm paying. It sucks !

run !!!

and you allow it to continue? I am suggesting that you really need counselling

...that may be true, but then again things are not always black and white. Meaning things are not always that simple. Until you have lived it, you would not know. People in my situation understand that some people are much harder to handle in divorce, when it comes to having children involved, there is never a clean break. If we cannot parent as a married couple, how could we possibly in divorce.? The kids would be used as pawns and turned against me at every opportunity. At least I have them with me 100% of the time. They have a steady home and 2 parents that love them. So my life is on hold for awhile. As I see it, it's about them right now.

yes it sure is a hard road to go down,,,,many bumps,,

I think you have done about all you can do. If your husband doesn't respect you... he doesn't love you. In my opinion, you deserve far better than this out of life. You deserve a man who can truely love you. Just my two cents, for what its worth.

second reply here,, after reading it again,, i thought i could have written that myself wow sooo many parallels,, no sex here though,,

dont ever worry about that my dear,he dont now ur value,caring and ur love about him,soon he will now that first ignore him all the time make ur self busy in ur work or make new friends to share ur problem and dont think that ur r alone.being an educated women no need to worry,about that soon everything will be ok,if u have anyproblem in my suggestion,pls let me now my no is 09160113578 Kumar from Hyderabad working with cognizant

sheesh,,,, there are a bunch of us in the same boat,,,alot of people do not understand <br />
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the lonely feelings we have,,i hate sundays,, and you are correct about the pile ,, i long for a nice brunch,, snuggling at nite, and on and on,,

I am so sorry to read about your troubles, however I do have to say that when you didn't see the red flags,you did buy into it. Now, it up to you as to what you want or need to do. My suggestion is to do whatever it takes to get free of it. I know a lot of women who say that they are staying because of the kids, but they don't seem to realize that the kids also see what is going on and then they will grow up thinking that this relationship is the norm. Sad!! I wish you all the very best and if you want to chat then feel free to add me,hon.

"Today I wasn't permitted" - I had pet turtle as a kid that did what it wanted.<br />
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With good support and no rash decisions - I hope you can find the path to more independence than that turtle<br />
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Hard stuff in here - But a very good rant.

you need to seek help from lawyer and get your rights before you leave. You need some real friends to come over to your house for support, tell your family. I hope he isn't abusive to you or kids. best of luck to you

Thanks ;-)