Being Alone In Your Marriage Feels Like Being A HouseplantThat's exactly how I feel. Because you don't bother to ask a houseplant how it feels, if it needs anything, if it wants to talk, if anything's wrong. You just make sure you give it the bare minimum of what it needs to survive, and if it dies, oh well, you weren't that attached anyway.
This is how I feel in my marriage. When we were first together, my husband and I were deeply in love, we liked to do things together and we had a healthy physical relationship. Marriage for four years has seemed to destroy that.
There is now a wall between us and I feel so alone that I might as well be the houseplant. I get a moment of attention when he thinks about it, and then I'm expected to go back to being by myself until he decides to grace me with his adoration for another two minutes before returning to his world of online gaming and watching movies.
We have not had physical relations in a year, and though my appearance has not changed, he told me it's because I'm hideous, and absolutely not his type any more. I am a burden to him, but he's not willing to ask for a divorce because he can't stand to be the bad guy.
I know he's doing his best to push me away, to make me be the one to ask for the divorce. I have even left, and returned on promises that things will change. But I was a fool. Houseplants are idiots, right?
Truthfully, I don't even feel like if I were a plant I would get a sunny window. Because sun indicates warmth and light, and there's none of that left in my relationship.
I am so alone in my marriage.
Minaarchangel 26-30, F 9 Responses 1 Oct 3, 2012