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Does Anyone's Spouse Dismisses Their Feelings?.

Anyone experience their spouse not allowing them to express themselves freely?
My husband refuses to allow me to get angry, frustrated, or just plain upset over anything. It is like any negative feeling is not allowed or he says "affects him"and most of the time it (the source) will have absolutely nothing to do with him at all!!!

I could be in another room or over the baby monitor in some cases and he will get so angry at me for say...stubbing my toe and saying S****! and he will tell me "just calm down! just calm down!" as if I am flying off the handle about something. It sucks because when I try to explain myself calmly that it had nothing to do with him or why I was feeling a certain way he will say I am over reacting and here I go again and that i need to control myself. It is getting very frustrating and resentful that I can't fully express myself.

I told him the other day I was dealing with somethings and he didn't want to deal with them. Every time we have a discussion or some fight about whatever and i try to tell him my side or how I feel I am completely dismissed and not validated and I have told him this but he refuses to listen. now I am to the point I don't tell him how I feel or anything about my day because I feel it doesn't matter anymore and he doesn't understand.

I believe it stems from his childhood...he is not the favored son and his mom and dad are both non-emotional, passionless people. It sounds insensitive to say this but its true...is mother wasn't the nurturing type and has some control and passive aggressive issues herself and treats her husband like a dog.
feistypepper feistypepper 26-30, F 4 Responses Nov 30, 2012

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You are so much nicer than I am. Without a moments hesitation, I would take charge of the situation and not allow him to tell me how to act. I bet you would not allow anyone else to mistreat you like that....

oh dear, I could have written this..

I have been married 11 years and this is almost the entire source of our issues. If I think something is wrong or want to talk...I get "lighten up" or "it's not a big deal" or "give me a break". It has gotten so bad that I am on the verge of leaving him. We have gone to counseling and the counselor directly said to him "when you do this, you are disregarding her feelings, like she does not matter"

I have built up so resentment that I do not know if it is repairable.We finally discussed an issue from the beginning of our marriage that I have carried for 11 years. We talked and he ultimately apologized and said a few things, but at this point, I don't know if I his apology is sincere or just trying to pacify me.

How long have you been married? I reccomend addressing this now. If you cannot speak to him or get to marriage counseling, in my opinion, it isn't worth continuing on in a marriage this way. It WILL only get worse if not addressed. The way I look at is this...every time he dismisses your feelings or does not let you feel, you hold it in until all the little things pile up. And then, like me, the pile is too much too work through. There is too much resentment and I am not sure it will ever go away.

I am sorry you hurt this way, I know it all too well. Demand these things be discussed. Communication is the foundation of a good marriage and if he continues to behave this way, he is just proving that he does not care about your feelings and you are not important to him.

Do you think asking him for a patient hearing is the least he can do?after all the concept of marriage is for both of you.dont get discouraged.councelling and opening your heart out always helps.

YES!

But between my wife and I it plays out in a somewhat different way. When we are involved in a discusion on a significant issue in our marriage over which we disagree... and she feels that she wants to just end the discussion... She will tell me "I guess I'm just not a very good wife. You probably wish that you never married me." She has done this several times over the years when I have expressed a differing opinion from hers. It effectively ends the conversation. And I've learned that expressing my feelings on some topics just isn't useful... so I just keep quite and stuff my feelings back inside...

Me too!!!!!
I am unable to EVER tell this man how I feel about anything! He will dismiss me or become crtical about anything that comees out of my mouth!! I am not married to this man so I can take a walk when ever I want but I seem to be "stuck" however, I am getting resentful and very close to a move. I ask my self why am I here? Do I think I deserve this lack of respect, not to mention we have not made love going on 3 months. I miss it! I miss him and I am tired of feeling like I am begging this man for attention. Some days I throw my hands in the air asking " what does it matter" ? I know I need to be REALLY sick and tired of being sick and tired and one day I will walk. So close, so very close!!! I listen to his storys and he repeats them often and I even act like its the first time I have heard them. When I need him to listen he sighs, acts like I am the most boring person hes ever talked to so I find myself saying nothing. I am sick of me acting like a whipped puppy, poor poor pitiful me! I have just been one of "those" that stay loyal until the bitter end. That is something I want to stay far from, I don't want to be bitter! One day, I will find my ovaries and take a walk. I just need to leave when I am out of love, as I will feel like I short changed me again! I want all of us to snap the hell out of it and move on!!! Good luck to you, me and them~~~~

Me too!!!!!
I am unable to EVER tell this man how I feel about anything! He will dismiss me or become crtical about anything that comees out of my mouth!! I am not married to this man so I can take a walk when ever I want but I seem to be "stuck" however, I am getting resentful and very close to a move. I ask my self why am I here? Do I think I deserve this lack of respect, not to mention we have not made love going on 3 months. I miss it! I miss him and I am tired of feeling like I am begging this man for attention. Some days I throw my hands in the air asking " what does it matter" ? I know I need to be REALLY sick and tired of being sick and tired and one day I will walk. So close, so very close!!! I listen to his storys and he repeats them often and I even act like its the first time I have heard them. When I need him to listen he sighs, acts like I am the most boring person hes ever talked to so I find myself saying nothing. I am sick of me acting like a whipped puppy, poor poor pitiful me! I have just been one of "those" that stay loyal until the bitter end. That is something I want to stay far from, I don't want to be bitter! One day, I will find my ovaries and take a walk. I just need to leave when I am out of love, as I will feel like I short changed me again! I want all of us to snap the hell out of it and move on!!! Good luck to you, me and them~~~~

Why did this post twice? I am sorry my friends reading it once is certainly enough!