Feel Bad

I have been married 13 years together 2 years prior to that. We have 2 children and my life really is all about them, my husband loves me very much and would do anything for me and although a love him I suppose I am not in love with him. We rarely have sex I can think of every excuse going or I just dont speak. He want to talk and even mentioned a councillor once but I know the problem I just dont want to be there. My children are the most important thing to me always. Recently through work I have met a gentlemen who doesn't even know the way I feel about him - I certainly haven't told him. I think about him constantly and although I work with him we only bump into each other maybe once a month. I am 42 and can not wreck my family life for me just to be happy. Just writing this down helps but my heart aches. Even if this other man wasn't around, I have been unhappy in my marriage for over 9 years. Maybe I should tell this other man, not that i'm that brave, but just to find out if he is interested? HELP !!!
afraid2010 afraid2010
41-45, F
4 Responses Nov 10, 2010

I am the same I want to ask the guy I have a bad sexual crush on, whether he is interested as well. I'm a girlfriend of a number of years with my boyfriend and we are planning an engagement..I know this crush is sexual. It must be- as I have no feeling s of LOVE for the other guy. Lust is all it could possibly be. I'm 27 so maybe it's my hormones!

Your story is practically identical to mine , right down to the the detail of falling in love with someone else at work.. the only distinction is that you are a mother and I am a father. your parenthood is obviously as central to your identity as mine is to me, although its probably true that society would be more forgiving of my leaving a family as a father than would be the case for you as a mother to leave.<br />
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I feel and empathise with your heartache but of course I cant mend it for you because there is no cure, there is no way through this that meets all your needs right now..... I suspect you know you can never be happy unless your childrens needs are met first. <br />
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One thing I can do is share with you a piece of wisdom that helped me.. from a friend on here.. that is that.............. ' sometimes we meet and fall in love with someone, not to have them or keep them, but to be reminded of what love is, what we are capable of ' .........<br />
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That thought was not what I wanted to hear and it hurts me to think about it now, as it implies that my love for another is fated to be fruitless, but I realised that even if that is true, even if i never tell my other girl that I love her, my love for her will still have been real, and will have had meaning for me. And it might be the thing that empowers me to be free one day soon, when my children are older , and I will remember what I felt at this time and know it is the right time to act on it.<br />
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Warm wishes to you ...

Thank you both for your comments you are absolutely right I should concentrate on resolving or dissolving my marriage.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, you should focus on concluding that first before telling this other man what you feel. If you feel anything for your husband at all, you owe it to him to at least be honest and tell him you want out. It doesn't really matter whether you know the other guy is interested. If he was and you started something before leaving your husband that would make you a cheater. If he shared the attraction and you did not want to be dishonest...you'd have to end it with your husband first anyhow. So your focus really needs to be on dissolving the marriage and then plan your next move from there.