Lost And ConfusedHere is my story. I am 45 years old, married 15 years with two amazing, brilliant, beautiful children. I own my own business and am a successful and well-known individual in my field.
My wife is a very sweet person, incredibly smart. Every one loves her. She is the confidante of all her friends. She respects me and admires me as I do her. She's attractive, sexy, great body and we have a fantastic (and very regular) sex life.
In short, I'm living most men's dream.
And then last year an old friend entered my life. Long ago, in college, I had a crush on her but she was involved with someone else. But we became fast friends. Best friends. The type who finish each others sentences. Both ornery and fun and full of life.
She transferred and we lost touch. She didn't marry that boyfriend, but eventually met a nice man, they married and she too had two beautiful amazing children.
We lost touch until last year. When I saw her again, after 20 years, she took my breath away. We picked up exactly where we left off. We were best friends again. But we never entered the lives of each others families. For good reason. After a few months, I realized I was totally in love with her. And I was blown away when she admitted that she too was in love with me. We would see each other regularly. Sometimes physically. Most times just to have lunch and spend the afternoon together. We travelled together frequently, having amazing trips together under the premise that we both were on business trips.
Then her husband figured it out. He was devastated. They fought and argued and almost split up. But my children are younger and I was devastated at the thought of losing them so I couldn't do it. So she decided to wait until her kids were older. We tried to do what's right and stop contact many times but we are both lost without our best friend. We set up secret email accounts and got second cell phones.
Then he discovered us again. And gave her an ultimatum. No more contact. And yet we still email (no more physical contact). It's been a year of turmoil but we are still madly in love, even with limited contact.
I don't know what to do. I love my wife. She's one of those people who are insecure and afraid of everything. Irrational fears sometimes. She's an introvert. She's hates events and parties and crowds. She's the exact opposite of me. I love life, love people, love meeting new people and being involved.
I'm still attracted to my wife but we have nothing in common except for our children and our amazing sex life--this isn't a situation where I'm not having physical needs met or respect or any of those things. If that was the case this might be easier.
I also recognize that doing right by my children is the number one priority. I can't stand the thought of hurting my children. Or being without them every day.
I've even analyzed my relationship with my friend and realize that she drives me crazy at times, she has a double standard, she's far more jealous and needy than my wife would ever be. But she's also more passionate and exciting and funny and loves life like I do.
But I can't stand the thought of not having her in my life. Even a year later. I am truly in love with two women. And miserable because of it.
Your thoughts are welcome.