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Lost And Confused

Here is my story. I am 45 years old, married 15 years with two amazing, brilliant, beautiful children. I own my own business and am a successful and well-known individual in my field.

My wife is a very sweet person, incredibly smart. Every one loves her. She is the confidante of all her friends. She respects me and admires me as I do her. She's attractive, sexy, great body and we have a fantastic (and very regular) sex life.

In short, I'm living most men's dream.

And then last year an old friend entered my life. Long ago, in college, I had a crush on her but she was involved with someone else. But we became fast friends. Best friends. The type who finish each others sentences. Both ornery and fun and full of life.

She transferred and we lost touch. She didn't marry that boyfriend, but eventually met a nice man, they married and she too had two beautiful amazing children.

We lost touch until last year. When I saw her again, after 20 years, she took my breath away. We picked up exactly where we left off. We were best friends again. But we never entered the lives of each others families. For good reason. After a few months, I realized I was totally in love with her. And I was blown away when she admitted that she too was in love with me. We would see each other regularly. Sometimes physically. Most times just to have lunch and spend the afternoon together. We travelled together frequently, having amazing trips together under the premise that we both were on business trips.

Then her husband figured it out. He was devastated. They fought and argued and almost split up. But my children are younger and I was devastated at the thought of losing them so I couldn't do it. So she decided to wait until her kids were older. We tried to do what's right and stop contact many times but we are both lost without our best friend. We set up secret email accounts and got second cell phones.

Then he discovered us again. And gave her an ultimatum. No more contact. And yet we still email (no more physical contact). It's been a year of turmoil but we are still madly in love, even with limited contact.

I don't know what to do. I love my wife. She's one of those people who are insecure and afraid of everything. Irrational fears sometimes. She's an introvert. She's hates events and parties and crowds. She's the exact opposite of me. I love life, love people, love meeting new people and being involved.

I'm still attracted to my wife but we have nothing in common except for our children and our amazing sex life--this isn't a situation where I'm not having physical needs met or respect or any of those things. If that was the case this might be easier.

I also recognize that doing right by my children is the number one priority. I can't stand the thought of hurting my children. Or being without them every day.

I've even analyzed my relationship with my friend and realize that she drives me crazy at times, she has a double standard, she's far more jealous and needy than my wife would ever be. But she's also more passionate and exciting and funny and loves life like I do.

But I can't stand the thought of not having her in my life. Even a year later. I am truly in love with two women. And miserable because of it.

Your thoughts are welcome.
mo250466 mo250466 41-45 67 Responses May 7, 2011

Your Response


Before I start, this is going to be long. You have to know the beginning before you can understand the end. KARMA is a big word here so pls keep that in mind while reading. + pls excuse my grammar and spellings.

As far back as I can remember I have been searching for true love. Yes I am a male but I have a weak spot for love, true love that is. I am the guy who is just glad to have loved then never have loved at all.

I meet my first wife at work she was sweet, exciting, extremely intelligent, great in bed treated me like I was the world to her that is until she got pregnant. Regret of dropping out of school and having a baby not one but two consumed her entire life. We were both extremely strong and dedicated people. We made it through 7 years of misery. We both really tried to make it work ( for the sake of our kids we are good friends now much better than when we were married ). But Through all that I had become a bitter, anger and miserable person.

That is until a year and a half before we separated . I met this amazing, sweet, generous women that stole my heart the first moment I laid my eyes on her. It was like earth had stop spinning and the sun dropped in the sea. I was hooked. More I fought the itch in my soul, harder I tried to keep my family together but at the end my heart won and I mad the biggest mistake of my life. I slept with my new love and cheated on my wife.

Well story strolls down as beautifully as you all are thinking. Love was in the air few struggles here, there but over all WAS happy. I married the love of my life on 11.11.10

Hmmm!! Did I mention my new wife was not good with kids? She was Ok in bed, where I was the exciting energetic soul she was just happy to be there. It was not perfect, I guess nothing is , but that's what made it amazing, were she lacked I shine. What I was missing she was able to provide.

Like a stupid man I yet came to a new crossroads in my life. I fell in love yet with another women hahaha. But this was different. I stood there at the end of the line deciding which direction to take, all that crossed my mind was the sweet, caring women that helped me become a better man. This time I chose the right path and stayed with my wife. In my story I came to find out that I did make the right choice, for some reason I was still looking for true love only to find that my soul mate was right there in front of the me the whole time.

This is were karma comes back to bite me in the ***. Three months ago I found out that my soulmate, my true love has given away her heart to some one else. As it saddens my soul and thrust a arrow through my heart every min of my life I find my self wondering..... What Did i do to Deserve this, Was it doing wrong by my first wife, or was it doing right by my love that brought me to my knees or is it just karma's way of continuing what I had started and pass it on to my love.

I for one forgive my wife, can't blame her for doing what I did to some one else. If she leaves I hope she finds what I had found in her and pray karma dose not do what was done to me ( no one deserves that) but if she stays, well !!! She will find her soul mate and her true love right here waiting for her.

Hi. I believe in karma, but I also believe that stuff just happens some times. I honestly would not continue to blame yourself for your new wife's interest in someone else. That's her thing, not yours. Marriage is not easy, and I just really do believe == having learned so much at this point in my life == that long-term relationships are not easy and that everyone has to find their own way. Some people get lucky and get with a person that truly fits with them. Others don't. Some situations are tolerable and some are not. Some relationships are easier and some are not. I do not think that there is a rhyme or reason as to why these things happen in relationships -- I just think that they do. As for karma, yeah -- we need to watch what we do and what we put out there. But everyone makes mistakes -- and it sounds like you regret that last affair and realized that you liked what you had. I hope that things work out for you. Most of the affairs do not work out anyway -- maybe your wife is going through a phase like you did and it will pass. I hope so for you.

Me, I am not happily married woman with 2 wonderful daughters. I am still dreaming to meet someone who would love and care for me. A man of my dream. Handsome, rich, kind, thoughtful, with sense of humour, a clean person and inside and out. Please help me to find . I am 34 years old.

As someone who knows a friend who used to be in that situation, I just want to bring the attention to this; all forbidden fruits are seductive. Once it's not forbidden anymore, everything starts to fizzle. And the cycle will continue. Love is always vibrant, but it is also fickle. That is why it changes lane every so often and that is why romance is always going to be brief. Temporal. Like the spring is always only a season out of four. But a relationship, it goes all the way. All seasons long. The ups and the downs are always gonna be there, of course. But after the summer, autumn and winter, spring will always come. Instead of trying to fall in love in the forbidden zone and cause heartaches, why not try to find back that lost romance in the relationship? Find back the reasons you've fallen in love with your significant other in the first place. Getting out of love-trance is really hard. It's definitely fekking hard. It's often feeling like you're breathing with a boulder sitting on your chest or as if you're being shred to pieces. Like everytime you take a step ahead, you're being pulled two steps back. Like your body is just a husk and your soul has flown somewhere else. But once you're out, you'll be able to see more clearly, to judge more fairly, to feel better when making a decision. Romantic attraction to other people will always happen, no matter what age that is why we are human. We lust after flesh and covet that intoxicating feeling called love. Not a single human on earth can claim to feel perfectly satisfied with their love life. But as a human, we are also given the ability to differentiate which is good for us and which isn't. If you cannot commit to the decision you've made when you get married, why bother getting married in the first place. Since you've made it, it must mean that you're fated to live out the rest. If you've been somehow abused, maybe I could understand why you wanted out. But if all is fair and you're getting high on forbidden love just because, then I guess it's just your irresponsibility. If you are able to cheat on your wife, what make you sure you won't cheat on your mistress once she becomes your wife as well? And the same goes to her. For a love relationship comes with responsibilities. Children suffer after parents get divorce for so many reasons. But if children suffer when cheating parents stay in marriage it's only because after extra-marital affairs, the people involved continue to brew their resentments and mop around and it steep into the marriage. That is what's wrong with the world today, parents cheat on their significant others and leave for the sake of new love, saying it's human rights then expect it to be accepted well. As kids grow up they will think that being selfish, irresponsible and divorces are something normal. That is why so many of them will marry on whims and divorce on whims. And the next generation got lost on what family is actually. It's not worth it. Well, this is what my friend herself said when she broke up her relationship. Lucky for her. She went on to happier life afterwards. She still think of her lost love once in a while, I think nobody can ever forget their romances completely. But she said she knows how to let it go the moment he comes to her mind and she doesn't feel bad about putting him at the back of her mind. Guess it's a risk to most. But life will be happier if fewer people are hurt by the choices we make. She chose to let go and consequently hurt only herself and her love. she didn't became bitter but worked on her relationship better. And she's happier these days. But what do I know..

Thanks for the thoughts shared... I can think more clearly and more logically now..

Not everyone can rekindle romance like that. I think that every situation is different -- every marriage different. Some people are not meant for 30 years together. They grow apart. There are definitely those out there who are well-suited. They are best friends, through the ups and downs. Others -- no. I understand this argument, though. Most affairs are just that -- and they don't last. And cheating is never a great thing to do, because it's lying. However, some people are just really unhappy with who they are married to, and because they have children, they stay. And when that happens, they're lonely and more susceptible to an affair. Some people are married to someone who have addiction problems, or who are not nice to them, or who are cold as a fish. It's not all black and white because with those kind of issues, you can't exactly go there and work on your marriage and make things better sometimes.

i am happy that i and my Ex are back again and he already told me he needs me and wants to stay with me forever, is the greatest!! with his spell all this happened, you can reach him on this number +15036626930
Lisa Rabiye

I don't know if anyone is still reading this thread. I came across it hopelessly searching on the internet for some type of clarity. I'm 25 and married to my husband who is 33. We started dating on my 20th birthday. He's very supportive of and a kind and responsible man. However, our relationship lacks emotional and physical connection. At times I just feel like we are roommates. We are very comfortable with eachother and support eachother. We don't have sex often. He was the only man id ever slept with until I entered into an affair. I fell in love with someone while I was away for work. There was passion, laughter, fun, mind blowing sex, deep emotional connection and understanding. No one knows about my affair. It's been going on for ten months and I'm just approaching my 2 year wedding anniversary only. I'm terrified that I was too young to marry and didn't really know myself. I'm scared I married because it made sense and he was a good man that could take care of me. I'm in love with this other person but that's a whole mess. He's an alcoholic with no money and doesn't have his life together. But he's smart, funny, passionate and loves me endlessly and in a way I've never felt from my husband. Am unjust an idiot? I've communicated to my husband about the problems I see and what I need to change and suggested counseling - but things don't change. He's very closed off when he is stressed with work and then withholds emotion and sex. It wasn't always like that. I think is possible to work it out with counseling. But then will i always be in love with this other man? I know it'd be a dead end with him - but the romance and passion is undeniable. Am i just naive and stupid? Am I fooling myself that I'll actually be 100% fulfilled in my marriage after work? Should I divorce and not be with my lover either? I feel so confused between being rational and what I feel. I hate that I have this secret and don't want to hurt my husband. I know that sounds ridiculous because of my actions. I'm terrified of divorce but I strayed because I wanted more intimacy and found it. Now what? Learn the lesson of what was lacking and try to fix my marriage or call it quits and let us nth move on? I've attempted breaking all contact with the other man (who now lives on the other side of the country) but it's so painful and he honestly is my best friend. Having the relationship with him just magnified everything I was lacking in my marriage emotionally and sexually. I feel bored out of my mind with my husband but in don't know if that's just immaturity and because the "honeymoon" faze is over. I don't want to be fooled by "the grass is greener". I also don't want to fool myself that there is hope in the marriage if there isn't. Help:(

Hopeful25, you are not alone!
I have been married for 8 years, and just recently I fell in love with another man. He like your other is not in a great place in his life (problems with his daughters mother, financial instability and mental illness), but I love him none-the-less. He has my heart, he has had it since the day I met him (just a few months ago). Everyone I know says I am just infatuated with him, but I would have to disagree. The connection we share is intangible, deep, soulful. He gets me in ways no one has ever gotten me before. Our dreams are aligned, our thoughts are so similar it is scary.... even the things we long for in life are uncannily similar. I have been truly taken aback since he has come into my life. I am in love, confused and struggling to reason out my next move.
Something to note about my situation is that I BELIEVE he was brought into my life for a reason. I feel like he is my "twin flame", I feel like he is part of me. I think we were brought together to further our spiritual growth, to heal and to make some serious changes here on earth.
On the other side of my situation, I unlike you, am still very much in love with my husband too. He is my best friend, an amazing lover and a very good father. We have spent 10 incredible years with each other, and we have accomplished so much. We have 2 awesome kids and we just bought a small farm (our collective dream). We were well on our way to achieving our goals together (then my other showed up). We are an awesome team. I don't want to hurt my husband (but I am). How can I continue our relationship with one foot out the door. He knows I have feelings for my other, but does not understand how deeply we are connected and has given me the ultimatum stay in the marriage and cut off contact completely or leave.
This is where I am at. In love with two men. I am thinking about leaving my marriage, seeing where things go with my other... because it is too painful to think of life without him. Also, terrified to lose what I already have.
I hope things work out for you! I know I am struggling, and hopefully putting it out there will help me make a decision.

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As I'm reading all of these letters, my heart truly knows the pain everyone is feeling. I've been married for 18 years to a man 17 years younger than myself. I don't look my age, everyone has always thought he was older, I look in my 40's. Must be the Italian blood. Anyway, He has had a very rough life, I truly understand, bad childhood and troubles all the way. He was angry when I met him. We fell in love and and got married and life still happened with more recently many job problems. It's really hard to stay focused on passion and intimacy when you're losing your house, car accidents, job losses, sister's suicide just keep coming at you. Life happens to everyone, I know I am no different. The last job really devastated him, he was working with a rough crew (he was operating a crane) and they were just jerks. He started having dizzy spells and he just couldn't deal with it any more. But somehow in his mind he turned it all on me. The quieter he got and more irritated the more friction there was. He connected with an old high school friend on social media, also having trouble in her marriage, she had his brother's child also. Now he wants a divorce and says we've grown apart. He thinks everything will be different with this new woman, she understands him. I think that first we have to be confident in ourselves and not expect another human being to complete us. I long for the romance and closeness of a man, because what I have now really kills you. I believe in God and am waiting for my Prince Charming too, just like so many.....

There is no confusion. People stop deluding yourselves. Put simply you are faced with a choice between the "security of your current relationship", and the excitement of "new love". You're afraid to lose your spouse, should this other thing not work out as you'd hoped it would; the fear you may end up being in the same place with that new lover down the road, just as dis-satisfied as you keep telling yourself you are. When we want to justify our actions, regardless of right or wrong, the consequences, or whatever, we will go to great lengths to convince others and ourselves that this is "Right". Acceptance by ourselves and others relieves us of the need to make an honest adult decision. You are not a child that fell and scraped your knee in a playground. You are supposed to make decisions and stand by them. If staying in a relationship truly makes you miserable, you would end it. Stop making excuses for staying, you're only hurting yourself and everyone involved. You should never use another person as a "reason" you need out of a relationship. You only want to go at the prospect of leaping to another bed. Not for your own well being. Also, people, stop fooling around with others before you let your current lover know how you feel. You are in love with the idea of getting away with something. The other person is just an escape plan. The fact that some choose to stay with their spouse but still claim to be miserable and "in love" with the other person is bullshit. This is how you show you love someone? By disregarding their happiness and yours by remaining miserable in a love less marriage? And what of the spouse? This is how you show them you love them? By not loving them? If the shoe was on the other foot and your spouse did the same to you, how would you feel? Also, how selfish for you to deny your spouse finding true love with someone else in the future. No matter how you try to wiggle out of it, you know it's wrong for everyone involved. Take a deep breath, be a man/woman. Do what's right. Just like a dad who's pushing you on your bike until you get your balance and off you go. Think about it, and good luck.

Hello Mr.Mo
This might be a little late for response. But i need to tell this to you. For love of your wife, she doesnt like party as you do, she doesnt like social ocassions and live life to the edge. And for your friend whom you just met recently, she is fun and party loving right? But remember one thing that is the law of the world. Time changes people. Think of your wife whom she lives through hot and cold with you for all these years and never fall for someone else. She sacrifice alot for you and your children. That may even be the reason why she loves to spend more time with family. Just think all about it...she does all that for youand children. For your friend whom you met recently, how do you know she's your soulmate? How do you know she will love your children like her own? How do you know she will die for you and your children like your wife will? Maybe for her own children but not likely yours. Love is not just about passionate kisses and romantic pathway full of roses. Always know that one day when you have nothing left -the great kiss/sex ,money, youth -the person who will stay besides you is your true soulmate. There is a saying, no matter how good the crystals are when you see it during diamond mining, it is ot the price. Think of your life ahead of you. You said it was every man dream. Why break it? Passion doesnt last forever, bt true love does. You cant be in love with two. It doesnt wrk that way. I say all this from experience i witnessed, your wife never hit u, scream at u, angered from jealousy, or do anythig to harm your feelings, but lok what you want to do to her? There's always fire when someone falls in love. Like your friend, if she loves you like your wife, she would have contact you since you split and lost each other....If different in your lufe and your wife's is the wouldn't marry her from the first place, would u? Imagine if you and your friend married and party everyday and left your kids to their own. What will happen? I dont have any authority to tell you what to choose, or you may have did already. But as a person who is 3times younger (technically yes thats my real age..) i may sounds too bable but what im saying is what i think you should consider

How dare you!
Pure and simple selfishness.
Let me give you a little insight from the wife's side. We have been married 30 years, have been through births, death's, hard times and fun times. Great sex life, shared our most intimate details of our lives. Swore we would love one another until death due us part. 8 months ago out of no where I was blindsided with the news that my loving husband wants out. I'm confused and try to figure out what is happening, thanks to social media he came in contact with an old girlfriend from when he was 17 and she was 13. He declares how much he loves her and wants to leave, to start a new life and be all that he can be.
Why is it that men think that because they want it so bad they can have it, because society says everyone should follow their dreams. What about my dreams of living my life with the man I love? Who talks about that? No one because the person following their dreams is the all important one and what the spouse feels has no baring on it. So as a spouse am I supposed to sit back and say oh, honey its okay, you go follow your dreams and I will just sit here and let mine be shattered, whatever makes you happy, makes me happy?
No where in marriage vows does it say, oh if you're feeling selfish, go ahead and crush the people you love, as long as your happy.
If you have a strong marriage and enter into an extra relationship, you are the one who has no self respect, integrity or dignity and you sure as hell don't respect your wife or your children.
As far as the other woman goes.......If she cheats on her husband she will cheat on you, so save yourself the heartache and stay where you intended to be when you took those vows!!

i am living the same dream/hell. but due to my lack of experience i ended up telling my wife im in love with someone else... that was good cause i did not like living a lie but since that happened everything has changed... i started to think more about my son and i even thought of going back to my wife but deep down i know nothing will ever be the same and now i am afraid of going back... her family already knows of my situation and i know they see me different now. i also understand that my wife will never trust me again... i guess we have lost the necessary foundations for a happy family right? i just don't wanna regret of the decisions i am for you Mo... i hope you can have the courage to choose what makes you happy! life is short! i think you should do what makes you happy!!!!

If you are not in love with your spouse, then leave! Leave for yourself, not another person! This will open you up to opportunities to find love from someone who is able to reciprocate openly and honestly. Your children need to see you in an open, honest and loving relationship ... Your relationships provide them the foundation upon which they base their own relationships when they get older. If you want them to be happy you must show them what happiness is!

I truly feel for you. I have known a woman for about 5 years now. I have always been attracted to her since the first time I saw her. She is beautiful. We rarely saw each other over the first three year I knew her. We were just two people living our separate lives. We saw each other 4-5 times per year. Over the past year though, we saw each other more as our families hung out more. Then, this past summer, she began to flirt with me a little more than she had in the past. I had thought she was always a flirt, but never really thought that much about it. But, our families were camping together and she began to flirt more. It didn't phase me. A few weeks passed and we began communicating more...flirting some. Then, we met. I kissed her passionately and we nearly had sex, but did not. She wanted me but I was unsure at that point whether I wanted to start an affair. Since then, we have met up multiple times and had sex. At first, I felt we were just having a fling. But, within a month and a half, I began to fall in love with her. I was afraid to admit it at first, because I did not know how she felt. But, in a short amount of time, she told me that she loves me deeply. I love her deeply as well. Since we admitted it to each other, we feel that we are truly in love with one another. She has told me many times she would walk away from her husband if it weren't for the kids. I feel the same way. Her husband treats her like a piece of property and does not love her as he should. He doesn't even kiss her passionately. Every minute I am away from her, I hurt. When I'm with her, I am on cloud nine. I want to be with her...she wants to be with me, but I think that we are both afraid of what would happen if we both left our spouses. I am at the point where I cannot stand being away from her. I hurt daily when I can't see her or talk to her. I constantly think about her. I dream about her. I am in love with her and I cannot have her right now.

Hi Mo,
This story is heartbreaking! I write as the (adult) child of parents who "stayed together for the kids". Kids are smarter than you think they are, they pick up that something's wrong - if you're a really good actor, they'll never guess that it's your marriage that's lacking, they will think there's something wrong inside of them!
When I found out my mother had loved another man but stayed for the sake of us, her children, I felt only guilt and sorrow. Guilt that I was the burden that kept her where she didn't want to be, and sorrow that my mother had a chance at happiness but didn't take it. I knew my parents were not happy, even though they too were great actors, and the atmosphere of denial made everything feel unreal and dead.
My siblings and I have all struggled with relationships, and none of us have found happiness in love. In my own life, denial has played a huge role in my relationships and I have allowed things to happen to me that any normal person would not allow - because as a child I learned that I could not trust my feelings! My instincts were always denied - as I say, my parents were good actors. The confusion lasted well into middle age!
I'm not trying to scare you, just trying to say it doesn't work! I know it comes from the best of intentions, to keep the family together, but your children are going to grow up and have their own lives and they need to understand what is and isn't the truth - especially about love.
Please don't live this living death! I can't imagine your wife could be happy with this either, or perhaps just happy with the security. And if you were honest with yourself, you are probably staying more for your own sake, that you don't want to lose daily contact with your children, than for the sake of your children.
Please follow your heart. Two years later and you still love her, that's proof enough that it's real. Teach your children to live true to themselves and with courage - that's the best gift you could give to them!
This story makes me feel sad )-:

Oh my- this is a forum for people who can't write or spell- it's driving me nuts trying to read what you've written!!! Anyway, I would suggest to follow your heart. Your wife is going to figure it out anyway (women's intuition) and there will be heartbreak anyway. Plus, she will have ground to stand on in court. There's truth behind the saying, however, that if "they will cheat for you, they will cheat on you." It's possible you may have a better outcome, but don't forget karma :) you put a lot of negative out there by being unfaithful- so, expect it back. Good luck man-

I am to in the situation, I am 33 and i have been with my boyfriend for seven years and have a daughter together. We first started dating when i was in six grade then went different directions a year later. Twelve years past....But ended back together. Mean while i was talking to a married man for five years before hand...and i knew we wouldnt ever be together so i chose to just move on with my boyfriend now (the seven years guy who i dated as a child). Well last year i ran in to the married man and he informed me he wasnt married anymore. Well i just waned to be friends but all those feelings came rushing back. He is 20 years older then me but that is no biggie, age is just a number.My problem is that i love him very much i talk to him every day and see him maybe twice a month we want to be together but i also love my boyfriend but not in the same way as i did when we first started dating. Hes a good guy and has his issues but who doesnt. I just dont know what to do my heart is aching... please help me

As far as she is someone else wife you should let go and pray for forgiveness, if it were to the olden days you both would have been killed by the law of the old testament

dude feel the same but the girl dont know i love her. I keep it in my soul because it complicates things. thats what you should have done. but i must say if things are good why ditch whats realy already there. I wish was same situation

how do you know they would complicate things? Sometimes you have to share your soul with others, that's how it lives forever.

hi, I am41 married for 11 years 10 year old daughter, and he is56 married. I am falling for him. I had bad relation with husband.since i am in one sided love i feel so good that i am always happy and doesnot botherabout husbands remark. that changed him too. our relationship improved. But i still still love one sided.

In my prospective, I think you should just stay with your current wife and just be friends with the other woman. It wouldn't be fair to your wife and kids, also her husband and kids.... You can still be friends with her but like get together sometimes as a visit but not all the time. You committed yourself to be with your current wife, don't cheat on her. I wouldn't be that kind of person, its just wrong.... :/

Quite a similar situation with me...I am living a rocky marriage for the last 12 years, 2 children and not in love with my wife anymore. We fight daily over petty issues with her getting violent and using filthy and nasty language, shouting and howling and going out of control. It is at this point that I entered into a relationship with this beautiful lady who is exactly opposite my wife in terms of habits and ideals. Our relationship gradually got stronger and we have a great sexual life as well. Just to let you know that there is no sexual relation between me and my wife for the last 1 and half years which is the age of my relationship with this lady who is approximately 10 years my junior. I am 34 and she is 26.
Now the question is how could we give this relationship a legal binding..My wife initially suspected and now is sure of my extra marital affair and is trying her level best to spoil my relationship by hook or by crook. Still in spite of all sorts of difficulties me and my girlfriend are continuing on though this constant onslaught by my wife has resulted in few spats between us, though we patched up in a day or two to resume things normally as if nothing had happened. Lets c how things shape up and how we can bring an end to my toxic relationship with my wife to start something meaningful.....

WOW...My Story @ 40 - I was married for 18 years-GROWN CHILDREN and I married again 2 yrs. I love my husband yet I view him as my best friend, maybe needing someone to spot after my divorce. He loves to sleep-he likes to good just not enough 3 per month.

Just a few day ago I post that I was losing 35 lbs and my dream-man give me support. i have known him since 2nd grade to high school we were good friends-I was in love with him I did not tell but he just loved me a best friend...calling us "2FUN"! My heart is feelin' some-kind-of-crazy! I do not think he knows I'm married. Yes, I 'm talking to him like I'm not married...crazy. I believe in dreams and marriage...yet my first marriage no dreams, second married - like a best friend w/benefits and now a dream can it come true.
I love belonging to a church family - NOT....I want to stop smoking again - husband smoke a lot - more good sex - NOT....want to do enough entertainment - with situations/problems, START MY BUSINESS best friend-husband - GOT! LOL, he is sleeping now....he likes it.

I am Miss Lucy Hollywood., From united states of America.I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS Dr. DAHIRU TEMPLE. My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now.. I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is : arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo . com This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost ok..Thanks

Here's my story. I have been happily married for 20 years. Or so I thought. We have two very wanted children. Went through IVF for both of them. I ended my lucrative career to dedicate my life to my kids. We both always have put the kids first since they are so precious to us and weren't easy to come by. Life gets busy. We never spent time together. I would always beg him to come along on family outings and he would gripe and complain and it would end up where I wished he didn't come because it would have been more pleasant without him. He was always working, which I appreciate as it allows me to spend time home with my kids. In his spare time he would always do anything but spend time with the kids and I. I tried to get my emotional needs of wanting to "connect" with people on a spiritual, emotional level online and even tried to share what I was doing with him. No interest. No interest in Museums, in intelligent conversations with the kids. Not much at all. I joined facebook, reconnected with someone I knew when I was 16. Fell madly in love via email only. It felt like a spiritual psychic time connection. I felt I could feel him and it stopped me in my tracks at times. He loved everything I loved in life that my husband did not. He wanted to be the one at my dinner table, where my husband never was. He wanted to go to my kids band and chorus concerts. He wanted to do all sorts of things with my kids and I. He wanted and longed to be the man my husband was not giving me. I asked my husband for a divorce. It didn't work. He told my entire family and got them on his side. He told friends who now find me despicable. My family practically disinherited me. He kept threatening to mess up the kids lives with a nasty divorce. Our financial lives would be horrible and he manipulated the kids into seeing how much he didn't want to get divorced and loved me. He couldn't go to work. One day I found him in the shower in a ball curled up and crying. He was devastated as he realized he was nothing without me, so he thinks.(He also works for my family.) Sometimes, he would be angry, but over all he just refused to believe I was in love with someone else and didn't love him. He was diagnosed with double PTSD because of the first trauma that I was seeing someone else, then again when he realized I didn't stop. I tried to stop seeing my Love, but it was so painful, I would still contact him. I have never experienced anything more painful in my life. The longing for him is so intense. I told him many times I was getting divorced and then that I could not do it. When I told him I didn't know how long it would be, he said he couldn't wait knowing I was sleeping with my husband. He couldn't take me "working on my marriage" which I said I was doing to please my extended family and everyone else involved. It has been over a year since I asked for a divorce and I am just now, not crying all day. I tried getting a job, then couldn't deal with all the stress and pain and guilt about not being with my kids, so I quit. I know that I would never be happy if my kids are not happy. They mean the world to me. I always thought that people who got divorced were selfish and could not understand how people could do that to their kids. Well, I learned not to judge about that ever again. My dream, of course everyone's dream, was to be married with a wonderful 2 parent family forever. I still can have that dream and my husband has changed. He now spends time with the family and doesn't do any outside activities. He is desperate for me to not leave him. I could be, I should be perfectly happy with my life. I have it all. We are financially secure and would not be if divorced. I owe this life to my kids. The only problem is my husband wants me to be madly in love with him and I long for my other Love only. The difference in the way I feel about the two is amazing. My husband has everything I need and sex between us is great, mechanically. But it doesn't have the emotional spiritual connection I felt with my Love. It can not even compare. I do not feel emotionally connected to my husband. It is totally different from what I feel with my Lover. What I've experienced with him is nothing I've ever felt before. I didn't know the feelings I feel for him existed. The pain I felt when my Love decided to not wait anymore was a similar pain to what I've put my husband through. I feel awful about it, but at the time could only see my pain. I have been to hell. That I know. I think my Love was hoping and is still hoping I will divorce, but he has not been the nicest since I have not divorced, as promised. He was mad that I had sex with my husband. I am the most honest person I know usually. I divulge information to people that they may not want to even know. I've never hid anything before this affair. I never even lied to my kids about Santa Claus. I suppose I shouldn't have told him, but I am honest with him as I was hoping to be accepted for who I am and not have to hide anything. My husband would not leave me alone with regard to sex and although I told my Love I would not have sex with him anymore, my husband pressured me so much I just serviced him. It was not emotional or wanted and I was trying to keep the peace. I realized since that that I don't have to and don't if I don't want to. I also told my Love that I would be divorced in time to go to concerts that I had tickets to and that the two of us would go. Well, it was not as easy as I thought it would be to get divorced. There are children and inlaws and family involved all saying NO. Don't do it. You will ruin the kids lives forever. Try to work it out. They will hate your Lover. We all will. You will be shunned. Some friend would even say They don't want to go to hell by sympathizing with me. Everywhere you look, no one is on the side of someone who has an affair. My love was no longer there to support me. He says it is Self Protection as I broke his heart. I am trying to do the Right Thing. I am trying to be the happy family I thought we once were, before I discovered my what Love is capable of feeling. My Counselor says the problem is I have to stop all contact with my Love. I want to stop all contact but I believe I am addicted. He doesn't even respond to most of my emails I send him. He has not seen me for 6 months. I know he is seeing someone else. He says I should have just done it. I finally discovered some mediation and I am stronger. I do not cry non-stop and don't think of him once in a while. Progress. Anyone seen Anna Karenina - the movie. Sometimes I felt like her. That's another thing. Every single love story, every single love song, everything I do and everywhere I go. I can only think of him. My mind isn't here how I want it to be for my kids. I need it back!! I am working very hard on that and thank god for the Meditation from Oprah and Deepak. It helped me see my heart's desire and true destiny is to have happy well adjusted children. Without that, even if I had my Love, I would not be happy.

Darling why do you think all the movies say follow your heart? You are listening to the needs of everyone else , your husband, your family and your so called friends! (including your councillor ) Please get in touch with who you are and realise that if you go against your heart and matters of the heart you will get sick and this will never go away. You are a beautiful human with natural instincts not an adulteress!! You need to decide whether you want to live or to die slowly inside and don't you think that matters more to your children? Children feel stuff and if you want to teach them something and not lie than be true to you. Don't think about the future too much , don't sit there in pain . You need to find the strength to decide and act and follow through and your real friends and your family will only have to hop on board for the ride of your life , or stand there in amazement at the joy you seek and the courage you had to do something about it. I was in your situation 5 years ago, my kids are happy because their mum is happy and my beloved and I finally have the life we deserve. Don't let anyone including your husband emotionally blackmail you anymore. Living with guilt is awful but living in an unhappy loveless marriage in fear is worse . Do you want your son or daughter to have that? No you would support them and gain from your own experience and teach them to be strong and stand up for what they believe . Why are sacrificing your own heart for the sake of others? The decision is the hard part , but once you are on the path of your heart the rest is easy because through love we know what to do. Love will find a way , it always does ..
I wish you love and happiness my friend . You can contact me anytime if you need some real counselling !

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I just wanted to write that I loved reading your reply. When I read what MomID was going through I thought that this would be me in a year if I didn't do what I was going through now.
I have been married for 10 years with 3 children and unhappy for most of that time. My husband and I have been best friends but our sex life has been horrible. He always wanted it but I just haven't been attracted to him for such a long time that I would use any excuse not to sleep with him. Last year I got in touch with an old boyfriend through facebook but soon unfriended him because I realised everything I was posting was for his benefit. This year I friended him again and we started messaging each other. Through our messages we confessed to each other that we were each others "one"...the one we never got over, the one we always loved...we started a relationship emailing each other and as we live in different towns we have seen each other only twice but both times it has been intense and amazing. We now talk on the phone as often as possible (he works in remote locations so not always possible).
A few months ago this finally gave me the willpower to instigate a separation with my husband. He was so shocked and wanted counselling. I tried but MY counsellors told me I had already made up my mind, I was obviously tired from fighting this for such a long time. He is in the process of moving out and I feel like a cloud has been lifted. I am excited for my future with or without my lover. I like that he works remotely that I can concentrate on my children and me and still see him whenever we can. My husband is working through his issues and I know how heartbroken he is but he isn't the right person for me. He found out about my affair after I had told him I wanted a separation. He hasn't told his family about my affair but they already have shunned me for hurting him. My family know of the affair but have been very supportive of me. Some of my friends know and they too have been great. I know if word gets out not everybody will be understanding but I tell myself to not worry about them. I am building my own happiness and I can't keep worrying about what people think. I want to be happy so much. My marriage was difficult for a long time and I was the victim of emotional abuse and emotional blackmail. My husband didn't have a life away from me and made it difficult for me to have a life. Long long story. I would like to talk more to you ladies about this. I wish you well MomID, I really do. I am glad you've found peace with meditating and I hope it works for you. Jodiblove I would love to hear more of your story - you are me 5 years from now. I am so glad to have found this site. So glad I am not the only person to go through this!

Hi darling I am so happy to read of your courage and wisdom and the way you have handled this whole thing and kept your head up well done for that!

Remember you are not responsible for your ex 's healing don't feel guilty just send him love in your mind everyday to move on . It sounds like if you have a mutual love with your new partner it really can work . My partner also lives far away from me but like I tell people it's not like getting a new car !

If it's a beautiful love that flows like a river it should be honoured in any way possible . Take this time also to ease into your new life and build strength on the fact that you had the courage to walk and stand alone if need be as you say . The rest will just line up . The sea will part and love always finds a way so don't worry about the future too much just breathe through the steps and make the most of this time . Every situation is different but I hope I can give you hope by saying it's not easy and you will have moments of wavering and pondering but if you know who you are then stick to being you and don't give up !

You have come this far and that's more strength and courage than half the population in this world .

I send my good wishes to you and your new life . You can contact me anytime to let me know your progress


<P class=first>Hi i am so happy i found this site and feel i am not alone. I am married almost three years and have had a hard time. Meanwhile i fell in love with a man few months back almost 10 years elder to me who has a son. We are madly in love with each other. But his wife has suspected that there is something going on. But we still love each other and our relation is going strong. Not sure what will happen in future. Some one please advise. We are deeply connected and its difficult to stay apart.</P>

I could have written EXACTLY what MomID wrote. I am seeing a well-being specialist tomorrow, as I am in limbo right now. Still living with hubby, still communicating with Lover. It's soooo hard. I need more advice from jodiblove.

Hi , ok but if you do not love your husband you should not be there. You need to honour your true feelings and also tell your husband the truth so he can deal with things appropriately . Also it's not fair for your lover to share you . It's hard but the DAD rule is the only way out. Decide Act Do ! If you stay you will die inside it never goes away . Trust me I was there it took me two years to get the courage to leave , hardest decision ever but now I'm free I know it was the right way the heart cannot be compromised in that way darling . You just need to find the courage to speak the truth , find it within and do it for yourself and your very valuable life and the happiness you deserve

Sending you hope
Jbl 🌞

4 More Responses

There is karma we are going through in this life to pay for past errors or hurt we caused. Mo.. the love you yearn for may have been a love from a previous life.. and you still have those feelings for her. ..
I too am married with 4 wonderful children.. and last year.. met the love of my life. He is divorced and has 4 children also. My mind says i would be crazy to want this guy.. but the yearning is from a deeper place... my soul.. My soul knows him and craves him. it drove me crazy.. luckily he lived 9 hours away or i would have destroyed my marriage of 20 years.. I felt so strong about my connection with this new love that i spoke to a Shaman who asked her spiritual guide to give me some info... it turns out... my husband was my father in a past live... and I wanted to marry this young man.. the current new love... however, in the past life I ran away from home to marry this young man.. but got lost in a forest and died. So I this life when I met this new guy... all those feelings of yearning and searching for him flooded back. The feelings are overwhelming. But all you can do is write them down... get them out.. talk to a counselor.. acknowledge the feelings... it is ok... but try to find the lesson.... There is always a lesson. My marriage is aweful... my husband has anger issues and seems to ruin all holidays and vacations. but as I look for the lesson... I question.. have I possible ruined all his holidays in a past life??? and the answer is 'yes' if i ran away from home.. and he never found his daughter.. all his holidays were ruined... all his pain he endured not knowing where his daughter was. So in this life i am paying back for the painful karma I sowed.
Check Dolores Cannon - Past Live Regressionist she has a website and lists of those that can give a past life reading in your area.
peace and look for the lesson. We are here to spiritually grow and advance in knowledge and love.

To Mo and to all

I've been following your story since the time I joined EP this year. From time to time, I would read and re-read your post and the comments, and each time it's heartbreaking. I often wonder, if ever life throws me a second chance, should I make good of what I already have, even though I know I wouldn't be happy forever, or, love and be love with the one your heart's desire?

After knowing my husband since the age of 17, married at 26, and a 13 yr old daughter later, I only just realised recently, a tad too slow and too late I guess, that I've never really asked myself what I wanted all those years, being with the same man for so many years, I thought or at least everyone else thinks and still is thinking, we are meant to be. I came to a conclusion that when I first met my husband at that age, it was more of an admiration. He is a good man, in general, but in private, he controls everything. I've been a homemaker since the birth of my daughter, he discourages me from working, therefore, I'm not financially independent. He used to dislike me socialising, with my own friends, that is, but later on, because of the nature of his business, working late, entertaining clients, traveling on business trips, he couldn't control that part and eventually he started controlling the way I talked to others, what I wore, what I did and of course I protested, it was unreasonable and the arguments. But in spite of it all, I thought little of it, I tried changing myself, I would blame myself and carried the guilt with me, tried to be the best, constantly waiting for him to be home, always asking how was his day.

Until one day, 4 years ago.......he is the complete opposite of my husband, he's loving, caring, encouraging, engaging, he always ask how's my day, he listens, he cares, why would I not for fall for him?! It's so painful, knowing what you can feel and hold and not be able to have and to hold forever, hurts so much. My heart is aching so badly, every single day.

I don't want to live out my days being unhappy and feeling alone. The fact is I can't turn back the clock but I don't know if I'm being selfish should I give my shot at happiness a try.

Wish you all the best.

Hi mo250466,

I sat down and read your post the other day. The words started to lift off the page and to me, it felt like I was reading my future. I may not be married or have any children, but I am most certainly in love with two others. I know your pain and I know the loss that you feel everyday. Now I am in the position of trying to let one go, so I can move forward in my life and be happy again.. The problem is though.. "There is no happy ending. Just a choice. Choosing which misery is more tolerable." This is the truth.. And it's not easy.

I know you started this blog a few years ago.. But I wonder what your feelings are like now?

My feelings are basically the same. Nothing has changed. She is out of my life and I feel like part of me has died. I just drift through life with no purpose except my kids.

Would you recommend your own children to do what you are doing if you visualize them being in your shoes when they grow older?

Don't you think you can be a loving dad (and happy) and with the women you think of?

To me you sound like a Martyr, I know you do believe in what you choose but have you questioned your beliefs critically?

I myself know that I cannot be of benefit to other people if i don't take care of my own needs first and make sure I'm happy, only then I can love and help them truly,

Your kids will hate you when you tell then later on you only stayed for them, they want you to be happy, because they love you,

I feel for you. Does your wife know you feel this way? I am in a similar situation. My husband can see I'm not in love with him, although I do love him very much as we have been together for 25 years. Do you plan on leaving once the kids are grown if she is still available? I read everywhere that grown children dislike someone who is the cause of a divorce making life miserable for everyone. Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

Hi Mo,

maybe you will get to be with your love later on in a few years, when your children will be able to understand the issue. Myself when I was a child i understood that my parents weren't in love and told them to divorce... I was 9 years old... So don't loose hope, if it is something genuine, then some day you may be with her again! This time for good! Good luck to you!

1 More Response

I was once the other man. At the time, we were being intimate behind her husband's back. He found out and officially divorced. From what I was told the marriage was over before I came along. They were in a sexless and loveless union. Looking back, I feel awful about it, but I was young and dumb. I was 23 she was 36, I think. Things were great but then we moved in together. Someone above said something that made me tell my story and that is now there are bills, a household, and in my case my gf's teenage daughter. What a mess! Sure it may get you aroused thinking about the other man/woman, but what are you going to do when the fantasy life with the other person actually resembles more of a nightmare. Just to clarify I was single when I became the other guy. So, I had nothing to lose, but she lost a lot for choosing me. Once the fantasy eroded and real life came calling, our relationship went down. After I left I learned she went back to her ex husband and made an arrangement to be roommates and she contacted me trying to fix things but I learned my lesson. The reason for this long story is for anyone wanting to leave their spouse for the other man/woman to think about it carefully. The grass isn't always greener on the other side

Wow I feel for you brother I'm having the same experience other than the fact my children are grown I still think about the woman I love and we both are hurting because we are both married and afraid to take the first step of leaving our spouses ....good luck it's a tough situation !!!!

Dear Mo, and everyone else who has posted on here, thanks for sharing. I cannot imagine what it's like to be in this situation with children involved. My husband is the only serious relationship I have ever had, and I have been with him since I was a teenager. As I matured and became an adult, the relationship met less and less of my needs, emotional and physical. We don't have children, and I cannot imagine having children with him - the idea of it makes me feel trapped. My husband is a good person, who truly loves me, but he has fundamental issues with anger, cruelty, and how to treat me that he inherited from his father and his parents' marriage (which is and has always been devastatingly unhappy and dysfunctional). We are also just different in certain ways. For example, I am must more of a sexual person than he is. Less than a year ago, completely unexpectedly, I met and unintentionally but quickly fell in love with someone else. He is not perfect, he and my husband have certain things in common, but he is so many things that I always wanted and never knew I needed. I believe he loves me, too, but he has a guilty conscience, and doesn't want to ruin my marriage. Even if my husband and I divorced, I am not sure my lover could ever get over the guilt of causing it in part. I cry at my desk everyday (like now). I go to therapy. I've fantasized about suicide. I have filled out divorce papers at my desk and look at them regularly. I have lost faith in being in the right relationship with the right man - in being happy. I no longer have long term plans or dreams because I don't know what to do other than survive another day. I don't see how this could have a happy ending.

i feel the same way, you are not the only one that is inlove with two people but the sad part is we are in so deep that making decisions that can affect the little ones. but the question i have for you is that your best friend since she is the opposite of what your wife is is that probably the reason you seek more love from the other??