Married And Fallen In Love With Another Man And Have Chosen To Do The Right Thing - God It Hurts Though!
I have been married for 10 years and until the past 6 months it has been a very happy marriage, it is still a good marriage. My husbund is loving, adores me and is a great dad. We are great friends. About a year ago though, I met a man, also married I believe to be my true soul mate. Firstly we just became good friends. We realised we had alot in commen, were very similar people and just seemed to get each other. Cool basis for a good friendship. Then, although there was no real physical attraction on my end, at times our eyes would lock and a huge wave of energy would hit me, my legs would turn to jelly and I would be completely lost in there for a minute before I could drag my eyes away and scuttle off freaking out about what just happened. After this happened a few times I realised I was feeling things I shouldn't and that perhaps he was too and maybe we should get it out in the open to safeguard both our very happy marriages. So I confessed and asked him if he was feeling the same. The only intention I had here was to perhaps put some ground rules in place if he was feeling the same like...no going out and getting drunk together without our partners etc...just in case. He told me that he was very flattered but there was nothing to be gained by either of us by him answering that question so he would offer no comment. It got better for a bit after that as we were both a bit more guarded. I was even convinced it may just be on my end so relaxed a bit. Then one night we ended up in town together, drunk and without out partners. We ended up dancing together slowly just staring into each other eyes for soo long, it was soo intense, like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. Being drunk and in a consequemce free state lead us to do more than just stare by the end of the night. By some miricle we managed to resist having sex but it couldn't have been much closer. The lust ( and I realise this is what it is) between us was soo intense. Kising him was like beng in heaven and he felt so familiar even though I had never touched him before. Afterwards we both felt terrible and were horrified about what we had done to our partners and afraid of loosing our families. We have talked about it a lot since and are both on the same page. We don't want to have an affair and we don't want to loose our families. We both agree we are very similar people and that being together would be a disaster but it doesn't make it any easier to walk away. In fact I have been to mediums and energy healers to try to let him go and they have told me this man and I have been together in many many past lives and I have sacrificed myself for him before in a past lifetime - hence why the strong connection and when we look into each others eyes there is a rememberence of past relationships. They have said in this lifetime he is meant to be my friend and to help uplift me and let me believe in myself which I can see but I am just hurting so much. I still love my husbund but I have fallen for this man so badly that he occupies almost every waking thought. It feels a bit like when you have more than one child, you don't stop loving the first ones, you just create more love for another. We have chosen to just be friends and will never deviate from this decision but I guess I just want to see if anyone else has been through something like this and if so can the hurt ever go away, can I get over him and be truely happy again?