Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

My husband is WONDERFUL. He works hard, he is a GREAT father and will do anything I ask. I should be the happiest woman in the world......but I'm not.

When I met my husband 8 plus years ago I had recently gotten out of a very emotional "relationship." I accidentally fell in love with a horrible person. This person lied to me, had sex with NUMEROUS women, kept things from me etc. I didn't want to love him. I still don't. But I can't help myself.

He's the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when I got to bed. Not to mention the hundreds of times I think about him throughout the day.

When I met my husband, one of the qualities I fell in love with was that he was NOTHING like "him" My husband is kind, honest, all the things you'd want in a partner. For the first six years everything was fine. I had convinced myself that I was over "him." Then in 2010 "he" found me. I couldn't believe how happy I was that "he" missed me. That "he" found me.

Like a fool, I just HAD to see him. So after talking about "the good ol' days" for a couple of months, I hopped on a plane and flew to see him. It was wonderful and awful at the same time. The minute I saw him I melted. His smile, his laugh, the way he made me feel like I was the only person in the world at that very moment. I knew it would end bad. I ignored that voice deep inside of me that said "run! Run away NOW! Remember how this ended the last time?" But the dreamer in me couldn't pass up the opportunity for one more chance. No matter how small that chance was.

Of course, the voice was right. We argued and he hasn't spoken to me in over 2 years. I feel used. Stupid. Angry. Hurt. Broken hearted. I want more than ever to hate "him" but I can't. I want "him" to feel my pain. I want him to suffer. I want him to know just much I'm hurting.

Now everyday I wake up, look at my husband and feel empty. He did NOTHING to deserve this. He deserves better than what I can give. But how do you tell your "perfect" husband that you're not in love with him? How do you say, "You are wonderful and any woman would be lucky to call you her husband but I am not that woman?" How can I look at the father of my children, the man who saved me from myself and say "I'm in love with a horrible man?"

Marie7879 Marie7879
31-35
2 Responses May 22, 2012

pathetic

wow, i can honestly say i understand somewhat. my husband is not perfect by any means, but i love him never the less. i'm in love with someone who is by the definition "perfect for me". i think if u love your husband u have to let him go...he deserves to be happy. OR work, work, work at your marriage and find that peace within yourself to make it work.