Years Lost.....

Hi, I am 41 years old and have been married for most of my life 24years this year. I have tried my best in keeping this marriage alive, full of passion and fun but GOD knows the man i am married to is as dead or cold as can be. I am dying inside, frankly i think i am already dead !!!! I hope everyday that he will see me for who i am but i dont seem to excist in his world. We hardly make love, and affection well thats just a word and nothing else. I am so craving to be loved and have fun with the man that i love, but nothing ever seems to be happening. If i say anything about it, he always respond there you go again always saying we doing nothing, but hell we r doing nothing. I had many affairs during the 24years trying to fill in the wholes he has left in me and frankly not even that helps anymore. First of all it makes me mad to even go and look for love or sex somewhere else if i have got a husband that could give me all that, but why is he so cold ? I am lonely and dont feel like i could ever be happy again, it does not seem to be my destiny and yet i am craving it so much. What can i do ? Except the obvious DIVORCE, i cant do that to our children. **** life is so unfair....
avrill avrill
41-45, F
6 Responses Sep 6, 2012

Do NOT stay married because of the kids. My parents FOUGHT & FOUGHT everyday for 50 yrs (they were married 52 yrs when Dad died). Us kids were always in the middle, who do you want to live with?, ect. it was horrible. My childhood was a nightmare....

I can relate.. I've been married for 20 years.. and together for 5. We met when we were 18 yrs old. We have 3 great children. After several years of being married I started to notice that something just didn't feel natural.. I said to my wife I think we need some help. She fought with me and said we don't need any help there's nothing wrong. Blown away with the response I knew we were in for some rough times. After years of fighting we have gone to counseling... but it seemed little too late

We disagree on everything.. we bicker... the kids never see real genuine love. It kills me to see that we never laugh or smile. I can't stand her father.. although he helps us when in time of need.. but we butt heads. He has never liked me from day one.

I have wanted out for a long time. and not because i don't love her. we are lost. We have absolutely nothing in common. She only talks about work or ******* about really petty stuff.

It;s an erosion of the marriage that is at the point of no return. I met a married co worker and we share so much in common..I cant begin to tell anyone how good it feels.. I know this is wrong. Ive always been faithful. But I have caved because its what my soul needs. She agrees it's so weird how we like all the same things. And i know she;s not just saying that. Ive known her for 9 years .

we are madly in love with each other. It actually hurts.

I'm not saying cheating is right...but i can understand when you are looking for someone to heal your soul and complete you... Then life is journey and there's no explaining things the way they happen.

Perhaps he would benefit from counselling? maybe he has realised that he is gay? You have tried talking, but what if you take the initiative and practically `rape` him? would that turn him on? I`m not sure that I understand; do you never have sex with him? and when was the last time you did?

I think now we have to make ourselves happy ,i keep waiting for him to wake up but i think my husband is content with his life . where as i think i settled it's like he has no motivation . I always told him to get a friend to go out with never happened , still sits around the house thinks never get done i found out earlier this year i had cancer but ill be ok thank god. everything revolves around him lately i have a ache he has a cramp,the other man loves me knowing this we treat each other with the love ,respect,and affection one should .

I agree with sweethear. My wife and I are in a similar siuation and she has expressed this weekend that she is miserable with me. I have never really thought completely about how my kids thought about your relationship or how it has effected them but I know it can't be helping them. I also want them to know that you can have happieness in a marriage. I too have three kids and am also 41 and have realized that it is best for my wife, kids and me to move one with our lives. The most important thing is that you make sure that your kids know that both of you love them. Don't ever forget that kids are not dumb and they see what is going on no matter how hard we try to hide.

It is best for you and your kids to find love and to be happy. Everyone deserves to find their own happiness and it deffinlty sounds like you don't have that so it is probably best if you move on.

for the sake of your children...get out now! there is nothing worse than children seeing their parents unhappy. u can play nice in front of them all you want, but children know. i know it will be hard, as i am going through something similar now, but for your own happiness, leave him.