Married To The Wrong Person...

so here is my story, maybe you can help me...been married for 11 years, we have 3 children, he is military and i have been a stay at home mom for 8 years. he is deployed right now. hubby and i have had major issues from day one. mostly me making wrong choices. i have had 3 emotional relationships, slept with someone else prior to us getting married, and now have an affair. realized that me and the affair man are madly in love. told my husband i want to get separated, cause i don't want to continue this marriage. he says he is going to fight to be a better husband. he has torn me down to a point where i feel totally disconnected from him. i want to be with this other guy so bad...he is the first thought in my head in the morning and the last thought in my head at night. we live thousands of miles away, but manage to talk every day and text everyday. we have only seen each other once and it was the most amazing weekend of my life, he sends me flowers just because and he is everything my husband is not and everything i have ever wanted in a man. i have hurt my husband and he thinks there is a chance for us to get back together when he returns, but i don't feel like there is...do i tell him about Mr. Romeo or just end the marriage and move on?
hssweetheart hssweetheart
31-35
8 Responses Sep 23, 2012

I feel like I am in a very similar situation to you and I think it is in your best interest to find out if this is the love that you are looking for especially if you are so unhappy in your current marriage. As another man I wouldn't want to know about the other guy especially being he knows that you are already unhappy. When you do this and I really think you should just remember the kids and your husband is their dad so make sure that they know that no matter what happens between you two both of their parents still love them.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

thanks so much! i really appreciate your comment.

Follow your heart and dont be a fool like me....best of luck i really hope u find happiness, gosh we all deserve at least that, one life is all you have,,,,,

i have pretty much made up my mind that i want out. now that i know that men can be romantic and appreciative and loving and supportive...i just don't wanna go through another 11 years not happy and regretting my decisions. at the end of the day, i might end up being with this other man and being in COMPLETE happiness (i realize that not everyday is going to be perfect) or i could end up with another divorce. either way, today i am choosing happiness and that means leaving my husband.

I definitely support your choice.... it has taken the mess that I have gone through to realize that I don't need to stay in something that makes me miserable. Good for you for sticking up for yourself. I know it is easier said than done, but stay strong and stick to what you know is right for you.

I went through this same dilemma a few months back. I would say that if you have decided that you want out, don't use cheating on him as the reason for ending your marriage. I truly believe that affairs are not the cause of divorce, but are from simply not getting what you want out of your relationship. I decided to keep my affair quiet, and am still dating her. Yes, it does get complicated trying to keep thingss quiet throughout the separation. I kept thinking about what would happen in my future if I admitted the affair - I'm certain that she would make sure that my entire family/extended family/friends/co-workers, everyone, found out. All of those people have NO IDEA that i would EVER do anything like that, and it would totally wreck my personal and professional reputation. So, i kept it quiet.

If you want to talk more, you will have to add me - it won't let me add you as a friend on here!

thanks for your comment. he actually does know about all of them except the new one. i just want this marriage over and done with. when i say he has torn me down...he really has. and he just told me about an affair he had. we keep hurting each other, when do we say enough and move on?

thanks for your comment. he actually does know about all of them except the new one. i just want this marriage over and done with. when i say he has torn me down...he really has. and he just told me about an affair he had. we keep hurting each other, when do we say enough and move on?

How can you go from just one weekend to being totally in love with someone? Do you think that in 11yrs time you are going to be in the same situation...I think so!

Tell your husband about your affairs, don't be such a coward. Don't play with people like that! He say's he wants to be a better husband but I'm sure if you tell him the truth he'll tell you ****off. It will allow him to make the right decision and you owe it to him to be honest.

Wake up to yourself!

I would also agree with part of limbo's statement - in 11 years, there is a good chance that you will end up right where you are today, again. It is going to take a LOT of work for you not to be there. I was married for 7 years, and think about that same thing - will I eventually allow someone else to treat me the way that my ex did? I'm going to have to work really had to stay happy with someone new, or I can work hard at my current marriage and stay in it. All i know is that I felt so incredibly beat down for a couple years, and when I discovered how good somoene else could make me feel, (even going back to the beginning of dating my ex), it helped me make my decision to walk way.