30 Year Crush Comes To Life

I have been married for 17 yrs and have good and bad years. Over the past 5-6 years, there has been no communication, we do nothing together and we don't even sleep in the same room. We still have sex, but not the emotional, loving kind.....heck, there's not even any kissing goin on. My husband tells me that he loves me every day, but I think it is out of habit. Anyway, I've kept in touch with a boy from high school over the years, maybe once or twice a year on holidays or such, no big deal. I always had a massive crush on him but never really let it be known. We tried to hook up for a drink or dinner a few times but I always chickened out because I was married or because something actually came up or he was involved. Recently, I decided to meet him, and it was like I was in high school again.....and we both were so nervous!!! We have so much in common and we do a lot together when we can (we live 4 hours apart) He cares about my feelings, and he listens and he makes me laugh, which is something I haven't done in quite a while. I'm really falling for this guy, but 17 years is so much to give up eventhough the feelings are not there....its a stable life. HELP!!
kykazee13 kykazee13
51-55, F
2 Responses Aug 12, 2013

I can relate.... I've been married 16 years.... How can I give up on my life as I know it?? But, I'm not in love with my husband... Somewhere along the way, we lost that connection two people r supposed to have when they r married. It sounds like u have really lost that connection.... Not sleeping in the same room, never doing anything together, no kissing....not sure if I could continue living like that?!? Sometimes u have to do some soul searching and do what's best for u!

Wow! My husband asked me recently if I had a lover and I said "I WISH!" Sex with no passion..that wont last. As soon as you realize that you're not into it, you'll learn to hate it. You guys really are on the downfall. I know what you mean about having the 17 years behind you and just throwing it away though. I wonder sometimes if we can work through our problems. I don't see that happening. My husband doesn't spend any time with me. I was on an extended vacation of 6 weeks last winter when a friend decided to become more than a friend. He was a friend so I trusted everything he was telling me was on the up and up. We never had sex, but we both fell in love. Then out of the blue he dumped me. Okay, do I really have to tell you how I feel? I'm devastated and I feel like I'm owned by someone else who just needs someone to feel he is providing for. I can't stand it. I can't even get an explanation as to why I was dumped. I like to think he went back to his wife. Well, he never left her but you know what I mean. I would actually feel good about that. Not knowing really hurts. Just letting you know what you are in for. But if I were in your situation, I'd enjoy it while I could. Just know that when it's over, you will cry endlessly and the pain is unbearable. It feels like I've been stabbed in the back with a dagger and ripped across a room. I can not describe the pain that you are in for. Maybe this is punishment from God, but then so is my marriage, lol...not funny but you know what I mean.

I have to add that this man is not married, and constantly assures me that there is no one rose he wants to b with. We have tried to hook up for so many years and now that we have, I don\'t want to let it go, but I am so scared to let go of my stability. I am also thinkin of my daughters future. If I was to marry this other mag ( wishful thinkin) he has so much more to offer my daughter financially. Is it bad to think that way? And we have even talked about it and he is more than willing to help pay for her college. Plus, he owns so much land and stuff that could all b left to her one day. I\'m not a gold digger or anything, but it is a perk.

You aren\'t sleeping with your husband, I say go for it. Stability is important and if you can find it with love, then what is to stop you? Just keep it all under your hat and don\'t let people know what you are doing. Let them find out that you are in love a year or two from now.