Married But In Love With Another Man

I am 32 yrs old, I have been married for 4yrs but with my husband for 8 years. Recently I have sought out another man, in which I have been friends with for over 3yrs. In my situation I have 2 children from a previous relationship and 1 child with my husband. The other man knows that I have children, he's even met them, our children play in sports together. The other man and I have connected emotionally and mentally, I completely fell for him and now that we have physically got to know each other that feeling has gotten stronger. I feel I have hit the point of no return with my husband, I can not stand to be around him, when he touches me I feel discuss. I love my husband don't get me wrong, but when asked if I am truly in love with him I can't come up with an answer. My heart isn't home anymore and now that my husband knows about this other man and that I have 1 foot out the door he starts to show he cares for me and does the things he should have done 1yr ago but for me its too late, I feel somethings just are to far gone and I should follow my heart and where it wants to be.  I can do nothing but think of this other man, I make little trips to the store just so I can call him to hear his voice and he call and leaves me voicemails, just to say hi, or telling me that he misses me. I honestly can say that I'm in love again, and I have not felt this way in a long time with my husband

momma03 momma03
75 Responses Jan 2, 2009

It's hard to know where to begin my story, but I'll do my best to tell it. I am a 26 y/o female and I've been with my current bf for 3 1/2 years. I've never been in love with him, but I love him for he is a wonderful man. I've been in love with the same man for 12 years now who is also my close friend since I was 14 and lives far away from me. This childhood friend, who I will call P. from now on, never saw me as more than a friend and I grew up keeping my feelings to myself. However, he knew I liked him. Years go by and he's moving away for college. We had long periods of time without communicating at all as our lives were taking different paths. Not too long after college, maybe around a year, he joins the military and leaves the country. We would talk sometimes consistently and sometimes we would not talk at all for long periods of time. I had relationships and so did he, but he was always in the back of my head. I have to say that at some point during our friendship we had "benefits" which would secretly feed my hopes that someday he would feel as strongly as I felt for him.

I must have been around 21 or 22 when he came back for a month from his service. It was the most wonderful month of my life and still feels like it was just a dream. We spent that month together as a man and a woman and for the first time I felt that he loved me as much as I loved him. I was in heaven and considering he introduced me to his dad (I was already friends with his mom) I thought things were getting serious. It was a month of complete bliss, but it wasn't meant to last. At the end of the month, he had to go back to his military service, out of the country. I was more than ready to wait for his contract to finish but things turned sour quickly. After leaving, he changed completely from the man I spent a month with. He was mean and hurtful for no reason and I broke up with him after a fight over the phone. We didn't talk again after that. My impression was that he used me to have fun during his month break which was extremely painful for me as I felt betrayed as a woman and as a friend. I left that relationship a different woman and decided that next time I would decide the terms of the relationship I am in. I swore off romantic love and instead sought intellectual compatibility. This is the kind of relationship I am currently in with my bf of 3 1/2 years. Every now and then I'd still dream of P but I've tried my best to bury the memories.

A few months ago I received a message from P. He is now engaged and have a baby girl. I had mixed feelings about the news but after more than 3/12 yrs without contact and lot of thinking I was ready to give our friendship a second chance. I thought our childhood friendship was more important than the romantic feelings we shared so we started talking again. We both kept our communication a secret from our partners cause we didn't think they would understand our complicated relationship. Our communication sincerely started as a friendship, but it is out of control at this point. Obviously there was a lot of stuff that it wasn't clear to me. Why did he change so suddenly? Did he love me once or was it a lie? Those were questions I carried with me for years and now had a chance to ask. I am still not sure of the reasons why he changed but I know now he almost kill himself when he went away and his life was out of control. He met his current partner during service. I know he has difficulty expressing his feelings and very rarely share them so when he does it is very meaningful for me. I know his relationship is not going well and I found the answer to one of the questions I had. He fell in love with me during that month together and he still loves me. I believe him. Because of our situation we only communicate through texts and rarely phone calls since our busy schedules don't agree. At this point, we talk about our feelings freely. He found out I feel guilty about it and started treating me only as a friend but it was torture and he gave in. I don't see how we can have a future and I don't even know if we would work together as a couple. I hate being in this situation but when I think that I've been able to go without him for more than 3 years (and long before that) and yet my feelings for him don't change... I'm not sure they ever will. When I think of doing the correct thing and cutting off all communication with him my heart sinks for me and him as well.

As I sit and right this I have a lot of emotions going on inside of me. I have been married for 18 years I had four children of my own and one by my husband. From the the beginning things were going sort of well, I knew something was wrong because he always seem to have an attitude and always snapping at the littlest thing. Even when he gets mad he would knock everything off the dresserver and yell and scream through the house. He would even call my children names and say he had hatred in his heart against them, he called me stupid and retarded a lot and constantly argue with me. When I try to talk to him about the marriage he always ignore what I'm talking about and go to another conversation, I'm nor sure why. I had been putting up with this nonsense for years the loud music he's been playing being a DJ and all he plays it none stop and don't get enough of it. It's aweful how a person say they love you so much and don't respect nothing you say. Eventually I got tired of it and found my first love I been knowing since I was 19 years old, I was deeply in love with him and he was in love with me back then, something happen and he married someone else, but his heart was always with me. We met up a few times after his marriage didn't work out. And lose contact for several years. Up until 4 years ago I found him again he is married, and I am to, we are in love with other and the feelings is strong, I don't want to hurt no one but at the same time I'm hurt in this marriage, right know I'm stuck don't know what to do any suggestions.

pls advice me on what to do am not married but i have a baby and i leave with the father of my baby and we re planning our wedding just last year i fell in love with another guy dat i dnt even know but we meant online, am deeply in luv with dis guy thou d father of my baby notice and he has been trying all his best not to loose me. of which i told the other guy am in luv with dat i ve giving birth. my fear is i don't know what dis guy really ve for me bcos i dnt want to take a step which i will later regret but i love dis guy so much to the extent that i wish to spend the rest of my life with him and am always happy n comfortable whenever am with him. please i wnt pple to advice me on what to do. tnx

I have been married for 9 years. We have 3 children.The marriage has been rocky from the beginning. I found out over a year ago that he found someone else a 20 year old, he is 43. He told me he did not love me anymore and that our marriage was over and that he wanted a separation. Unfortunately due to expenses we still are living together in seperate rooms. His best friend, whom I have known for about 10 years has been living with us off and on. Well we have become the best of friends now. He was there when my husband was not and picked up all the broken pieces that my husband shattered. We care a lot about each other and I think I may be falling in love with him. I don't understand or even know how it happened but it did. I have never looked at him this way before. I don't know what to do. He is torn between me and his best friend like a brother to him. He is also afraid because he was hurt deeply by his ex whom they have a son together.

Hi, I have been married for 32 years and for the last 9 years I have been seeing my childhood sweetheart, we should have married years ago but it wasn't to be....We are so in love with each other and I told my husband 2 weeks ago I was leaving ( not for someone else ) I could'nt be that cruel !! My husband has not treated me well, it was only in May that he bust my nose..Anyway I told him and he pleaded for me to stay, I agreed to stay until January and then last week he had a heart attack

It's a very difficult thing to go through. I have been married 7 years and been with my husband 15 years. I have never thought I could fall in love with someone other than my husband. Well, little did I know... It happened, literally out of no where. My husband and I have two beautiful kids. They mean the world to us. I am totally lost at this point. No matter where I am, I can't stop thinking about this person. I find myself the happiest when I am with him. I know that these feelings could only be temporary... someone new, exciting because it's something different. But, I just can't help but falling in love with this man. I understand no body is perfect and this guy certainly isn't perfect. My life at home with my husband isn't terrible either. I just can't figure out why I feel this way. I can't not think about leaving my husband, and breaking his heart. And my kids... But, I also can't stop seeing this guy. I know I will have to figure this out soon. It also isn't fair to this person... I guess I am just being selfish wanting more.

Very interesting to see so many responses. I have a work friend, "Kathy," who is now married to the "other man" and has been for many years. When they first met, they were both in unhappy marriages. I don't know anything about his. Her's involved severe conflicts. Abuse perhaps, but I didn't know her then, so I can't say for sure.

Part of the deal Kathy and "Jerry" made was that they would not date until they knew for certain that their marriages were unsalvageable. They dealt with those relationships before they embarked on a new course. Both unions ended, they dated, and they married. Things aren't perfect -- they've been through some marriage counseling -- but they seem to be happy, and their children seem from the outside to have adjusted.

From hearing about Kathy and Jerry's experience, I take away that those of us in this situation -- and now I count myself among them -- would do well to evaluate and resolve our marriage issues first, with the intent of improving them. We've made commitments that are worth honoring if we can do so. If we cannot, it is important to get through the processes of separation and recovery independently before entering a new relatinship, with particular attention paid to our children, who we know will suffer the most from our actions*. If your friend or lover is still there for you months or years later, terrific. Give it a try. If not, then you'll be ready to move ahead on your own knowing that you made the right decisions regardless.

*Side note: It is imperative for our children that we maintain as cooperative a relationship as we can with our ex-spouses. I know how difficult this can be, but from personal experience I can say that it is worth the effort.

You need to lose everything you ever had including your kids. You are a worthless as a human being.

Your choosing to throw your marriage away.I am going through same thing right now and I refuse to let my marriage end I am so very much in lust with this other man and dumb enough to have almost left my husband.Instead I told my husband everything. I hate to say it but communication is everything this other man is just a man he seems special for now even if you leave and end up with this man how long do you think it will take for you to feel the same for this new man once the newness wares off I had to do a lot of digging and when relationship goes south it is both your fault and all your doing is making it harder for you and your husband to find your

way there is a way to fix things you choose

So very true!! It feels so good because it's something new, plus the fact that you don't see the real person,only the side they want you to see, and then you both go back to your lives, where the spousal unit has the quirks and habits that work your nerves, lol! Doesn't mean that somewhere down the line, it won't happen with that person you're so excited about now. New always feels perfect, until it gets old!

I'm not married, but I'm in a long term relationship - 15 years with the same man and we have 3 kids under the age of ten. He is great in a lot of ways, and not so great in others. It is hard for me to forget about the not so great ways. Another man (married with one child) came back into my life recently after we had lost contact. We used to be good friends and he had feelings for me but nothing ever happened before because I was young/in other relationships etc. We became friends again and we play music together. Last year he kissed me. we became very close online. Now I have become obsessed with him and cant stop thinking about him and cry most of the time because we cant be together :(

I just read my life in your story. I love the guy im with we have an 11 year old a house 3 dogs n things should be good but they arent because im literally head over heal in love with someone. Like u this other guy has been in my life for yours its just never the right timing! I just wish i could find a way to tell my longtine boyfriend the only thing we have in common is each other. Im not in love with him anymire n i think its just all a comfort and conviemce thing now! I feel like we are just best friends nothing romantical at all. I dont want to hurt him yet im hurting myself either way. My heart aches for this other guy! If u find a way lmk n ill keep u in mind if i find a.way myself. Keep your head up i pray we both figure this out.

I'm with you on this one. I've been married almost 18 years. This is my second marriage. The first one failed because we were both so young. I married my current husband shortly after divorcing the first. Anyway, I have 6 children...2 from my first and 4 from my current. I am miserable. My husband has been out of work almost 4 years. He was let go from his job and we decided he would stay home for a bit and raise our youngest. That was suppose to be temporary. Here we are almost 4 years later and still no job. My kids days are spent being ignored, basically. He's addicted to tv...movies, video games, tv name it. My younger children are being affected by his 'neglect'. We have not been intimate in over 3 years and I've shut down. I've talked to him, cried to him...anything for him to make us work but he doesn't think anything is wrong. About 4 months ago I started talking to an old friend, one who I had feelings for when I was 16. He also cared for me but neither one said anything. We saw each other recently by chance and I felt like everything came into focus. He is other half. He's all I think about...dream about. WE've texted and talked but no physical anything. He's not married...he's a widower but he is living with someone. He wants to marry me...take care of me...loves my kids, loves me. There's no way to do this without someone being hurt.

I think your husband is acting terribly. To find NO job in four years, and instead sit at home watching TV and playing video games is disgraceful. Frankly, it makes me think he is not in love with you. How could a man who is truly in love with a woman sit around all day long when there are bills to be paid and children to be attended to. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.

First let me say I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Second u are are bot alone at all tgis is exactly not even lying when i say i swear i wrote this! Lastly, ty for sharing i hate to say this but it made me feel better n brought me comfort. Please dont take that the wrong way i just mean i see now im not alone ,

You are definately not alone. Unfortunately there are MANY in the same situation as us. I'm not proud of myself in any way and it's been difficult. I, still, have not cheated on my husband (physically) but my thoughts have definately strayed. I haven't talked to the other person for a few weeks because I have to finish one before starting another, especially since children are involved. If he's still there at the end then good but, if not, then it wasn't meant to be and that would be hard to deal with. I hope you find happiness. We deserve it.

I was just googling around about something else when I found this page and for some reason I started reading this article.

I'm a guy in my 20s, been in a long relationship but fortunately broken up with my cheating ex, she is now married to her mistress and I really don't care about the rest of the store other than being glad we didn't have children and being disconnected from an evil person such as her. Oh yeah she married for a visa... And if my guesses are correct she get divorce in couple if years time .

So I guess my views come from other side so think of me as the faithful good for nothing guy whom you might be in war with.

But here is truth, relationship specially when you have children comes with commitments, commitments to look into a mirror and also see yourself. And when you so that just maybe if you look close enough you may just see what kind of a whatever ( person ) you are . But since you are blind let me tell you

You just might be the one picking the fight,

You might be the one who looked the other way and let another man whom is also btw worthless look at you, ( why? because he didn't care about little children ( your children ) having a proper child hood but that's kind of neutral isn't it ? You also don't care right ? No? Come on You are kidding me right ? )

in conclusion you should know you dot deserve the guy anyway he is so much better than you, go with the new one for sure and give the children to the guy because they don't deserve you as a mother anyway. With all respect you are kind of a worthless being anyway... I'm sure they all get over you in no time, and find someone worthy...

My god. You people are cruel. The last time i checked you were not so perfect either, yet how easily you can judge someone for their feelings.

Heart feels what it feels. We get to live only once. If you think you can handle the consequences, id say go for it. Your husband might indeed be the BEST person in this world, does not mean he is best for you. Just be sure your feelings for the other guy is actually love, but not lust.

I'm in the same boat. I'm not in love with my husband of 18 yrs anymore. I'm in love with his friend and have been seeing him for 2 yrs. I can't help it. My husband has been abusive for our whole marriage. I'm leaving soon. I have to follow my heart and that is with the other guy. He is a sweetheart who loves me and that's what matters.

Wow deep. We share similar stories. Mine is beyond deep it has ripped me to tiny pieces. Mentally I am battling a war zone . Are you sure your not me just adding a few twist to your reality. I pray I cry I pleed I beg I scream. I have falling to my knees.

I hope things are not so tough for you now mentally. I am tearing myself to pieces too

My situation is a little bit different bc my husband is wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing about him. We have been together 15 years and I am onky 32 however we dont have kids. It would be easier for me if their was a problem to fix in our relationship it would make my choice easier. My husband is good looking reliable he has never lied to me he treats me wonderfully and I do love him very much. Thats why it hurts so much. We havent been sexual in years and we dont even sleep in the same bed he has bad knees and back. I ran into a high school friend eight months ago and didnt mean to but slowly I fell in love with him. Now I love him and feel like I have never felt before. The thought of hurting my husband has kept me here because he deserves only the best he is honestly the best person I have ever met and everyone that knows him agrees. This other man makes me happy and smile he challenges me as my husband lets me rule the roost and walk all over him the other man is sweet and kind but very masculine. Im scared if I leave I will be making the biggest mistake of my life but im just not in love with my husband anymore. I need to make a choice and soon because its killing me and he can feel that I am not happy and he is very hurt and scared of me leaving. I feel so terrible. We are common law married we never actually had a wedding but its still been 15 years together. I just cant leave this other man he feels like my soul mate but I dont me please I beg you

Hi I'M in the same situation I have decided to stay with my husband because lets be realistic one thing is seeing someone and a whole different thing to live with Someone your husband has been there for you what if the other manis not? Good LUCK :)

That is good advice, and I think you are right. faraway hills are always greener. You could leave your husband for someone you feel madly in love with, and then further down the line when the thrill of the initial falling in love wears off, as it does in any relationship, you may regret leaving what you had and end up more miserable

I am in a similar situation. I have been with my husband for 18 years comming up on our 14 anniversary in a few weeks. we have no kids. he is a kind sweet man who has given me everythibg except kids and that is my fault not his as i am unable to have them. 2 years ago i got an email from an ex who i had not heard from in years (almost 20) he appoligized for how our relationship ended and everything he had ever done to me said he was dieing and trying to make amends before he left. well I fell for it hook line and sinker a few months later I had left my husband and moved in with him. my family hated him and adored my soon to be ex husband and took his side 100%. suddenly I was a step mom to a teen and 2 girls in thier 20's my new bf was getting better and I was happy for the first time in years. my family soon put a stop to that trying to get me to see my ex sending emails from him to me i could go on for hours about what they did to try to break us up. well 10 months later i got divorce papers and my family and my soon to be ex's lawyer scared the crap out of me asking for the world and I was not working living off social services so I panicked and my relationship with my bf ended badly. I whent back to my husband and a year later I regret it. I was hoping that things would change but the only thing that did is I honestly dont love him. I know my husband loves me and will do just about anything for me but when he tries to comfort me I feel cold and empty. of course the old bf is back in the picture begging me to come back and im so confused. if I leave and go back to the bf I loose my animals my house and my family( they made it clear if I left again they were done with me) so do I give all this up to be happy or do I stay and continue to be miserable just to keep the peace. ? sorry thus is so long and rambling.

Wait, let me get this straight. You left your husband to go live with some dude you haven't seen in 20 years while still married, then your boyfriend breaks up with you, and you decide to go running back to your husband? And you're making yourself look like the victim? If I was your husband, I would leave your pathetic ***, and take the house and animals.

well i understand where she is coming from.. and you must be a man who wrote the last comment!!

Pretend you are your husband and the words you just wrote came from him I just kinda feel like if you put the same effort into your husband as you do his friend then you would see many good changes if you leave it will be only you making this choice.I am going through something similar and I chose to stay and am putting effort why cause I took the time and I also tried to remember what it was like in the beginning. The feelings are the same they make you feel alive it will fade in this next relationship people who say they have always been in love with their mate are mostly liars or very lucky cause most people go through things like this but some of us feed it and that is why you want to go grass really is not greener where your heading

and who is to say it would not be greener! we only live once and it could be a hell of alot greener!! who is anyone to say.. just having the balls to go and take a chance!

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I Understand been married 5 but been in love with the other for 9 yrs.

How sweet. You're still a heartless ****, but the story is sweet. Here's hoping you get with him and he leaves YOU in a few years, ya harpy....

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I am thru the same thing. I Have been married for 14 years to my husband. Few years ago I had found out I was expecting my 3baby from him. I could stand my husband. To me he was worthless. Thinking it was just because I was expecting let it go. Since last year I been talking to a wonderful man that I know since high school. I always had a think for him in school And found out he was always In love with. We both feel deep in love with each other. I like you make extra trips just to talk to him. I love the feeling of being in love. I want to leave my husband and be with him. What do I do?

I know how you feel. My husband has been sick over yhe past three years and has become so dependent on me and all he does is sleep which I get it, he is sick. My friend has been there for me through out all of it and just let feelings be known last month and we ended up kissing. I told my husband now he wants to start caring for me and helping me tend to the children. I just feel like too little too late and I know that is unfair and seems heartless. It is nice to be held and feel like someone actually wants you again. I did find out about 4 years ago that he had been "talking" and visiting another woman and that had started about two weeks after I miscarried one of our children which devastated me. I knew I should've left him then but I decided to stick it out for our child but now I don't even want him to try. Has anyone ever stayed and had the loving feeling come back?

Cheating on your sick husband is the worst thing you can do. You're a terrible person.

I dont expect you have had to look after someone who is sick and sleeps all the time.. you would be frustrated.. and men are the worst for looking for attention.. so why should a woman not get any?

but he cheated on her as well.

being honest with you no..x

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I know exactly how u feel , I av had an affair and I am in love with him but still feel something for my husband . My (friend ) wants me to move in with him , when mi told my husband I had seen someone he threw me out . And I went to my ( friends ) and carried on the affair . I av 2 children and missed them terribly so I came bk to try again with husband and I can't get my ( friend ) out of my head , we still txt and have had sex twice . The sex is amazing and I have very strong feelings for him. My husband knows I have feelings for this man but wants me to try again with him . He also slept with someone when we split but says it was just loneliness . Can we get love back and can I get my ( friend ) out my head x plz help its a mess x

You are making fool yourself.... Have your ever thought about you that who will love you when you are old? who would care for you at that time when your body is not attractive for other males? It will surely your husband... These type of loves are based on the pillars of lust not care. You should stick to your husband no matter what he does after all he is a man.... but you will receive more than double love from him if you show your loyalty and care for him.

Same exact scenerio, so lost, need advice too!

I've been with my Husband for 12 years and married for 7. We got married young. High school sweet hearts. I was 19 and he was 21. We have 3 daughters. We both come from single parent families. Everyone always complements us on how wonderful a family we have and how beautifully in love we must be. People ask us for marital advice all the time. But, behind closed doors our life is sweet and sour. My husband has abused me mentally, emotionally, and physically. And, cheated on me virtually as well as in reality. He has a hard time helping me maintain the house hold. We both work full time and he works 2nd shift and I work 3rd shift. But, for most of our marriage we both worked swing shifts. In 2009 I became very interested in a male co worker from work. My Husband and I were separated at the time. At first I didn't mention anything to him but, after the reassuring chemistry vibes from the both of us I realize that this man felt the same about me. So, I declined the offer for a first date because I didn't want him to be the rebound guy. And that was my excuse. And, not long after that I went back to my Husband. My Husband and I broke up and got back together more times than I can count on my hands. So, even though I went back I still felt an emptiness that my Husband was not filling. He played video games too much in his spare time if he wasn't at work and our sex life was terrible. Sometimes I was cry or cringe at the thought of him touching me or during pity sex. So, my desire became stronger for another and I turned back to the co worker. We texted often and chatted on online sights. Had phone sex or virtual sex. But, never touched each other physically. An occasional hug at work but, never enough to have other coworkers suspicious about our emotional affair. My Husband found out about him and was enraged. But, asked for forgiveness and stayed with my Husband. Months went by in which me and the coworker never spoke. But, for some reason my desire for him burned stronger and like a drug the temptation was irresistible and I spoke to him/the coworker again. Only this time at work. I kissed him on the neck and he held me close and told me that if he would take me I'd have to be single and he respected me as a person. So, I was upset and angry at myself for not just leaving my Husband and going with what my heart desired. So, a few years went by and it seem like me and the coworker had went into a only distant friend status. So, I focused more on my marriage and everything seemed bliss until I had a anxiety attack from stress. I had held in a lot of emotions trying to make my marriage work and the all exploded at one time. My Husband was very supportive and after having a one on one heart felt convo with him he began to steadily change into the man I always wanted him to be. But, in my heart I felt like I had already let him go. So, a new coworker arrived from out of town. And, he was recently divorced. His charisma immediately swept me off my feet and I was falling for him. He was a ladies man so, him finding a date was easy. He created a name for himself, a ladies man. So, I suppressed those feelings. My Husband and I had another major fall out and it seemed like it was the end and I slowly began to hangout more with the girls who had children. And some single friends. Never mentioned it to anyone but, my best friend. So, I was upset at work and the coworker from out of town approached me and ask me if I was ok. And, I told him I was. But, obviously I wasn't with tears in my eyes and mascara swipes across my face. So in the middle of the night at work I texted him. Immediately he answered me back and the chatting began. I learned that both of use were nymphos and I told him that I could use a teacher instead of being one all the time and we sparked sexually. I decided to see how far I could go before turning back. Testing myself. So, testing turned into more lusting and lusting turned into dirty dancing at the employee Halloween party in which we were so drunk that we had to be separated. And, a few weeks later of getting to know him outside of work and hours of text and phone calls. I ended up standing at his front door in my pj's. And, we had the most awesome sex I ever had in my life. I left and it seemed like he was emotionally pushing me away at this point and rarely talked to me. So, I assumed that we got what we wanted and went a month and a half without speaking. So, Monday of this the coworker randomly starts texting me. He tells me that he still wants to be with me and me honestly wants to be with me. Accepts my kids and all. So, once again I get dreamy eyed. Said that he tried dating another girl but, didn't work because he missed me. Immediately I thought that I was being played a foul but, after talking to him more it became apparent that he was telling the truth. I told him to give me sometime. Even though, my heart screamed cheater! You are Married! A day later coworker #1 shoots me a text and tells me to call him. So, I do. He professes his desire for me and tells me that he has always wanted me. Tells me that he puts a lot of guilt on himself because he knows it isn't right to want a married woman and is super lonely. Hasn't had a real relationship in a longtime. Wants a woman to make his wife to treat her like a queen and tend to her every need. So, now I'm stuck with a reoccurring heart throb which is coworker #1. Or, the sexually free hearted heart throb coworker #2. And, the guilt of wanting to not break up my marriage for the kids and separating from my Husband. I do know that change is hard. And, maybe this is just some crazy thing I have for a thrill of adrenaline rush. But, what I do realize is that if I truly loved my Husband like I'm suppose too. None of this should have happened in the first place. I know that we all have sexual hormones that escalate when we see someone who is appealing to our sexual nature. But, I can say that I truly love coworker #1. Working together for 7+ years really helped me know his negatives and positives. But, nothing is like knowing a person through living with them right? And, co worker #2 has a similar personality of my Husband. But, he is what my husband is not. So, I'm just confused. And, quite frankly I'm about to say screw them all. Because I think I am trying to find myself. Not another person to love. Maybe this is me trying to find away to separate for me. To learn to be by myself and love only me for a while and the learn how to truly love another. Because if I loved anyone of these guys. I wouldn't put them through the hell that I am.

I had (have) been interested in another man for about 20 months. We flirted, texted, messaged and spent time together. About 5 months in, my husband thought I was cheating on him and said we were breaking up. He had got into my phone and read all my emails, texts and Facebook messages and came to this (incorrect) conclusion. Yes, the other man and I had come too emotionally close, but nothing physical ever happened. I relayed that info to my husband, and he decided to stay. I still have mixed feelings about this as I wanted to leave him, but hesitated as we have 3 kids and were married for 18 years (at the time). I also decided to stay for the sake of my kids. My husband is cool, but we got married very young (he 23, me 19) and for the wrong reason(s)... We came from strict Christian homes and wanted to have sex (!). Looking back, it's unbelievable that our families did not protest.
Fast forward 15 months. I still talk to my love-interest using clandestine methods so my husband won't find out. He hates the guy with a passion and has no respect for him. I try to arrange a lunch date, but it never seems to work out. Mr. Man owns his own business and **** has been going awry lately. I've been frustrated with our lack of time together, but he is aloof. We see each other at a party
and I'm all excited to hang out afterwards. Coincidentally a 3rd wheel joins us. I text him on the way home to see if we can meet alone. He finally calls me to the carpet and essentially says he's not interested in me "that way." WTF? I believe the right thing to do is to not maintain our friendship, but we see each other on a weekly basis (we're in a music group together). Usually after rehearsal, I hang out with everyone at a bar, but now I feel I shouldn't go anymore because he's always there. During rehearsal, he should be pretty easy to ignore.
I am so disappointed and surprised by the whole thing. It's like I got broken up with.
Should I just let it go, or should I initiate a conversation about my misconceptions about our so-called relationship?

That's emotional cheating, which is worse than physical cheating. It doesn't make you any less of a *****

Wow me all the way as I saw this n read this sounds like me but I don't have children with my husband n we was separted for 6 months when I met someone new my husband has emotionally abused me n physically in the past me leaving was suppose to be for good but my prego daughter came back n we got a place n I end up losing my job so I had no choice but to go back the guy I saw seeing was hurt to find it omg but he got over it n says he wanna c me I find myself wanting to hear his voice I take trips to the store just to call him to hear his voice

Also when I met my husband he was married to someone n was dealing with me he was separted also I never felt comfortable within the marriage cuz I wasn't first pick some how within the 6 months he changed for the better says GOD changed him after crying out to GOD over n over again but we talking 8 years altogether I put up with his abuse now he just expect me to b oh honey n I'm not the love is not there anymore I care for him n he knows my feeling n my feeling for the another person my god what do I do I just went back to the courts today to get new divorce papers

Another thing the new guy is in a relationship now after finding out I went back to my husband but keeps questioning me why did I n am I happy I feel like a *** cuz I shared a lot of pain I went through in the marriage to the new guy n he said after all I said n I went back now he says I can't be trusted but calls me n says he leaving for 2 months for work n wanna c me n wants me to come visit we both tried shaking these feeling for eachother but they won't go away n when we c eachother we make eachother laugh n it's not only a sex thing I haven't sleep with him since I been back with my husband but we have seen eachother just to talk n we hugged

After reading all these...i see im not alone. I guess it can happen just anyone. I think when it comes to that its hard to be with ur own husband physically, there isnt really a meaning to stay together? I mean i believe you can love more people at the same time, but you can only be inlove with one. I think there are too many people who re afraid to make a change in their lives cause thinking about the children and so on. But if you arent enough happy, can you make others happy around you?

I've been married for 11 years now and trust me we've had ups and downs but we remained together and still deeply in love. We both come from broken families and know from experience the affect that has on children . Think twice about leaving your husband because the same way that other man cheated on his wife mostly he will repeat his actions. Being a mother and wife is hard but you made vows and no one said marriage is easy , plus your husband still wants to stay married to you after you cheated not just on him but your family . He seems to love you so don't take that for granted . One last thing children tend to follow in their parents foot steps so you should set a good example.

I am also going through an experience like yours, although mine is a little more complicated. I got married at 19, my husband is 10years older than me. We have been married for 5years and have 3children and I'm pregnant with our 4th child. Since the beginning of our marriage we have been having numerous problems: lack of communication, terrible intimacy, economic and overall control issues from his part, no expression of love towards me or or children, etc. My husband is a great provider but so far that's the only positive thing I can say about him.

A few months into our marriage his younger brother, same age as me, came to live with us and for many years he was nothing more than my brother in law... but in the beginning of 2013 I started to see him with other eyes and he reciprocated the same feeling. His brother was the one taking time to play with my kids, coming home to help me in many things my husband should have been attending. One day I told him my feelings toward him and we ended up kissing. My husband found out that same night about the situation and decided to forgive me and we continued our marriage but obviously my brother in law no longer came over but we would see each other in other activities. I tried hard to forget about him but seeing that my husband was not changing at all even after what had just happened made it impossible for me.

We ended up having another encounter but this time it went beyond kissing but not to the full extend of having a sexual relationship. We both love each other and are aware that our situation is immensely complicated. I confessed to my husband that we had another encounter and is now trying to become the man I would have wanted him to be. The thing is that now I have fallen deeply in love with his brother and have little to no love for my husband. He also thinks the baby I'm expecting is his brothers, and he obviously isn't since there has been no sex. I am just so in love with his brother and have NEVER felt a love like this before.

I don't know what to do, if someone could please advise me I'd appreciate it.

I have been married for 28 years. 2 Children, 2 grandkids. 8 years ago I met a man and it just felt right between us. I don't know if I got married to young or what. I love my husband. He is a great man, father, husband and provider. I just never felt the intense desire to be with someone until I met this man. Now I am torn. Do I ruin my whole family--in-laws included or do I

no, don't ruin your marriage. it's not your heart that's feeling intense desire, lol! maybe visit Adam and Eve website and have some fun. when you're with you're hubby, close your eyes and picture the one you have that "intense desire" for, and hang on!!! :-)

I've been married 15 years and been seeing my male friend for 3 years before that we were just friends 8 years but im in love with him and I know he loves me to he's also married don't get me wrong I love my husband ,but like you were saying u feel disgusted when he touches you me too weird but I would have left along time ago but we have a lot of family nieces ,nephews and so on that adore me we have 2 children 13 and up ,im clueless on what I should do my husband don't know and his wife doesn't know should I just end it or keep being unfaithfull?

Hi I'm on the other side my wife has fallen for another man she has been very open and honest in all of this... She has told me that she is in love with him and can't be without him ,but she loves me and cares for me also ..we have 2small children together.
And since Xmas she has moved into his as I'm giving her so much grief over him!!! We still act as a marrid couple speaking on the phone all day .im going mad ...... She wants both of us "to make her compleat" but I just can't handle it she lives with him now she is looking for somewhere to live near him and work ..but wants to go to marriage counciling ..I don't now hat to do we have been marred for 8 years I can't share her but I can't let go eather ...she has her cake ...

Divorce that useless harpy, take the kids and the house, find someone else, and be happy. Seriously, she has the audacity to ask you for marriage counseling while living with another man? You could do so much better.

umm...i never tell people to divorce, but tell her to kick rocks!! she's got some nerve!! the only person she cares about is herself. take your kids, and the house, and move on without her. wow! she's got some huge ones!

I'm in the same situation. I've been married for two years with a beautiful daughter. I got married at a young age, I am 20 now. I recently ran into this guy that I knew in middle school at my works orientation. We clicked so fast, every time we talk we both have those goo goo eyes, we laugh and smile at each other so huge. I have very strong feelings for him, After hugging him I walk back to my station from break and have the biggest smile on my face. I didn't mean for it to happen but it did. We have so much in common. I've not been happy in my marriage in a very long time, I love him but I don't know what to do.. I'm not in love with him /; I'm scared about making the wrong choice.. I did HELP also! Somebody write me...

hi, its not an easy situation , specially once you have a child together. I know cause i m married with 2 children and ive been inlive with someone for some years now. Sometimes it feels like when im together physically with my husband, im cheating on the other one im inlove with, even tho we dont have anything together. Im not even sure if he knows how much i love him , nor if he feels the same way for me, but something inside tells me he does. But yeah not an easy situation. But not being honest with myself is killing me. Im not really sure how long you can go on and "pretent". Im curious how you gonna do :) I seriously dont know. Last thing i want is to hurt my husband, cause he s one of the greatest persons i ever met.

I am 31 years old I am married for almost 12 years now I have 3 wonderful children I love my children so my situation its difficult I feel like I'm not married because my husband never give his time to me and his children all I want from him a little time for me and my kids but he can't give us that...since we got married we never sleep in the same bed I feel like he is just my room mate....5 months ago I have meet a guy that I never expect I would fall inlove with as he does to me he is also married for 20 years and they don't have kids he is 47 I know he is way older than I am but like they said age is just a number...our relationship started after I meet him at the casino he lives 4hrs away from me...but he will drive to where I live just to see me...but the problem is he worked overseas he come home for a month then he go back overseas for a month but even tho his far away from me he always call me everyday and we talk for long hrs,,,,,I know it is wrong to have a relationship to other man while you still married...but I am unhappy with my marriage...i am sonhappy I have meet him he such a wonderful caring and sweetguy he makes me feel that I am everything to him as I do to him...but I am afraid might one day I will leave my husband just for this guy because we both talk about divorcing our partners he really wants to be with me and also I want to be with him he also love my children...but I don't want my kids to get hurt when me and my husband get divorce I don't know what to do...should I just stay my relationship to this guy as of now???plsss I need your advice I am totally inlove with this guy.........

I'm in the same situation. Married 8 years and slowly have been "checking out" of the marriage for a while. We've had lots of problems. Verbal abuse and physical in the way that he corners and gets in my face and yells. This is all just when we get in horrible fights. We've had good times too and had 2 children. My husband cheated on me several years ago. And within the last year, I met another man. We became friends and recently started an actual affair. I think i'm in love with this new man and really would love to give this relationship an actual chance. I know that years down the road, I could be in the same place...unhappy with this new man...but I don't believe that my marriage will get any better so why not give a new relationship a chance. Who knows, maybe I'll find the love i've always wanted. But the questions I have is do I really have a choice? Did I make my choice 8 years ago by marrying my husband and now I'm stuck forever? If there wasn't another man involved; these problems would still exist. I've thought about divorce plenty of times before. so my mind goes in circles...but i think someone else posted a good point. Maybe I need to take a break from this affair to really assess the situation...

I feel as though I have written this! I am a 31 year old woman, who got married young (at 22) My husband is 39. We have been together for almost 11 years and married for 8. We have 2 children together. I do like him, but I don't love him like a husband. I love him like a friend, or brother. We have the relationship of roommates, and don't even sleep in the same bed. I don't want to have sex with him, and even the thoughts of kissing him make me cringe. About 7 years ago I met a guy (he is now 41, and single). I have recently started running into him again, and realize how much I like him.... maybe even love him. We always seem to run into each other at the grocery store. He knows I am unhappy in my marriage, and asked if we could text each other. We began that and have amazing conversations. I get so excited to talk to him and get antsy if he doesn't write.
I would never physically cheat on my husband, but I can't get this other guy out of my mind. I think about him constantly. The thoughts of sex with him drives me wild!! He is everything my husband is not. We chat about things like food, music, hobbies, interests, etc. Something my husband and I don't discuss. He is such a sweet guy, and I keep arguing with myself in my mind as to what to do. I don't want to leave my husband for another man because I know it would kill him and it would be hard on our children, but I too don't know what to do. I keep thinking that when the time is right I'll know what to do, but the past few months have been hell for me. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach all the time, and it is causing me extreme stress. I feel that I have to talk to this other man, but I don't want to scare him. He knows I have feelings for him and he has them for me too, but we haven't texted in over a week. Things between my husband and I have been rocky for a while now, and I have threatened to leave, but he says nothing is wrong, and can't understand why I want to go. He doesn not know about the texting to the other man, but my heart is not at home anymore either.

Im in a very similar situation. What did you do?

We have the same situation...

Wow, I actually thought I wrote this. I think the only reason I don't leave is because it would break his heart and he wouldn't know how to live.
I fell for a man at my work, probably unrequited but I know it feels so strong that I couldn't love my husband that much, could I?

Not like a husband/ wife anyway.

1 More Response

I have been married for 14 years and love my husband we have two beautiful children together.But about 8 years ago I met a man that made something inside me spark we started talking and seeing each other and it eventually led to sex. He is also married but our relationship works we get along great text and talk everyday. And I see him when I can. We are in love and he shows it and says it often. I also love my husband it took me along time to work out the kinks in the relationships and to balance them both. I know that loving the other man is wrong but I can't imagine at this point telling him goodbye. I am not going to say it has never been complicated but we always seem to work it out. I think he off sets the things that might be missing in my marriage and I do the same for him.

Your story is so close to mine, but I've only been in my affair for less than a year! I do love my husband, but I'm not in love with him. I love my mm...completely...he makes me smile...we r of one mind... i truly feel he is my soul mate. At times when we r texting, we will text the exact same thing!! I am trying to find my balance.... I can't say goodbye, even though my mind tells me it's the right thing to do. My heart just cannot let me do it! My life is so complicated right now and sometimes I think I will never make it through. Hearing your story has given me a glimmer of hope because I can't imagine living without him! Thank you!

I have been with my husband for 14 years married for 3 with 4 children. We seperated over the summer and I met a man. That has met my kids. Completely opposite of my husband. He was amazing. I ended up leaving him to take my husband back. But now I find myself questioning things. Should I have just went through the divorce? I feel like I love my husband but I'm in love with the other man. I am so confused. The other man would of given me anything and everything that my children and I wanted. My husband has said he will get sober but hasn't. He won't stay sober for more then a week, if I am lucky. I don't want to have sex with him, but do to please him. I feel like me thinking of this other man is cheating on my husband.

what did you do? I am in this EXACT situation right now and it is KILLING me...
i dont know who to pick. HELP

I understand as I am in somewhat the same spot.....except I am 71 and the person I am in love with is 61. We have had a freind relationship for 4 years but is now beyond that. NO we have not had sex so that is not the sitituation. I have been with my husband for 30 years and married 29, I really care for hime but it is more like a brother or father. I am not sure how tis is going to turn out but my; feelings for this other person makes me feel like I am in love.

Wow. It is so strange. Love that is. I too married young. In my 20's. I was in love and did not know. My companion at the time had already told me that marriage was way off his list. He had been hurt to many times before. I couldn't understand though considering our passion. It is not everyday that you meet someone that you are utterly uncontrollable around. Anyway, I gave him my heart, not realizing it. Then I met a man who quickly saw that I could go to my love at anytime so of course he jumped at his first opportunity to ask for my hand. He was charming and seemed to be all that i said i was looking for. I didn't know him long enough though and i called a two year engagement. However, my lover friend stopped contacting me and we lost contact. I have never forgotten him or the feeling of love and life with him. Recently I found him single with one child on facebook. I am however still unhappilly married with two of my own. I want to contact him but i am soo afraid. I decided the other week after lamenting over these responses and passages. I kept it to one line. If he contacts me, i just want to say I am sorry for running from good love. Running away from someone who was interested in my thoughts and feelings. From someone who held me so tenderly while i slept. who's attraction was so strong that love could be made in broad daylight in the park. I miss you and i am sincerely sorry for neglecting what we had and rushing to what i believed i needed. Like the others said, i am living afraid to leave caught in a warp of lies, control, mental abuse and debt. Just wish i hadn't ran from love. Being broke would be easy if there was real love..........
Love is never greener unless your own its side.......

Well we all seem to have the same thing in common. But no one has offered any suggestions what we should do. Is there a support group for people in our situation? I don't think so. I've researched the internet and books for answers on how to "follow your heart", "find your inner voice" or "relationship help" and still there is no answer. So I've done what I know my mom would suggest if she knew about my situation...Pray. 16 yrs later I'm still waiting for God to give me a sign, or speak to me. And my heart still belongs to another man while my life is spent married to a verbally abusive, alcoholic husband. I guess God ment "till death do us part"

6 years ago I met this girl online, all very innocent, but I felt this attraction to her straight away, I thought about her so much while at work that week, her cute little face. I wanted her to contact me again, a week later she did, I was so suprised.<br />
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She was from China, was 22 years old and I was 36, one problem was I was married. But being human and a guy that doesn't fall for people very easily I found myself not being able to get this girl out of my mind. I thought she'd never like me, I'm far too old.<br />
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So we just chatted, texted and our feelings grew for each other, me being a fool and very scared to lose her as I am a bit of a loner never could tell her I was married, I needed this girl in my life. I looked after her, helped her, supported her and she felt comftable with me, in fact she had fallen in love with me and me with her.<br />
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Eventually she found out I was married, I broke down and cried and told her why, she said she understood me and that she loved me. She wanted to marry me, she told me she had never met anyone like me before.<br />
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Our relationship went on for 6 years, over that time it devolped more into a father to daughter as she looked to me for guidance, support and love, I tried to give her all I could in my posistion, I told her I lover her but couldn't marry her even though I wanted her.<br />
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I told her to find someone from China to get married, she said me I was the one she wanted and if she got married she would hide her love for me in her heart. I knew in my heart one day I would lose this girl and she would get married. I never thought we would last 6 years of being there for each other, every night or most nights I would call her and we would talk, she wanted me by her side as she fell asleep.<br />
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But now that time has come, she became desperate to marry I couldn't fullfill her dream, some guy on a site has seen her picture, and in the space of a month she has become engaged, I was suprised at the speed, but I knew she was getting desperate as she is now 28.<br />
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Anyway I wished her well, but she asked me to stay with her until she was married, I said no, now someone else has to look after her, be by her side, support her, she asked me if she was doing the right thing, should she marry, I was shocked as I felt a sense of uncertainty.<br />
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She asked if I would still be there for her, I said no, I must leave you in peace, it's a new chapter for her, she started to cry, I think the shock and thought that after 6 years I would no longer be there for her, I have been her rock for 6 years, we never fight, we are so supportive of each other.<br />
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I will really miss this girl, I love her, I've loved her for 6 years, I've seen her grow from a little girl in to a beautiful young woman, she is like a daughter to me.<br />
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I told my wife everything, I just don't hate my wife or even dislike her, but I fell in love with another woman, I will never forget her, I invested 6 years in her, god, I really hope I made the right choice to cut her out of my life and let her live her new life. I am sure I will hear from her in the future because I made such a big impact in her life, I think we will always both love each other.<br />
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I am happy I finished with her for what I believe good reasons, I know I have upset her and she was crying because she didn't answer me.<br />
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I will always love you, I will always miss you, you will forever be in my heart!

You should have stayed with her and not let her marry someone else.

I am glad I'm not alone! My situation is as follows: I have been friends with my best male friend for almost 12 years. We developed a solid friendship and have confided in each other over the years. Yes there was an initial attraction but timing was always not on our side, so we thought it best to show each other true friendship! He has watched me go through bad relationships, the death of my child, and has always been there for me, showing support, a shoulder to cry on, the BEST conversations I've ever had, the one constant in my life who has accepted me as I am, unconditionally, showing me that a man can genuinely be the best friend to a woman. We have a mutual respect for each other and a deep sense of kindred spirits. Over the years when I got involved with someone, we kept in touch but not as close as when we were each single. After the passing of my child, my best friend and I talked about how we've been there for each other and I told him I care deeply for him; he affirmed his feelings towards me and we were going to try moving our relationship to another level. One thing he didn't tell me was he was trying to fix some financial issues in his life and didn't want me to have to face that after my going through a lot over the years. IF ONLY I HAD KNOWN! We didn't talk a great deal and this time it was his issues & timing. But I felt rejected and threw myself into church saying, "Lord, I'm done. Not in my time but yours." Three months later I met a man at church and there seemed to be a spark and he did resemble my best friend. We dated VERY BRIEFLY and he told me he loved me. I felt that I had to respond but was a little apprehensive, and then found myself telling him I loved him too. Three months after meeting, we moved in together. We didn't give ourselves time to know each other....he has smoked most of his life and eats horribly, I am a health is my life work, career, and passion. During this "playing house" time, I still kept in touch with my best friend, and he would give me big bear hugs, and just tell me how he wants me to be happy. My relationship with the man I lived with was rocky even during the dating. He had a lot of anger, looked at ****, and I told him too many times my issues with it but he continued to do what he wanted, and I stupidly never stood my ground....later I would finally realize my role. I married this man after living together for two years, and I tried to be a great wife, listening to him, meeting all his needs, etc. And losing sight of my own needs and self. I shut down, didn't try to communicate, and was extremely unhappy. Last year another family member was struck by a terminal illness that was quite sudden and extreme. I could not help but think about my best friend, the one person who has always been there over 11 years at the time. I called him and he was so happy to hear my was as if no time had separated us and our relationship picked back up where it left off. My marriage continued to be strained, my husband's anger got the best of him and his decent job was in jeopardy because of his anger. I confronted him about it, that we needed counseling, and he blamed others having issues, he didn't need f-ing counseling. My best friend came to see me and the feelings I had five years prior were there, full-force, and more intense than before. He asked me what was missing from my marriage...I told him,"You!" I told him how my feelings deepened and never wained, that I didn't realize the one that I wanted and needed had been right there in front of me all along. I told him how I felt rejected years before and that was when he let me know it wasn't me but his financial issues. My husband grew more complacent and the years of him not talking and communicating but rather play video games and watch TV was more than I could continue to tolerate. During this time, I realized my part in this is I have been co-dependent all my life. There were times when I was single and very much the "real me" that I was independent and treated people well and if they didn't like me, such is life, can't please everyone all the time. This is one of the qualities that my best friend grew to love about me as he watched so many things happen in my life, good and bad, but he never failed to believe in me or give me positive affirmations. My husband and I were always fighting and arguing...I was so stressed. I spent time with my best friend just talking and having great conversations. Then one night it happened...we made love and I don't ever remember feeling like that, ever!! We would meet every week and it was amazing! I told my husband I wanted a divorce and he started going to meetings at the church. He was "trying" to change and wanted us to now go for counseling....I wanted no part of it now. I had a place lined up and was getting things together to move. My husband found something and initially was upset but then showed forgiveness, compassion, and understanding. Maybe he was changing. I decided to stay, to try to work on it, and give my marriage another chance. During this time, my best friend had been going through some things with close friends passing and he reassessing his life (he is 10 yrs older than I). I found out he got married and was devastated! I called him asking when be planned to tell me....he said he didn't want to be alone since the one he wants is not available to him. I told him I love him not just as my friend but have been in love with him. I told him that I <br />
only want him to be happy and I'll always love but had to put those feelings aside. My heart was broken but I had to at least try. After a month or so passed, I received a text from my best friend telling me he misses me...I of course missed him as well. He called me and said he loved me, not just as my friend. I let him go and continued to focus on marriage, counseling, fellowshipping with my husband. It seemed our marriage was being restored. Then conversation ceased again, he was getting angry, and fellowshipping stopped completely! Just a few weeks ago, he did at least re ognize it but tells me not to think he "changed" just to get me to stay. That is exactly what I think. I saw my best friend and had a brief conversation and told him as much as I've tried to stop my feelings for him, it wasn't happening. He said he hasn't felt like himself since he got married and that his feelings for me will never wain since they've gone on for more than 5 yrs. I gave him a hug & peck on the cheek and told him I love him, he said he loves me back. We have since seen each other briefly and I did tell him had I been the woman 5 yrs ago that I am now, he would have known and I would have waited. He told me he has been deeply in love with me for a long time but realized I needed a true friend more than anything and he wanted to always be there for me. My husband knows I'm not happy and he cannot make me happy. I do know my best friend and I will be together as we've told each other we want to spend the rest of ours lives together, that we realize we need to stop running from each other but toward one another. <br />
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My husband is not the man for me and he never really was. My heart belonged to another before we got together. I will let my husband go so he can truly commit himself to what he must do for himself. I cannot be the wife he wants and I know there will be someone who can give him what he wants and needs. Some people are meant to come & go from our lives while others are meant to be there a lifetime or part of a lifetime. I regret not telling & waiting for my best friend and I will not go through the last part of my life unhappy out of a sense of "duty". That isn't fair to anyone involved. Live, learn, and love. Best wishes to all of you posting on here.

Update: My best friend and I saw each other and spent some time together. He wants to be with me as much as I with him! He and I are both working on what we must to leave the situations we are in so we can eventually be together. Things continue to be a roller coaster with my husband. He is talking disrespectful and is irritable everyday and then apologizes everyday. I have grown so apathetic toward him. It won't be long, I will be moving out. I hope my husband will be happy but I know he needs to work on himself first. Once he does that, I believe he will find a good woman who can be his other half. I will make amends to him because I don't hate him at all. We are completely wrong for each other.

<p>My situation is a little different, I have recently separated from my husband of almost 6 years, together for 8. I had made the decision to split before he told me he is an alcoholic and feel that this has been good for us. Since we split he has been going to AA meeting and he hasn't had a drink in a couple weeks. There was little conversation in our relationship since our son was born about 3 years ago, and I haven't felt a connection with him in a long time. A few months ago I started talking to another man,that I have know all my life. When I was younger he asked if I ever thought about moving, he was hinting at the fact that he wanted me to move closer to where he was, I was very young and thought I was in love with someone else at the time or I would have went. The guy I have been talking to is also in a relationship with someone and they are not happy. We talk about anything and everything and I feel an emotional bond with him. I am closer to him then I was with my husband when we were together. The guy I have been talking to tells me all the time that this is the happiest he has been in a long time and that he can't wait to see me again. In the past he has told me that he loves me and recently told me that this feeling is getting stronger. My husband knows about the other guy and told me that he would give me space the next time the guy is in town, so I could spend time with him, even watch our son. I find this a little strange that he would want me hanging around someone that loves me and would like the chance to have a relationship with me, and to top it off my husband wants to be friends with the other guy.I have been talking more with my husband but the bond that we shared before has been broken and right now I don't want to work on that but I also don't want to get into a relationship with someone new either. I am confused right now and I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be great thanks.</p>

Update: I am still separated from my husband but now I am finding that we are not communicating as much as we were in the beginning of the separation. He tells me that he feels deeply for me and wants things to work out but I don't get that feeling when he is telling me this. I feel that it is just something that he is saying (just words), we do not seem to be working on getting back together just drifting further apart. In my marriage sometimes I felt as if I was being used for sex and during one of our conversations he told me that he did. This is something that is hard for me to get over because a relationship with someone you love shouldn't be like that, I don't think that you should use the other person. It made me feel like crap at the time and still does I don't know if I can ever forget that feeling and if I was to get back together with him would I feel like that every time we were intimate? As for the other guy in my life, we talk and text as much as we can and I miss not talking to him when there is a day that we can't. He did get to visit last month and it was so wonderful to have him around. I can't wait to see him again. I have been so happy since he has come into my life again.

feel sorry for all ,lots of guilt,but most seem to feel they have found real love. it is the same for me and i am going for it. we have been having an affair for over a year. he was someone i had met in high school 50 years ago. i have been married to my husband forty eight years with no communication on his part and no sex on my part for about 20 years. after this year and much thought , sadness, guilt on my part, i am going to leave for the one i love. the man of 50 years ago.


I have been married for 23 years and have two teens and one young adult. I have been having an intimate affair with the same man for about 20 years! Well, he was my first love when we were teens and the strong attraction never left us. We hooked up 15 years ago and really are still very much apart of each others lives. Several times I have felt guilty and called it quits in an effort to save my marriage and the happiness of my kids. But this man still says he will wait for me. Torn is not the word....I know my heart is with him and I long only for his touch , his eyes , his kiss....etc. I would have never beleived anyone if they told me on the day of my marriage I would be having an affiar, my husband just stopped doing alot of things, he found out about the other man so he questions everything I do and every place I go. We make love about twice a month and still as he promsied he would change, he has not. My faith teaches me that God can restore anything so I pray that he will restore my marriage, but we are in control of our lives and happiness. Whatever happens we can ask for forgivness and God will be faithful to do so. There is nothing that can separate us from God's love. I love my husband, but I havent been in love with him for along while. I am however in love with this other man and I know its wrong. So I'm dealing with that right now. Listen, I don't know if what I'm saying helps, but I do know that maybe we rushed into our marriages too soon, we settled and we didnt ask God about who we should marry. I married when I was 19 years old so I know I didnt know anything! Am I stuck? Nope, I feel in my heart one day I will end this marriage and it will be me thats ends it. My husband would not, he would rather work it out, make promises that in time he wont keep and we end back on the same desolate road. I don't know how long my lover will wait for me, but even if he doesnt I will walk away. Remember our steps are predestined. Look for my

I thought I was the only one also. My husband and I have betn married for 14 years. He is loving and cares deeply for me and out children. He is very supportive and is the perfect. But I'm in love with someone else who is in a relationship. It started last year in October. I had seen in the halls at work and we always said hi to each other. One day he instant messaged me at work and it the flirtation started. He told that me that he used to see me on campus before and he used to be so into but I never knew who he was. Ironically we haven't had sex but have kissed numerous times, had lunch and tell each we love one another. I don't know the extent of how he feels about me. I feel like I want to take care of him. We always say if we make love it could turn dangerous. We're afraid to cross that line. I have had an affair before but never loved the guy just wanted something differnt. But this guy, there is something about him. I think about him all the time. We have always said there is two components to our relationship, a deep friendship and lovers. He asked me one day how I would classify him, I said boyfriend. He said no I'm your man. Just you and me. He has women friends and I have mtn friends. We always say "don't cross me" meaning don't cheat on me. I want to break it off but I don't want to lose our friendship. I don't know what to do.

Wow. I felt like I was the only one in the world with this problem until I found this group. My situation is very similar to many of yours. I love my husband, and he is good to me and to my family. He is generous, supportive, great work ethic, a good person over all. However, we have very little in common. He is not interested in conversation with me, or doing much of anything at all with me. He works very hard, comes home, has a beer, and watches TV or gets on his computer. I will make beautiful meals for us and I can't even get him to engage in conversation with me while we eat. He gobbles his food down (that took me an hour to make) in less than 10 minutes and then is watching some of the dumbest reality shows you can imagine. I try to talk to him about politics, current events, new restaurants to try, cooking, music, movies, whatever I can think of. He bores me because he rarely has anything interesting to say. Furthermore, he never wants to do anything or go anywhere and only does occasionally to please me. I have lamented these things since before we got married. I guess I should have realized they weren't going to change. I too have been seeing another man. I have known him for several years and have been seeing him off and on throughout my relationship with my husband. He is married now too and we both feel that we got married partly out of obligation to our spouses and partly because our families kept pushing us to "finally" get married. I know it is wrong, but I can't stop thinking about him. Every holiday or special event I think of how much more fun I would have if he could be with me instead of my husband. He and I share many interests, we have amazing conversations, we come from similar backgrounds, and just have a great time when we are together. We have told each other that we love one another, and I know from my end that I do. I have practiced how I would explain to my husband that I want to leave him, but have never actually planned a day or time to do it. I don't want to if my "friend" doesn't also leave his wife to be with me. If I leave my husband, I will have no where to go and no income because I am a full time medical student right now. My lover has assured me he can comfortably take care of me until I get out of school and on my feet but obviously he can't do that unless he leaves his wife....which I don't know if he will or not. And now...the real kicker is that the wife told him that she may be pregnant....damn. I am waiting to hear the verdict with a heavy heart...

Update? I'm in a similar situation.

omg i am in the same situation i dont know what can i do ... i am married but i am so in love with another men and he is married i cant stop thinking about him

Same situation....married almost 20 years and head over heals in love with a man that I have been involved with for two years. He is amazing, and he loves me too. The man I have been seeing is recently divorced and available. I have two children that I don't want to hurt. This is killing me. I cry everyday and take medicine to help me sleep. All I want is to be with this other man. I feel like this might be my chance at real happiness, but at what expense? Do I hurt everyone else so I can be happy? My husbands knows about the other man, but wants me to stay no matter what. This consumes me, and I don't feel like I can take much more!

This is reassuring for me that I am not alone. I have an awful crush on another man and I have been a devoted girlfriend for a number of years. i thought it was only teens who felt this way. I just want this to go away, and I want my life back to how it was, but I'll never ever forget this man, the guy is so charismatic, sexy, piercing eyes, and his unobtainablility is an even bigger turn on!! I'm in a mess...

Hi i think institution of marriage is way more stronger than the feeling of sexually attracted to someone new.if u were in love when u married thn i am sure the love just fades but doesnt vanish,,, u just need the right amount of polish in your activities together that u fall in lov everyday.your spouse is whom you thought is the right choice for u, dnt doubt ur choices now. The so called " lover" will b there in few years where ur spouse is, will it really make a difference

it's seems there are too many people on here that are fearful of following their heart. falling deeply in love with someone is one of the most cherished experiences in life. eventually the feeling of need for the person you are in love with is so great that your existing marriage becomes an empty, loveless existence, where even touching your husband becomes unbearable. people fear family reprisals and negative perspectives from others but who are you living your life for ? is it about you or them? when you have realized that your happiness is just as important as your husband or children and you have no doubts about the person you are in love with then it is time to leave and be with your perfect partner and lover. if it's done right then nobody gets hurt. follow your heart and fulfil your life!

Yes, but the question we all have (especially those of us with children we don't/cant hurt) is HOW do you hurt someone who does not deserve it to be with someone you are madly inlove with. My "other" person is my soul mate. I think I married my husband out of pressure not out of love.

Didnt all of our marriages start out in the same way these affairs have started? We were all looking for the fairytale. When we dated our significant others didnt we have lust and chemistry and a desire to love and be loved? Ok so we all made a commitment to a marriage then we get a taste of real life and as someone said after 6 years the infatuation ends. Well doesnt that hold true for our marriages too not just affairs. So what i hear is that we should never expect to be happy with.anyone? That is the most depressing thought ever, or should we just stay in our miserable marriages cause that is the path we decided on 10 or 12 years ago?<br />
I know we are all in love with someone besides our spouse or so we think, but why is the affair not real love but the marriage has to be? I think that is the confusion the guilt comes in because we are never suppose to get divorced? So what if we all cut off our lovers gave our marriage one last effort and got divorced just because we were no longer happy and fulfilled and then some time passed and we "met someone" new funny everyone would be so happy for us! there are no guarantees that our marriages will work as well as our lovers relationship . The answer we are seeking is is it ok to leave our spouses cause we are not in love anymore. And i believe the answer is that we have to forget the lover and ask ourselves if there was no lover would i still want to be married to my spouse. If the answr is no then its time to move on. If you are unsure then you need to break the habit of the affair for a while and figure it out. I wish some people would post on here what they did and how it turned out<br />
for them was there regret are they happy i think we want to.know that in any case its not easy! good luck to all of you post again with updates!! <br />
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I think e questions and that is w confused

ok, this is all normal. Of course, you have fallen for someone else because marriage gets boring. Infatuation ends in 6 years tops. The other person is going to always be idolized until you start living with them and spend 10 years with them. Then they will start to get annoying.<br />
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Everyone thinks their situation is unique but most married people have feelings for others. Maybe we should learn from the French and be more open-minded about affairs and how we look at marriage.<br />
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Marriage is important to civilized society and divorce is too easy.

I am going through the same thing. I have been married to my husband for 2 years, and with him for 6. We have one child together. I have been on and off talking to this other man for 7 years now. I fell in love with him a long time ago...he has always been unattainable to me. We were always both unavailable. He is now getting a divorce, and all i can think about is him. He is amazing, with motivation, good work ethics and charm. My husband and I have been fighting a lot lately. We just dont seem to have anything in common anymore, and I feel as though I have reached the point of no return. I dont want our son to see us unhappy. I dont want him to think that a life of marriage is a miserable one. The only reason I am still with my husband is for our son....but that isnt fair to any of us. I dont know what to do anymore. I am sick with guilt. I dont want anybody to get hurt. I feel as though there is SOMETHING that is keeping this other man in my life. He always seems to pop back into my life. The only thing keeping me going is wondering when the next time I will see him again (he lives far away..thank GOD). I miss him when he is not around. I am torn and heartbroken.

I wish there was an easy answer to all of our problems. Looking from the outside in, the fix is clear but being in the same situation, I know the decisions are tough! I have been married 20 years, have no kids, only pets. We have accumulated many things. I believe we are convenient for one another: I am convenient for going to "events" and chatting it up, the "look" of a happy marriage and simply put...someone else in the house. For me, it is part financial, social status, etc... He is successful, good looking, works hard around the house/yard, is good to my family and so on. We are not emotionally or physiclaly bonded what so ever. I have been seeing a friend for over 5 years with whom I share the physical and emotional bond. It is so nice just to talk to him, see him and feel his arms around me. My H and I have had blow ups where I have told him I was unhappy and mentioned counseling only to hear him say no, there is no use to pay someone to listen when we can talk to each other (OK, talk is the problem but no matter). He told me a year ago I only thought of myself and so on, yet, here we are a year later and nothing has changed. I am comfortable now with the situation as is. I may not like it but am comfortable. The road to be with my lover would be long, hurtful and VERY BUMPY! We would be the talk of our town (small town), at least until another scandal came along. Again, seems like an easy fix but is far from it. Any thoughts?

I can relate to your situation. I met a man that has blown me away. I would say just leave things as are. Until you are comfortable enough to change the situation. Take it day by day. Sometimes it is easier to leave things as they are. That is what I am doing day by day....I.know it is sad, but for that small moment of happiness when you are together it is well worth it!

It's somewhat comforting to read the stories of others. I too am in this situation. I'm in love with my friend of 12 years and am married. I've been married for going on 7 years but not exactly happy. We have a vibrant 4 year old son as well. I've known my husband for 11 years. My friend whom I'm in love with is also one of my subordinates at work (I got him hired a month ago) and our friendship has only gotten deeper. We sneak around at work. I've been sneaking around with him since before my husband actually. We both agree the reason we aren't together is because of timing. He also has a child but is not in a relationship with the child's mother. I love him. He tells me he loves me and I believe him. He has been a constant friend since we met in college and my husband thinks we are just friends. With him, it feels natural. We just click. My marriage problems have nothing to do with my friend because we had a few spells of not seeing/speaking to each other for a while and the problems in my marriage persisted. While my husband is a good man on many levels, I'm tired of his complacency. My husband has no desire to do anything with me or for me nor does he have any professional ambition. He works, no doubt, but does not even try for promotion or for jobs that would allow him to be home evenings with us. He works 1-9 everyday and we barely see each other. When he comes home, he turns on his video games and I'm just alone watching TV until I crash. He never wants to go out and when we do, I have to pay because he is chronically behind the 8-ball financially. I make twice what he makes and I foot the bill for 80% of our bills. His parents treat him like he's sixteen constantly bailing him out of financial situations. They constantly show up at our home unannounced and it drives me nuts. His family has also been extremely rude to my family on several occasions and he sees nothing wrong with it. I cringe when he touches me and dred when he wants to have sex. I am not attracted to him anymore and he doesn't do anything to turn me on but poke me while I'm trying to sleep-not a turn on! Back to my friend---I don't know what to do. I love him deeply but know that us attempting a relationship would hurt a lot of people.

OMG, you took the words out of my mind with your last sentence. How do I move forward with my soul mate without hurting so many good people? I cry every day.

Oh wow... I can't tell you how much it makes me feel comforted to know that there are other people going through what I currently am experiencing. I have been with my husband for 11 years, married almost 7. Almost 3 years ago I met a guy through a mutual friend who has stolen my heart. We began "innocently" emailing - sharing friendly conversation... It progressed to meeting up here and there for long conversations over drinks...then one day, we met up, and we talked about our attraction to one another. Then the affair started. Sexually charged emails, texts, secret meetings...and then my husband found out. I felt like a fool. How could I be so secretive? I love my husband and I am so saddened by the thought of not spending my life with him - but we both admittedly haven't been happy for years. We got together when we were in our late teens and I just don't feel like we've grown into independent people - which drives me crazy. He has since "temporarily" moved out and told me to "date the other guy - if that's what (I) need to do." But - I can't become intimate with him...because then my husband would divorce me. I haven't yet made love to the other guy - and we have talked about what it would be like to be in a relationship together. We both think it would be amazing. BUT - I don't know if I'm ready to throw it all away. So much of my life has been spent with my husband I just don't know how to let that go. I have true, deep feelings for the other man - which is the hardest thing to navigate through. This sucks.

Wow I didnt realize this situation is so common. I am just realize I ma in love with someone else and I am married for eight years. I have been unhappily married and I met someone a year ago but, as much as he admits his feelings are mutual he is reluctant to keep seeing me bc he doesnt want to be a home recker. I am going to go for a trial separation and strat over and see how that goes..this is a painful experience and I hope soon it goes away


I feel for you all. It is not easy I agree but what is to be done? I am in love with a man much older than me, plus I am married with 3 children.....I can't leave, I can't do it to my family. It makes me sick with sadness.

I feel for you all. It is not easy I agree but what is to be done? I am in love with a man much older than me, plus I am married with 3 children.....I can't leave, I can't do it to my family. It makes me sick with sadness.

Don't know what to do 5 months before my wedding I met this amazing guy he swept me off my feet we where both immediately attracted to each offer and then he back off because he found out that i was getting married. He actually declared his feelings for me but said he needs to accept the situation and make peace with it that he will never get me, well I was mind blown and wanted to break of engagement but all was paid for my parents and his and I spend a lot of money to make this day amazing. I invited him to the wedding as for you stayed friends, but he refused he said it will hurt to mush to see me do this. The happiest day was not so happy but all went on and i smiled.<br />
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Its just that after 8 years being in a relationship, never looking at someone else. and having some one in your life that needs you, and that loves you for the way you are it makes quit sens to do the next thing and get married, think that you will never get someone like this again. but then its just to late. You pay the car the house the food on the table and even his dept but still you try to look beyond all of this and love the person on the other side of the room. And then it happens you not good enough any more, or you feel like that, he drinks every night you pay for it no affection for hes side just using you and then when he want sex yes then you are his world and you mean so much and i can not live with out you. And you feel guilty, until the day comes that you tel him to go **** himself and yes then they get pissed off. Talking does not help they promise to changed but tomorrow all is back to square one again.<br />
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Well back to my story, so I am in love and it has been 1year that has passed and the only thing that happens between me and my dream guy is flirting, and him reminding me that I am married<br />
and I telling him over a bottle of wine or two that I really wished that 1year and 5 moths ago he had made a move on me. because you would have been the perfect couple.<br />
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He is sexy, he is flirty, he is amazing, he likes me, he whats me but will not admit it again not jet, He has integrity, He has his own Farm, He has money, a plane and he loves animals hes got 'n potbelly pig and i have one to, He owns my dream car, He is all the things I always wanted in my live.. Don't understand me wrong I have my own house, my own business but you know sometimes you just wish for someone to pick you up and carry you for a wile. <br />
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So I am confused in what to do I try hard to get it on with him and he flirts back, but he told me that I can only have him the day that I am no longer married. which i respect and which is right but how do i leave my husband, it will break him. I am so confused I just don't know what to do <br />
My dream Guy got upset one night say that I please should promise him that I will not get pregnant so yes what does that say to you or to me????? its just that I am 32 year old and I what a family a baby I am getting old. but I do what it with the right man..<br />
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I think this letter is not just about me asking for help but for the first time telling my side and how i feel . I have dreams, I have ideals and I gave it up the day I got married . I miss myself I miss being me, I miss dreaming for success

well i have just recently split from my husband of 11yrs we have two beautiful girls 3 and 5 yrs but i as many other on here fell in love with one of his friends i had been diagnosed with cervical and overian cancer luckly im over the worst now but my husband wasnt there for me at all he just put his head in the clouds and petends nothings happening well i became closer to this particualar guy who listened too me gave me a place to rest before picking the children up after treatment and has helped me emotionally so very much and i fell so deeply in love with him its un true i have never even felt this way about my husband who i do care for of course i do as we have got the girls and he is finding it difficult to cope with me leaving him i havent told him that i have fallen in love with his friend and that i want to spend the rest of my life with him i just thought if i moved out with the girls trying to keep things ammacable for there sakes then at least thats a start but then my husband does a complete u turn and starts to change saying he's going to win me back my feelings are too little too late and have told him this. The problem is that i am so so deeply in love with his friend and he feels the same way about me too all i want is to spend the rest of my life with him he's caring reliable loving great with the girls funny and boy he does make me laugh but he doesnt want to tell my husband just yet what has been going on and that we are an item now so we are still having a relationship but in secrecy all i want is to be happy and have a nice peaceful quiet life he my new secret partner says lets just let the dust settle and then we can go public in a yr i dont want to have to wait that long why should it matter if we are together my husband and i are split up now. All the advice i can give to anyone is do not stay in an unhappy marriage if ur not happy the children pick up on it it was a massive step for me to leave my husband and wonderful life style with the big 4 bed 4 reception rooms house ponies at home no money worries but ur own happiness if far much more important i now live in a 2 bed cottage with a little garden and couldnt be more comfortable within my self what would make me exstatic would for my secret patner to say lets go public i love him so so much my heart feels like its going to burst

I am married, 4 years now. We have three sons, I love them and my hubby loves them too. My hubby has cheated on me, twice, at least the ones that I found out. To-date I still have a feeling that he is cheating on me, I don't trust him. He tells some small lies even to other people and this just drives me nuts, I don't understand why he does this... Five months a go I met a guy in another country where we were both visiting. He is separated from his wife (one year now), planning divorce. They have two kids. Something clicked between us, we became instant friends. We spent a lot of time together for the two days we were in the same place. He lives more that 1000 miles away in another country. We have always been on Skype, phone, etc, every day literally. He visited my country a month a go for work, and we spent all the time we could find in his hotel room. Now we talk on a daily basis, he is a great guy and I must say I have fallen deeply in love with him. We have made love severally... Strangely, he says I need to suggest someone for him to start a relationship with. He says that he would love if this person was me, he would marry me without thinking twice. I would do the same, but am still married, not a great marriage though, but I need my kids to have a home. I have lately thought a lot about what it would take for me to be with him... I think of him all the time, even when I have sex with my hubby(of course this makes it not enjoyable). I just can't help it, I have tried to forget the other guy, prayed about it, but I still fall for him, straight into his arms. I have decided to let things flow... Somehow am not afraid of my husband finding out, crazy huh! Any ideas??? I just don't know what to do now, am just things be, and enjoying what I have with this guy...

I feel for all of the previous posts that I have read. I have been married for 27 years. Its been a roller coaster of good and bad times, such is life. 16 years ago I met a man online who was able to fill a void that I had in my marriage. At that time my children were all young. We would chat online, and then moved on to the phone..We connected in ways that my husband and I didn't. He was single then but lived in another state. My husband found out about us communicating and went ballistic. I stopped talking to him for several years trying to work on my marriage out of guilt. cyber lover and I kept in touch here and there over the years. he was in a relationship and gave it his all, and I was busy and involved in my life raising my children etc. Things didn't exactly change that much with my husband. Sex was ok.. but I always would think of my true love. My kids are now grown 15 years later and through facebook I found his daughter and asked her to let her dad know that I had been searching for him to catch up. He emailed me and we began talking again last summer. Hes been the sole caregiver of his mom who is dying, and I have been his support. In all the years that we've communicated, we never actually met. Things were really bad with my marriage and i was hanging onto the hope that soon We would finally have the opportunity to meet and fulfill all of our hopes and our dreams. In my situation however, my husband is financially stable, but the man whom I am in love with is not. He wants so badly to be with me, as do I. Recently my husband started getting suspicious of me talking to this man again and he started doing everything in his power to work on himself to make himself a better husband, both emotionally and physically. I have fallen back in love with him after many many years. It took alot of work on both of our parts. My problem is that when I talk to my lover, I fall head over heals.,.and I want to be with him. I told him last night that I want both of them.. I guess I want me cake and I want to eat it to so to speak. I know that I will never leave my husband. We are expecting our first grandchild which will change the family dynamics as well.. My heart is so broken.. because i don't want to break my lovers heart. I love him and i will always love him. i wish that marriage could be open...and it was legal to have more than one true love. I know the answer is quite obvious.. I just needed to vent here because its been eating at me.... I've fantasized about being in my lovers arms and making love for years and years. And he talks about it all the time too. Ive tried to tell him that my marriage is on the mend.. but he doesn't want to know about it.. if he says something about my husband in a negative way and i correct him he gets jealous. They are both wonderful men..and I know I am spinning a web that will end up hurting one of the men that I love. If my lover came to my state I don't know what I would do.. after all the years of yearning to be together... now I'm afraid that If we do meet I will destroy everything and we will all get hurt. But the truth is I am addicted to my lover! And not willing to give up my Husband. I know it sounds bizzar but it is what it is...

I am in a 10 year marriage, and think I married b/c I thought it was the next step in growing up. I had a lifetime friend find me again after my 6th year of marriage. He came to my wedding & then I didn't see/hear from him for 6 years. He shows up and tells me he knew he made a mistake when he saw me in my wedding dress. He said it should have been him, and he spent 6 years trying to let me go to live my life. But while he was in the middle of moving he found a box with my name on it & said it had every card, letter, trinket I had ever given him. Then he just had to find me and tell me how he felt. He says he didn't want to cause me any pain or mess up my life, just that he wanted me to know. So, we have had the ebb & flow pattern we had in our friendship before I got married, only now it has a very strong sexual undercurrent. He has since divorced his wife and is single again. I, on the other hand, just found out I am pregnant w/my second child. It was a total shock & I thought I was unable to have another one. BTW...I have NOT been intimate with my friend in that way, so "no" it is not his child. My husband is a very good & stable man. We are very different in most ways, and his idea of passion is much more reserved than mine. We are limited in the bedroom since he is unwilling to try new things & his libido is low, and it leaves me very frustrated! But that can't outweigh the amount of love he has for me...and I'm not willing to leave him to see IF there is a chance of a real romantic relationship with my friend. It's just very painful to know that my friend has felt this way about me all these years & never told me until it was way too I have a different path that I have to play out. It makes me very sad.

iam in the same boat here i have been married fr 28 yrs and iam in love with this other man he seems to say what i want to here, when he calls i feel like a teenager again, my marraige hasnt been good fo a while now , we have been talk ing for almost 4yrs seen each other some want to be with each other we both ar married ,

I recently got married 4 months ago , but have been dating him for 6 years. Marriage seemed like the next natural step to take. Now I have this overwhelming feeling of being trapped, and wanting to run away. I know our life happens and unfolds with the choices we make. I think I made a wrong choice. Ive developed a crush on a guy at work - ive asked him for lunch - him seemed excited about it. The bad thing is I wouldnt mind kissing this guy, or pushing it to see what would happen. I feel that you arent suppose to be with 1 person your whole life, and that you should experience all kinds of love. I feel like that character from "eat pray love". I would break my husbands heart - he loves me so much. But I dont love him, but only love him as a friend. I have no attraction to him anymore. Will I feel regret staying with him,leaving him, or doing nothing at all? I know sometimes the grass isnt always greener, but I cant look back and think "what if?" I would be a big failure to many people if I left.....But it is my life, and life is short.

Do you have an update? I feel the same about my husband. :(

The awful part is we all feel this sense of guilt

We are all in a bind here. Since I am on the same boat I can't really give you sound advise, but can understand exactly what you are going through. Myjoe: Have you thought about talking to your husband and ask for a try-out separation? That is what I am planning to do. I love him very much, but our love is more like brother-sister type of thing. We hardly ever have sex and our communication has always been kind of "dry", since he doesn't like to talk much, especially when it comes to emotional issues. I would like to be on my own for a while to sort myself out and figure out if my marriage is worth saving. We'll see what happens...


This is painful. Wouldnt you agree? I am married 30 years been with my husband 33 years... three grown daughters (one, 23, still at home)... and I have been in a 'pretend marriage' . We married young, knowing each other for 2 years before we married. Decided to start our family. My husand is an awesome father, son.... and a good man, worker, provider. He just is not affectionate, communicative, loving. That makes.. and has made me cry. I have tried to talk to him about it... but has never changed things. He is involved in a family business.... and is the 'good son'.. and does it all. His mother, sister, and brother are also involved... and just has been the downfall of our marriage. His late hours, his being away all the time. I hate it. After .. about 5 years ago I started to go people... had so many crushes... and became another person. Drinking more than I should.... partying...looking for validation. See my girls work at the business also, so that has only tightened their relationship with their Father... which is fine... but disheartening as I feel so left out. Always... with everything. Tried working there.. but you would understand why I dont because of his family. (it is just not my opinion...many have told me this... it isnt me). <br />
Three months ago, I met this man I knew when I was younger. I reconnected with him on facebook. We went to school together.... I know his entire family....have similar friends. He moved out to California... so he has not been in the area for 30 years. He was just recently divorced. (3 years ago) .. we just would talk. Actually he hung out with my husband as they were from the same church and street. .... We talked... facebooked... chatted..... then... started skyping, calling on our phones.... and .. I can honestly say I have fallen in love with him... emotionally... mentally. I believe he knows more about me than my husband, as my husband was never one for 'talking'.... about feelings etc. <br />
He came in this weekend ... for a family funeral. I did spend the weekend.. with him... whenever I could make it out with an excuse. I really feel I am in love with him. I cried terribly when he left. I enjoyed his every touch.... compassion..... holding me... touching my face... kissing me... taking his time to kiss me. <br />
I know I am wrong... and I sit in bed now for two days.. because I cannot deal with these feelings. My daughters would never speak to me again if I left my husband. My husband... I would hate to hurt him. He just doesnt know any better on being a husband. ...... and I do love him. Or am I secure in where I am at ? Pretending it is something it is not? <br />
Any advice ... I would so love. I cannot hurt even my new love. He is so... in love with me. He worries and cries over me. He wants me so much. He is proud of me. Guide me.. please...

Do you have any updates? I feel your pain. :(

This is painful. Wouldnt you agree? I am married 30 years been with my husband 33 years... three grown daughters (one, 23, still at home)... and I have been in a 'pretend marriage' . We married young, knowing each other for 2 years before we married. Decided to start our family. My husand is an awesome father, son.... and a good man, worker, provider. He just is not affectionate, communicative, loving. That makes.. and has made me cry. I have tried to talk to him about it... but has never changed things. He is involved in a family business.... and is the 'good son'.. and does it all. His mother, sister, and brother are also involved... and just has been the downfall of our marriage. His late hours, his being away all the time. I hate it. After .. about 5 years ago I started to go people... had so many crushes... and became another person. Drinking more than I should.... partying...looking for validation. See my girls work at the business also, so that has only tightened their relationship with their Father... which is fine... but disheartening as I feel so left out. Always... with everything. Tried working there.. but you would understand why I dont because of his family. (it is just not my opinion...many have told me this... it isnt me). <br />
Three months ago, I met this man I knew when I was younger. I reconnected with him on facebook. We went to school together.... I know his entire family....have similar friends. He moved out to California... so he has not been in the area for 30 years. He was just recently divorced. (3 years ago) .. we just would talk. Actually he hung out with my husband as they were from the same church and street. .... We talked... facebooked... chatted..... then... started skyping, calling on our phones.... and .. I can honestly say I have fallen in love with him... emotionally... mentally. I believe he knows more about me than my husband, as my husband was never one for 'talking'.... about feelings etc. <br />
He came in this weekend ... for a family funeral. I did spend the weekend.. with him... whenever I could make it out with an excuse. I really feel I am in love with him. I cried terribly when he left. I enjoyed his every touch.... compassion..... holding me... touching my face... kissing me... taking his time to kiss me. <br />
I know I am wrong... and I sit in bed now for two days.. because I cannot deal with these feelings. My daughters would never speak to me again if I left my husband. My husband... I would hate to hurt him. He just doesnt know any better on being a husband. ...... and I do love him. Or am I secure in where I am at ? Pretending it is something it is not? <br />
Any advice ... I would so love. I cannot hurt even my new love. He is so... in love with me. He worries and cries over me. He wants me so much. He is proud of me. Guide me.. please...

I am in the same situation, married for over 10 years and 2 years ago, met this guy that blew me off my feet. We have been dating ever since and I have been miserable in my marriage. This guy is not the reaosn for me being miserable, i have been miserable in my marriage long before he came along. Things are driving me crazy as I really want out of this marrige, but stick around for the sake of our kids (2). I am so confused, because we would always talk about how we cannot wait to spend our lives together but I just dont know if he will ever be ready to even take that step. I dont think he ever wil. He is too attached to his marraige yet he is so inlove with me as well. I am so confused and do not wnat to put my life on hold for him, neither do I want to stay in a marriage that makes me totally miserable.. I am just so confused and totally sad.

I am in the same situation, married for over 10 years and 2 years ago, met this guy that blew me off my feet. We have been dating ever since and I have been miserable in my marriage. This guy is not the reaosn for me being miserable, i have been miserable in my marriage long before he came along. Things are driving me crazy as I really want out of this marrige, but stick around for the sake of our kids (2). I am so confused, because we would always talk about how we cannot wait to spend our lives together but I just dont know if he will ever be ready to even take that step. I dont think he ever wil. He is too attached to his marraige yet he is so inlove with me as well. I am so confused and do not wnat to put my life on hold for him, neither do I want to stay in a marriage that makes me totally miserable.. I am just so confused and totally sad.

I've been married for 3 years, but with my wife for 10 years. I have always done everything for my wife first and she even attests to that, but a constant argument that has always popped up is her not doing the only thing I've ever asked from her. I married her because she shows glimmers of a woman I've always had a strong crush on, but couldn't pursue because she is unobtainable and doesn't even know I exist. However, within the last year, I find out she is within 4 hours of me, single and actually obtainable as she is looking for a guy who's every criteria I fit. Since that day, this woman has not left my mind. Hearing her voice on TV the one day of the week she's on new alone makes me weak in my soul. To make it even easier, my wife admits that she has held the one thing I've ever asked for from her back practically on purpose out of spite and pride because of how passionately I've been asking for it. That immediately erased all feelings I had towards her in the love category, but we are unfortunately expecting an unexpected gift and I feel obligated to remain with her because 1. I don't want to have a child with divorced parents like me, 2. the woman I love doesn't know I exist and 3. because I made vows til death. Yet, I feel no connection with my wife outside of friendship and the obligation to be a husband/soon-to-be-father. We haven't made love in months and I feel no desire to do so. But if I was given half the chance to even pursue this other woman, I would want to leave instantly, but feel concerned about how the other woman could take me seriously if I left my wife just to pursue her. I feel so stuck that I've left all emotions in my life except the obligatory fake smile and "oh, I'm not doing bad.. .yourself" response. SIGH