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Married But In Love With Another Man

I am 32 yrs old, I have been married for 4yrs but with my husband for 8 years. Recently I have sought out another man, in which I have been friends with for over 3yrs. In my situation I have 2 children from a previous relationship and 1 child with my husband. The other man knows that I have children, he's even met them, our children play in sports together. The other man and I have connected emotionally and mentally, I completely fell for him and now that we have physically got to know each other that feeling has gotten stronger. I feel I have hit the point of no return with my husband, I can not stand to be around him, when he touches me I feel discuss. I love my husband don't get me wrong, but when asked if I am truly in love with him I can't come up with an answer. My heart isn't home anymore and now that my husband knows about this other man and that I have 1 foot out the door he starts to show he cares for me and does the things he should have done 1yr ago but for me its too late, I feel somethings just are to far gone and I should follow my heart and where it wants to be.  I can do nothing but think of this other man, I make little trips to the store just so I can call him to hear his voice and he call and leaves me voicemails, just to say hi, or telling me that he misses me. I honestly can say that I'm in love again, and I have not felt this way in a long time with my husband

momma03 momma03 31-35 75 Responses Jan 2, 2009

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As I sit and right this I have a lot of emotions going on inside of me. I have been married for 18 years I had four children of my own and one by my husband. From the the beginning things were going sort of well, I knew something was wrong because he always seem to have an attitude and always snapping at the littlest thing. Even when he gets mad he would knock everything off the dresserver and yell and scream through the house. He would even call my children names and say he had hatred in his heart against them, he called me stupid and retarded a lot and constantly argue with me. When I try to talk to him about the marriage he always ignore what I'm talking about and go to another conversation, I'm nor sure why. I had been putting up with this nonsense for years the loud music he's been playing being a DJ and all he plays it none stop and don't get enough of it. It's aweful how a person say they love you so much and don't respect nothing you say. Eventually I got tired of it and found my first love I been knowing since I was 19 years old, I was deeply in love with him and he was in love with me back then, something happen and he married someone else, but his heart was always with me. We met up a few times after his marriage didn't work out. And lose contact for several years. Up until 4 years ago I found him again he is married, and I am to, we are in love with other and the feelings is strong, I don't want to hurt no one but at the same time I'm hurt in this marriage, right know I'm stuck don't know what to do any suggestions.

pls advice me on what to do am not married but i have a baby and i leave with the father of my baby and we re planning our wedding just last year i fell in love with another guy dat i dnt even know but we meant online, am deeply in luv with dis guy thou d father of my baby notice and he has been trying all his best not to loose me. of which i told the other guy am in luv with dat i ve giving birth. my fear is i don't know what dis guy really ve for me bcos i dnt want to take a step which i will later regret but i love dis guy so much to the extent that i wish to spend the rest of my life with him and am always happy n comfortable whenever am with him. please i wnt pple to advice me on what to do. tnx

I have been married for 9 years. We have 3 children.The marriage has been rocky from the beginning. I found out over a year ago that he found someone else a 20 year old, he is 43. He told me he did not love me anymore and that our marriage was over and that he wanted a separation. Unfortunately due to expenses we still are living together in seperate rooms. His best friend, whom I have known for about 10 years has been living with us off and on. Well we have become the best of friends now. He was there when my husband was not and picked up all the broken pieces that my husband shattered. We care a lot about each other and I think I may be falling in love with him. I don't understand or even know how it happened but it did. I have never looked at him this way before. I don't know what to do. He is torn between me and his best friend like a brother to him. He is also afraid because he was hurt deeply by his ex whom they have a son together.

My ex wife and I had gone through this... I could have sworn we were meant for eachother, and no one else could get in our way. Boy, was I foolish... We were a highschool couple, ya-know how it goes. Yeah yeah, we got married early... But we both grew up with very different parents. Her parents were on the more 'care-free' sort of things, as to where my parents had saught to make my own future. I was about 19-20 years when I had joined the USMC. (You can probably see where this is going). While my unit was deployed overseas, my 'wife' had been fooling around. I didn't really even know the guy at the time, let alone knowing about this affair in the first place. I came back from deployment in about a year's time, and things were going great. We were settling down, yada yada.... Eventually another deployment would come our way, and we both knew it. On my second deployment, I had found out that my wife had been cheating on me. God, it was devastating. I had hoped to return home with a hero's embrace, instead I had an unfaithful wife on my hands, and a crappy military job. She had decided to leave to be with this other man, and I had never been in a darker place. While I put my life on the line, the love of my life had been fooling around. I had gotten to know the guy, and he's a total loser... Super scrawny, works at a local burger joint, and to me, he wasn't even that good looking. Why would my wife leave me for him!? I still don't know till this day... I was about 25, and my wife 24. Ugh... Let's jump a few years into the future, I was stationed in Kaneohe Bay, (Woohoo!) I got a few e-mails from my wife, (we were divorced). She had told me that her lover had left her for another woman! And as soon as I had gotten this news, I was so relieved! I was happy, It just felt like she had it coming, and she sure did! Mind you, while we were divorced, I had found a beautiful woman, loves me for who I am, and faithful too! And I planned on marrying her. Eventually we did, and my ex wife hadn't even known! She kept e-mailing me, telling me she still loves me, telling me that she wants me back. (She had a child) She wanted me to help her with parenting, she told me I'd be a wonderful father. I didn't reply for a few days after receiving the e-mails, but I finally told her to "Let it go". I told her that I'm hapilly married, and supporting a new family. I cut off all communication with my ex-wife afterwards... Ladies, there aren't too many good men in this world. It's too bad most of them end up getting the 'shorter end of the stick' these days. I say, learn to truly love, and cherrish your relationships. Sure, I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, as well as my relationships, I'll be the first one to say that. But, at least I was faithful... I hope my ex wife has learned from this, I hope she had moved on, and won't make the same mistake the next time... Thanks for reading!God Bless...Semper Fi!

Hi, I have been married for 32 years and for the last 9 years I have been seeing my childhood sweetheart, we should have married years ago but it wasn't to be....We are so in love with each other and I told my husband 2 weeks ago I was leaving ( not for someone else ) I could'nt be that cruel !! My husband has not treated me well, it was only in May that he bust my nose..Anyway I told him and he pleaded for me to stay, I agreed to stay until January and then last week he had a heart attack

It's a very difficult thing to go through. I have been married 7 years and been with my husband 15 years. I have never thought I could fall in love with someone other than my husband. Well, little did I know... It happened, literally out of no where. My husband and I have two beautiful kids. They mean the world to us. I am totally lost at this point. No matter where I am, I can't stop thinking about this person. I find myself the happiest when I am with him. I know that these feelings could only be temporary... someone new, exciting because it's something different. But, I just can't help but falling in love with this man. I understand no body is perfect and this guy certainly isn't perfect. My life at home with my husband isn't terrible either. I just can't figure out why I feel this way. I can't not think about leaving my husband, and breaking his heart. And my kids... But, I also can't stop seeing this guy. I know I will have to figure this out soon. It also isn't fair to this person... I guess I am just being selfish wanting more.

Very interesting to see so many responses. I have a work friend, "Kathy," who is now married to the "other man" and has been for many years. When they first met, they were both in unhappy marriages. I don't know anything about his. Her's involved severe conflicts. Abuse perhaps, but I didn't know her then, so I can't say for sure.

Part of the deal Kathy and "Jerry" made was that they would not date until they knew for certain that their marriages were unsalvageable. They dealt with those relationships before they embarked on a new course. Both unions ended, they dated, and they married. Things aren't perfect -- they've been through some marriage counseling -- but they seem to be happy, and their children seem from the outside to have adjusted.

From hearing about Kathy and Jerry's experience, I take away that those of us in this situation -- and now I count myself among them -- would do well to evaluate and resolve our marriage issues first, with the intent of improving them. We've made commitments that are worth honoring if we can do so. If we cannot, it is important to get through the processes of separation and recovery independently before entering a new relatinship, with particular attention paid to our children, who we know will suffer the most from our actions*. If your friend or lover is still there for you months or years later, terrific. Give it a try. If not, then you'll be ready to move ahead on your own knowing that you made the right decisions regardless.

*Side note: It is imperative for our children that we maintain as cooperative a relationship as we can with our ex-spouses. I know how difficult this can be, but from personal experience I can say that it is worth the effort.

You need to lose everything you ever had including your kids. You are a worthless as a human being.

Your choosing to throw your marriage away.I am going through same thing right now and I refuse to let my marriage end I am so very much in lust with this other man and dumb enough to have almost left my husband.Instead I told my husband everything. I hate to say it but communication is everything this other man is just a man he seems special for now even if you leave and end up with this man how long do you think it will take for you to feel the same for this new man once the newness wares off I had to do a lot of digging and when relationship goes south it is both your fault and all your doing is making it harder for you and your husband to find your

way there is a way to fix things you choose

So very true!! It feels so good because it's something new, plus the fact that you don't see the real person,only the side they want you to see, and then you both go back to your lives, where the spousal unit has the quirks and habits that work your nerves, lol! Doesn't mean that somewhere down the line, it won't happen with that person you're so excited about now. New always feels perfect, until it gets old!

I'm not married, but I'm in a long term relationship - 15 years with the same man and we have 3 kids under the age of ten. He is great in a lot of ways, and not so great in others. It is hard for me to forget about the not so great ways. Another man (married with one child) came back into my life recently after we had lost contact. We used to be good friends and he had feelings for me but nothing ever happened before because I was young/in other relationships etc. We became friends again and we play music together. Last year he kissed me. we became very close online. Now I have become obsessed with him and cant stop thinking about him and cry most of the time because we cant be together :(

I just read my life in your story. I love the guy im with we have an 11 year old a house 3 dogs n things should be good but they arent because im literally head over heal in love with someone. Like u this other guy has been in my life for yours its just never the right timing! I just wish i could find a way to tell my longtine boyfriend the only thing we have in common is each other. Im not in love with him anymire n i think its just all a comfort and conviemce thing now! I feel like we are just best friends nothing romantical at all. I dont want to hurt him yet im hurting myself either way. My heart aches for this other guy! If u find a way lmk n ill keep u in mind if i find a.way myself. Keep your head up i pray we both figure this out.

I'm with you on this one. I've been married almost 18 years. This is my second marriage. The first one failed because we were both so young. I married my current husband shortly after divorcing the first. Anyway, I have 6 children...2 from my first and 4 from my current. I am miserable. My husband has been out of work almost 4 years. He was let go from his job and we decided he would stay home for a bit and raise our youngest. That was suppose to be temporary. Here we are almost 4 years later and still no job. My kids days are spent being ignored, basically. He's addicted to tv...movies, video games, tv name it. My younger children are being affected by his 'neglect'. We have not been intimate in over 3 years and I've shut down. I've talked to him, cried to him...anything for him to make us work but he doesn't think anything is wrong. About 4 months ago I started talking to an old friend, one who I had feelings for when I was 16. He also cared for me but neither one said anything. We saw each other recently by chance and I felt like everything came into focus. He is other half. He's all I think about...dream about. WE've texted and talked but no physical anything. He's not married...he's a widower but he is living with someone. He wants to marry me...take care of me...loves my kids, loves me. There's no way to do this without someone being hurt.

I think your husband is acting terribly. To find NO job in four years, and instead sit at home watching TV and playing video games is disgraceful. Frankly, it makes me think he is not in love with you. How could a man who is truly in love with a woman sit around all day long when there are bills to be paid and children to be attended to. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.

First let me say I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Second u are are bot alone at all tgis is exactly not even lying when i say i swear i wrote this! Lastly, ty for sharing i hate to say this but it made me feel better n brought me comfort. Please dont take that the wrong way i just mean i see now im not alone ,

You are definately not alone. Unfortunately there are MANY in the same situation as us. I'm not proud of myself in any way and it's been difficult. I, still, have not cheated on my husband (physically) but my thoughts have definately strayed. I haven't talked to the other person for a few weeks because I have to finish one before starting another, especially since children are involved. If he's still there at the end then good but, if not, then it wasn't meant to be and that would be hard to deal with. I hope you find happiness. We deserve it.

I was just googling around about something else when I found this page and for some reason I started reading this article.

I'm a guy in my 20s, been in a long relationship but fortunately broken up with my cheating ex, she is now married to her mistress and I really don't care about the rest of the store other than being glad we didn't have children and being disconnected from an evil person such as her. Oh yeah she married for a visa... And if my guesses are correct she get divorce in couple if years time .

So I guess my views come from other side so think of me as the faithful good for nothing guy whom you might be in war with.

But here is truth, relationship specially when you have children comes with commitments, commitments to look into a mirror and also see yourself. And when you so that just maybe if you look close enough you may just see what kind of a whatever ( person ) you are . But since you are blind let me tell you

You just might be the one picking the fight,

You might be the one who looked the other way and let another man whom is also btw worthless look at you, ( why? because he didn't care about little children ( your children ) having a proper child hood but that's kind of neutral isn't it ? You also don't care right ? No? Come on You are kidding me right ? )

in conclusion you should know you dot deserve the guy anyway he is so much better than you, go with the new one for sure and give the children to the guy because they don't deserve you as a mother anyway. With all respect you are kind of a worthless being anyway... I'm sure they all get over you in no time, and find someone worthy...

My god. You people are cruel. The last time i checked you were not so perfect either, yet how easily you can judge someone for their feelings.

Heart feels what it feels. We get to live only once. If you think you can handle the consequences, id say go for it. Your husband might indeed be the BEST person in this world, does not mean he is best for you. Just be sure your feelings for the other guy is actually love, but not lust.

I'm in the same boat. I'm not in love with my husband of 18 yrs anymore. I'm in love with his friend and have been seeing him for 2 yrs. I can't help it. My husband has been abusive for our whole marriage. I'm leaving soon. I have to follow my heart and that is with the other guy. He is a sweetheart who loves me and that's what matters.

Wow deep. We share similar stories. Mine is beyond deep it has ripped me to tiny pieces. Mentally I am battling a war zone . Are you sure your not me just adding a few twist to your reality. I pray I cry I pleed I beg I scream. I have falling to my knees.

I hope things are not so tough for you now mentally. I am tearing myself to pieces too

My situation is a little bit different bc my husband is wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing about him. We have been together 15 years and I am onky 32 however we dont have kids. It would be easier for me if their was a problem to fix in our relationship it would make my choice easier. My husband is good looking reliable he has never lied to me he treats me wonderfully and I do love him very much. Thats why it hurts so much. We havent been sexual in years and we dont even sleep in the same bed he has bad knees and back. I ran into a high school friend eight months ago and didnt mean to but slowly I fell in love with him. Now I love him and feel like I have never felt before. The thought of hurting my husband has kept me here because he deserves only the best he is honestly the best person I have ever met and everyone that knows him agrees. This other man makes me happy and smile he challenges me as my husband lets me rule the roost and walk all over him the other man is sweet and kind but very masculine. Im scared if I leave I will be making the biggest mistake of my life but im just not in love with my husband anymore. I need to make a choice and soon because its killing me and he can feel that I am not happy and he is very hurt and scared of me leaving. I feel so terrible. We are common law married we never actually had a wedding but its still been 15 years together. I just cant leave this other man he feels like my soul mate but I dont me please I beg you

Hi I'M in the same situation I have decided to stay with my husband because lets be realistic one thing is seeing someone and a whole different thing to live with Someone your husband has been there for you what if the other manis not? Good LUCK :)

That is good advice, and I think you are right. faraway hills are always greener. You could leave your husband for someone you feel madly in love with, and then further down the line when the thrill of the initial falling in love wears off, as it does in any relationship, you may regret leaving what you had and end up more miserable

I am in a similar situation. I have been with my husband for 18 years comming up on our 14 anniversary in a few weeks. we have no kids. he is a kind sweet man who has given me everythibg except kids and that is my fault not his as i am unable to have them. 2 years ago i got an email from an ex who i had not heard from in years (almost 20) he appoligized for how our relationship ended and everything he had ever done to me said he was dieing and trying to make amends before he left. well I fell for it hook line and sinker a few months later I had left my husband and moved in with him. my family hated him and adored my soon to be ex husband and took his side 100%. suddenly I was a step mom to a teen and 2 girls in thier 20's my new bf was getting better and I was happy for the first time in years. my family soon put a stop to that trying to get me to see my ex sending emails from him to me i could go on for hours about what they did to try to break us up. well 10 months later i got divorce papers and my family and my soon to be ex's lawyer scared the crap out of me asking for the world and I was not working living off social services so I panicked and my relationship with my bf ended badly. I whent back to my husband and a year later I regret it. I was hoping that things would change but the only thing that did is I honestly dont love him. I know my husband loves me and will do just about anything for me but when he tries to comfort me I feel cold and empty. of course the old bf is back in the picture begging me to come back and im so confused. if I leave and go back to the bf I loose my animals my house and my family( they made it clear if I left again they were done with me) so do I give all this up to be happy or do I stay and continue to be miserable just to keep the peace. ? sorry thus is so long and rambling.

Wait, let me get this straight. You left your husband to go live with some dude you haven't seen in 20 years while still married, then your boyfriend breaks up with you, and you decide to go running back to your husband? And you're making yourself look like the victim? If I was your husband, I would leave your pathetic ***, and take the house and animals.

well i understand where she is coming from.. and you must be a man who wrote the last comment!!

Pretend you are your husband and the words you just wrote came from him I just kinda feel like if you put the same effort into your husband as you do his friend then you would see many good changes if you leave it will be only you making this choice.I am going through something similar and I chose to stay and am putting effort why cause I took the time and I also tried to remember what it was like in the beginning. The feelings are the same they make you feel alive it will fade in this next relationship people who say they have always been in love with their mate are mostly liars or very lucky cause most people go through things like this but some of us feed it and that is why you want to go grass really is not greener where your heading

and who is to say it would not be greener! we only live once and it could be a hell of alot greener!! who is anyone to say.. just having the balls to go and take a chance!

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I Understand been married 5 but been in love with the other for 9 yrs.

How sweet. You're still a heartless ****, but the story is sweet. Here's hoping you get with him and he leaves YOU in a few years, ya harpy....

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I am thru the same thing. I Have been married for 14 years to my husband. Few years ago I had found out I was expecting my 3baby from him. I could stand my husband. To me he was worthless. Thinking it was just because I was expecting let it go. Since last year I been talking to a wonderful man that I know since high school. I always had a think for him in school And found out he was always In love with. We both feel deep in love with each other. I like you make extra trips just to talk to him. I love the feeling of being in love. I want to leave my husband and be with him. What do I do?

Idk what to tell you. I'm in the same boat, but I'm a guy. My wife has done nothing wrong, never lied, cheated, I mean NOTHING..but she did get sick, extremely sick, but has gotten better, but is not the same person she once was, and i feel like my heart has turned cold, and even bitter towards her for being sick.. There's more but not the time for it. I want to be happy, and this other lady whom I've known for as long as I have been married, has always made me smile. She makes me happy, but for me to be happy mean she(wife) will be unhappy, hurt, angry. but yet I don't do anything but sit and be unhappy.. have to be strong somewhere. sometime. Just would like to be happy.

I know how you feel. My husband has been sick over yhe past three years and has become so dependent on me and all he does is sleep which I get it, he is sick. My friend has been there for me through out all of it and just let feelings be known last month and we ended up kissing. I told my husband now he wants to start caring for me and helping me tend to the children. I just feel like too little too late and I know that is unfair and seems heartless. It is nice to be held and feel like someone actually wants you again. I did find out about 4 years ago that he had been "talking" and visiting another woman and that had started about two weeks after I miscarried one of our children which devastated me. I knew I should've left him then but I decided to stick it out for our child but now I don't even want him to try. Has anyone ever stayed and had the loving feeling come back?

Cheating on your sick husband is the worst thing you can do. You're a terrible person.

I dont expect you have had to look after someone who is sick and sleeps all the time.. you would be frustrated.. and men are the worst for looking for attention.. so why should a woman not get any?

but he cheated on her as well.

being honest with you no..x

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I know exactly how u feel , I av had an affair and I am in love with him but still feel something for my husband . My (friend ) wants me to move in with him , when mi told my husband I had seen someone he threw me out . And I went to my ( friends ) and carried on the affair . I av 2 children and missed them terribly so I came bk to try again with husband and I can't get my ( friend ) out of my head , we still txt and have had sex twice . The sex is amazing and I have very strong feelings for him. My husband knows I have feelings for this man but wants me to try again with him . He also slept with someone when we split but says it was just loneliness . Can we get love back and can I get my ( friend ) out my head x plz help its a mess x

You are making fool yourself.... Have your ever thought about you that who will love you when you are old? who would care for you at that time when your body is not attractive for other males? It will surely your husband... These type of loves are based on the pillars of lust not care. You should stick to your husband no matter what he does after all he is a man.... but you will receive more than double love from him if you show your loyalty and care for him.

Same exact scenerio, so lost, need advice too!

I've been with my Husband for 12 years and married for 7. We got married young. High school sweet hearts. I was 19 and he was 21. We have 3 daughters. We both come from single parent families. Everyone always complements us on how wonderful a family we have and how beautifully in love we must be. People ask us for marital advice all the time. But, behind closed doors our life is sweet and sour. My husband has abused me mentally, emotionally, and physically. And, cheated on me virtually as well as in reality. He has a hard time helping me maintain the house hold. We both work full time and he works 2nd shift and I work 3rd shift. But, for most of our marriage we both worked swing shifts. In 2009 I became very interested in a male co worker from work. My Husband and I were separated at the time. At first I didn't mention anything to him but, after the reassuring chemistry vibes from the both of us I realize that this man felt the same about me. So, I declined the offer for a first date because I didn't want him to be the rebound guy. And that was my excuse. And, not long after that I went back to my Husband. My Husband and I broke up and got back together more times than I can count on my hands. So, even though I went back I still felt an emptiness that my Husband was not filling. He played video games too much in his spare time if he wasn't at work and our sex life was terrible. Sometimes I was cry or cringe at the thought of him touching me or during pity sex. So, my desire became stronger for another and I turned back to the co worker. We texted often and chatted on online sights. Had phone sex or virtual sex. But, never touched each other physically. An occasional hug at work but, never enough to have other coworkers suspicious about our emotional affair. My Husband found out about him and was enraged. But, asked for forgiveness and stayed with my Husband. Months went by in which me and the coworker never spoke. But, for some reason my desire for him burned stronger and like a drug the temptation was irresistible and I spoke to him/the coworker again. Only this time at work. I kissed him on the neck and he held me close and told me that if he would take me I'd have to be single and he respected me as a person. So, I was upset and angry at myself for not just leaving my Husband and going with what my heart desired. So, a few years went by and it seem like me and the coworker had went into a only distant friend status. So, I focused more on my marriage and everything seemed bliss until I had a anxiety attack from stress. I had held in a lot of emotions trying to make my marriage work and the all exploded at one time. My Husband was very supportive and after having a one on one heart felt convo with him he began to steadily change into the man I always wanted him to be. But, in my heart I felt like I had already let him go. So, a new coworker arrived from out of town. And, he was recently divorced. His charisma immediately swept me off my feet and I was falling for him. He was a ladies man so, him finding a date was easy. He created a name for himself, a ladies man. So, I suppressed those feelings. My Husband and I had another major fall out and it seemed like it was the end and I slowly began to hangout more with the girls who had children. And some single friends. Never mentioned it to anyone but, my best friend. So, I was upset at work and the coworker from out of town approached me and ask me if I was ok. And, I told him I was. But, obviously I wasn't with tears in my eyes and mascara swipes across my face. So in the middle of the night at work I texted him. Immediately he answered me back and the chatting began. I learned that both of use were nymphos and I told him that I could use a teacher instead of being one all the time and we sparked sexually. I decided to see how far I could go before turning back. Testing myself. So, testing turned into more lusting and lusting turned into dirty dancing at the employee Halloween party in which we were so drunk that we had to be separated. And, a few weeks later of getting to know him outside of work and hours of text and phone calls. I ended up standing at his front door in my pj's. And, we had the most awesome sex I ever had in my life. I left and it seemed like he was emotionally pushing me away at this point and rarely talked to me. So, I assumed that we got what we wanted and went a month and a half without speaking. So, Monday of this the coworker randomly starts texting me. He tells me that he still wants to be with me and me honestly wants to be with me. Accepts my kids and all. So, once again I get dreamy eyed. Said that he tried dating another girl but, didn't work because he missed me. Immediately I thought that I was being played a foul but, after talking to him more it became apparent that he was telling the truth. I told him to give me sometime. Even though, my heart screamed cheater! You are Married! A day later coworker #1 shoots me a text and tells me to call him. So, I do. He professes his desire for me and tells me that he has always wanted me. Tells me that he puts a lot of guilt on himself because he knows it isn't right to want a married woman and is super lonely. Hasn't had a real relationship in a longtime. Wants a woman to make his wife to treat her like a queen and tend to her every need. So, now I'm stuck with a reoccurring heart throb which is coworker #1. Or, the sexually free hearted heart throb coworker #2. And, the guilt of wanting to not break up my marriage for the kids and separating from my Husband. I do know that change is hard. And, maybe this is just some crazy thing I have for a thrill of adrenaline rush. But, what I do realize is that if I truly loved my Husband like I'm suppose too. None of this should have happened in the first place. I know that we all have sexual hormones that escalate when we see someone who is appealing to our sexual nature. But, I can say that I truly love coworker #1. Working together for 7+ years really helped me know his negatives and positives. But, nothing is like knowing a person through living with them right? And, co worker #2 has a similar personality of my Husband. But, he is what my husband is not. So, I'm just confused. And, quite frankly I'm about to say screw them all. Because I think I am trying to find myself. Not another person to love. Maybe this is me trying to find away to separate for me. To learn to be by myself and love only me for a while and the learn how to truly love another. Because if I loved anyone of these guys. I wouldn't put them through the hell that I am.

I had (have) been interested in another man for about 20 months. We flirted, texted, messaged and spent time together. About 5 months in, my husband thought I was cheating on him and said we were breaking up. He had got into my phone and read all my emails, texts and Facebook messages and came to this (incorrect) conclusion. Yes, the other man and I had come too emotionally close, but nothing physical ever happened. I relayed that info to my husband, and he decided to stay. I still have mixed feelings about this as I wanted to leave him, but hesitated as we have 3 kids and were married for 18 years (at the time). I also decided to stay for the sake of my kids. My husband is cool, but we got married very young (he 23, me 19) and for the wrong reason(s)... We came from strict Christian homes and wanted to have sex (!). Looking back, it's unbelievable that our families did not protest.
Fast forward 15 months. I still talk to my love-interest using clandestine methods so my husband won't find out. He hates the guy with a passion and has no respect for him. I try to arrange a lunch date, but it never seems to work out. Mr. Man owns his own business and **** has been going awry lately. I've been frustrated with our lack of time together, but he is aloof. We see each other at a party
and I'm all excited to hang out afterwards. Coincidentally a 3rd wheel joins us. I text him on the way home to see if we can meet alone. He finally calls me to the carpet and essentially says he's not interested in me "that way." WTF? I believe the right thing to do is to not maintain our friendship, but we see each other on a weekly basis (we're in a music group together). Usually after rehearsal, I hang out with everyone at a bar, but now I feel I shouldn't go anymore because he's always there. During rehearsal, he should be pretty easy to ignore.
I am so disappointed and surprised by the whole thing. It's like I got broken up with.
Should I just let it go, or should I initiate a conversation about my misconceptions about our so-called relationship?

That's emotional cheating, which is worse than physical cheating. It doesn't make you any less of a *****

Wow me all the way as I saw this n read this sounds like me but I don't have children with my husband n we was separted for 6 months when I met someone new my husband has emotionally abused me n physically in the past me leaving was suppose to be for good but my prego daughter came back n we got a place n I end up losing my job so I had no choice but to go back the guy I saw seeing was hurt to find it omg but he got over it n says he wanna c me I find myself wanting to hear his voice I take trips to the store just to call him to hear his voice

Also when I met my husband he was married to someone n was dealing with me he was separted also I never felt comfortable within the marriage cuz I wasn't first pick some how within the 6 months he changed for the better says GOD changed him after crying out to GOD over n over again but we talking 8 years altogether I put up with his abuse now he just expect me to b oh honey n I'm not the love is not there anymore I care for him n he knows my feeling n my feeling for the another person my god what do I do I just went back to the courts today to get new divorce papers

Another thing the new guy is in a relationship now after finding out I went back to my husband but keeps questioning me why did I n am I happy I feel like a *** cuz I shared a lot of pain I went through in the marriage to the new guy n he said after all I said n I went back now he says I can't be trusted but calls me n says he leaving for 2 months for work n wanna c me n wants me to come visit we both tried shaking these feeling for eachother but they won't go away n when we c eachother we make eachother laugh n it's not only a sex thing I haven't sleep with him since I been back with my husband but we have seen eachother just to talk n we hugged

After reading all these...i see im not alone. I guess it can happen just anyone. I think when it comes to that its hard to be with ur own husband physically, there isnt really a meaning to stay together? I mean i believe you can love more people at the same time, but you can only be inlove with one. I think there are too many people who re afraid to make a change in their lives cause thinking about the children and so on. But if you arent enough happy, can you make others happy around you?

I've been married for 11 years now and trust me we've had ups and downs but we remained together and still deeply in love. We both come from broken families and know from experience the affect that has on children . Think twice about leaving your husband because the same way that other man cheated on his wife mostly he will repeat his actions. Being a mother and wife is hard but you made vows and no one said marriage is easy , plus your husband still wants to stay married to you after you cheated not just on him but your family . He seems to love you so don't take that for granted . One last thing children tend to follow in their parents foot steps so you should set a good example.

I am also going through an experience like yours, although mine is a little more complicated. I got married at 19, my husband is 10years older than me. We have been married for 5years and have 3children and I'm pregnant with our 4th child. Since the beginning of our marriage we have been having numerous problems: lack of communication, terrible intimacy, economic and overall control issues from his part, no expression of love towards me or or children, etc. My husband is a great provider but so far that's the only positive thing I can say about him.

A few months into our marriage his younger brother, same age as me, came to live with us and for many years he was nothing more than my brother in law... but in the beginning of 2013 I started to see him with other eyes and he reciprocated the same feeling. His brother was the one taking time to play with my kids, coming home to help me in many things my husband should have been attending. One day I told him my feelings toward him and we ended up kissing. My husband found out that same night about the situation and decided to forgive me and we continued our marriage but obviously my brother in law no longer came over but we would see each other in other activities. I tried hard to forget about him but seeing that my husband was not changing at all even after what had just happened made it impossible for me.

We ended up having another encounter but this time it went beyond kissing but not to the full extend of having a sexual relationship. We both love each other and are aware that our situation is immensely complicated. I confessed to my husband that we had another encounter and is now trying to become the man I would have wanted him to be. The thing is that now I have fallen deeply in love with his brother and have little to no love for my husband. He also thinks the baby I'm expecting is his brothers, and he obviously isn't since there has been no sex. I am just so in love with his brother and have NEVER felt a love like this before.

I don't know what to do, if someone could please advise me I'd appreciate it.

I have been married for 28 years. 2 Children, 2 grandkids. 8 years ago I met a man and it just felt right between us. I don't know if I got married to young or what. I love my husband. He is a great man, father, husband and provider. I just never felt the intense desire to be with someone until I met this man. Now I am torn. Do I ruin my whole family--in-laws included or do I

no, don't ruin your marriage. it's not your heart that's feeling intense desire, lol! maybe visit Adam and Eve website and have some fun. when you're with you're hubby, close your eyes and picture the one you have that "intense desire" for, and hang on!!! :-)

I've been married 15 years and been seeing my male friend for 3 years before that we were just friends 8 years but im in love with him and I know he loves me to he's also married don't get me wrong I love my husband ,but like you were saying u feel disgusted when he touches you me too weird but I would have left along time ago but we have a lot of family nieces ,nephews and so on that adore me we have 2 children 13 and up ,im clueless on what I should do my husband don't know and his wife doesn't know should I just end it or keep being unfaithfull?

Hi I'm on the other side my wife has fallen for another man she has been very open and honest in all of this... She has told me that she is in love with him and can't be without him ,but she loves me and cares for me also ..we have 2small children together.
And since Xmas she has moved into his as I'm giving her so much grief over him!!! We still act as a marrid couple speaking on the phone all day .im going mad ...... She wants both of us "to make her compleat" but I just can't handle it she lives with him now she is looking for somewhere to live near him and work ..but wants to go to marriage counciling ..I don't now hat to do we have been marred for 8 years I can't share her but I can't let go eather ...she has her cake ...

Divorce that useless harpy, take the kids and the house, find someone else, and be happy. Seriously, she has the audacity to ask you for marriage counseling while living with another man? You could do so much better.

umm...i never tell people to divorce, but tell her to kick rocks!! she's got some nerve!! the only person she cares about is herself. take your kids, and the house, and move on without her. wow! she's got some huge ones!