For over the last year I have been involved with an old friend who is married. We are having an affair, at least we were.
A month ago his wife discovered his affair and he decided to end all contact, rejecting my calls and ignoring other lines of communication. We have argued on social media and the phone despite this contact embargo. The thing is I was so broken being dropped like that. I understand why, he wants to be a full time dad. I just couldn't understand the lack of warmth. The missing explanation. He was very angry at me for contacting him and downright abusive, but then yesterday I received a call where he said if I'd just been patient he'd have called me in a couple of months when he was no longer under the microscope to "check on me". When I suggested that he would have been attempting to rekindle he said "no, not at all" and that he'd had to bury his feelings for me and forget and has succeeded in doing so. I am doubtful. There was a lot of mentioning how he didn't choose his wife, he chose his family, that he had no choice. I said fine, you chose her, it's ok, he replies with "I didn't, I can't live without my son even for you".
I accept things have to end because I love my husband and have to work on our marriage rather than turn to another because things are troubled, but I do wonder if the other man is still in or out. I find it difficult to close this without knowing. I tell myself he's over it but I think I see inconsistencies. At the end of the day it doesn't actually matter as it has to end, but for my head and heart I wish I could establish the truth.
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2 Responses Sep 2, 2014

I don't get these situations. It is good to see a person put their child first. These dysfunctional relationships take a huge toll on our children. I don't have anything nice to say, so...

Parents can hate behind closed doors, still be the two loving parental units, around kids. Yes I agree with you totally if people can't hide their hate, and exposing it to their kids. That defeats the purpose. Also I might add people willing to show this selflessness end up working things out. Or divorcing as soon as Johnny and Jane get to college

FYI you deserve so much more than to be the other woman

Kids are our biggest commitment, not our spouse. You two brought kids in this world together, you owe em to try your best to raise em together. Worst case scenario set up a open relationship or swing. This I I think is a much better option.

I thought your husband wasn't emotionally involved. If he loves you and only. Nvm. I guess let you down somewhere down the line

I've never been able to return favor of infidelity either. Had many opportunities. It just not in me.

Yeah swingers swing lol. Me and my wife had friends who do. She was game I was not. I'm weird I guess. I like to get freaky with only one person

3 More Responses

He's out. Waiting for happiness is no way to live. He wants you there in case his marriage fails. I'm sorry, I know it hurts but moving forward is the only way to get over the past. Good luck.

He may not be all the way out in his heart, but IMO if you have a chance to make what is real(marriage) better then try to focus on that, it's hard trying to guess what others think, and it is your life. You can move on and breathe or wait and feel that constant nagging that haunts you from morning til night( my past 4 years) . Point is you are what matters, how you feel. Find the strength.