Mental Olympics. That's what my therapist told me I am doing every day trying to hold my marriage together. That it takes every ounce of my energy to hold it together. I am working on getting out and have thought of a doable exit plan and timeline, but right now it seems like forever. I don't know how long I can keep up the facade. How do you know with 100% certainty that you're doing the right thing? I feel so incredibly guilty for wanting something that should already be there in a normal, healthy, loving relationship. My hope and prayer is that one day I will find the love and intimacy I long for again.
greeneyedlady72 greeneyedlady72
41-45, F
3 Responses Sep 1, 2014

I don't think there is 100% certainty. I doubt myself all the time that leaving is the " right " thing to do. But staying would mean misery, but then again i ask myself if i will be happy single. It's a leap into the unknown. But i read the posts of those who "got out" and the concensus is they are happier. So there is hope.

I suppose you're right. It's just a leap of faith.

You should never feel guilty for wanting sexual love. Normal people need that. And in a marriage, it's supposed to be part of the deal. He's the one that's doing something wrong.

But I know what you mean - society has taught us (the sexual people) that we're the ones who are wrong. Especially women. So I know how hard it is to get away from feeling guilty and ashamed. I'm in the same place. ((hugs))

I'm sorry Kat. I know.....it sucks. If you've never been through it you really don't know. You are made to feel like you have something to be ashamed of if you are a woman and you need sex. Not only that, you are made to feel that somehow it is your fault automatically if he doesn't want sex, because ALL men are supposed to crave sex constantly. Not only does the rejection from your refuser hurt, but then judgmental people weighing in with their two cents in a negative way makes you feel even worse. ((Hugs))

You WILL find it. Or rather IT will find YOU! That's usually the way it works. In the meantime GEL, lose the guilt. Complete WASTE of time and energy. What you WANT seems so normal to all of us! The tragedy is that, in life, people never tell you beforehand that they aren't willing (or able) to love like "we" think is normal. All the more the pity! Keep your chin up! You'll get there before you know it. 😊