I have been married for 10 years, together for 14. My husband and I have two children together. Almost our entire relationship he has worked two jobs, almost never home and even when he was home he was too tired to really do anything with the family. Over the years the stress of his jobs caused him to come home and often be angry with me and/or the kids over small things. This has happened on a daily basis for years. Several times we have talked about it, he said things would change, and they would for a while (when I said I would leave) but then shortly after , everything was right back the same. I often felt lonely, unloved, used (he showed affection when he wanted sex but that was about it) and as if I was raising our children on my own. I always tried to understand he was working for our family and tried to be supportive, but at what cost? I also work a full time job and own a business and take care of our children. So I understand what it means to have responsibilities. Over the past several months, I began to become close with a co-worker, he showed me affection, said kind words and really made me laugh, a truly genuine person. It started out as a friendship and that's all I was looking for, but somehow here I am. We both have strong feelings for each other, he does know I am married. Of course everything started as just a fun thing, a side thing. However it has grown in to much more than that. He includes my children in activities, can make me laugh and of course there is chemistry, a passion that I haven't felt, ever. A few weeks ago, my husband found out about my other relationship and I was honest about everything. He is willing to look past it and he wants to remain married, he promises things will change this time. So here I am, stuck between a man I love as the father of my children and the man I've created a life with over the past 10 years and another man, who there is a passion with, he includes my children and I know we would also be good together (he is also growing weary of the sneaking around and wants more with me). I have asked my husband for a separation for now, so I can figure this out. Once and for all. But I do not know what to do. It wasn't my intent to be falling for this other man, but we have spent so much time together it was inevitable. I do still love my husband but I am not sure I am in love with him. Our children are devastated over the separation and I don't want to hurt them. But I can not continue in an unhappy marriage, what does that teach them? I will say I do feel bad, for everyone involved. I feel guilty for lying and allowing another man to come into the part of my heart that should only be for my husband. I feel like I have my reasons for how things happened, but regardless here I am, stuck between two men. Does anyone have any advice? Please be nice, I already feel bad enough.
dragonflydreams dragonflydreams
31-35, F
Aug 27, 2014