Becoming A Gay Husband

Well, here is my story to add to all the others here. I find that there are more of us married gay males than I expected. I really thought I was in a group of one when all this started happening to me. I kept waiting for things to change for the better in my marriage but instead they got progressively worse, even though I have always been focused on my wife and kids and home and vacations and future plans with her. The simple facts are these: I knew I was bisexual when I fell in love and got married. I expected to have a wonderful sexlife with my cute and sexy wife inside our marriage. I was unprepared for her libido to drop off. I am a good husband and good father BUT by ignoring my sexdrive, libido, and sexual needs - I become a different person on the inside, very different.

Well, that's the summary. What follows is my personal story and true experience. If you do not want to read about sex and bisexuality, don't read further. I like recalling what has happened to me since I find it erotic and I like all things erotic. I am not happy with the struggle my marriage has become and I am sad that I have caused pain for my wife, but at this point we have both done many things to destroy our marriage and we share equally in the current state of things. We are still married, but beginning our separation even as we try to repair things and maybe stay together. We are college sweethearts, friends for years before we dated. Both 46 now and she is more beautiful than ever (a true MILF!). We are in shape as I am a runner and she is naturally petite, size 2, and exotic due to her American and Asian background. If you saw her with me you would think she is my trophy wife, but by contrast we have known each other for 28 years and have been married for 21.

So what is happening now and why do I call myself her gay husband? Well I, like almost every other male, am VERY interested in sex and what I get to do sexually and having many sexual experiences (I just thought they they would all be with HER after marriage). We vowed to be true to each other at the alter, but what I didn't realize at the time was that my new wife, unlike my girlfriend, basically was hiding a low sex drive throughout our dating years. This was made possible by a few periods of long-distance status, but what I didn't know was that she was waiting to get married so she could put her sexual relationship on the back burner and still expect monogamy from her new husband. She began to deny me sex almost immediately as our 6 day honeymoon saw us together 'as husband and wife' only twice! I couldn't believe it, but I actually ended up jerrking myself off more than f-cking my new, sexy wife. She also didnt like public displays of affection by me and stopped dressing in sexy clothes. She preferred to be fashionable over young and sexy and always tried to look and act 'older' than her vibrant young self. I wanted a young, sexy, energetic wife but instead I got a girl that wanted to be mature beyond her years and who felt that frequent sex was for younger people (hell she was only 25!) and that a married couple had more important things to worry about. Dating, we would f-ck every day. On my honeymoon we f-cked twice a week. In my early marriage we f-cked 3 times a month. After kids, she only wanted me sexually about 4 times a year...WOW, I was completely unprepared for THAT, and it would lead to me questioning this entire "boy meets girl", "boy marries girl", and "boy and girl are happy forever" concept.

So, 6 years into our marriage, I still knew I loved her, I still enjoyed our past history together, I craved and longed for the days where she did want sexx..once every 3 months or so. I didnt realize it but I was resentful that sexx occurred on ONLY her terms, when she was ready, and that my job as husband was to do without, control my desires for her, and to wait for her to want me and be ready to go when she did. Also, her interest was in only basic, straightforward, guy-on-top sexx, where she got to lay back and enjoy. Years earlier she would enjoy recieving oral sexx, but I didn't question her reluctance to suck me..back then there were plenty of other rides on the playground, so to speak. However, by our 6th year I, somehow suddenly, realized that she had tried sucking me (a bj) only ONCE and she tried it for like a minute, stopped, and she would never try it again...ever.

So now for the big part of my story...WHAT does a high-energy, sexual male do after 6 years with his beautiful wife when she basically says that at 30 years old, sexx is not really important to her, she doesn't want it often, and as we get older (DAMN, 30 is NOT old!) I can expect it less! How much less can you get than twice a year??

I had gotten rid of all my pornn after college, I used to jerkk off daily, but after marriage, my solo sessions would be fantasies about my wife. Now, with her telling me sex would not be frequent and that I was 'just a horny male', I began to use girl-pornn when I was excitied and wanted to cuum. Well, that was ok for a while, but one year, when we did not have sex at all, I began to question WHY a girl like my wife wanted a guy at all. And if wives didn't want sex, who did? I knew I did, were there others like me out there who's most important thing every day was some kind of sexual contact or experience? Girl pornn was back in my closet, but unlike college, the sexy girls in the photos only reminded me of my wife and somehow lost their wow-factor...what I realized was that the photo sets of couples turned me on MORE than the ones showing just a naked girl. In fact, a single naked girl was not even getting me hard, but I was like a rock as I looked at a 'couple set' where the male was paired with the female. Soon it bacame apparent that it was the naked males and their hard ccocks that was getting the response from me. Without realizing it, my wife had turned me OFF the idea of wanting a female and my undeniable libido somehow knew what was necessary. Now I had fooled around with friends in highschool, silly guy stuff where we got ourselves hard in the same room, or stroked ourselves in front of others, or just laughed at girl pornn together. For most it would never go beyond that, but for me I felt something more inside...this whole world of sex that I was about to enter, it was so exciting to me..I wanted to have many sexual experiences and I wanted them soon. As a junior in highschool, I wanted sex so badly, that I didn't even care if it was bisexual sex or regular sex, as long as it was sex. Therefore my first real sexual experience was with another male as we stroked each other off, WOW, to have my hands around another males ccock, to feel it growing and pulsing, to work it until it shot out its ccum...that was amazing! He thought that was wild enough, but I wanted to try more. Soon I was taking him into my mouth and giving away my first BJ...I found it excited me and that I was very good at it. My 'secret' boyfriend, of course, would come over often to have me make him ccum with my hands and my mouth, and I was excited that I was playing "the girl role" for him. Eventually I wanted him to take my feminine virginity by f-cking me but he was not ready for that step and we never did. All my highschool experience was gay, but all my college experience was straight. And then of course LOVE entered into the equation and I was lost in her eyes and body for good.
I knew that I could be happy with my girlfriend for life, that I could f-ck her and only her forever. But I did NOT know that if I was unable to have her sexually, that I would want ANY sex...just like highschool.

So here I was, 7 years into marriage, 2 kids, and a wife that wanted sex twice a year. And now I was in my closet looking at pictures of a naked female and a naked male and realizing that my ccock was only getting hard for the male! I wanted to be with one of those two models...and I got incredibly excited and hard when I admitted to myself that it WAS NOT the female I wanted to be with. HA HA ..yes! It all made sense now. I wasn't making my wife happy because deep down a female wasn't making me happy. When I said to myself, "I think I am gay", I had an incredible orggasm! I shot off harder that moment than I ever did with my wife! OMG, it felt great to call myself gay and to say I don't want to be with a girl in bed. I need a ddick to get me hard and make me ccum. From that day on, I would never ccum again without thinking about a ddick, or gay sex, or by telling myself that I was "becoming gay"! For the next 8 years, I would continue the infrequent sex with my cute wife, but it was only through gay male fantasies that I could get hard for her and f-ck her. Everytime we would have sex, I would be imagining a slim gay male who wanted me to be his gay top. I would imagine being with a femme gay sissy male that would wear girl's clothes for me to bed. That would want to be my "gay gurlfriend" and do all the girl-things for me and my ccock. I would ccum very hard for my wife as I shouted inside my head that, "Yes, I am gay!" as I exploded inside her.

Well, pretending my wife was a cute, slim, gay male could only take us so far. She still only wanted sex twice a year while I was cuumming to gay pornn every day. I only had shemale and gay pporn by now and I took to writing my real feeling out in sexy letters that I unwisely kept in my magazines. When my wife found my gay magazines, she also found my gay letters explaining my feelings and fantasies. I was 42 now as my wife looked at my gay pporn and read my letters about being gay...it was my coming out moment and I was SO HARD as she confronted me! I think I wanted her to know I was gay and it turned me on that a girl would know all these things about me and what I liked. She told me that she "thought she married a real man" but realized now that "she got a sissy boy instead" ...WOW, I loved hearing that and I got so hard as she said it. Well, she moved quickly to distance herself from her new "gay husband", she did not want me to see her naked anymore, she did not want me to sleep in the same bed, she was ok with sharing the house and the income, but she said we would not be sexual with each other at all anymore.

OK, this is already long..we will call this part 1 (of only 2, I hope). Next post will be about what has happened in the 4 years since that day. I wonder if my experience if similar to anyone else's here..I know of one already.

biturnedgay biturnedgay
51-55, M
12 Responses May 20, 2012

Biturnedgay, I love revisiting your stories. I last contacted you last summer. I finally got to visit a JO club in Seattle in September and got to touch a couple of ccocks and be touched. As my sexual identity has gotten more homosexual, I have become bolder. I am finally meeting a guy this week with the possibility of hooking up. I have kept nothing from my wife and we both also call my ccock gay. She knows once I am hard I am thinking about men. I love having sex with her but told her I prefer ************. I also told her that I cant see myself not taking of her as I am emotionally completely straight. At the same time, as much as I am attracted to women, I like the thought of me turning completely sexually gay and she should start seeing other guys, just in case. She is fine with me being gay and supports and encourages me to get experience.

omg, this is so hot...and I am so happy for you! A bi husband with a supportive wife is just so rare.

well I also was married for 15 years I was refused sex with the wife over and over met a guy at a park received a good blow job over the next year I went frequently enjoyed many oral sex outings then it felt so good I began returning them now I love a guy to *** in my mouth this is how I became gay

I am in the same situation but my wife does not know I am gay. I am sure she has her suspicions as I tried to tell her 20 years ago and she has found pics of nude men on the computer. I have a boyfriend now and I love him very much. I feel trapped in my marriage and can relate. We have three adult children and I don't want to alienate them, so I play the " good husband" and stay. I want to come out and live with my boyfriend. This is what he wants too. I am torn between my family and my lover. I want him more than anything in the world and he is patient with me. He says he would wait forever to have me to himself for one day. I would do the same for him. I wish you the best as we both travel similar journeys.

After our sex frequency went down to once a year, my wife found my shemale and transsexual **** in my closet. No denying after that that it was dicks that turned me on more than ***** :)
She confronted me and I had no choice...I had to \'come out\' to my wife. I was SO hard as I told her I was gay!

The most liberating day came for me when my wife wrote to tell me she wanted to separate. I was stationed at an Air Force base in Texas, and she was living with her sister until it came time to for base housing to opening up and she and her two daughters (from a previous marriage) could join me. Long story short, as with biturnedgay, I knew I was gay before I married her and tried to supress it so we could be husband and wife. The sex we had in the beginning was fine (only I often missed another **** in the bed with me), but also like biturnedgay, she was practically asexual. Yes, she knew I was gay when we married and she is the one who pursued me, and stupidly I went ahead and proposed to her...geez. Anyway, I think she wanted a nice, goodlooking gay boy so she wouldn't have to worry about sex. But she didn't count on my libido being strong enough to want sex with her. Wasn't as good as gay sex, but it was good enough for my ****.

So I feel for you, man. The best thing you might consider is freeing you both and living out the rest of your life as a gay man, proud, horny, hungry, and happy. There are lots of gay men who are married. I was one, but when she wanted to separate, I couldn't get to a gay bar fast enough. Back then, I had been monogamous with her even though we were both unhappy. As soon as she cut me loose, I said good riddance and have never looked back. I was twenty-three at the time, and so I had a lot longer in my life as a gay man...but 45 is not too old to get on with it. In fact, the older I get, the stronger my libido gets, and the less hung up I am with some sexual things.

Nekkid, WOW, I loved reading your response. A male in a herterosexual relationship who can admit he is gay (like me) stands to release so much positive energy...its hard to put into words. I feel like she is holding me back from what I should be doing naturally with other gay males...my true interest in bed. I am a better person when I can express myself with a homosexual male lover :)

I totally see my wife and my self in your story.
I just haven't done anything with a guy yet I fantasies about it but haven't gone there yet.
It is nice to know that I'm not alone

Thanks kibrot stay cool man

i dident now i was gay untill i was married for 6 years i new i was tv all my life it split us up i loved her very much but she did not want sex unless i stop dressing with she new i couldent after we split i ended up in bed with a man he tuk my virginity and i new i could not go with a woman again i hope you end up ok wat ever you chose

Wow ... just reading part one.... You perfectly described my wife. We went from daily before we married to completely sexless by the tenth year. We had many fights over it too. But i stayed for my children.<br />
<br />
Just a note: I read a recent survey that says 70% of women over 45 have sex less than ten times a year... Which is considered a sexless marriage.<br />
<br />
At present... my wife does not know of my m/m activities... and I don't really care if she finds out. I could NEVER have sex with her again... have lost all desire .

Yes, my wife could be the president of the 'I don't want sex with my husband' club. She is a cute, sexy girl that doesn't want to use her body the way it was meant for, too bad. She would rather know I am in the bedroom closet with **** making myself ***, than to put on something sexy and climb in bed with her husband. Weird, but I guess she is not alone in how she thinks.
She is disappointed that I have turned to gay sexual fantasies to ***, but she doesn't want to fix our sexlass marriage either.

Wow, wish i could meet a horny Man like you and become your very willing and submissive gay sissy gurlfriend/wife and give you all the hot sex you'd want, morning, noon and night. i'm sad for you that your marriage is ending due to something as simple and silly as her not wanting sex, specially since as you say she is still desirable and sexy to you and you would still want her if only she wanted it... <br />
i know that if i had a Man like that i'd be giving it up whenever, wherever and however He wanted it! i hope you're able to find happiness somehow without it hurting her and your children...

Thank you for this post! This could almost be my life story.

Same for me here. Could almost be my life story with a few differences.

It is hard for me to understand why someone gets with someone who is very sexual then after committing to them they turn it off like that. I am a very sexual person and if my spouse did not want it, I know I would find an outlet. I am looking forward to reading the rest of the story.

I would like to friend you but I cannot due to your privacy settings.

I will update my privacy settings to allow friends, thx. (didn't know it was off)

Cool, I enjoy reading your stories.

I can relate as well, though my story is slightly different. I had boyfriends in graduate school, but each of them ****** me...so I had actually had a lot of gay sex before I ever met my wife. <br />
My wife has lost interest in sex (which she blames on her medications), and I have taken to ************ to **** (increasingly, gay ****...though my wife doesn't know about my homosexual tendencies).

Yes, very similar! Early gay sex gives way to loving a girl, but when she takes sex away from the marriage, the gay tendencies are strengthened. I 'natuarliy' shifted from str8 to gay pporn in my closet as my wife removed sex from our bedroom.
I would like to hear about your whole experience if you could write about it - I find it sexy to hear about other married males that turn gay.

Me too. Very engaging story. I foresee a happy ending in the sequel.