Torn

I am torn. I am married and falling in love with someone else. I love and care about my husband very much and he feels the same about me. But we constantly bicker, argue, disagree. We met in 2001 in June and were married by October. And at first our marriage was rocky. I know getting married so quickly was our first mistake. When we firt got married we just went to a judge to marry us. Well the first year was rough, but we planned and went through with a big fancy wedding. I should have known then that I didnt want to be married because I didnt want to show up for my wedding even when I knew I was already married. Well the years passed and we dealt with what we could. But an even biggers strain on our marriage was our careers. They both kept us away from each other. Which is why I think we have lasted as long as we have. When we go away we are fine and when we are coming back together we get cranky an start picking because neither of us are happy and want to be there. We already separated once for a year and got back together. That was in 2008. It is 2012. We have gone to counseling twice, we still live apart alot. Even when we try to not travel so much we are strained with fighting with each other. We fight less when we are not physcially in the same place together. We have the talk of separation and divorce but we understand its wrong biblically. We have been married 10 years now and I think 1 or 2 years were good and the rest very strained. Well when I said we were separated before, we both dated other people, but mainly got back together for financial reasons and our daughter. Our daughter now is 20 almost 21. She is adopted. She cant stand to be around us because we fight all the time. She also stated that if we are what marriage is..she is never getting married. Anyway..my husband was gone recentl for 8 months, home for 2 weeks, gone again for 3 months, home for 1 month, and gone again for 3 months. I was faithful to him always. However, in the last bit of time I met a man that is more like me. We want the same things. Have the same values. I didnt mean for it to happen. Didnt go looking. But it did. I know it is wrong and before goes too far Im going to cut it off. But I really dont want to. I want to see where it goes. Both my husband and I are unhappy. It is mutual. But we stay together and I really dont know why. I am feeling crushed right now. Because I know when I tell the man I met good bye I will never have that chance again. I truly have a broken heart. I guess what I want is advice. When do you look at life and marriage and see that you have tried and that the fighting is killing you. It is stressful. I dont know what I want advice on. I guess I just wrote on here to talk to someone. I look at it as my husband and I can stay together and be miserable or be apart and start living. How much counseling, how many years, how many fights have to happen to know enough is enough. I wish so badly that I would have met the other man when I was single. I truly would follow my heart. But now I am following my head.
21bumbleb 21bumbleb
41-45
1 Response May 10, 2012

I know this story was written in May - I wish I'd read it earlier.

My advice - your child is 21 years old - an adult - GET OUT!! Live your life and be happy. I stay with my husband because my children are only 15 and 11 and going through the most important phase of their educations - so I'm stuck.

If I was in your position I would leave and start over. You obviously have a good job so can support yourself.

Good luck with it all - I envy you - I've got to stay for several more years in my situation :-(

I'm also in a similar situation. In my humble opinion, it would be more fair to ourselves, to our partners, to both families, etc.... if we moved on and followed our hearts, minds and souls. What I'm trying to say is; we know/believe we would be happier living life in the peaceful, loving manner we've always dreamed..... and, how can we appropriately(?) be there for our current partner when we, in fact, truly love another? For me, I'm planning to move on in what I hope is a respectful manner. I love my partner, but, I 'truly love' another woman. My mind is always on her, thinking about living my life with her, etc..... I find it's only fair to all of us to live our lives with our soul mates.... and, not live our lives wishing for something else. Besides that; I find myself frustrated and reacting inappropriately to things I'd typically ignore.... I don't believe this is the healthiest option for all involved.

I also know everyone's situations are different and should be handled accordingly. I respect the comments above and wish you all the best in life.

Respectfully submitted....