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Married With No Friends

     When I met my husband I had just turned 20 and lived 1800 miles away from his home state. After about 41/2 yrs of long distance dating something happened that made us kick our relationship up a few gears. After spending a few weeks during the summer of 2007 with him I returned back to my west coast home to discover a month later that I was pregnant. At the time I was working as a Montessori preschool assistant in my hometown and was surrounded by my entire family and friends that I had known since grade school. I loved him so much I uprooted myself from everything I had ever known, left my budding career and joined him in the South. In May of 2008 our beautiful little girl was born and I become a mother.
     I always figured I'd find some friends out here, I'm a fairly social person and had no trouble making friends back home. However, with a newborn and a new life, making friends turned out to be more difficult than I had imagined. The only people I met were my husband's friends and family. The only places I'd go were where my husband would take us. It became very lonely but I figured when our daughter got older and I became more familiar with my new surroundings I'd find my own acquaintances. Start relationships with people other than just his buddies.
     I've been out here for 3 years now and have yet to find those cherished acquaintances. My husband tells me I don't try hard enough to find any friends, but I'm not so sure that's the only problem. It frustrates me to know that the only people I see are his friends, his family, people he grew up with. It's hard not having anyone to confide in. No one to visit and just sit and talk with. The only time I do get to do any of that is when my daughter and I go back to my hometown and visit with my family. We stay for a few months so my family can be close to my child, they only see her that one time a year. When we're in my hometown I visit my best girlfriend on a nearly daily basis. Our children play, we talk, we go to the parks and grocery store together. It's so wonderful to have the company of someone that I know. Someone that knows me. Someone I can talk to.
     I sometimes wonder if I'm the only person in my situation. If its just my inability to meet other people that keeps me from finding friends out here with my husband. It's not easy to deal with in all honesty. I'm going to take some classes at the local college this fall, my career as a Montessori assistant fell away when I moved out here. There are no Montessori schools close to where I live and the early childhood development field is very limited in these parts so it would seem. I hope to gain some knowledge in a field of study and maybe not be so lonely anymore. Who knows.. I may just find a friend.

everythingseventual everythingseventual 26-30, F 3 Responses Jun 7, 2010

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Story of my life, withouth getting pregnant and with the twist my husband doesnt like friends and is a loner, so I am even more at home and people here mostly dont speak my language and vice-versa (is a hard language in this place).If you want to talk send me a message.

I tried the college but no success, too small group of students, living all far from university. Good luck for you with college

I know the feeling hun, I also give up everything to be with my husband (he is my soul mate and i am very happy with him).<br />
However i find it hard to make new friends too! I had plenty of friends before i moved to my husbands home town, I just don't get it. I feel the women who live in my neighbourhood do not like me, I am friendly and say hello when i see them but it seems they just want to keep themselves to themselves some just blank me altogether. I find myself living in the past when it comes to having proper friends.

Have you talked to your husband about this? This seems like a serious problem. I'm more concerned about the root cause of these symptoms, than the difficulty you have in making friends juxtaposed with the understandable way you enjoy being with your friends and family back home. I sense, and I hope I'm wrong, there is something deeper that is a problem with your marriage. What is it you are not getting? Do you really love your husband as deeply or the way you should? Have you let your marriage and motherhood gobble up your individualism? I think you are on the money when you say you are going to take a class. Yes, do this. Do it for YOU!