Ring Thing

As a little "experiment"....I removed my wedding ring to my other hand, where it doesn't really notice next to some others, some 2 or 3 weeks ago. The only person to comment on this is our daughter!

Do you think most men would notice if their wives took off their rings?  Or is it just a bloke thing, that they don't notice these details. I'm assuming the latter, but I'd be interested to know!!

My finger feels strangely naked but I must say I'm starting to enjoy the feeling.


Oct 26th 2008: its still off and unlikely to go back on the way things are going.



PS I did write another married but lonely story before this one, which is maybe more of an explanation as to why things started going wrong.....but this is the story that always shows up!!!


lostbird lostbird
51-55, F
43 Responses Dec 12, 2007

Thank you for your comments canismax, that is great that you care.

I would notice in half a second. I notice when she does not wear the bracelet I made her or the neclace I got her for christmas when we were just dating. <br />
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And I care. I never leave the house without mine on and of she did it would bother me a lot.

mine as been off almst ten yeazrs with no notice

i have read all your comments and most sound like my marriage we both work and have differant shifts ,i ware my ring and so does she but like some one else said she uses it as a weapon to show her displeasure,mad off it comes yes i notice but we like you have reasons for staying mainley financial we live like room mates, no sex in a while boring too oh well,at least he said he dosent care now you can move in a differant direction i think

SED19~<br />
I'm sorry you are feeling so disconnected with your wife.You don't say how old she is, but it is quite common for women in their 40's to suddenly feel this way, and need reassurance that they are still wanted, needed and are attractive etc.In fact I think it is universal so must be biological. lol Coupled with that and the addictive nature of the internet it could be just that.<br />
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However the important thing to have come up is that you still love your wife dearly, so make sure she knows this.Try and get her to talk at a time when neither of you are feeling overtired, stressed etc. Explain gently how it makes you feel and take it from there.....I wish you all the best!<br />
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My hubby never told me he loved me, which led to to all sorts of nasties!! He now tells me he doesn't ...so at least I know our marriage is dead!

I have been married for ten years now and love my wife dearly. The problem is at this point in our relationship I feel my wife is almost a teenager again. She spends most of her free time on the laptop that I bought for her birthday chatting with old friends and who knows what/who else than spending time with the kids or myself. I am at my wits end with it and it doesn't seem to register with her that we have a real problem.. I go to work everyday and can see she is on, come home and she is on, after the house quiet downs for the night she gets on and so on and so on. I guess to most people it's obvious that we are disconnected at this point but I don't understand why and what to do.

Conradstiles, I'm sorry you feel that that is what your wife is telling you, but it may well just be a protest vote when your wife is feeling feisty! Perhaps she is just in need of a little tlc and understanding. If the marriage really isn't worth it, then it isn't usually a simple matter of just ending it, especially id you have been together for a long time, or where there are children involved.<br />
Anyway well done for noticing! Mine didn't until it was pointed out and then it didn't really bother him!

I notice when my wife does not wear her ring. Unfortunately the ring thing in our marriage has become a weapon to stab the other person. My wife takes the rings off when she mad at me or in order to send a message that "this marriage isn't worth it". Maybe the marriage isn't worth it, so why doesn't she just end it?

Its sad isn't it?! <br />
We remain "married" in name and still live in the same house but we seemed trapped together by circumstance......too enmeshed in other ways to be able to get out.

You know, I took my wedding ring off nearly 2 years ago. My wife still hasn`t noticed.

I took mine off at least 2 years ago. First it was because it cracked @ the gym. I considered if it was worth it at the time to get it fixed and decided no. Four months later @ the dinner table I asked my husband how long he thought I hadn't been wearing it.... no answer of course. He hadn't even noticed.

I think I will be wearing it for a long time yet...after all he did make it for me, but it is staying on the wrong hand!It's weird but I wore the ring from my first marriage there until this one took its place....I haven't really thought about why I kept that one on, habit I guess!

You must do what you feel comfortable doing.Only you really know all the ins and outs of this. I know that a wedding ring in my eyes is an important gesture, I wore it until a year AFTER my divorce, that was when I truly felt she was out of my heart.

Mine has NEVER worn one, so I don't feel obliged that way!

My husband definitely notices and comments but he doesn't care. I think he secretly wishes I would take it off so he didn't have to wear his.

Actually I am surprised.....I had assumed that most would be like hubby!

Ah thanks for the clarification! It's staying on my right hand for now.......

BrownDirtCowboy~ he doesn't really care that I'm not wearing it. He wants us to "fix" the marriage....but I find this strange as he has admitted to not loving me! There are too many conditions imposed I feel.<br />
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keeman~ looks like I'm advertising my availabilty then!!! ;-)<br />
Would a guy notice if she was wearing it on the wrong hand?!

Quite! No proper marriage so why wear the ring to show ownership?!<br />
Mine is still off!

I know what you mean. I have not worn my wedding ring for almost 2 years now and it feels good. Because that's when my husband and I have been having trouble so one day I thought to my myself until things get better or are the way things used to be I will not wear my wedding ring. My thinking was I don't deserve to where the ring and I didn't feel right wearing it the way things were going.

It'still off. Yes I've sometimes wondered if you get treated differently without an obvious ring of posession! After all my H has never worn one.....

I took mine off for a job in April and never put it back on. DH still hasn't noticed. I like that it makes me look single to the rest of world.

I used to think that I would never take it off.....I still have it on the "wrong " hand. Some people have noticed, his Mum, my Mum, daughter.....but it's staying off until such times as I feel it belongs there again!

Reading this, I thought of what would happen to me if I took off my ring.<br />
He would notice right away, and I would be homeless.<br />
Therefore, I'd never take mine off. Sometimes men just tend to take us women for granted and expect that we will always be there...

Yep....I have to agree with you on that one. My marriage certainly isn't fun any more......I'm struggling to remember if and when it was : (

LOL...if only! I'm quite surprised that so many of you men would notice.....its nice that you would : )

I always noticed when she took hers off, while putting lotion on her hands, bathing the kids, doing dishes... i never removed mine, for 8 years even though i work construction and it is considered a hazard, about a month ago i took mine off... if she has noticed, she hasn't said anything. If only the act of putting it back on would fix the issues in our marriage

Thanks TF.....he's never worn one, and I've never had an engagement ring....I wouldn't actually part with it as he made it the day before we married,,,but I must have my little protest

*sigh* I'm wondering whether to do that but its more comfy in our bed and the view is better.

I pointed it out to him the other day...during an emotional out pouring.My guess was right that it didn't mean anything to him!I suppose it is still symbolic to me though so its staying off unless something drastic changes between us. Its our silver wedding anni in 2 days time.We thought we might have a day at the coast..the forecast is stormy and cold...symbolic huh???!!<br />
Good luck to you for the future...I wish you well.

I took off my rings 2 years ago....and my husband has never said a word!!! We've been married almost 34 years, and to me taking off the ring was very symbolic, my marriage hasn't felt like a marriage for years, and since i don't feel married, it feels like a lie. I also don't plan on being married in a year, I have decided there's got to be more than what I am living now. For more details see my story..."15 Sexless Years" in the Living in a Sexless Marriage Forum.

Mine's still on the "wrong" finger ...I've got really used to it now, and he still hasn't commented! I doubt if he's noticed actually, and if he did, would he care?..I doubt it!

18 years. I'd try to fill you in on everything, but you can just check out my 2 stories in the sexless marriage group.

mikebob - how long have you been together?

THis is just one more example of her logic... logic that escapes me. $4000 is not out of line with my income, and the rings would be worth it - pure platinum. But she does complain often about not having enough money (trust me, no matter how much I make, she complains). I think she looks at expensive options, so she can say she wants to do it, but doesn't have to do it because it is too expensive.<br />
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I also bought her 2 other rings, rings she wanted, btw. She rarely wears them, usually wears rings that did not come from me.<br />
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I think it is subconscious, but it tells me she does not like me.<br />
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And yes, it bothers me that she does not wear the rings I bought her. But thats just me. And I am the one in the relationship that values the relationship.<br />
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I think she keeps the wedding band on just because she is 'supposed to' (what others expect, not me).<br />
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One more point - I think she really wants the new expensive rings - but wants them because of the ring, not coming from me. If she could get them and they did not have to be from me, I bet she would get them. Just like she wants sex, but not with me... but that belongs in another group.

He still hasn't noticed or remarked on it......I never received an engagement ring, so that hasn't come into it!... That sounds a lot of money for a custom made ring btw.<br />
I'm still wearing it on my other hand as it WAS made by him for me..but I'm considering taking it off...I dunno.He's never actually TOLD me he loves me, never mind having a symbol of it...oh well can't have everything I suppose...<br />
I'm sorry you are having problems too......there's a lot of us about!

I think it depends on the individual, also how the individual views the relationship. I'm not always the most observant, so it might take me a day or two - but I would certainly care! But I am the on here saying how I am lonely in marriage, and living in a sexless marriage.<br />
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On a related note - over 5 years ago, one of the prongs holding the diamond on her engagement ring broke. We found the diamond, but she has never fixed the ring. She says she wants a new setting (only because it is gold and now she prefers platinum.) I support her in this (why wouldn't I) but she has never followed through. We have gotten quotes for custom made rings which run over 4 thousand dollars - but she never follows through. It bothers me that she doesn't wear her engagement ring - but do I just want to 'show off' the diamond? I bought it as a symbol of how much I love her! <br />
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Actually, I keep hoping for renewal in our relationship - then new rings to symbolize that!

At least you cared enough to notice!!

My wife had her wedding and engagement rings changed and re-set. She couldn't understand that I might be a bit miffed that she would do this without any discussion.

Well I've just taken it off again, after having it on to avoid Mother-In Law conflict over the hols......

I know what you mean about that.lsyn...I was just doing it out of curiosity really as it feels like there IS no substance left in our marriage.I suppose part of me likes all thse symbols and a part of me wants to break free.<br />
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Rachel9747.........I have often wondered that about my H, I sometimes think that he'd secretly be relieved if I took the decision to leave then he wouldnt be the bad person.I think its in his character to be like that judging by other things that have happened with us.

My husband made mine and I thought I'd never be able to part with it..... <br />
If Im honest with myself I dont think things were really as they should be with us before marriage either.I was just too inexperienced and in too much of a brain fog to realise.

To be honest I don't think he'd care about it anyway....he's never worn one!...I'll guess I'll put it back on at christmas cos I can't be bothered with comments from the M-I-L<br />
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Molly, was he bothered when he did notice?<br />
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Thanks zram for noticing!!