Very Disappointed, Desperate, Lonely And Very Sad!!

Where do I start..I have been married for fifteen years to someone I thought was my soul mate. We were students when we met, had nothing but pure love, or so I thought. I married him against all odds because we were from very different backgrounds. He was my best friend and lover. We have two wonderful children. My marriage was almost perfect until 7 years ago when I found a text message on my husband's phone that he had sent to a woman saying "Last night was fun, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did". I was devastated, my world collapsed! He denied having an affair, we called the woman in question and she denied ever knowing him. We tried to work through this and we became closer than ever before. Fast forward to 2010, about three weeks ago, I received an email from a woman claiming to be my husband's lover of five years. She went into a lot of details, including very personal information that no one else will know unless you were very close to my husband. I just broke down and lost it. My husband is out of the country at the moment on business, I called him to tell him about the email, he did admit knowing the woman, but said all they had was a business transaction and not a sexual relationship, and that she was trying to blackmail him but he will explain on his return. When I mentioned the sexual and personal details, he became very angry and said he will not discuss the issue anymore and if I choose to believe her, then I should deal with it. This email was copied to friends of my husband, family members and about five other email addresses that I do not recognize. The woman gave me her contact details and asked that I call her so she can tell me everything, I am very tempted to call her, but not sure this will be a good idea. I have not been able to speak to my husband for two weeks as he is refusing to answer my calls, I have no one to turn to, my dad who I was very close to has passed and my mum lives abroad, I am all alone with my children and slowly dying inside..now I have come to realize that my husband was very controlling and never wanted me to make any friends or go out. My husband was due to return today, he was booked on a flight to return today, but he has not showed up..not sure what is happening here, I am just in limbo, someone please help..what do I do next, we are financially dependent on him as I am doing a masters degree at the moment after being made redundant from a very well paid job last year. I will really appreciate some advice please?
Verylonely2011 Verylonely2011
36-40, F
7 Responses Jan 4, 2011

Hi, This is not a good situation. I feel he is not being honest with you. I am glad you doing your master. Get yourself a par- time job and don't say anything. You have to stop making him your happiness and do something to make yourself happy. l Just sign up on this site today. email me if you need to talk. He have you isolated.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I suggest you ask your husband to explain what this woman means before you contact her. If he doesnt tell you, I think you ought to ring this woman but do not entertain her. Just ask her to explain what she wants to let you know. If you are satisfied, calmly ask her to stay away from you and your husband.

Hello everyone, thank you all so much for getting me through a very difficult time!! Your words have been very comforting to me. I have some update..my husband eventually came home 3 days later than expected. He said nothing for the first week other than just general conversation about the kids, the house etc. I was dying inside, but something gave the the strength to hold it together and not say anything. I slept in the spare room all that time.<br />
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On the seventh day, during breakfast, his mobile phone rang and I could hear this woman's voice screaming at the other end...I just stood there and watched the whole commotion, I was in shock and could not move. He proceeded to tell her to stop creeping on him, to stay away from him and said what they had was a huge mistake and he bitterly regrets it..he further told her he had come clean to me, so she will not need to threathen him anymore about telling his wife. He then put the phone on loud speaker and I could hear her saying she will destroy him as he led her on, that she gave him a lot of money and she said she is going to drag him through the courts..I heard the whole story because they were throwing words at each other and my husband called her a dirty *****, and she in turn called him a gigolo..apparently he works with her and she is an older and richer lady.<br />
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After this phone call, he broke down and told me everything, and said he was sorry, he swore that it meant nothing to him, it was just a fling and he had been trying to deal with the issue as the woman had been threatening to tell me. I don't know where to go with this really..my husband is showing a lot of remorse and has even suggested that we relocate somewhere else. I am not sure what to do, I received another email from the woman pleading with me to contact her as she has something really important to tell me that she thinks I should know. Should I contact her? Should I contact her? Should we move away as my husband suggested? Please help!!

I hope he is home now and, you have a chance to hear this side of the story. You may not believe it but, it is also not the time to make any harsh reactions. <br />
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My gut feeling that there were something in the past, and it is a woman scorn playing out now. He may ask for forgiveness now, that he may have had the time to think of this whole affair. But, you need to think level headed. <br />
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You said you are finanically dependent on him, maybe it time you figure out how not to be that way. It will NEVER be the same for you. But, don't fall to pieces. It is not your fault remember that.

My first thought is that: she sent an email to you and then copied several others including your husband. Sounds to me that he has attempted to sever their relationship and she's hurt and angry. Much of the same feelings you are going through right now. He is ignoring you because he doesn't know how to put his life back to the way it was. He has obvious reasons to hide. My suggestion is wait for him to come home and talk. If after you talk you have a gut feeling to contact this other woman then do it. In the end you have to do what's best for you and your children. No one should tell you how to live your life. I will be praying for you today.

Really shocking!! I will wait to hear his side and validate any point, but it could be blackmail. Wish you the best.

Not to be mean, but if I were you and I didn't have any alternatives...such as living with my parents for a while until I finished school. Then I would suck it up and live with him until I completed my masters and then move out. Obviously there's something going on, and he's hurt you so I don't know why you're wasting your time with him. But if you can't stand staying with him until you finish school, then I would stay as far away from him as possible and leave him now!