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Hiding My True Feelings

I have been married for almost 13 years now.  We have 3 adopted children.  I'm truly at a loss on what to do.  I'm hiding my true feelings from my wife because I really don't want to panic.  She is diagnosed bi-polar with severe depression along with having a disease called vulva dynia.  So sex is painful for her and she tells me its like a hot pan against her crotch.  She on so many meds that she really has no iterest in sex even with all the pain.  It makes me feel guilty when we do have sex.  I am a very passionate person and its killing me not to have that connection.  I get her flowers, suprise her with cards and she really is just there.  Most of the time she sleeps.  I don't want to hurt my wife or girls by leaving but I feel myself slipping into depression.  I need more connection and true passion.
cgirard1 cgirard1 31-35 3 Responses Jan 19, 2011

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I really want to connect on an emotional and physical level. But unfortunately she can't reciprocate. I ask myself should I just be in an unemotional marriage for our children. They have been through so much and I don't want to do emotional damage to them. When we are close its almost mechanical. There is no passionate lovemaking. It's a chore just tolerating until I can climax. I might as well have a blow up doll for a wife. The hard part is I know there are medical and mental issues but should I ignore my needs.

I really want to connect on an emotional and physical level. But unfortunately she can't reciprocate. I ask myself should I just be in an unemotional marriage for our children. They have been through so much and I don't want to do emotional damage to them. When we are close its almost mechanical. There is no passionate lovemaking. It's a chore just tolerating until I can climax. I might as well have a blow up doll for a wife. The hard part is I know there are medical and mental issues but should I ignore my needs.

I know exactly how you feel. I have only been married a few month and my husband is very distant physically. Like now that he has me he doesn't have to want me anymore. I am very physical and affectionate so I don't think I can hold on like this. The loneliness has me so depressed and telling him goes nowhere because he only cares for himself. He doesn't know how to think about another persons feelings or needs.