I Feel My Marriage Is Slipping Away.Happy to get married again in my mid-fifties, I thought I was in heaven. But now, after enduring eight years of being constantly rejected by my husband, I find my self fantasizing about cheating on him, and wishing I could just shut down and not feel anything. In a nutshell, our intimate relationship is no longer what I would like it to be, and I my advances get rejected way too much. Sometimes I have to beg. Suddenly, a few nights ago, it is as if I flipped a switch. I received one rejection too many. Now I am struggling not to venture on-line for a date, or to just shut down.
I know that deep down I love my husband and we have a lot in common. It is just that he doesn't seem to realize I cannot continue to bounce back after he keeps rejecting me so, so much. He tries to joke about it at times, but it doesn't work. I laugh, but I am in pain. I think the rejection hurts more than the infrequent intimacy.
There are also too many times when he talks as if I am a burden to him. It is sort of like, if he didn't;t have me around, he' d feel "free." He goes through periods when he rejects the romantic dinners we have at night - always just the two of us, and we always openly discuss our day. We both get a lot out of it, but then he complains that it's "not worth it." He could be sleeping. That's really a slap in the face, but I try to go along and understand, because like anyone else, I know he is tired after work. Sometimes he sits down to plan activities he can enjoy without me, which is fine. But afterward he realizes he doesn't want to do these things alone, because basically he is planning what one would call "couple things." Stuff you would want to share with some one. But he resists this so often. Am I being stupid? Is this man dreaming of a life without me? He says he could not live without me, but he doesn't act like it.
I am afraid my feelings for him are starting to fade. I look at him, and I feel resentment - LOTS of resentment. Even though we have discussed the fact that I feel we need more intimacy, the conversation always ends with him saying "don't' worry, we're fine." But we're not. I have to say, I am probably feeling needy in other areas of the marriage as well, otherwise the intimacy issue would not loom so large. It is not as if we don't have sex - we do. It is the infrequency that is the problem.
I probably need counseling - I have tried in the past, but we end up discussing HIM, and not me! They tell me HE needs help, or at a minimum, we need counseling together. But he would never go along with it.
So maybe I am blowing things out of proportion? I mean, most of the time we get a long, and we do share a ton of interests. Should I just not gripe and be happy with what I have?
Still, the fact that I searched for an open forum, so that I could discuss this, tells me I have a problem.
Thank you so much for allowing me to share.