Don't Know What To Do.I married a person I knew from middle school. Only when I married him I didn't love him we were both 22 yrs old. I was very insecure and had low self-esteem and was in a bad relationship when he and I started dating. He told me all the things I wanted to hear and made me feel secure. We dated for 3 weeks got engaged and 6 mos. later we were married. I know now we both made a mistake. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me. 10 years and 3 children later our marrige is not fullfilling we live our lives like roommates and only having sex sparingly.
We have both tried counseling and have spoken in depth about our feelings for years now but it seems that what we talk about is forgotten in our busy lives. We are now 20 yrs into our marraige and I feel extremly lonely. I think about divorce but being a child of divorce myself I don't want to do it because of our children. I think about going outside of our marriage to get the satisfaction I crave but my faith keeps me in check. I am torn! I care for my husband but I don't know how it feels to be in love. I am to the point where I see him and everything about him is displeasing. I pick on everything he does and I hate myself for it. I am afraid to leave because I don't want to hurt our children, I don't want to hurt my husband and I don't want to be unable to provide for my children.
My current plan is to stay in this marraige until my children are grown. Am I hurting them by staying in this marraige? We do not fight infront of our children but there is also no affection shown between my husband and I. Don't know what to do.