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Don't Know What To Do.

I married a person I knew from middle school. Only when I married him I didn't love him we were both 22 yrs old. I was very insecure and had low self-esteem and was in a bad relationship when he and I started dating. He told me all the things I wanted to hear and made me feel secure. We dated for 3 weeks got engaged and 6 mos. later we were married. I know now we both made a mistake. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me. 10 years and 3 children later our marrige is not fullfilling we live our lives like roommates and only having sex sparingly.

We have both tried counseling and have spoken in depth about our feelings for years now but it seems that what we talk about is forgotten in our busy lives. We are now 20 yrs into our marraige and I feel extremly lonely. I think about divorce but being a child of divorce myself I don't want to do it because of our children. I think about going outside of our marriage to get the satisfaction I crave but my faith keeps me in check. I am torn! I care for my husband but I don't know how it feels to be in love. I am to the point where I see him and everything about him is displeasing. I pick on everything he does and I hate myself for it. I am afraid to leave because I don't want to hurt our children, I don't want to hurt my husband and I don't want to be unable to provide for my children.

My current plan is to stay in this marraige until my children are grown. Am I hurting them by staying in this marraige? We do not fight infront of our children but there is also no affection shown between my husband and I. Don't know what to do.

AmoreProfondo AmoreProfondo 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 29, 2011

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oh bless you.Youve got to get out sweetheart.It isnt gonna do you or your children any good staying in this relationship.I was married at 20 had 3 children relized i didnt want or love him any more and ended it.I ve never been so happy.It was hard believe me but i know now i did the right thing.Kids suffer in relationships that arent meant to be.Be brave take your leap there is light at the end of the tunnel.I am now with the love of my life and everything is perfect.

I am sorry that he treats you that way. If my husband treated me as such that would encourage me to leave especially when treated like that and being pregnant. I too was raised by a single mom, we went thru alot we were 5 kids. We went through homelessness, hunger and neglect. I am afraid of the same for my kids and this is why I choose not to leave now. I am not physically or mentally harmed but I am not happy in my marraige. I too choose not to have sex with my H because I am not attracted to him. I agree with you when you say Love is not a word it is an action. That is exactly what I tell my H but his excuse is that he was not brought up this way. I am simply wanting to be loved and sometimes he tries but I feel that he only does it because we just spoke of it. I don't feel that it comes from him truly. Thank you for your comment I am glad to know that I am not the only one out here feeling the same way.<br />
I wish you love and happiness and courage to be FREE!