I Am Married And Lonely

I married when I was 18 and had children right away. I'm embarrassed to say that I mostly got married because I was desperate to get out of my dad's house and didn't have the confidence or money to do it on my own. My husband is a decent man and doesn't treat me bad, but he has always been very quite and distant. We rarely have sex. He's always been like this. I've pretty much been lonely since the day we married, but I put all my energy into raising my two children and they filled most of the void. My goal was to be a good mom, good housekeeper, and a good cook. I also wanted to have a close relationship with the man I was to spend the rest of my life with, my husband. One of the things I looked forward to about getting married was being able to have sex anytime I wanted (naive, I know). Before I met my husband, I dated an older man when I was only 16 who was a loser (lied , cheated, did drugs, no job, no car), but we had a great sex life and a lot of fun together. I got pregnant with my daughter and didn't want her to be around him because he was on drugs. I was a rebellious teenager, but once I got pregnant, I put my daughter's safety first. So, when I met my husband, who was a hard worker, didn't do drugs, treated me well and seemed very responsible compared to my ex boyfriend, I agreed to marry him when he asked me a few months after we met.( My daughter was one year old). Even when we were dating, I thought he was boring and all he wanted to do was watch tv. We would have sex occasionally, but not as much as I wanted. When we did have sex most of the time, it was over within seconds (I'm not exaggerating). But I was scared nobody would ever be interested in someone with a child, so I was desperate I'm ashamed to say. My dad was always mean to me, not necessarily abusive, but kind of mean and made it clear he wanted me out of the house.

We have been married for 21 years.I'm so lonely. My kids are in college and I don't have anything to fill the void. He rarely talks to me and doesn't know how to communicate. We have been to counseling, but he is just not a talkative person. I also resent him for depriving me of a healthy sex life all these years. On top of that, he would rather watch tv than do anything else.
TwoCentsWorth TwoCentsWorth
36-40, F
4 Responses Sep 23, 2011

Have you ever thought of having an affair? If so, have you been honest about this with your husband? What does he say?

I think about having an affair all the time. I know that if I do, my conscience will make me more miserable than I already am. I have talked about this with my husband, but all he does is make excuses and say it's not as bad as I make it out to be.

You are still young. If you feel you are not getting the things you need to be happy, you can still find them elsewhere. Give it a lot of thought, but do not disregard your feelings, they are important.

I read before that if a woman is unhappy and married even if the split is very difficult many say that it's worth it and have found new meaning in their life. Maybe it's time to think of yourself before it's too late and look for your own happiness. Best Wishes

You ought to join us over in the I Live in a Sexless Marriage group. Honestly. You would likely get some good advice and support there, it is a surprisingly supportive bunch of people.

I took your advice and joined that group. Thanks.