I Again Tried To Talk To Him....

Earlier this week I went and spoke with a counselor. He suggested I try and talk to my husband to get my feelings out, he also suggested that if I feel my husband treats me a certain way or speaks to me in a demeaning manner I address it at that time instead of letting it build up inside of me.

Earlier today I asked my husband if he wanted to go with the kids and I somewhere, He snapped at me and was rude, for no reason. I asked him what was wrong and why he snapped at me, if I did something to upset him. He then told me I was being unreasonable, overreacting and told me to stop before I get started because "he knows how all conversations go with me, that I will get upset and bring up other topics that have nothing to do with anything" This of course hurt my feelings, so I got defensive.

He then went on to tell me that he didn't answer me rude or snap at me and if I felt that there was nothing he could do about it because he didn't agree. I asked him what he was talking about. He then went on to inform me that if I feel a certain way or if something hurts me, if he doesn't see it as an issue then there is nothing he can do about it, therefore there is no need to discuss it because his opinion wouldn't change and that if I was crying or hurt there is nothing he can do about it.

What am I doing wrong?

I of course got upset and asked him if he doesn't care about how I feel about anything, if he doesn't see it as an issue, then why is he even married to me? I told him that I was tired of how I was treated and how he speaks to me and dismisses my feelings all the time. I told him that I do not ask much of him other then to love, respect and care about me and I told him I wanted an emotional and physical relationship-that's all and if he couldn't do that then maybe we should end our marriage. He then told me that if I want to end the marriage, he wouldn't argue about it. I then asked him if he was trying to tell me he doesn't care if he's married to me or not? He stated that he doesn't want to get divorced but if that's what I want he will not argue about it, he will sign the paperwork if that is what I want.

I do not understand this. Why would he not care about my basic needs as a wife or put an effort into even acknowledging me or what i have to say but yet tell me if I wanted a divorce because of how I feel I'm treated, he won't argue about it? He then again said, he did not want a divorce, it would be my choice and he isn't going to argue about it. I asked if he has always felt this way and he stated this is how he feels now, he's tired of arguing with me. If you read my previous posts everything we argue about is about the problems he brought to our marriage or my feelings.

I don't understand this-what does this sound like? I have turned into a nag always asking for attention, conversation, everything and I think this is wrong and he just blows me off. what am i doing wrong? he is sick of arguing with me, but we argue over how he treats me. When we go places he barely talks to me, at home he is quiet, we have alot of issues going on, more then what has been addressed in previous posts, He is always rude to me and blows me off he spends more time telling me why I am wrong or that I take things wrong and yelling at me then he does having a relationship with me. The only things we deal with are problems that surround him. When it comes to me or my interpretation of things, he isnt interestd and "doesnt want to do this today" tells me I'm complaining. It has always been like this.

Does he want out of this marriage & is just trying to push me to it? He tells me he doesnt want to divorce me and it would be my choice but yet he does nothing to show me he wants to be with me. Is this all just depression? I dont understand, as from previous posts I have tried everything and I do not know what to do any longer. 
jc5273 jc5273
36-40, F
4 Responses Oct 15, 2011

im rather same situation, HE GETS ANGRY WEN I want to dicuss problems, he never wants to listen.. and wen i tell him abt divorce he sAYS THE SAME THING.<br />
i dnt knw wat to suggest you,, i wish w cud get out of this situation one day

Sounds a lot like my husband. This is emotional and verbal abuse. We started counseling but just when it was my turn to expose my biggest issues with him at our next session he abruptly quit. I have been in this limbo mode of confusion about his feelings for me for about 8 years. It is difficult for me to divorce because I have health issues and don't know how much longer I will be able to work. I don't really have any advise for you but just want you to know that you are not alone. If you are young and healthy and employed I would get out if I were you.

I'm sorry you are going through this.<br />
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I don't think you are doing anything wrong by bringing your emotions to the table. I wish my wife did that 2 years ago. Now were are having serious issues.<br />
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I think it might be time that you both go to a counselor instead of just you. If he doesn't care if you get divorced something is going on with him that needs to be resolved and it sounds like he is not comfortable talking to you about it. My counselor told me that sometimes it's how we say things rather than what we are saying when we talk to our partners that sets them off. If you want to fix things continue seeking counsel. Like that if you do expend all efforts trying, you know in your heart you did what you could and ending the marriage was NOT your idea.<br />
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Good luck