Trying To Decide If I Need To Leave This Weekend

I've tried everything and I just dont know where to turn to any longer. I've gone to therapy, tried to talk to him nothing is good enough.

Everything I do or say means nothing and everything is my fault.

As from my previous post, we had a levy put on our checking account, which we are disputing for past due child support for his ex & we just went to court resolving all of this, paid money to attorney to represent him...then the state does this because they have different/wrong information and do not realize we just went to court & resolved all of this. He is angry at me because I got upset about this freeze on our checking account-all he said was "I told you to take my name off the account months ago" then we argued because this isnt my fault.

All the problems we have, he hasnt looked for a job in years..wants to get a job traveling and if you read my previous posts, this I have an issue with not onlly because of how he treats me but his "sex ad's" and meeting with people at thier homes and hotels for this purpose before we moved in together.

We are about to lose everything and most of it is because he has lived off of me for years, his bad decisions regarding his ex and her kids which I told him was going to be an issue and he thinks nothing of all the problems, he just doesnt want to hear me complain.

Now today, and maybe Im over sensative, we get mail at our home for her and a letter from a bank where he is still on a mortgage with her at our home and I was upset. This happens all the time, she never lived here I have never heard of an ex spouse getting mail all the time at their ex's new home where he and his new spouse of a few years live.  I was irritated about this and complained about it & complained about the fact that the letter from the bank addressed a "side" agreement he signed with her on the mortgage that I told him was wrong, not only because  we were recently married but I felt that since we were married I should have say in any agreement he makes with anyone, especially if it would affect me & our family later on, which it has.

I complained about the mail and the fact all of the things he did, regardless of what I said or felt, are now coming back to haunt us and are affecting our well being. He yelled at me for being upset about the mail and the letter from the bank. He told me not to start complaining about it because I would go on all evening. Then he went & watched tv....Why couldnt he say just something of understanding or concern-we are losing everything and I have been supportive and overly understanding. This hurt my feelings so I asked him why and he started to ignore me, which pissed me off-all the crap we are going though because of him and he judges me because I'm complaining about things that are taking place one after another, which is affecting all of us including the kid.

He told me that I over react by bringing up things that happened in the past even though its all happening still and on top of it we are feeling the down pour of things....I cant bring up or discuss anything that happened in the past even if what is happening today is a result of it-he said that "today is today and what happened before doesnt matter and he doesnt care how its affecting anyone" then he turns around and tells me to shut up before I get started because he knows how I will react and how upset I will get because its what I have done for the last several years when an issue comes up. Why is it ok for him to tell me to shut up because of how I will behave based on past events, but I cannot bring up anything from the past because that has nothing to do with today?

He said he didn't care if I was upset because I was doing it to myself and the fact he was ignoring me had nothing to do with it. I told him that if he cares that little for me then he should leave and he said "fine, I'll leave as soon as I find a place to go" this upset me more because he wouldn't agree to my feelings or fustrations or to just be understanding-its my problem-I do it to myself. I asked him why would he not agree to be more understanding considering everything, but would agree to leave? All he said was " I brought it up, if I want him to leave then fine" 
Am I wrong to be confused and hurt?

Then we were suppose to leave with the kids and he refused to come with us, he didnt want to anymore because I pissed him off over us getting mail.
An I over reacting?

Every problem or crisis we have in our marriage is because of his ex & her kids and the problems they cause along with things he did that affected us. There are no issues that we have in our marriage because of something I did..all of our fights, disagreements are because of the things either they do or did or are because my husband tells me he is going to do something whether I like it or not. Not one argument has been because of something I did, its been because of me disagreeing or being hurt by something and I cant figure out why this doesnt matter to him. I dont understand anymore.

Now, even after the kids and i came back home, he is completely ignoring me, wont even look at me-wont even acknowledge my presence...nothing.  Yet I'm the one over reacting about "a piece of mail" as he states. He told me earlier I'm like a light switch I go off for no reason....I never go off for no reason, something like "this mail & letter from the bank" is what bothered me & him completely ignoring me...i dont get it.

Am I completely wrong and deserve this am i overreacting?

It is now 11:22pm (Illinois) I just asked him why he has ignored me all night and not even looked at me. He told me he had nothing to say to me...I started bawling.. he told me again I did it to myself..over mail....He told me he is sick of dealing with me and that dealing with me is not easy--- I asked him with everything we have going on why cant he just be understanding and comforting instead of ignoring me and saying nothing. He told me that there is nothing he can do or say when  Im complaining because that is all I do every day. I dont complain every single day! I told him I only complain about what is happening in our lives and since we moved in together the only things that I have complained about are the things that his ex, her kids or he did that either hurt me or we are dealing with as a result of--I asked him how can he condemn me over complaining about something someone else or he did that is causing us harm? he said he didnt care and asked when I was going to stop complaining...He told me again its not easy dealing with me because he feels I complain whenever I bring anything up, thats why he tells me to stop before I get started. I asked him why is it when I help him deal with all the crap his ex & her kids have caused and help him deal with the mistakes he made that are causing us these problems, even thought we argued when he was making these mistakes.....Im good enough for that, for advise and coming up with a resolution to deal with any issue at hand but when it comes to us and how he makes me feel and how he ignores me-I'm wrong and there is something wrong with me....all he said was "when are you going to shut up"  I dont understand this anymore...
jc5273 jc5273
36-40, F
3 Responses Nov 25, 2011

Hey, you are not wrong. I would have been pissed as hell to findout my wife signed a mortgage after we were married??? wow.. He has become completely unreasonable and you are suffering (and the kids) more and more everyday because he will not deal with things with his ex. Yes, it is difficult but I don't think he should be doingmuch the things much less exploding onto you. Not sure if there is much left, you need to really start thinking of yourself and the kids. You have to move on I am afraid. Let me know how things go. Take care Tim

Ok now the fact is that he is probably giving importance to his X wife and kids which is ******* you off a lot. I do understand that he is yours now and he is not supposed to concentrate on his past and he is wrong but also put yourself in his shoes as the past relation has already ended so they got divorced but a matured guy would not be rude to his x wife and his child whatever the reason maybe but yes i agree with you that he is wrong and you are his present and he should concentrate more on you. He should definitely find out a job and tell him that he needs to do it asap. The only problem seemed to be between you both is that you guys are discussing the same issue over and over without any solution. Now understand one thing that you have accepted him with his past and even he has to understand the same. Now for 2-3 days do not discuss this issue at all first of all calm down take a piece of paper and write down what is your problem and what would you want him to do. Write down solutions to it and after 2-3 days tell him that you want to talk about the issue but you want to solve it forever and you will not yell on him neither he will do so. Explain what are your concerns and what would you want him to do once you are done listen to his concerns and what he wants to do also ask him the reason for him to say that. Tell him that you need one more day's time to think about what he has said and then react to whatever he says.

you are really not overreacting.Not at all!