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Win Lose Situation

In a relationship I expect love, respect, and honesty, just as much as I give it. If it comes to a point where these things have been lost or neglected, a choice has to be made on how to deal with it. I need some help. I'm to forgiving, to understanding, and to patient. When do I start making a plan to either stay or go?? I have lost myself. I keep busy at work and at the gym. I finally want more for myself..
I think I deserve more for myself.
SubtleAngel SubtleAngel 36-40, F 3 Responses Jan 17, 2012

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My hubby is an ex marine...he has been to two tours in the last four years. We have tried everything, and it works for a short time, then he relapses. I don't want to be a nag, or make him change how he communicates, but I just wish he would see that he has a problem. Trying to undo what the Armed Forces has installed in him is so difficult. I told him to seek help for himself but he is reluctant...I'll keep praying for serenity, and peace.

I can definitely identify with what you are going through at moment. Love, respect, patience, understanding and honesty should be things which come naturally among spouses. For various reasons, sometimes it is difficult for the other spouse to want these things too, or perhaps that's what they want it, but do not know how to accept it once they have it. I wish I had the answers to that. But I agree, have you tried speaking with your husband about your feelings? I know I tried with mine, and it didn't seem to go anywhere, but only to be used against me. He shoots me down everytime I try to explain it. Well, that is one of the reasons we are where we are at separated, and divorce doesn't appear to be far off. I've had it. And, had to separate in order to gain some perspective, clear my mind and trust in GOD to lead where I need to be. And I agree also, perhaps counseling is necessary to help you gain perspective. Wishing you the best! My prayers are with you!

If you think you deserve more for yourself - you might be right. One thing that you didn't mention is - have you tried talking to your husband about the way that you are feeling?<br />
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If you really feel like you've lost yourself, it might be time for you to consider at least a separation so that you can regain perspective. I know all about keeping yourself too busy to think about the status of your life. My suggestion would be to seek out a counselor or someone who can be unbiased and help you sort out your thoughts.