Lonely For Too Many Years

I am lonely with pretty much the same story as most have on this website. I've been married for over 30 years, raised chlldren and now have grandchildren. Somewhere along the line, I realized that I was more than just a mom and wife. I wanted more. So, a few years ago, when all but one child was out of the house, i had a heart to heart with my husband. We moved to a location that I loved, change of the seasons, and I thought we were staring a new chapter in our lives. NOPE!!!! My husband became and is dis-interested in me. He won't hold a conversation with me, I go to bed, he stays up well into the nite after he is sure I am asleep. We have become less than room mates. THe only thing he still does is make sure that the bills are paid. This has been going on for five years, I have begged him to talk, to try to reconnect. i have asked if he wanted a divorce, he swears no. He acts as though I don't exist and for the life of me, i can't figure out where or why he wants to stay married. About a month ago, i gave him an ultimatium and told him I wanted a husband or we would divorce. He cried, because he knew I was serious, and for the enxt few weeks, he did seem to change, small changes, but change just the same. Today, I asked him to go away with me, and he told me NO. I instantly knew that he meant it and it crushed me. Here I am trying to stay married and hold on, making it work and I instantly realized he can't or doesnt want to make it

Now, i feel stuck.
msaces msaces
6 Responses May 9, 2012

Have you ever tried a seperation for a while just leave for a couple of months and see if this is what you want and see if it really changes him! The work never ends in a marriage to keep it alive but you both have to want the same things to get the end results!!

I would give him one last ultimatum, therapy (I highly recommend a therapist trained in DBT) or you will leave. Follow through on the therapy, no matter what. In fact, go for yourself if he won't go. It's useful, for a multitude of reasons. <br />
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Life is too short to spend with someone who won't be your partner.

Two words...Divorce lawyer. He'll cry again but if you give an ultimatium you need to follow through.

I understand how you feel. My ex and I went through the same thing. Although we were not married. We became disconnected along the way. It was heartbreaking and painful.

30 years is a long time. I suppose this is my first step and then ...

you aren't stuck. go to a adivorce lawyer and and just act like you don't know whats goin on when he gets the papers in the mail.