I Dont Understand What Happen To Me

I used to be so outgoing, I had tons of friends, I loved life...now i just feel like I am going through the motions. I have a great husband, 2 great kids but I am still SOOOO unhappy, but everyday I paste a smile on my face and do what needs to be done. Even to my kids and husband I think I am invisible. I know there is love but until I am wrapped up in myself crying for help for whatever reason I gave at the time I am just a wife, a mother, a cook, a maid, a daughter, a worker, a something...I cant remember what being ME is like anyone. No, thats a lie, I do remember, the last time I was really me I still had things that were just mine. I dont even have a friend that I can truly just call mine anymore, my best friend in the whole world was somehow taken over by my husband as one of his closest friends too so now the things that I used to be able to share with him I cant becasue I cant trust that it will never make it back to my husband.

I am invisible, I feel like no one notices that I am there unless I am not there to do the ings they need done, to keep up with the plans, etc. I keep dreaming of just disappearing for a week, weekend, a day but even when I try to get just an hour I get calls, someone needs me for something...but its never something that couldnt wait. I feel like a jerk for being so unhappy becasue I know that I have it SO much better than some but I am still so unhappy, just going through the motions. How long can I do this, how long until I really have a breakdown, how long do I have to wait until I can really have friends again, a life that I have time to do the things I want to do?

fennel23 fennel23
31-35, F
1 Response May 11, 2012

Sadly, you became the good wife, the great mom and forgot about being you. You know you husband and children love, But as yo say they might take all that you do for granted. You need to get a little time for your self, A hobby, a good book a freind you can trust. Because lets be honest you deserve it. Does you husband even know how you feel? You do not have to tell him every thing, just that you need a little space a little me time. Hopefully they will understand what agreat mom and wife you are. If you need some to talk to I am here or maybe you can find another friend online. Did let your need for pleasing every one stopping you from pleasing your self.