My Husband Is A Closed Book

There is nothing new in what I have to say. We're all here because we're married, but lonely. My husband is closed to me, and I am caught in a cycle of depression and loneliness that I can't seem to escape.

When we first got married, we lived to be together. We went for walks, went to movies, had dinner out, did things that couples should do if they enjoy them. And then very slowly, he began pulling away, feeling like I was stifling his freedom. Now we spend our days together not doing things, but hiding in seperate floors of the house. He cannot pull himself away from the computer for any reason, and I know he's an addict. He knows this as well, but he is okay with it.

I know he wants some kind of contact, he spends all of his computer time chatting with friends online, it isn't even playing games or looking at ****. It's just that he does not want it from me. I have tried all kinds of things to get him to spend more time with me. I've tried making a romantic dinner, buying him tickets to things he wants to attend, telling him I am unhappy and lonely, throwing him a huge and expensive birthday party that he enjoyed but never thanked me for, doing his laundry, doing most of his chores so he did not have to do them so we could spend time together, and it always comes back to him just not wanting to be near me. We have even gone to marriage counseling, which he managed to turn into weeks of what was wrong with me.

I am lonely. I'm so tired of being unloved and ignored that I actually tried to end my own life. It was the first time he spent time with me for more than ten minutes at a time in months. Of course it took him twenty minutes to come into the bathroom and find me bleeding on the bathroom floor, but I guess the conversation he was having with some woman online was more important at the time.

I feel as if there is nothing I can do to open the closed book that is my husband. I want to leave, and I can't for several reasons, mostly because I can't afford it, being a housewife and nowhere to go if I did leave. Not that he would notice anyway.
Minaarchangel Minaarchangel
26-30, F
2 Responses May 13, 2012

Both of you need to talk to someone outside. It is possible he may have issues that he needs help with. But always remember, you are what you are. Don't define yourself by your husband or marriage. Get a hobby, hang out with your friends and show him and yourself that you aren't dependent on him for your happiness.<br />
Every woman is a storehouse of inner strength. All you need to do is realise it!

Wow, this reminds me of feelings my mother expressed about being ignored and rejected by my workaholic dad. Maybe you could find something you enjoy doing and turn that into a career or at least a means of making money. Then you might feel more confident about leaving him if it came to that. You might also make new friends as well and feel that you have another life outside the marriage. Things did get better between my parents and hopefully they will within your marriage as well.