Being Married -n- Alone Is The Worst

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Being married and alone is the worst. I feel like there isn't anything I can do about it and that I am trapped. I'd rather just be single than this. At least then I'd have hope to find happiness.I am so tired of doing every thing alone. I'm sick of seeing him lay in bed and that big black cloud always hanging over his head. I know he's unhappy too, he acts like we are such a burden and a chore to be around, he just works, sleeps and watches tv or is endlessly on his computer. I have said to him these kids won't be here forever, you're missing out on everything, can't you just eat a meal w/ us. But then it's better if he doesn't cause, he's rude and wants quiet. To me that's the best time to catch up with the kids and can have the best conversations with them. I like to turn off the tv and eat a meal together, for what 5 - 10 min out of the day.... can't he go with out tv for that long, or give the kids the undivided attention? I even pointed out to him once that he acts like he hates us and there are plenty of men out there that would give their right arm to have what you're pis sing away. He said yeah right, well let 'em have it! He's already gone.... I know my heart was a long time ago too. There is only so much crap you can be given over the years. I stay for financial reasons and because no matter how hard he is to live with, he would be 10x harder to handle in divorce. He has also threatened my life if I leave and try to take his home or money... so here I am. A piece of me dieing inside every day. How long till I become one of those empty shell of a person people that walk around like a zombie, just going through the motions, not really living at all. hmmm, or am I already there?
blissfulmiss blissfulmiss
36-40, F
7 Responses May 14, 2012

i feel your pain

In reading your story and some of the comments I am reminded how lucky those of us with only sexual or emotional issues have it compared to those of you who fear violence.<br />
<br />
Threats of violence are a crime, - it is assault. They are always incremental over time and always end in real violence. <br />
<br />
This is so easy to say as a bystander- don't be bullied by this crap. You do not want your children to see this marriage interaction as normal or acceptable to you or society. In this society you can live and keep your kids fed - it is crummy but you can make it - with integrity. I really believe children will be better spouses down the road for so many folks trapped by this. Your children are often wiser than you know- and see more than you think.<br />
<br />
- I hope you find the happy life you seek. You do not need to be perfect to have a happy life. <br />
<br />
Life, it seems to me, is so simple -- just not easy. Time to get help on this IMHO

At times i just cant take it anymore! My wife bless her is just so over bearing. She has to constantly comment how she hates or dislikes..the movies i like, the music I like, the job I have the whatever. If its anything that takes away from her except for the kids. If I indicate my likes arent in line with hers, I will have to answer questions for next few days..until I just give up. We are financially strapped..headed for bankruptcy..and have been for awhile.. I work 40 plus hours, she insists on being a stay at home mom which is okay with me..except not living the lifestyle she insists on. We have to have two incomes to keep our heads above provide for our kids.. and she just refuses to get a job. If it werent for my kids I would walk now...but I am staying..I am really glad I found this site so I dont have to keep bottled up anymore! How I wish I had a true soul mate..someone I can share life with..all of it. To be myself around and not feel judged and controlled. I told my wife the other day. I am 50 years old this year and I am I dont care about what people think.. anymore I have to be myself..she didnt know what to say..then the grilling started..after 20 questions I just told her never mind..but secretly i still feel the same way.

You sound like such a thoughtful person. I feel so jaded when I see a couple sitting next to each other laughing, talking, making eye contact, holding hands, etc... What I wouldn't give to let the hopeless romantic in me just come flooding out and cry for a couple of hours. I watched some friends at Thanksgiving sitting on the sofa leaned up against each other in thier warm cuddly sweaters and thought about how they would probably go home later and rent a movie and snuggle under a blanket on a cold night. Makes me feel so lonely and missing out on one of life's greatest gifts....Being loved. I could do without everything in this world if I could only have that with someone. Thanks for the friendship and I'm praying on your situation. Thanks for the ear:)

me too. I hate romance movies.

Thank you so much for sharing and you have helped! I am sorry for your situation, but all the same, it's nice to have some one to relate to. It sounds like we have a lot in common. Yes, I stay for my kids and they keep me going. I too worry about the lasting effects will be on them though. I have a lot of worries... I so get your time machine comment, I have thought that so many times over the years.. ( that and the lottery wish! lol ) I too had warning signs and if I could kick my own a s s for not getting out in time, I would. But I suppose I beat myself up enough. Besides I was so young and naive. I had a rental truck ready to go 15 yrs ago and he talked me out of it and said he would change... things are worse now. I was ready to leave again 11 yrs ago, had the money saved and was looking at houses... and got pregnant, then was getting on my feet and got pregnant again. So I know my children are meant to be here and I thank God for them, but I really wanted more out of this life and to have a nice full family life with a loving husband. I don't expect perfection, he l l I know I'm not perfect either and I don't profess to be, I'd just really love to have a relationship and someone to share life with. I try not to think about it all and muddle through, but I am soooo miserable. Any way, I'd love to be your friend and I look forward to corresponding. Take care!

I should have stated this was @ rw....

I am able to relate to your situation although it is my wife who seeks refuge and companionship through her work. I try to be spiritual but still asking God why he even put me on this Earth to begin with. Two bad marriages, 3 kids who I never see, and now incompatibility at it's best. Some people give the advice to leave, but after losing three children previously, I will not walk out on my 10 year old daughter from this marriage. My coping mechanism has now switched to the mindset of, whatever is happening is happening and is out of my control. If I can accept that fact and just live by wrapping myself up in my hobbies, I can live without companionship. Easier said then done. I cant count the times I have entertained the thought of meeting a woman just to have a secret lunch. Just to be able to laugh or hold a conversation would be great. At 52 years old I am just biding my time wishing for a light at the end of the tunnel. If your stronger than me then get out. I just have no more fight in me.

I so understand, the not having a fight left in you part, heck I understand all of it. When kids are involved, it;s just far too complicated and more to it than just leaving. I secretly dream as well...

I feel your pain! I am in the same situation as you! My heart is gone, its not gone to someone else, but gone just the same. I am not in love, and haven't been for a long time. Like you I feel trapped and soooo alone, I am sorry, I am not giving you any advise. I guess I am just sharing, and maybe that helps.....I am living with a roommate. No intimacy, no romance, no nothing. Like you, I have tried and tried and tried, but I cannot do it anymore. I stay for my kids too, is that right? I don't know, I just know I can't break their hearts, but I am so worried what they see and how it will affect them. I am an empty shell, I have been doing this along time......I look back and I remember certain things that set-off the alarm bells, but I choose to ignore them, thinking I am over reacting etc....but today, looking back, makes wish I had a time machine. I am sorry, I am not giving you any answers.